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neither lost nor found ix

The summer grew warmer and Grantaire’s graduation day arrived.

Not knowing exactly where he stood with Grantaire, Enjolras almost didn’t go to the ceremony. They hadn’t spoken since that disastrous dinner where he’d made it very very clear that he was to move on with his life. He’d wanted to text him after Finn left, after that humiliating moment at the train station, just to talk things through because everything always made more sense when Grantaire could talk him through it, but that wasn’t the sort of thing they could talk about even if they were just friends.

In the days leading up to the ceremony, Ferre and Jehan and the rest of Les Amis had done their best to convince him to go. They’d hide him among the group, would be there to buffer any awkward confrontation, would sneak him out if he needed to go, it’s important to Grantaire that you’re there. But if it was so important, why didn’t he tell him that himself?

The morning of, Ferre sent Enjolras one last text. We’ll save you a seat in case you change your mind. He wouldn’t change his mind, he told himself, pouring another cup of coffee and settling down to read the paper. He couldn’t face Grantaire after everything that had happened, couldn’t imagine that after weeks of silence, Grantaire would even expect or want to see Enjolras at his graduation ceremony.

But god, it was Grantaire’s graduation ceremony. How long had Enjolras been encouraging him, cheering him on, supporting him, believing in him, and Grantaire had finally made it to this day? And he would miss that over some silly pride?

Enjolras didn’t have time to shower or shave; he threw his mess of a hair up and found a clean suit and tie and by the time he made it to the venue, the ceremony had already started. He sank into a seat in the back, and waited waited waited until finally, he heard Rémi Grantaire and his heart swelled his pride and his eyes with tears and he, along with Les Amis who sat much closer to the stage, stood and hollered and clapped and cheered as he made his way across stage.

He intended to sneak out once the ceremony was done, fearful of running into Les Amis who would make him stay or, worse, Grantaire and his family. But in a building that was very unfamiliar to him, Enjolras got turned around looking for the exit and ended up in a small hallway that definitely did not lead out.

“Oh, dieu, sorry,” Enjolras said, having bumped shoulders with someone as he tried to navigate back out. He gasped when he recognized who it was. “Grantaire. Hey.”

Grantaire’s mouth fell open, his eyes wide as he gaped wordlessly up at Enjolras. Something squeezed hard in his chest as his mind processed that it was Enjolras. Enjolras was here, standing right in front of him. He clutched his diploma and mortarboard close to him. The venue was crowded, guests and graduates alike flooding out to mingle in the bar. The whole day had been difficult - exhausting. He was just trying to return his hired robes so he could say goodbye to Les Amis and his family without feeling like an idiot. And now here was Enjolras in the middle of the sea.

“I didn’t think you were coming,” he said. “I didn’t see you with…”

“I didn’t think I was coming either,” Enjolras admitted with a soft laugh. “You, ah… you looked great up there. Congratulations.”

Before Grantaire quite knew what he was doing, he’d stepped forward and thrown his arms around Enjolras, holding him as tightly as he could with his hands full.

Enjolras wrapped his arms around Grantaire without missing a single beat, holding him tight and pressing his face into the crook of his neck. He felt weak in the knees.

“I’m proud of you, R.”

Grantaire broke away with a slightly self-conscious laugh. “I’m really glad you could come,” he said, looking down at his shoes.

Enjolras smiled, relieved to hear him say that. “I wasn’t sure if the invitation was still valid.”

Grantaire looked up at him again, gaze troubled but expression still largely relieved. “Non, of course it’s still valid,” he said. “How long have you got? I’ve got to return all this, but then we could catch up? Or we could… Do you want to go for coffee or something sometime this week?”

Enjolras’ eyes widened. After all that silence, he wouldn’t have expected Grantaire to invite him out. He didn’t think he’d ever want to see him again.

“We could do something this week,” he said. “I’m sure your parents want to take you out to celebrate.”

Grantaire nodded, scrunching his nose up, though he was smiling. Maybe all Enjolras had needed was time, just like he’d hoped, and now it was all behind them (he would keep it all behind him; he would, he could) and they could start working on being friends again. Or, at least, not strangers. He couldn’t stand the thought of ever being strangers.

“Everyone else is here. I mean, Combeferre and Jehan are here, and we’re meeting the others later,” he said. “But… They don’t know you’re here, do they? I mean, do you want to come say hi?”

“Ah, non, they don’t,” Enjolras said, unable to look away from Grantaire. He looked so happy, and it took a great deal of strength to not lean in to kiss that smile. “Honestly, I was trying to sneak out of here without causing a scene.”

“Oh,” Grantaire said, his smile faltering. “I, ah… Don’t let me stop you. And, t’sais, don’t worry about the coffee, if you’re… I’m sure you’re busy and everything.”

“Non non non,” Enjolras said quickly, reaching out his hand to grab Grantaire’s arm. He breathed a self-conscious laugh. “Non, that’s not what I meant, I just… I didn’t know how this was going to go, tu sais, seeing each other after… I didn’t want a crowd.”

Grantaire didn’t understand, but so much and so little had happened over the past few months that he didn’t expect to be able to so easily. He nodded, touching his fingertips to Enjolras’ hand on his arm. His skin was singing beneath his touch.

“Oui, okay,” he said. “So, ah… coffee? This week?”

Enjolras gazed down at their hands and back up at Grantaire, struggling to come up with something coherent to say when every nerve in his body felt electrified. He wondered if Grantaire still felt it too. He managed a smile, squeezing his arm before letting go.

“We don’t have to get coffee. We can get ice cream or something, whatever you want. I’d like to treat you to celebrate today.”

Grantaire smiled up at him. “Ice cream sounds great,” he said. “When are you free?”

“Whenever,” Enjolras said with a shrug. “I have too much free time.”

“You’re not working yet?” Grantaire asked.

“Setting up a firm takes a lot longer than I thought it would,” Enjolras said, breathing a laugh. “And all those damn university kids are taking up all the volunteering opportunities.”

“Ah, you’ll get there. I’m glad you’re still working on it,” Grantaire said. “I’m free this weekend? Saturday afternoon?”

“Saturday sounds good. Our usual place?”

Grantaire smiled. “Parfait,” he said. He took a deep breath. “Okay, I have to return

these robes and get back to the others. But thank you for coming. It really… It really means a lot.”

“I’m really glad I came,” Enjolras said, smiling too. He slid his hands into his pockets to stop himself from reaching for another hug. “Can you, ah… point the way out?”

“Oh, oui, of course,” Grantaire laughed. “It’s just back down that way, then you turn left, instead of right down this corridor.”

“Ah, that’s where I went wrong, merci,” Enjolras said, laughing too. He took a step back, not quite able to make himself turn away. “I’ll see you Saturday.”

“See you Saturday,” Grantaire echoed, turning with a smile to watch him go.

With a little wave, Enjolras turned on his heel to walk away, the halls unfortunately too full to navigate backwards. He felt much lighter now than he had in weeks, and he realized that even if Grantaire didn’t reciprocate his deeply rooted feelings, having him in his life as a friend was better than not having him at all.

The rest of the celebrations were a blur for Grantaire, as was the rest of his week at work. As busy as he tried to keep himself, he couldn’t push Enjolras out of his mind. He tried to manage his expectations; it would just be a quick coffee. They’d catch each other up on work. He’d tell Enjolras about his plans for the rest of the summer and ask about his plans for his business. Maybe Les Amis meetings would start up again with the new academic year. Maybe they’d each be a regular part of the other’s life again. Maybe they’d just meet every few months for coffee and a catch up. Grantaire told himself he’d be happy with anything.

Saturday arrived and he maybe spent a little more time than usual showering and shaving and getting dressed in clothes he’d probably only usually wear to work, never on a weekend, aside from the jeans. He made it to the ice cream parlour a little early too, but that didn’t matter. It had been their regular place when they’d lived together and he hadn’t been since; there were lots of new flavours in the counter to look at, as well as a couple of new drinks. He ordered his usual hot chocolate and a coffee for Enjolras, and grabbed a table in the corner by the window to wait.

Saturday couldn’t come fast enough for Enjolras. He counted the days, the hours, and, on the day of, the minutes until he could leave for the ice cream parlor and not be there too early. He had to remind himself over and over that this was a casual meeting between friends, tell himself that he was happy enough just to have Grantaire back in his life. He wondered if this was how it had been for Grantaire all those years before they’d started dating, being so helplessly in love that any kind of time or attention from him would do. Enjolras felt pathetic with it, but he would take what he could get.

Enjolras dressed casually, shorts and t-shirt and a pair of sneakers, welcoming the summer sun to warm up his skin. He arrived not long after Grantaire, unable to hang around his apartment when he’d gotten ready so early in the day, pushing his sunglasses up on top of his head as he entered the parlor. He spotted Grantaire immediately and his smile reached his eyes as he slid into the seat across from him.

“I can’t believe you beat me here and I’m early.”

Grantaire’s cheeks warmed at the sight of him. He smiled. “I’ve been looking forward to the ice cream,” he joked. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Enjolras said, nudging his foot against Grantaire’s. He gestured to the coffee. “For me?”

