“you are exceptional, talented, and brilliant. do not ever let anyone make you feel like you’re less.” @magestatis / bloodlines by richelle mead.
“even when that person is me?” her hands lay folded in her lap, izzy fighting the urge to tug at her fingertips, and when she speaks, doubt creeps into her tone. magnus has been nothing but helpful since her addiction came to light, offering both his time and attention in helping her curb her cravings. simon’s information about the meetings his mother went to for her own problems had been helpful, a support system isabelle didn’t ever realize she could need, but magnus’s help with the root and his potions helped even more. the meetings allowed her to talk through her feelings and find healthy ways to deal with the cravings and work past it, but the magic offered a more literal help in putting a physical stop to them, at least temporarily, allowing her a stronger chance of resistance, going cold turkey.
she’s been doing so good, going to meetings once a week ( sometimes twice, if duties allow and she feels like she could use the extra support ), but then came the mission that took her into a vampire den. she told everyone she was fine, that she was strong enough to handle it, because she had believed it herself. but being there in the middle of it, seeing vampires feeding and being able to hear the sound of blood being drained out of the bags had been too much. suddenly she’d been back in to where she was just a few months ago, desperate for just another fix to send her blood soaring. jace had pulled her out before she really had time to process it, but even once they were out of the warehouse and into the last few still safe rays of the sun as it set behind buildings, isabelle could feel the skin on the inside of her arm tingling, itching for the bite.
now she sits on magnus’s couch, knees pressed tightly together as she tries not to worry her hands, nervousness and anxiousness seeping from her and into the room. she tries to tell herself she’s stronger than she was then, but the visual of vampires feeding lingers fresh in her mind. “i never thought i’d get addicted, you know. i just thought...aldertree told me it was something that would help me heal faster, from clary’s stab wound to get the demon out of me.” a scoff, barely loud enough to be heard across the room, maybe not even to the other side of the couch. “i should have known better, looked into yin fen and it’s properties at least, instead of blindy trusting him, after everything, but — i didn’t think he’d give me anything to hurt me.” ( she still doesn’t, not completely purposeful, at least, but with a clearer mind, she wonders if it was meant to be used as a way to keep her under his thumb. keep her in his grasp while he was the only person who had the one thing she wanted — until she found it from a different, more potent, source. ) izzy sighs harshly, fingers raking through her hair, fighting to keep her hand steady from the lingering tremor as much as possible. “i just wanted to not have this stupid injury keep me from being out on the field, and when i heard that there was a mission being organized to go visit the iron sisters, i wanted so desperately to go. enough to take what i was offered. now i wish i’d never trusted anything that came out of his mouth in the first place.”
