#lycanthropique

[amorremanet]

01. I think I did it again no, wait — I know I did, shredding, opening my chest with claws and teeth and trust all to hand you my still-beating heart, and ask if you’ll please skip splattering it everywhere — please, once. please, this time. just… please. 02. oh, don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you’ve got til it’s 3 a.m. and only darkness holds you, closer than a lover, in the full-yawning empty lonely bed you haven’t shared in far too long, and sleepless, you can’t stop your stupid, trembling fingers from tapping out yet another text you shouldn’t send but have to. 03. you don’t have to say what you did — I already know but humor me, why don’t you? pretend I don’t know anything pretend you’re ever getting clean of this pretend there won’t be consequences pretend the rivers that you’ve cried for me have been in earnest, even just the once, pretend you care enough to explain why you only kick when I’m already on my ass. 04. there’s nothing you can do that can’t be done — so maybe, after all of this, that’s the real reason why I get half- way out, only to look back and bite off one more last last-word, then crawl and crash into you, into your arms, kicking the door shut behind me, even as the same old wounds banshee-scream that all we need is more than love, or different anyway, since love’s never really worked for us before. 05. I would love you to the moon & back if you only had a heart, not a black hole that’s full of fangs — but since you don’t, devour me; we’ll pretend it’s really all the same. 06. freedom’s just another word for, “nothing left to lose” — and baby, being straitjacket handcuffed to that wrecking ball you call a heart? it’s the freest that I’ve ever felt.

maybe this is why they never write top 40 love songs about you & me, k.m.p.

[amorremanet]

okay, but really: ……I don’t think I’m capable of ever just “moving on from,” “making peace with” or being even remotely “okay” with the way that, at the end of CoS, when Harry’s going, “so the Sorting Hat was right about me and Slytherin after all,” JKR & Dumbledore had the perfect chance to go, “well it might’ve been a bit but the entire idea that Slytherin and Gryffindor are mutually exclusive on a fundamental, bedrock level is silly and completely fallacious.

“you and me and Voldemort and everyone all have a balance of the four Houses inside us and it’s totally fine to identify so strongly with the one the Sorting Hat ultimately picked for you above the others — but doing so to the far ass-end extreme degree to which Voldemort identifies with Slytherin, the way that you’re kind of starting to hint at doing right now with Gryffindor, is Super Not A Good.

“it’s emotionally unhealthy af because you’re closing yourself off from so many parts of yourself and parts of who you are as a whole, and in so doing, you cut off so much of your potential to grow and fully self-actualize. just because they don’t line up with your idea of what Gryffindor is or should mean, you’ll end up blocking off all of these paths that might lead you to learning new things about the world and/or yourself, to finding out what’s really most important to you, to finding out what you’d kill for, to finding out what you’d die for.

“If you go down that path, Gryffindor vs. Slytherin won’t matter anymore. Either way, you’ll only rob yourself of the chance to find an actual complete idea of who Harry James Potter really is and can be. You’ll be little more than a fun-house mirror caricature of who you could’ve grown to be; you’ll be pathetic and stunted, exactly like Lord Voldemort is — and you deserve so much better than what Tom Marvolo Riddle foolishly, arrogantly did to himself because he is a ding dong.

“TL;DR: sure, Harry, you’re a Gryffindor and the Sorting Hat gave you Godric’s sword because you needed to access the Gryffindor inside you most right now — but having any traits or values or behaviors associated with Slytherin inside of you isn’t a bad thing. it is a thing that can be used badly, but it isn’t inherently bad or wrong or anything. hence, this is why our choices matter so much more than our abilities.

“what you need to do is accept your Slytherin streak and use it as part of your complete self-actualization — learn who and what all you want to be and use all the traits you have from all four Houses as part of becoming the Harry Potter you want to be — instead of being stuck in this overly restrictive ass-backwards effing retrograde unnecessarily moralistic binary idea of how the Sorting system works and what each of the Houses means.”

………but instead of something actually positive, what we got was, “lol no harry bb, don’t you fret your silly little head none about that big bad slytherin potential that you have. sure it’s terrible and very similar to voldemort lol nbd but look at whose sword dropped out of the sorting hat for you, little cinnamon nugget. see how it says ‘godric gryffindor’? that’s b/c you’re a true gryffindor and therefore a good person and not an evil loser slytherin like dark lord tom. :)”

which I would even actually be willing to accept……… as a character choice for Dumbledore that the narrative did more to problematize and go, “actually this is kind of bullshit oops” but did that ever end up happening? nope. and the books and all of us who love them got completely fucking shafted as a result of that, woo fuckin’ hoo

[amorremanet]

ferret: *drops onto barty crouch jr's shoulder and drops a necklace out of its mouth, into his open palm*

barty jr: *smiles pleasantly* why, thank you, draco

draco: …………er? …………you're welcome? :\

barty jr: *squints at bemusedly* ……………ohhhhhhh. oh no, no, nooooo, boy. not you.

draco: but i'm—

barty jr: *smirks & points at the albino fluffball still sitting on him* …we named the ferret, "draco." :)

ferret!draco: *can't really grin, but does rub itself up against barty jr's cheek and preen contentedly* :)

draco: ……………*glowers & goes somewhat pink in the cheeks* :|

[amorremanet]