“Of course,” Grantaire said, nudging his foot back. “I thought I’d best wait for you before ordering the ice cream though.”

“Merci,” Enjolras said, taking a sip of the coffee. “They look like they have more flavors than the last time we were here. Want to take a look?”

“Oh, I’ve already taken several looks,” Grantaire assured him, getting to his feet. “But I haven’t decided what I want yet. Come on.”

Enjolras laughed, standing and walking to the counter with Grantaire. “What looks good to you?”

Grantaire looked up at him with a smile. “Everything,” he said, turning back to the display. “You should know that they’ve got a new coffee one. See?”

“Well that makes my decision much easier,” Enjolras said, eyes bright. “If you want everything, everything you shall have. It’s my treat, remember?”

“Ah, non,” Grantaire said, nudging him gently. “We never agreed on that. I think I’m going to get mint chocolate chip though.”

Enjolras laughed. “We did. I said I wanted to treat you for your graduation,” he said, nudging Grantaire back. “Mint chocolate chip it is.”

He placed their orders and paid before Grantaire could stop him. “Go sit. I’ll meet you back at the table.”

Grantaire’s smile was a little bit helpless as he backed off, hands raised. “Okay, okay. Merci.”

Enjolras joined Grantaire at the table with their ice cream just a few minutes later. “I grabbed extra napkins,” he said. “Not that I think you won’t finish your ice cream before it starts melting.”

Grantaire grinned at him as he took his ice cream. “Merci, merci, merci,” he said.

Enjolras thought he might melt at the sight of that smile.

“Anytime,” he said, digging into his ice cream.

Grantaire followed suit, only slowing down as it all started to get too cold to eat so quickly.

“This was an excellent idea,” he said happily. “So, how are you, ah? How have you been?”

“Ah, I’m okay,” Enjolras said with a little shrug of his shoulder. “I’m trying to keep busy. Volunteering, doing some pro-bono work down at the courthouse, planning for meetings once everyone gets back from the summer holiday, tu sais. What about you? Any big plans now you’ve graduated?”

“Oh, that’s cool,” Grantaire said, with enthusiasm. He hesitated a little, perhaps for a moment too long, hands tight around his half-empty mug of hot chocolate. “I’m going to be travelling a bit, actually.”

Enjolras raised his eyebrows. “Really?”

Grantaire nodded. “Greece,” he said.

“Greece, wow,” Enjolras breathed. He put his spoon down. “Greece. For how long?”

“Ah… well, it’s not really all decided yet,” Grantaire said, shifting in his seat. “The rest of the summer, at least. Maybe through to the end of the year.”

“The end of the year? That’s…. R, that’s six months.”

Grantaire nodded, eyebrows knitting together. “It’s for work,” he said.

Enjolras couldn’t wrap his mind around it. “For work?”

Grantaire nodded again. “A couple of us from the gallery are going out there. It’s sort of like a commissioned thing? This really rich client… I’m going to be doing a lot of oil painting.”

“Oh, well that’s…” Enjolras took a steadying breath, but didn’t feel any less devastated by the news. He looked more composed, though, and that was an important show for Grantaire. “That’s good, non? That’s a big opportunity. They picked you to go?”

“Ouais,” Grantaire said. He hesitated again, watching Enjolras and trying to work out how he really felt. Was he really pleased for him, or was it all hiding sadness? Did he care at all either way? “It’ll be good money too, I hope. They’ve got this little… complex? Almost? Of these villas for us to stay in, and they’re paying travel and food expenses, on top of a commission for the work, so…”

Enjolras managed a smile for Grantaire, noticing his hesitation. He was truly happy for him, he knew Grantaire would get his big break eventually and here it was. But they were just starting to get back into each other’s lives, and Grantaire was leaving the country.

“That sounds like a dream, R, that’s amazing,” he said. “What determines how long you’ll be gone?”

Grantaire was still watching him worriedly. He rescued a melting glob of ice cream with his spoon before replying.

“I think just how much they want us to do, really. I’m a bit hazy on the details right now,” he admitted. “It kind of all happened in a rush last week and now we’re just trying to book last-minute flights and I’m trying to learn some Greek.” He laughed a little, a nervous sound. “It sounds like a dream and a nightmare.”

“Oh, so you’re leaving soon?”

“Not this Friday, but the one following,” Grantaire said. “So we’ll have the weekend to get settled, and then we start working on the Monday.”

“Wow,” Enjolras breathed, feeling like he’d been punched in the gut. “Wow, that’s… soon.”

Grantaire nodded.

“And you’re definitely going?”

Grantaire nodded again. “I’m definitely going.”

Enjolras nodded too. He couldn’t look at Grantaire anymore. “Ca va, well… ca va. That’s… good. It’s good.”

Grantaire ate another mouthful of his ice cream, but didn’t really want the rest of it. He’d been so, so excited about this. Two to six months away from everything. A chance to focus on his art and be out there on his own and find out what he was made of these days. Nothing to fall back on. No excuses.

And then he’d met Enjolras again.

“I think Jehan’s planning on visiting at some point,” he ventured, still hesitant. It was obvious now that Enjolras wasn’t as happy about all this as he was trying to appear, though Grantaire couldn’t figure out why. They were done; Enjolras was done with him. He’d accepted that with far greater ease than he’d accepted Enjolras had once fallen in love with him. It made far more sense. His reaction now didn’t.

“That’ll be good for him,” Enjolras said, still struggling to maintain his composure. “And you. Having a familiar face out there. I mean, obviously your coworkers are familiar to you, mais, they’re not Jehan. It’ll be nice for him to travel, he doesn’t get to do that much.”

Grantaire nodded, then took a deep breath. “What about you, ah? Any plans for the rest of the summer?”

Enjolras shook his head. “Non, I’ll just be here.”

“Still working on working for yourself?” Grantaire pressed.

“Ah, ouais,” Enjolras said, trying to shake off the heaviness that had settled over him. “There is a lot of paperwork involved. I’m looking at hiring a business lawyer to make sure I’m filing everything correctly.”

“That sounds like a very sensible idea,” Grantaire said. He could not invite Enjolras to Greece. “I’ve never really thought about the logistics of it.”

“I hadn’t either until I started doing it,” Enjolras said. He didn’t know how much longer he could sit here acting like everything was fine. “But I’m not in any rush.”

“Non, it sounds like you’re in a really good place with everything,” Grantaire said, attempting a smile. “You’re volunteering and everything, t’sais? You’re in a good place.”

“With some things,” Enjolras said, breathing a laugh.

Grantaire faltered again. Before, he would have asked. They would have talked it all through. Now, he didn’t know what he was allowed to know, or if Enjolras would be comfortable telling him anything at all.

“Like you said, there’s no rush,” he said finally.

“I can’t believe you’re leaving.”

Grantaire swallowed. He tried to laugh a little, even though Enjolras was chillingly serious. “I can’t either, really. It’s all happened so fast, t’sais? There’s a million things I need to do before I go.”

“I mean we just…” Enjolras gestured vaguely. Once again, he had no idea where they stood, and maybe he’d been reading Grantaire all wrong. “If you need help packing, I’m a pro.”

Grantaire faltered again. “Oui, I bet,” he said. “Did you ever go to Greece while you were travelling?”

Enjolras shook his head. “We talked about going once,” he said softly.

Grantaire swallowed and looked down. He could not ask Enjolras to come with him. He couldn’t.

“Oui, we did,” he said quietly. He risked a glance up at him. “You could always come visit, t’sais. If you ever wanted to.”

Enjolras looked up too. He wasn’t selfish enough to think Grantaire had taken the job to get away from him, but he thought it might have been a reason. “Really?”

“Why not, ah?” Grantaire said, waiting for Enjolras to start making excuses.

“I’d like that,” Enjolras said, still a little hesitant. “If it isn’t going to be… je ne sais pas, weird or anything.”

“I really want to be friends,” Grantaire said, the confession tumbling out of him. The suspicion had grown obvious to him over the past weeks: Enjolras wasn’t in love with him anymore. But he couldn’t stand the way things had been, how awkward, how silent. He needed Enjolras in his life, however he could get him.

“Oh,” Enjolras breathed. Grantaire wanted to be friends, and he still wanted to marry him, and that was something he’d have to come to terms with in time. “Ouais, okay. So do I.”

“You do?” The words were a slightly breathless exhale of relief; Grantaire reached across the table to touch Enjolras’ hand. “Really? You really do?”

Enjolras drew a shaky breath, turning his hand over to press his fingertips to Grantaire’s. He wanted to tell him how much he still loved him, how he’d do anything he wanted him to so long as he didn’t lose him again, but he didn’t feel brave enough to put himself out on that altar.

“I want you in my life.”

Grantaire’s smile was all relief. He squeezed Enjolras’ hand before letting go and sitting back again.

“Thank god,” he said, breathing a laugh. “I’ve been so worried these past few months…”

Enjolras’ hand stayed in the middle of the table. He couldn’t look up at Grantaire.

“I thought you were avoiding me.”

“I mean, ouais, I was,” Grantaire said. “But only because I didn’t think you wanted to see me or hear from me, after everything that happened.”

Enjolras frowned. “After what happened?”

“Everything. Everything that’s been going on since… Well, since before you left, I guess.”

