Jul 2
♡ I haven't had the energy to play with my wooden tea set and stacking cups (or other toys), so here are a few pictures I took of them recently (along with the usual toys I am able to reach for because I can often keep them by me)~ 🌸
seen from United States
seen from Portugal
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from Germany
seen from India
seen from Malaysia
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from South Korea
seen from Germany
seen from Switzerland
seen from France
seen from Switzerland
seen from United States
seen from Italy
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Russia
♡ I haven't had the energy to play with my wooden tea set and stacking cups (or other toys), so here are a few pictures I took of them recently (along with the usual toys I am able to reach for because I can often keep them by me)~ 🌸
♡ Permakid culture is wanting to be an actual kid.
♡ Permakid culture is wanting to be seen as a kid.
♡ Permakid culture is wanting to be called "kid" & "kiddo".
♡ Permakid culture is wanting to be parented and treated like a kid who is truly loved.
♡ Permakid culture is remembering all of the times I saw pictures and videos of kids on social media having the childhood I want for myself & wish I had.
♡ Permakid culture is creating my own childhood as a bio/chrono adult.
♡ Permakid culture is always being connected to childhood; childhood being part of who I am/my sense of self.
♡ Permakid culture is wanting to be able to shapeshift into an actual, physical kid and be able to shift back to my bio/chrono adult body when necessary/wanted.
♡ Permakid culture is realizing that I often force my maturity and suppress my kidlike nature.
♡ Permakid culture is wanting to shamelessly be my full kidlike self without feeling shame or embarrassment towards myself.
♡ Permakid culture is wanting to shamelessly be my full kidlike self without worrying about if people see me as "adult" enough or not.
Permakid culture, permakid culture, permakid culture
♡ I realize for myself that what makes being a permakid such a strange, mismatched experience (besides having a physical adult body) is that I have to be like an adult. I can't be my kid self, fully, throughout each and every day. I have to do my best to be responsible in ways expected of adults. I have to do my best to take care of my body and my mind and emotions, and have to figure out so much on my own (while I also struggle immensely and fail to do/keep up with such). It's being forced to live out a reality that I never agreed to, never consented to, never even fully understood.
I didn't realize what I would be walking into. I walked into all of this with unawareness, completely, devistatingly unprepared, and even if I was prepared, it still would not take away the immense exhaustion and self disconnect that comes with trying to be an adult. I don't want to be an adult. I don't want to be in charge of my adult responsibilities, especially when it's already so difficult taking care of my physical health on my own. I don't want any of this. I was not meant for any of this.
♡ The expectation to be like an "adult" but yet I need much more gentleness; to be spoken to in a soft voice/tone, to be gently guided, prompted, encouraged & praised for almost everything. I need immense softness, I need someone to remind me it is okay to cry and to hold me while I do so. I need someone to come to my eye level and fully acknowledge my emotions. I need to be my deeply sensitive and vulnerable self without being made to feel bad about feeling and expressing so much 🌸
♡ Lately, I have been realizing how much I need and want a caregiver. I had felt the need and want for one in the beginning of when I discovered the agere community, but then I shunned such desire, and now it's back, and I have better understanding of what exactly I need and want~
And I did make a post a while back about how I see it as the person I love simply loving and caring for me, because as a permakid (being permaregressed), it's something I just need, basically always. It's part of my love language, so, it wouldn't be a role for them to step into, which is also important that it's someone who naturally loves in the way I need 🌸
(I still use "caregiver" as a term though, for the convenience of communicating such specific love and care)
♡ What I imagine being friends with other permakids is like~
(🌸 pictures are from Pinterest. The anime is Kami-sama Minarai: Himitsu no Cocotama)
♡ "You're holding onto too much, kid. Just let me take it all away, okay?", spoken to me in sweetness as I lay to rest on a bed made of the softest, most warmest, loving dreams 🌸
"I am not an adult!!!!!!! I am a kid!!!" I scream for the 100th time in hopes that people get it
*slamming my small, kid fists onto the table* "I am not an adult! I am not an adult! I am not an adult!"
*laying on the floor, screaming and kicking my small legs and feet into the air* "I am a kid! I am a kid! I am a kid!"