……in other and happier news, my research assistant is cuter than yours (づ￣ ³￣)づ

(these are all from today: she rode in the car with me on two trips to get Mom a Diet Coke from MCD’S while she worked on a grant proposal for her non-profit, and then Pistol also curled up at my feet and/or by my workspace… uh, mostly just to nuzzle at me, have someone nearby to keep her company, and sometimes sleep on top of my feet)

[amorremanet]

high school aged Derek writing really terrible poetry that’s like a knock-off of Poe, Baudelaire, and the shittiest, most overblown classic Gothic literature ever, and wearing immaculate eyeliner and talking about how gawffik and deep and misunderstood he is like he’s trying to be the werewolf Enoby Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way or something

and Camden Lahey just sitting there next to him at their and their friends’ table in the lunchroom, giving Derek a Thoroughly Unimpressed Face like, “really, Derek? I mean, fucking *really*?!” until he’s finally all like, “ffs Derek, you’re my best friend and I love you, more or less, but can you please just lay off of this shit until I totally choke on and die from all the angsty bullshit you’re selling here?

"………also your metaphors are very obviously about you being a goddamn werewolf, Captain Obvious. seriously how do you even SURVIVE and not get shot in the face by some hunter or whatever. just… please dial it back a little okay? if you go and get yourself killed over your weird fucking Hot Topic goth poetry, then I don’t have my ‘periodically insufferable but I love him anyway’ best friend, and that would make me miserable. so don’t do it. :|”

[amorremanet]

me: and now I'm thinking about cute "struggling to make ends meet" college student Scott listening to the advice he gets from either Stiles or Isaac (or maybe both of them but independently of each other) and supplementing what he gets from working in the on-campus library and post office by getting a sugar daddy.

me: this is however leading to a big kind of decision making point here… because like.

me: tbh Isaac wouldn't NEED a sugar daddy, he'd just kind of have Chris on tap so he can keep having "formerly an item, now friends with benefits for both of their sakes" sexual entanglements with Allison

me: (who is also doing like ALL of the girls and Isaac gets to lie to Chris for her because he's still really hella uncomfortable with Allison like… gasp, being in charge of her own sex life and he's also uptight about girls with girls in a sort of…

me: "but see no, I support Sapphic stuff between womenfolk just… just don't shove it in my face b/c it makes my masculinist fucking heterosexist ego feel very VERY uncomfortable :|" kind of way)

me: but Scott DOES really need the income from a sugar daddy.

me: so it could be like, "sugar daddy Derek is socially awkward and not really sure what to do and eventually assumes that Scott's probably just doing this for the money and because he finds Derek more tolerable than other potential options, which he no doubt has scads of because he is literally perfect;

me: "all problems and plot hijinks arise from them not communicating like adults and/or their shared lack of self-esteem and perpetual habit of devaluing themselves"

me: but it could also be that plus, "also Peter is a fucking dick-mobile and further complicates all of the things by going, 'hmm, Derek's new sugar baby really is quite pretty AND making Derek all happy and stuff.

me: '……um, I don't recall giving Derek permission to be happy and tbh it's bad enough that Laura, his weird friend with the dog, his one ex Braeden, his other ex Paige, his still other ex Jennifer, and her girlfriend all make him happy

me: '(and the only reason why Kate doesn't successfully make him happy is basically the fact where they were a fucking train wreck together and it was what they needed for a time but now they don't need that outlet anymore but they're both really awkward with each other due to lingering nostalgia for the train wreck period even though they both know that they're better as NOT significant others)

me: 'but I just can't STAND Derek having this many sources of happiness and THIS MANY interpersonal contacts who ARE NOT ME. wouldn't it be just TERRIBLE if I went and ruined everything by trying to seduce and/or entice his sugar baby away from him? :))))'

me: "and doing this, uh… mostly because he's Peter and this is what he DOES"

zani: PETER IS THE WORST

me: YES HE IS

me: he wants Derek to be all the dependent on him and he wants to bring Scott down into some kind of thinking that he needs to have Peter and his money

me: and generally, he just wants to play all of the mind-fuck head games with both of them because if he sees something beautiful, his first and strongest impulse is to go fucking break it and then put it back together in the image that HE chooses

me: ……also because he still really hates Cora, Derek, and Laura's dad for marrying Talia and all of his screwing around with Derek eventually leads back to his big ugly hissy fit over, "YOU ARE STEALING MY SISTER FROM ME, BYRON (last name tbd but not Hale, as he took Talia's last name instead).

me: "you are coming in here like you have any right to fuck with my equilibrium by just putting your emasculated little paws all over MY. SISTER. and I will make you SUFFER. maybe I'll just effectively kidnap your baby boy and make him mine and ruin him and there's NOTHING that you can do to STOP ME. :|"

[amorremanet]

an infinite list of people i want to make out with (4/?): crystal reed.

[amorremanet]

we stopped by my sister's place and there was a precious baby fluff-nerd who was all excited to have PEOPLE!!!! around