“Grantaire, I… I asked you to come over again and you said it wasn’t a good idea.”

“I wanted to give you space,” Grantaire said. “With Finn and everything.”

“I didn’t want space. I wouldn’t have asked you to come if I wanted space. There was nothing there.”

Grantaire’s expression fell. “But you had a good time, didn’t you? With him?”

“Ouais, sure,” Enjolras said, looking troubled. “But it just wasn’t… anything more.”

Grantaire nodded, chewing on the inside of his bottom lip. He didn’t know if that was a good or a bad thing. If Enjolras wouldn’t ever be with him again, he at least wanted him to have someone, didn’t he?

“D’you want to talk about it?” he asked. “I mean, not necessarily it. You could just tell me where you took him, what you guys got up to. Stuff like that. Whatever.”

Enjolras breathed a laugh, shifting in his seat. His hands fell back into his lap.

“Je ne sais pas, there’s not much to tell,” he said. “I showed him around the city, we hung out at the apartment. It was casual.”

Grantaire nodded, as though he was used to things Enjolras did being casual. “He seemed really nice,” he said.

“Ouais, he was. He is. It was nice having someone around,” Enjolras said.

“Oui, je sais,” Grantaire said softly.

“He, ah…” Enjolras hesitated, color flushing his cheeks. “We decided to just be friends.”

“Oh,” Grantaire said, looking up. He told himself he was sad for Enjolras, not quietly relieved. “Well, he's an idiot.” He paused. “It wasn't because of me, was it?”

“Non, non,” Enjolras said quickly. “Non, you didn’t… it was… he’s got university. And the distance, tu sais.”

Grantaire shrugged. “People do long distance all the time.”

Enjolras looked down again. “He didn’t want to do it.”

“Sorry,” Grantaire said quickly. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to… I'm sorry it didn't work out.”

“Non, it’s okay,” Enjolras said with a sigh. “It wouldn’t have worked out even if he hadn’t known- it just wouldn’t have worked.”

“If he hadn’t known...?” Grantaire prompted despite himself.

“He didn’t know we were engaged,” Enjolras said with a sheepish smile. “I think it spooked him. But even if it hadn’t, my heart wasn’t in it. I tried to make it something, but I just… I couldn’t.”

“Oh,” Grantaire said quietly, looking down. “I… I'm sorry. Are you… Are you glad you tried it out anyway?”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for, it’s not your fault,” Enjolras said. “I didn’t know if I could open up to someone else, and now I know I could if I ever wanted to, but I think I’m done with it all. I’m okay on my own.”

Grantaire’s heart hurt. He touched his foot to Enjolras’ under the table. “Good,” he said softly. “That’s good. If you’re okay.”

Enjolras shrugged, leaving his foot rested against Grantaire’s. He’d take what he could get.

“What about you?”

“What about me, ah?” Grantaire asked, as lightly as he could.

“You and Étienne,” Enjolras said, matching Grantaire’s tone. “Did that turn out okay?”

“Oh,” Grantaire said. “Ah… The same thing. We’re better off as friends.”

“I’m sorry,” Enjolras said softly. “I know I complicated things.”

“Non, non,” Grantaire said. “It wasn't… t’sais. We just… We're better as friends,” he ended up saying again. “I think he has a girlfriend now, actually.”

“Oh, well, that’s…I’m sorry, anyway.” Enjolras cleared his throat. “Did he tell you I went to see him?”

Grantaire looked up sharply. “What? When?”

Enjolras’ eyes widened; he immediately regretted confessing that truth. “After you broke up. A few days, maybe.”

Grantaire stared at him, trying to process that. “Why?”

“I thought I could smooth things over,” Enjolras said, shrinking in his seat.

“How? What did you say to him? What did he say?”

“I apologized for… what he saw, how I acted. And I promised that I would be better, tu sais? Stay away so you two could reconcile. He said he would see you at the next meeting and go from there.”

“Oh,” Grantaire said. He thought he probably would have been upset at the time, had he known then, having told Enjolras not to say anything to Étienne. But now… It was sweet that he'd tried. Maybe he should have tried with Finn in return. “I… missed the next meeting. But we… oui, I guess that's what we did.”

“I’m sorry,” Enjolras said again. “I know you didn’t want me to, but I saw how happy he made you and I just couldn’t live with myself knowing that I’d compromised that. I only ever want you to be happy.”

Grantaire didn't know what to say. He nodded, then shrugged.

“Thank you for trying,” he said.

“He said something about how confusing it was trying to be there as your friend when I wasn’t and… well, he was right,” Enjolras said softly. “I should’ve given you more space. I knew I wasn’t ready.”

“Oh,” Grantaire said, still struggling with words. It all felt a long way away now, a long time ago. Étienne was his friend and he was going to Greece next week. He wanted to be sad about it all, but he wasn't, not anymore. It sometimes felt like he’d suffered all his sadness and there simply wasn’t any left there to feel.

“I’m sorry,” Enjolras said quickly. The deep humiliation he felt surfaced in the form of a blush across his face. “I just thought I should tell you because it felt wrong that I hadn’t, but we don’t have to talk about this anymore. We don’t have to talk about any of this anymore, it’s all in the past. It’s all done.”

Grantaire nodded, pressing his lips together. Enjolras couldn’t have made it any clearer. It was over, all of it. Enjolras and Finn, and Rémi and Étienne, and Enjolras and Grantaire. All in the past.

“Oui, I guess you’re right,” Grantaire said sadly.

Enjolras nodded, tilting his head away from Grantaire because he felt his nose start to tingle and he didn’t know if he could hold back tears. Maybe meeting up today had been a mistake. He wasn’t as ready as he thought.

“You’re upset,” Grantaire said worriedly. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Enjolras said quietly, shaking his head. “Nothing, it’s okay. I’m fine.”

“Hey, why don’t we finish up here and go for a walk, ah?” Grantaire suggested gently. “It’s such a beautiful day out there.”

Enjolras drew a steadying breath. Things were different, but not unmanageable, and with Grantaire leaving for an undetermined amount of time, he had to take what he could get. He had to accept what he had.

“Yeah, that sounds nice,” he said, managing a smile. “My ice cream is all about melted, anyway.”

“Want me to grab you a straw?” Grantaire teased.

Enjolras breathed a laugh. “Only if it’s one of those swirly straws,” he said, pushing back in his chair. “Let’s go. The sun is calling me.”

Grantaire smiled, admittedly a little relieved, and got up too, returning their near-empty mugs and bowls to the counter before leading the way outside with Enjolras. It felt strange not to reach for his hand; how many times had they strolled hand-in-hand through these streets in the sunshine before?

“Anywhere you want to go?” he asked.

Enjolras hummed thoughtfully, sliding his sunglasses back down over his eyes and tilting his head to the sun. He slid his hands into his pockets, not trusting he could keep his hands to himself without restraint.

“Luxembourg Garden? We could find a patch of grass to stretch out in.”

“Ah, that sounds heavenly,” Grantaire said, glancing up at Enjolras and immediately regretting it. He was beautiful. He was so, so beautiful. Especially all golden in the sun like this.

“Ouais, it does,” Enjolras agreed with a soft sigh. “It’s not far from here, we can walk, non?”

“Oui, absolutely,” Grantaire said. They couldn't hold hands, but it was nothing but friendly to slip his arm in Enjolras’ and walk arm-in-arm through Paris, was it?

A smile immediately worked its way onto Enjolras’ face, and he stepped in just that much closer to Grantaire to make it easier for their arms to stay hooked together.

“It stays warm year round in Greece, doesn’t it?”

“T’sais, I don’t know,” Grantaire admitted. “I imagine so? Mild, at least.”

“Mmmm, we’ll have to look into it,” Enjolras said. “Make sure you have the right clothing. And sunscreen, you’ll need plenty of sunscreen.”

Grantaire very much liked the “we” aspect of Enjolras’ suggestions. “Ouais, and some killer shades like yours, ah?”

Enjolras laughed. “I have another pair, you’re welcome to them,” he said. “And maybe a hat, too. Do you know if you’ll be working indoors or out?”

“Ah, merci,” Grantaire said. That meant they’d see each other at least one more time before he left. “I should imagine I will be working… wherever the inspiration takes me,” he said with a laugh.

“You have to walk me through this,” Enjolras said, laughing too. “A rich man is flying you and a handful of artists out to Greece just so you will paint whatever you fancy for his personal collection?”

“Exactement,” Grantaire said. “It sounds like something out of a movie, doesn’t it? I don’t know, actually, if it’s all for his personal collection, or if he’s planning a showcase or he has connections with galleries in the area. I think he’s planning on renting the villas out, at least.”

“Well, it certainly sounds like I am going to have some very valuable pieces in my possession,” Enjolras said with a grin. “Original Grantaire works, before he was famous.”

Grantaire let his head fall back as he laughed. “Just make sure I’ve signed them all before I leave,” he teased back.

“You’ll have to come by to do that,” Enjolras said, his smile growing at the sound of his laughter.

“I’ll bring- Ah, merde,” Grantaire said suddenly. “Is there any way you could take Ant while I’m away? I keep meaning to ask Jehan, mais… Maybe between you?”

“Non, I’ll take her,” Enjolras said quickly. “I’m around a lot, it won’t be any problem. I’d love to have her.”

“Oui? You’re sure?” Grantaire checked.

“Oui, of course,” Enjolras said, squeezing Grantaire’s arm. “She’s still partly mine, non?”

“Oui, oui, oui,” Grantaire said vehemently. “But merci anyway. You’re a lifesaver. And she will love staying with you. She still misses you, t’sais.”

Enjolras scrunched up his nose. “I don’t know that she even remembers me. I haven’t been around.”

“Of course she remembers you,” Grantaire said. “You’ll see; she’s going to be so excited to see you again.”

“If you say so,” Enjolras said, breathing a laugh. “I’m looking forward to it anyway. She’ll have a balcony again.”

“Ah, dieu, she’ll love that. No windows means no sunbathing for her, sadly.”

“We’ll be fighting over sun patches. My living room gets great light through the day.”

“Ah, oui? I want daily photos. I hope you’re prepared for the responsibility of all this.”

“Oh, I downloaded Snapchat,” Enjolras said, fishing his phone from his pocket. “Courf insisted but I have no idea how to set it up. He said you have it.”

“No way!” Grantaire laughed, letting go of Enjolras’ arm to grab his phone. “Here, I’ll get it all up and running for you.”

Enjolras laughed too. “I can send you pictures through that, right?”

“Oui, just make sure you save them first by pressing… that button there,” Grantaire said, taking a quick photo of the pavement to show him. “In case I don’t screenshot them in time.”

“Ah, ca va,” Enjolras said, taking his phone back from Grantaire and trying himself. “Easy enough. He tried to get me to set up an Instagram account too, but I’m taking it one social media platform at a time.”

“Oh, you’ll need to have mastered Instagram by the time you come visit me,” Grantaire said, smiling at him as he looped arms again. “The area looks beautiful; you’ll want to take so many photos.”

Enjolras smiled helplessly, taking care to let his hand rest on Grantaire’s arm. “Do you have one?”

“Oui, I do,” Grantaire laughed. “But I haven’t used it in ages. I don’t even remember the login at this point. Maybe I’ll try to resurrect it for Greece, ah?”

“You should,” Enjolras said enthusiastically. “We can set mine up today, that way I can keep up with you when you’re gone.”

“I’ll text you, if you like,” Grantaire said. “It doesn’t all have to be indirect communication, does it?”

“Non, it doesn’t,” Enjolras said softly. “You could call, even.”

“Dare I ask for the odd Skype call every now and again?”

Enjolras breathed a laugh. “I think we can swing that.”

“I have really missed you,” Grantaire said, for once completely earnest.

Enjolras’ heart skipped a beat. “I have really missed you, R,” he said. “That’s why I’m so… I’m so happy you have this opportunity, I really am, but I just got you back and now you’re leaving.”

Grantaire swallowed, looking up at him. It would be easy, so so easy, to just lean up a little and kiss him.

“I didn't realise… I thought you hated me. Or were sick of me interrupting everything, at least.”

“God, non, not at all,” Enjolras said quickly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… I was just so surprised. It’s big news, tu sais?”

Grantaire nodded, though he wasn't sure what Enjolras was referring to. There'd been so much big news lately.

Enjolras hesitated, sensing they weren’t quite talking about the same thing. But they finally made their way into the gardens, and he wasn’t terribly surprised to find it crowded on such a beautiful day.

“See an open spot?”

“There's normally a few good spots just down here,” Grantaire said, leading the way down one of the paths.

Sure enough, they found a nice spot, drenched in sunlight and away from all the crowds, and Enjolras laid down in the grass with a stretch and satisfied groan.

“You were right. This is heaven.”

Grantaire flopped down onto the grass beside him, a respectable distance from him, though he wanted nothing more than to roll half on top of him and kiss him senseless. “We're lucky with the weather, ah?”

Enjolras hummed happily, closing his eyes and relishing in the heat of the summer sun and Grantaire’s company, and he thought if he could ever stop time and live in one moment for the rest of his life, this would be it.

“I don’t hate you,” he murmured after a while. He turned his head to look at him. “I’ve never hated you.”

Grantaire didn’t dare look at him. He kept his eyes closed, his face inclined up to the sun. “Ah, I’m sure you must have done, once or twice.”

“Never,” Enjolras said, reaching to touch Grantaire’s arm. He wanted to reach for his hand so badly he burned with it. “Not even for a second.”

Grantaire swallowed, holding very still so as not to dislodge Enjolras’ hand or encourage him to move it. “Well, we all always knew you're a saint, ah?”

Enjolras snorted. “Hardly.”

He dared to let his hand linger on Grantaire’s arm, smoothing his thumb over his skin. “You are just so annoyingly likeable,” he teased.

“Mm, if you’d stopped at annoying, I might’ve believed you,” Grantaire said quietly.

Enjolras breathed a laugh. “I suppose I do have some of your trust to earn back, ah?”

“Oh, non, non, that’s not what I meant,” Grantaire said quickly, turning to him as he opened his eyes.

“It’s okay,” Enjolras said, giving him a soft smile tinted with regret. “I know I do.”

Grantaire shook his head. “We’ve both done stupid things. Things we regret. Things we’re glad we did, even if they didn’t work out. Clean slate now, okay?”

Enjolras exhaled slowly, a weight lifting from him in light of Grantaire’s forgiveness; he didn’t know if he’d ever be gifted with it for all he’d done to ruin them. He was glad to have his sunglasses hiding the tears springing in his eyes.

“Okay,” he said, and he looked away from Grantaire again before he gave in to the temptation to kiss him.

“Okay,” Grantaire said again, watching Enjolras for a moment longer before lying back again, closing his eyes to let the sunshine wash over him.

Enjolras needed some outlet for the intimacy he felt now, if he couldn’t kiss Grantaire or tell him he loved him, or he’d burst with it, could feel it rapidly building up inside him. Carefully and casually as he could, Enjolras slid his hand into Grantaire’s, threading their fingers loosely together in case the other man objected.

Grantaire swallowed, all his limbs feeling light. How long had it been since they’d held hands? He adjusted his fingers automatically, until their hands fit together like they’d been made to do so. It didn’t mean anything, he told himself; he and Jehan held hands all the time. It was just something friends did. That was all.

Enjolras sighed softly, releasing the breath of air he’d been holding while waiting to see how Grantaire would react. It was all he could do to leave their hands lying in the grass between them, not lift them up to press his lips against each one of his knuckles. This was enough. It had to be enough.

“I’m happy we can do this,” he said softly.

Grantaire wasn’t sure if Enjolras was talking about spending time together, or about holding hands. “Me too,” he said, either way.

Enjolras tilted his head to smile at him. “Yeah? You’re not just saying that?”

“Of course not,” Grantaire said, squeezing his hand. “Are you?”

Enjolras shook his head. “Not at all,” he said, squeezing back. “After everything, I thought I’d get lucky just to be in the same room as you.”

“I guess we were on the same page with that,” Grantaire said softly.

“We’ll get better,” Enjolras said, smoothing his thumb over Grantaire’s knuckles. “At all of this. This is just a beginning for us.”

Grantaire breathed a laugh. “You’re such an optimist,” he teased.

“One of us has to be, non?” Enjolras said with a smile.

“Oui, I guess so.”

“You guess so?”

Grantaire snorted a laugh. “Oui, I guess so,” he said, imitating Enjolras’ tone.

Enjolras laughed. “You’re obnoxious, just let me be happy about this.”

Grantaire turned his head to smile at him. “Obnoxious?” he continued to tease. “Me? Obnoxious?”

“Ouais, obnoxious,” Enjolras said, his laughter growing. “You can’t be serious for more than three minutes.”

“I can too!” Grantaire protested, though it was impossible not to laugh with Enjolras.

“You cannot,” Enjolras said delightedly. “You find a pun or joke in any serious moment and you can’t resist the opportunity.”

“I can! I so can!”

“Prove it. Prove you can be serious for more than three minutes.”

“I will,” Grantaire said, though already, he couldn’t make himself stop smiling.

Enjolras snorted. “My point exactly.”

“You’re not even giving me a chance here!”

“You can’t help yourself, you’re about to start laughing.”

Grantaire pressed his lips together, eyebrows raised defiantly, even though the humour was clear in his expression.

Enjolras lifted his sunglasses up to his forehead, catching Grantaire’s gaze with a challenging smile.

It was all Grantaire could do not to kiss him. He rolled away from him instead, onto his stomach, resting his forehead on his arms to hide his face. There, he could smile all he liked.

Before, Enjolras would have rolled after Grantaire, wrapped his arms around him and coaxed him out of hiding with sweet words and sweeter kisses. Now, missing the warm press of Grantaire’s hand, he clasped his own hands together and placed them behind his head, laughing again.

“I should have bet on it, I could have won big.”

“Non, non, non,” Grantaire said, his voice muffled. “I’m being very serious down here. You just can’t see it.”

“I’m not a religious man,” Enjolras said, smile apparent in his voice. “I don’t tend to believe what I can’t see.”

“Uh huh,” Grantaire said. “So, by that logic, you don’t believe in… air?”

“Ah, see? Not even serious for a minute.”

Grantaire finally risked lifting his head, propping his chin up on his forearms to regard Enjolras as seriously as he could. “I was being deadly serious,” he said. “Your logic sucks.”

Enjolras raised an eyebrow, rolling over onto his side. “Science has proven air exists as the earth’s atmosphere,” he said. “There is no scientific evidence of your solemnity.”

“You won’t take my word for it?” Grantaire asked, ever so solemnly.

Enjolras shook his head. “You have a little twinkle in your eye that you get when you’re trying to work me up.”

Grantaire pointedly closed his eyes. “You can’t see it and science hasn’t proven it, so you can’t really believe that,” he said.

“Closing your eyes doesn’t mean I haven’t already seen it,” Enjolras said, suppressing a laugh. “Do you disappear the moment you leave my sight?”

“You can’t prove that you’ve already seen it,” Grantaire pointed out.

“Ah, if only I had taken a picture,” he said. “That twinkle photographs so well.”

Grantaire opened his eyes, an uncertain smile on his face. “Now you’re trying to wind me up,” he said.

“Non, non it does,” Enjolras said, reaching to dig his phone out of his pocket. “I’m sure I have a picture of it somewhere…”

“Ah, non, don’t,” Grantaire said with a self-conscious laugh, reaching over to push his phone down.

Enjolras smiled, conceding and putting his phone away. “Are you done now?”

Grantaire grinned at him. “Are you?”

Enjolras hummed thoughtfully. “I suppose I’m satisfied,” he said, rolling onto his back again and sliding his sunglasses down over his eyes.

Grantaire snorted a laugh, resting his cheek on his arms so he could relax but keep looking at Enjolras. “I’ve seen you satisfied; you don’t look satisfied now.”

Enjolras laughed, though his cheeks suddenly felt warm. “Non?”

“Non,” Grantaire said. He paused for dramatic effect. “You look like you’ve just been defeated.”

Enjolras gasped, pressing his hand to his chest. “I have not been defeated,” he said, pushing his sunglasses back up to look at him. “I have simply learned when arguing will be productive and when it won’t. It’s called maturing.”

Grantaire laughed delightedly. “You keep telling yourself that, mon ami,” he said.

Enjolras faltered. Mon ami. Friends, they were friends. Maybe Grantaire rolling away had been the best way he’d known how to take his hand from Enjolras. Maybe he’d crossed the line somewhere else, in their teasing or arguing, or maybe he’d slipped up and looked at him in a way that made Grantaire uncomfortable, and he was too afraid to say anything.

“I will,” he said with a smile, inclining his face to the sun again.

Grantaire snorted a laugh and, taking his cue from Enjolras, got comfortable again, closing his eyes and letting the sunshine wash over him.

Enjolras was silent for a long time, his eyes closed and his mind focused on counting his breaths, not giving the overwhelming sadness the time to ruin this beautiful moment between them. The sun was shining and Grantaire was laughing and they were happy now in this time together, even though it was the greatest test of Enjolras’ strength to maintain the boundary Grantaire had so clearly made. He had to be okay in his boundaries.

“Hey.”

Grantaire opened his eyes. He’d been on the verge of drifting off. He looked at Enjolras.

“Ouais?”

Enjolras smiled softly, tilting his head to look at him again.

“I want to spend as much time with you as you can give before you go.”

Grantaire faltered. That was something they might have said to each other, before. He didn’t know what it meant to be told that now. Unless Enjolras was simply so comfortable in their newfound friendship that things like that had no consequence.

“That sounds good to me,” he said softly.

Enjolras exhaled softly, his smile growing. Even though Grantaire was leaving, he felt they were closing the distance between them. He could respect their boundaries while getting the most out of their time left.

“Merci.”

Grantaire shrugged, smiling a little, as if it to say it was nothing, before closing his eyes again. The sun was so warm; even the ground wasn’t cold.

Enjolras followed Grantaire’s lead, and it didn’t take him long before he started drifting off, feeling more at peace than he had in months.

Grantaire dozed for a while, always conscious of Enjolras’ presence beside him. When he opened his eyes again, he didn’t say anything for longer still; the other man looked peaceful and content, and to speak would be to disturb that.

Enjolras came to with a soft sigh, his thoughts having drifted off to a negative place. He rolled his head to the side to get another look at Grantaire, and couldn’t help but smile softly when he saw he was still there.

“You’re coming home, right? Once the sponsorship is over.”

Grantaire’s smile fell a little. “Oui, of course,” he said.

Enjolras wanted to kiss a smile back onto his face. He rolled over onto his side, propping his head up in his hand.

“Have dinner with me.”

Grantaire couldn’t help smiling again. His stomach fluttered until he silently told it to stop. Right now. “When?” he asked.

“Tonight,” Enjolras said, his smile growing. “Tomorrow night. Every night until you go.”

Grantaire laughed, rolling onto his back so Enjolras might not see how flushed his cheeks were. He flung an arm over his face. “Be serious,” he said.

“I am,” Enjolras said, laughing too. He reached to tug at Grantaire’s arm. “I said I wanted as much time with you as I could get.”

“Oui,” Grantaire said, laughing as he lowered his arm and turned his head to regard Enjolras. “But I thought… je ne sais pas, you just wanted to hang out at the weekend or something.”

It was Enjolras’ turn to blush. “Are you too busy during the week?”

“I just have work,” Grantaire said.

“I just want to us to be in a good place before you go,” Enjolras said softly.

“We are,” Grantaire said, for once firm where Enjolras was soft. “No matter what.”

Enjolras smiled a little at that. “You won’t forget me?” he teased.

Grantaire laughed. “As if you’d ever let me.”

“Ah, I tried,” Enjolras said lightly. “You wouldn’t let it happen.”

Grantaire pulled a face at him before settling down again. “Let’s get dinner tonight,” he decided.

“Dinner tonight sounds good,” Enjolras said, laying back again.

Grantaire grinned at him. “Where d’you want to go?”

Enjolras hummed thoughtfully. He couldn’t look directly at Grantaire; he couldn’t control the color of his cheeks looking at that smile.

“Where do you want to go?”

Grantaire was pretty sure there was no way to say your place without sounding flirtatious. He shrugged. Might as well own it.

“Your place or mine?” he teased. “I’ll cook, or we could grab something to take away.”

Enjolras breathed a laugh. “Let me cook you dinner, if that’s the way you want to go. I owe you.”

“Non, not at all,” Grantaire said dismissively. “But that does sound good. We can grab Ant on the way back, ah?”

“Dieu, yes,” Enjolras said enthusiastically, rolling to prop himself up on his elbows. “After we stop at the market because I have no food in the house.”

Grantaire laughed, shaking his head at him. “Deal,” he said.

Enjolras sighed softly, a smile still tugging at his lips. “I can’t tell you how relieved I am that we can do this.”

“Oui, me too,” Grantaire said, smiling back at him.

Enjolras reached over to nudge his shoulder, forcing back the urge to kiss him.

“Come on, let’s go. If I stay out here any longer, I’ll sleep the rest of the day away.”

Grantaire groaned dramatically as he got to his feet. “You’re lucky you’re so persuasive,” he said.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Enjolras said with a laugh. He stood and stretched with a groan of his own, adjusting the knot of hair on his head.

“What’re you thinking for dinner?”

Grantaire shrugged. “What d’you fancy?” he asked.

Enjolras hummed. “Je ne sais pas, I have been eating a lot of yogurt for dinner because I haven’t been bothered enough to cook. Well… for every meal, really.”

“You’ve been… eating yoghurt… for every meal?” Grantaire asked.

Enjolras shrugged. “Mostly,” he said with a laugh. “It’s a ready to eat meal.”

“It’s not a meal!” Grantaire laughed. “It’s a snack! If that!”

“I hate grocery shopping,” Enjolras moaned. “I have considered doing online shopping and having it delivered, but you never know what quality of food you’ll get.”

Grantaire gave him a playful shove and started to lead the way out of the gardens. “Alright, we are going to get you stocked up,” he said. “And then we’re going to cook you a big, nutritious meal with plenty of leftovers for the next couple of days. Don’t make me set Feuilly on you - I’ll do it.”

Enjolras laughed, falling into step beside Grantaire and linking their arms again. This was still okay, wasn’t it?

“Feuilly wouldn’t harm a hair on my head,” he said. “But that all sounds good, merci.”

“Bon, bon, bon,” Grantaire said, holding him close. He’d take what he could get.

“We talked about moving in together,” Enjolras recalled with a soft laugh. “Feuilly and me.”

“Really?” Grantaire said, looking up at him.

“Ouais, once or twice,” Enjolras said lightly. “When things were… but he likes where he’s at and I thought it’d be better if I had my own place.”

Grantaire nodded. “Not a bad idea though,” he said.

“Non,” Enjolras agreed thoughtfully. “He’s been really helpful with… all of this.”

Grantaire looked up at him. “Ah, oui?”

Enjolras nodded, and he didn’t notice that his hold on Grantaire’s arm got a little tighter.

“He was there when, ah... at the wedding,” he said. “He’s been checking in, and hanging out and talking things through with me. Ferre’s been pretty busy being, tu sais, married.”

Grantaire swallowed and nodded, looking down, his stomach churning with guilt.

“Ah, anyway,” Enjolras said, clearing his throat. “Feuilly is great. He’ll be happy to hear I’m being fed properly.”

Grantaire smiled a little, giving Enjolras’ arm a squeeze. “I’m glad he’s around,” he said.

“We’re all lucky to have him,” Enjolras said fondly. “Bahorel probably would have pushed me off a balcony if I talked Feuilly into moving in with me, he’s been trying for years.”

“Has he really?” Grantaire laughed, starting to relax again.

“Apparently Bahorel is a messy roommate and Feuilly can’t handle it,” Enjolras said with a shrug. “He might be more of a mess than you are.”

“Oh, dieu, that’s really saying something…”

“Right? I don’t think you ever once managed to get a single piece of clothing into a laundry basket.”

Grantaire breathed a laugh. “Étienne brought home an achievement star chart from school…” he admitted. “I still didn’t manage it.”

“Ah, well…” Enjolras faltered, feeling a little like he’d been punched in the stomach. He hoped a day would come when he wouldn’t feel terrible at the thought of Grantaire with someone else. “Old habits.”

“Ouais…” Grantaire said, sensing the shift in tone again. “Actually, since I moved into this new place, I’ve gotten a lot better, believe it or not. You kind of have to keep things tidy in a place that small. I’d lose Ant otherwise, buried under a mound of dirty socks…”

Enjolras breathed a laugh. “Oui, I can imagine,” he said. “Have you been looking at finding a bigger place?”

“Ah, non,” Grantaire said. “There’s not much point now. When I get back, maybe.”

“Oh, right, Greece,” Enjolras said, breathing a laugh. “I don’t think that’ll sink in until you’ve left.”

“Non, me neither,” Grantaire admitted.

“It’ll be good,” Enjolras said, in reassurance for the both of them. He smoothed his hand over Grantaire’s arm, only just stopping himself from taking his hand. “I have a good feeling about this.”

Grantaire looked up at him, worry clear in his expression, though he tried to smile. “Oui?” he said.

“Oui.” Enjolras’ returning smile was soft but genuine, and it killed him to let Grantaire go but what choice did he have? He’d go with or without his blessing. “This is such a monumental opportunity for you, and I know seizing something like this is terrifying but you are so ready for this. I can’t wait to see what comes of it.”

Grantaire was quiet. He touched his temple to Enjolras' shoulder, resting his head there for moment as they continued to walk.

“Merci,” he said finally.

Enjolras gently squeezed Grantaire’s arm. He could smell his shampoo and it made his chest tighten and all he wanted to do was press a kiss into his hair.

“And even though you’ll be away, we’ll all still be here for you. You’re never alone.”

“Maybe I'll manage to get you all over there to visit, ah?”

“If you want me there, I’ll be there.”

Grantaire nodded, letting that sink in. “I want you there,” he decided.

Enjolras exhaled softly. He hadn’t expected Grantaire to make that decision now.

“Ca va,” he said. “We’ll get you there and settled, and figure out a good time for a visit then. Does that sound okay?”

“Oui, that sounds good,” Grantaire said. “I'm sure I'll be able to fly back for the odd weekend and stuff too, if I can save up enough. It's not so far away, right?”

“Non, just three or four hours, and tickets are pretty reasonable,” Enjolras said. “Mais, I think Les Amis would be much happier to visit you in Greece.”

Grantaire laughed, relaxing again. “Oui, I bet,” he said.

“Ah, what part of Greece? I don’t think we got to that part.”

“Ah, Crete?” Grantaire said. “I don't know which area offhand… I really need to work on my Greek if I'm going to be able to remember the name of it.”

Enjolras laughed. “When we get back from the market, we can order you some language books off Amazon. You only have two weeks, we need to get you started.”

“Oh dieu,” Grantaire said, breathing a laugh. “I bet Jehan speaks some actually.”

“Oui, probably,” Enjolras agreed. “But you cannot carry him around in your backpack and bring him out when you’ve forgotten how to ask for directions.”

“Ah, I wish,” Grantaire said.

“He could probably fit in your backpack,” Enjolras said thoughtfully. “You may just need to lift some weights to make sure you can carry him.”

Grantaire laughed and teasingly flexed his arm muscles against Enjolras' arm. “I don't know what you’re trying to say about me.”

Enjolras laughed, his cheeks flushing a light shade of pink.

“Are you still kickboxing?”

“Oui, and fencing,” Grantaire said. “Only semi-regularly, mais…”

“Wait until you come back from Greece all cultured and tanned,” Enjolras teased lightly. “You’ll be batting off suitors.”

Grantaire snorted a laugh, shaking his head. “Call me Odysseus, but I think I'm done with suitors,” he said.

“Oh,” Enjolras said, trying to mask his surprise with a soft laugh. “Really?”

“I mean, I was never…” Grantaire said, having inadvertently stumbled on something more personal than their light conversation so far seemed to allow. “Before you…”

Enjolras frowned. “I don’t…I don’t follow. You date. You’ve always dated.”

“Not really,” Grantaire said, with a slightly self-conscious laugh. “Not seriously. I… slept around. I had flings - that's what Jehan used to call them.” He shrugged.

“Oh,” Enjolras breathed. “Well… you never know, tu sais. You could… there was Étienne.”

Grantaire shrugged again. “It's probably for the best.”

“Listen, R…” Enjolras hesitated, mostly in disbelief of the encouragement he was about to give the man he loved. “You never know what will happen. You could meet someone that changes everything. The opportunities are out there, you just have to be open to let them come.”

Grantaire stopped himself from laughing. Enjolras was the someone who'd changed everything. He didn't want anyone, anything else. He never would. Étienne had only proved him right about that conviction.

“Oui, I guess so,” he said vaguely.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to meddle,” Enjolras said quickly, just as uncomfortable as he felt he was making Grantaire, but he was too far in to backtrack. “After just getting out of a relationship and about to go away… I just don’t want you to miss out on anything, and I don’t just mean relationships.”

“Oui, non, je sais,” Grantaire said. He shrugged. “I'm happy. I mean, I'm okay. With how things are.”

“Good,” Enjolras said with a nod. He didn’t know if he could say the same. “That’s… good.”

“It’s something,” Grantaire said, breathing a laugh.

“That I can agree with,” Enjolras said, nudging his shoulder. “Tu sais, you don’t have to pretend to… be or feel anything. I hope you know you can be real with me. I know things are different but I’m still me. We’re still… we’re some kind of us.”

It was all Grantaire could do not to lean up and kiss him. He smiled, a little sadly, and held him a little closer. “You’re still my best friend,” he said. “Like with Jehan, that’s never changed.”

Enjolras’ smile mirrored Grantaire’s. “Back at you.”

“I’m more grateful for that than anything,” Grantaire said earnestly.

Enjolras nodded in agreement. “I didn’t know if I’d be able to do this,” he admitted.

“Je sais,” Grantaire said softly. “Me neither.”

Enjolras sighed softly. He stopped himself from admitting how hard it was to settle with just being Grantaire’s friend when every nerve under his skin still tingled at his touch and every smile directed at him made his heart soar and he clung to even the smallest conversations they had, and no matter what strides he took in moving on, he couldn’t stop tripping over his feet when it came to him.

“Ah, after you,” he said, pulling the door open to the market.

“Merci,” Grantaire said, letting go of his arm to step inside. He grabbed a basket by the door. “Alors, what’s on the non-existent shopping list?”

“Yogurt,” Enjolras teased. “Fruits and vegetables, bread, eggs. The basics. My cupboards are bare.”

“Pasta,” Grantaire added as they headed down the first aisle. “Milk…”

“A small container of milk,” Enjolras said, placing a loaf of bread into the basket. “I never finish it before it goes bad.”

“And I thought you were ambitious,” Grantaire teased. “What fruit and veg do you want, ah?”

“I’m not picky,” Enjolras said with a shrug. “Why don’t you pick some out and I’ll go grab the eggs and pasta?”

“Non, non,” Grantaire reasoned. “I’ll grab the eggs and pasta; you get the fruit and veg. That way you choose.”

Enjolras narrowed his eyes. “Can I trust you to not put ice cream and chocolate in the basket?”

Grantaire pretended to consider the question. “Maybe,” he said, before darting off down the aisle.

Enjolras laughed, shaking his head. He then turned to head for produce, and he didn’t take too long picking out his fruits and vegetables. He only had limited time to spend with Grantaire, he didn’t want to be separated for too long.

Carrying a small armful of produce, he wandered through the aisles searching for Grantaire again.

Grantaire met him in the frozen section, grinning sheepishly. A massive tub of ice cream was poorly hidden beneath a bag of pasta and a box of eggs in the basket.

“Found everything okay?” he asked.

Enjolras was laughing as he put the produce in the basket.

“You are going to have to eat that before you leave.”

“Maybe some of it,” Grantaire said lightly, smiling up at him. “What else do you need?”

Enjolras looked into the basket, pushing things around to examine its contents. “This looks fine,” he said with a shrug. “What should we get for dinner?”

“What d’you fancy?” Grantaire asked. “Something easy.”

“Do you want to make a pizza? We can get some dough, and throw together a salad,” Enjolras suggested. “I will eat the salad, you can pretend you’ll eat the salad.”

“That sounds heavenly,” Grantaire laughed, only just stopping himself from reaching for Enjolras’ hand.

Enjolras smiled. “Ca va, let’s get ingredients and get out of here. I’m dying to get Ant.”

They whizzed round the rest of the supermarket and were back out in the sun before long.

“She’s going to be so excited to see you again,” Grantaire said, looking up at Enjolras.

Enjolras smiled. “Not as excited as I am to see her,” he said. “Why don’t I take these groceries back to the apartment, and you go grab Ant and meet me there?”

“Ah, genius,” Grantaire said, handing his bags over. “I was just going to fret over the ice cream melting and everything.”

Enjolras laughed, and as he leaned in to take the bags from Grantaire, he only just stopped himself, at the very last minute with a tilt of his head and a half-skip back, from pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“Ah, oui, that’s what’s I’m here for,” he said. “Go on. Like the wind.”

Grantaire snorted a laugh and waved him off as he headed off, his steps considerably lighter than they’d been that morning.

Enjolras took a quick moment to compose himself, to steady his breaths and get some strength back in his knees, and then realized he’d just agreed to haul five bags of groceries back to his apartment. He sighed, and went off to find the nearest metro stop.

Back at the apartment, he began by unloading the groceries. Then he tidied up and opened some windows and put on a radio station he thought Grantaire might like, and got started on dinner.

Grantaire made it across to Enjolras’ apartment a short while later, Ant mewing her protest at being disturbed from inside her carry case.

“Oui, oui, je sais, je sais,” Grantaire said lightly as he buzzed to be let in. He was admittedly a little nervous. “It’ll all be worth it in a minute, just you wait.”

Enjolras was mid-chop when he heard the buzzer. He dropped his knife and wiped his hands, told himself as he checked himself out in the mirror that he needed to calm down, that they were friends and having dinner with friends was perfectly casual, and crossed the kitchen to the buzzer.

“R? Come on up.”

Grantaire paused in the doorway to Enjolras’ apartment to pick Ant up out of her carry case, knowing she’d want to run for Enjolras as soon as possible.

“Look who it is…” he said, releasing her onto the kitchen floor.

Enjolras gasped when Ant charged at him, and laughed delightedly as she wound between his legs meowing loudly at him until he bent over to scoop her up.

“Hello you,” he cooed softly, rubbing underneath her chin. “I’ve missed you, too.”

Grantaire smiled fondly at the two of them, leaning back against one of the kitchen counters. “Told you it’d be worth it,” he informed Ant. “She was so mad about the carry case.”

“She likes her freedom,” Enjolras said simply, getting Ant perched over his shoulder to get back to cooking. “Help me cut some vegetables for the salad, would you?”

Grantaire feigned a dramatic groan. “I’m not even here five minutes and you steal my cat and set me to work,” he said, grabbing a knife.

“I didn’t steal her, she chose me,” Enjolras said with a smile. “Would it help if I told you I have pineapple to put in the pizza?”

“Ah, oui, that helps a lot,” Grantaire said, laughing a little.

“You are still so easily won,” Enjolras teased. “Let me get you a bowl to put the salad in.”

As he crossed the kitchen to the cupboard he kept the bowls in, Ant leapt from his shoulders and up onto the fridge, and Enjolras laughed in surprise.

“Did you see that? I am but a stepping stone.”

Grantaire snorted a laugh, glancing over at the two of them. “She's gotten really good at climbing - I've rigged up all these shelves round my flat so there's a little more space for her and she loves clambering all over them.”

“Ah, that’s a great idea,” Enjolras said, bringing a bowl over and setting it on the counter. “Maybe I should get some for her stay. Would you help me with that?”

“Oui, if you want,” Grantaire said, trying not to sound surprised. “There's tons of space for her here though - she probably won't need it.”

Enjolras shrugged. “I want her to feel at home,” he said. “And also, the only vertical spaces I have are covered with books and I know she will knock anything over to make space for herself.”

“Especially in the middle of the night,” Grantaire agreed.

“Oui, exactly.” Enjolras set the oven to heat and moved to pull the ingredients for the pizza out of the fridge, making a little cooing noise at Ant as he passed by her. He set to work on the counter opposite Grantaire.

“Have you told the others you’re going to Greece?”

“Ah, oui,” Grantaire said. “More or less.”

“More or less?” Enjolras pressed.

“Jehan knows,” Grantaire said, shrugging.

Enjolras turned to face him, leaning back against the counter. “Are you just going to leave without saying goodbye to anyone?”

“Non, of course not,” Grantaire said, focusing on the lettuce he was slicing up. “I'll tell them. There just hasn't been a good moment yet.”

“They’re going to be happy for you,” Enjolras said, his voice gentler now. “What are you worried about?”

“I'm not worried,” Grantaire said, glancing up at him quickly before looking down again. He shrugged.

Enjolras crossed the kitchen to stand beside Grantaire, nudging his foot with his. “Talk to me, R.”

Grantaire nudged his foot back, feeling distinctly self-conscious. “There's nothing to talk about,” he insisted. “There just hasn't been a good time to tell them. We haven't all been together since y- for ages. It's been ages.”

That was enough to put Enjolras off a conversation. “Right, ca va,” he said, moving away to continue his work on the pizza.

Grantaire glanced over, sensing the shift in atmosphere but not knowing what he'd done to cause it. He kept working on the salad and told himself that this was just evidence that they'd done the right thing, staying friends but nothing more than that. Étienne had been so much more open; nothing like this had ever happened with him and it had been so much easier, so much simpler that way.

Enjolras put the pizza in the oven and set the timer, counting his own breaths to lighten the tightness in his chest. It was his own guilt over leaving that had turned his mood sour, and it wasn’t a fair burden to lay on Grantaire.

He poured two glasses of water and brought one to Grantaire, sipping from his own to wet his dry mouth.

“I’m sorry, I’m making my own assumptions.”

Grantaire thanked him and took a sip of his own water before tossing the rest of the salad into the bowl Enjolras had provided. He regarded him warily for a moment.

“About what?” he asked.

“Je ne sais pas, you just seemed evasive about why you haven’t shared the news,” Enjolras said, frowning slightly. “It felt like there was something you didn’t want to say to me.”

Grantaire shook his head. “I just haven't got round to it yet.”

“Okay,” Enjolras said gently. “I’m sorry. I don’t want things to be weird between us.”

“It's not,” Grantaire said quickly. “Everything's good.” He wanted everything to be good.

Enjolras smiled. “Good,” he said, reaching to squeeze his arm. “I can help you tell them, if you want.”

Grantaire considered the offer for a moment, trying not to pay any attention to the little thrill that still accompanied being touched by Enjolras. “Oui, I mean, it might be nice to get everyone together again before I go.”

“I think so,” Enjolras agreed. “Meetings aren’t going to be the same without you there.”

“Mm, you might actually be able to get a word in edgeways,” Grantaire teased.

Enjolras breathed a laugh. “Jehan may decide to fill the void,” he said, and took another sip of water before adding, “It’s not going to be the same without you here at all.”

Grantaire swallowed and tried to keep his voice light. “I'll be back before you know it. Then you'll be sick of me all over again and wishing I'd stayed there.”

“When have I ever said I was sick of you?”

Grantaire shook his head.

“I still miss you,” Enjolras admitted softly, not able to look him in the eye.

Grantaire looked up at him. “Oui, I miss you too,” he said, as easily as he could. “We went from… to nothing. Of course we miss each other.”

Enjolras nodded, and he knew that’s not all it was for him, missing what they used to be or missing just having someone around. He missed what they could have been, what they should have been. He missed Grantaire even as he stood there beside him, close but not close enough, as close as he’d ever get now.

“Yeah, that makes sense.”

Grantaire nodded too. It made sense. It did.

“How's that pizza coming along, ah?”

Enjolras cleared his throat. “Ah, should be done any minute now,” he said, moving to turn on the oven light to peer inside. “It’s just starting to brown.”

“It smells amazing.”

“Do you want to get out some plates? We could eat on the balcony, I got a little table and chairs out there since the last time you were here.”

“Ah, parfait,” Grantaire said, digging around for plates and cutlery. “It looks like it's still sunny out there - d’you trust Ant enough to come with us?”

“Oui, she’ll be okay. The bars are similar to our old place.”

The buzzer went off and Enjolras found his mitts to pull the pizza out of the oven, setting it on a cooling rack.

“I have coke if you want something other than water.”

“Water’s good, merci,” Grantaire said. “What do you want to drink?”

“Ah, I thought I’d pound back a few beers. It goes great with pizza.”

“Haven’t you learned your lesson?” Grantaire teased.

Enjolras smiled. “I just wanted to make you laugh,” he said, digging through drawers to find his pizza cutter.

Grantaire snorted a laugh. “Just water for you too then?”

“Just water,” Enjolras said with a nod. He sliced up the pizza and put it on a tray to bring out to the balcony, and picked up the salad in his other hand. “I’ll meet you out there.”

Grantaire headed outside with their glasses of water, whistling at Ant to get her to follow him. She bounded out onto the balcony ahead of him, settling down in a little sunny patch by the door.

“Dieu, she’s more like a dog than a cat, non?” Enjolras said with a laugh, setting the food on the table.

“Oui, I’ve always thought so,” Grantaire said, joining Enjolras at the table. The view from up here was lovely; it was only now he realised that, in his windowless little basement flat, he’d missed sitting out in the sun like this without having to venture out into the city.

Enjolras served out pizza for the both of them and a portion of salad for himself, and as he glanced up at Grantaire, it took his breath away to see him out on his balcony, like all those summer afternoons they’d spent on their balcony, sunlight reflecting in his eyes, looking peaceful and happy as if this was a normal and common thing for them, as if nothing had changed.

“This is nice,” he said. “Thank you for spending today with me.”

“Ah, it’s my pleasure,” Grantaire said with a smile. “Thank you for the pizza.”

Enjolras smiled and he wanted so badly to stretch across the table and steal a kiss from his lips. He settled with resting his foot against Grantaire’s.

“I owed you,” he said with a shrug.

Grantaire shook his head. “You don’t owe me anything,” he said softly.

Enjolras wrinkled his nose but otherwise didn’t argue. They’d wasted so much of their time arguing, and lost a future because of it.

“Pizza is good, non? I added a little extra cheese.”

“Oui, it's perfect,” Grantaire said, smiling at him. “You've become a real little chef during your travels, ah?”

Enjolras resented the way his heart soared being on the receiving end of that smile.

“Ah, I ate out a lot abroad,” he said. “It’s mostly when I got home and Ferre was too busy being married to cook for me anymore.”

Grantaire laughed, shaking his head. “It's weird, isn't it? Having married friends.”

Enjolras’ laugh was weak. His chest felt so much tighter than it had moments before. “Ouais, it is.”

“Especially Lucy. She seems so young somehow.”

Enjolras shrugged. “She was ready.”

Grantaire nodded and took a sip of his water.

Enjolras sighed. “I wonder if I’ll ever be able to talk about Ferre’s marriage without feeling anything but happiness for him.”

Grantaire looked over at him, expression slightly worried. Eventually, he shrugged. “I guess it's just going to take time.”

“I guess so,” Enjolras said, eyes focused out on the quiet street below them. “I mean, I am happy for him. It’s just… tu sais.”

“It's getting easier already, isn't it?” Grantaire asked softly. “I mean… We’re… We couldn't have done this a few weeks ago, right?”

“Non, we couldn’t have,” Enjolras said, because he couldn’t say it was getting easier moving on from Grantaire, from what they were and what they had. He felt the loss of him every single day, when he woke up alone in the mornings and when he came home to an empty apartment and when he reached for his phone to call him to talk about his day but hesitated because he didn’t know if Grantaire would even care. If anything was getting easier, it was masking how much he missed him, how much he still loved him, just for the sake of spending time with him.

Grantaire nodded again and fell silent, watching the street below. He was glad it was getting easier for Enjolras; really, he was glad. That made one of them, at least.

“I don’t want you to think it’s been easy,” Enjolras said quietly after a while. “Because that makes it sound like I don’t care and I do. Very much.”

Grantaire didn't, couldn't look over at him. He swallowed against the lump in his throat.

“Je sais,” he said finally, his voice very soft. “Me too.” He took a deep breath and got to his feet, starting to gather up their plates. “How about some of that ice cream, ah?”

Enjolras wanted to apologize for the boundary he’d very clearly overstepped, though it worried him because he hadn’t thought he’d been too forward. Maybe they’d never be able to speak plainly with each other. He nodded.

“Go ahead,” he said. “I’ll stay out here with Ant.”

Grantaire was a while in the kitchen. He put the dishes in the sink to soak and dug the ice cream and a couple of bowls and spoons out, then stood, leaning against the kitchen counter with his gaze on the ceiling. He felt alarmingly like crying. Part of him wanted to just leave. But it had to be possible, a relationship with Enjolras in which they were both nothing more or less than friends and no part of it hurt like this.

Eventually, he took a deep breath and straightened up again, heading back out into the sunshine on the balcony with the ice cream and bowls.

“It might need to sit in the sun for a minute before it's soft enough to serve,” he said lightly.

“Ah, merci,” Enjolras said, managing a smile for him when just a few moments ago he’d felt on the verge of tears. “You know you will probably end up eating most of mine.”

“No complaints here,” Grantaire said lightly.

Enjolras hesitated. “Ca va?”

Grantaire nodded quickly. “Oui, ca va,” he said. “How are things with your maman, by the way?”

“Oh, ah, fine,” Enjolras said, caught off guard by the question. “They’re fine. She’s been helping me look for office space.”

“Ah, oui, I think you mentioned that,” Grantaire said. “How's the search coming along?”

Enjolras shrugged. “I’ve seen some nice places, but nothing has really clicked. I think she’s getting impatient with me.”

Grantaire snorted a laugh. “That doesn't surprise me somehow.”

“Everything she’s shown me is too… pompous,” Enjolras said, wrinkling his nose. “I don’t want to be an attorney for the people working out of a palace. I would just work out my flat if it didn’t look so unprofessional.”

“Non? Whyever not?” Grantaire teased. “Don't you want to give them something to aspire to?”

Enjolras rolled his eyes. “You are starting to sound like my maman.”

Grantaire laughed, pleased with himself, then sat up to start dishing up the ice cream.

“You want some right?”

“Some,” Enjolras said with a nod. “Maybe a fraction of what you’re going to have for yourself.”

“You always say that,” Grantaire said, scooping out generous servings for each of them. “Then you always end up stealing some of mine.”

“That is not true,” Enjolras protested with a laugh. “You steal mine.”

“So you'd best have plenty to start with,” Grantaire said, winking at Enjolras.

Enjolras gasped. “I just realized this is your second bowl of ice cream today.”

“Non, it's not,” Grantaire said quickly, but he couldn't help laughing too, before he'd even got the words out.

“I can’t believe you tried to pull one over on me like this,” Enjolras said, struggling to keep a straight face. “I’m hurt you would betray my trust like this.”

Grantaire grinned at him. “I'm surprised you ever expected anything less of me,” he teased. “Here, stop pouting and eat your ice cream.”

Enjolras pushed out his lips in an over exaggerated pout as he picked up his spoon.

“Fine, but I won’t enjoy it.”

“Ah, you will and we both know it.”

“Well considering you shocked me at lunch and my ice cream melted before I could eat it…”

“Then you'd best have another scoop, ah?”

“There are four in here already, R, you need to learn some self-control.”

Grantaire laughed, waving a dismissive hand at him, though Enjolras’ words hit deeper than he let show.

“Hey,” Enjolras said slowly, his eyebrows drawing together. “Should I be calling you Rémi?”

Grantaire’s smile fell. “What? Why?” he said.

“Je ne sais pas, you said that’s what you’re going by lately. At work, with new… people.”

“Oh. Oui. I guess I am. But you’re not new people.” Grantaire shrugged. “Call me whatever you like.”

“What do you want me to call you?”

“Really, whatever you want to,” Grantaire said, breathing a self-conscious laugh.

Enjolras smiled, nudging his foot underneath the table.

“I think I’ll stick with Grantaire.”

Grantaire smiled at him. “I guess if you get really mad at me, you could break out a Rémi. T’sais, the full name effect.”

Enjolras laughed. “I’ll keep that in my arsenal,” he said. “Why did you start going by Rémi anyway? I could hardly get you to tell me your first name.”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but not very many people go by their surname,” Grantaire teased. “Especially not at work, stuff like that.”

“I mean, at work it makes sense,” Enjolras agreed. “I went by Aurélien, mais… it’s so formal.”

“Only because you never use it,” Grantaire said, laughing a little.

Enjolras scrunched up his nose. “I did when I was younger, but somewhere around thirteen or fourteen the boys at school started going by surnames and it just stuck.”

“And it was contagious, apparently,” Grantaire said.

“I’m an influencer,” Enjolras teased.

Grantaire snorted a laugh. “That’s one word for it.”

“Oh?” Enjolras said with a laugh. “What’s another?”

Grantaire shook his head with a closed-mouth smile.

Enjolras gasped, playfully shoving Grantaire’s shoulder. “What’s another, ah?”

Grantaire laughed, swinging forward to squeeze Enjolras’ side to tickle him. “Nothing!”

Enjolras squirmed and batted Grantaire’s hand away with a laugh. “That is a cheap shot!”

Grantaire grinned at him and relented. “Hush. Eat your ice cream.”

“I cannot take this abuse,” Enjolras said, crossing his arms over his chest.

Grantaire laughed, shaking his head at him, before stealing his ice cream bowl. “Fine, don’t,” he said.

“First you insult me, and then you steal from me,” Enjolras said solemnly, shaking his head. “Do you even like me?”

Grantaire’s smile fell a little. He loved him. He loved him; that was the problem.

“Eh, you’re growing on me,” he teased.

“That is a first,” Enjolras said, stealing his ice cream back and taking a bite. “I make a great first impression.”

“It’s a shame I don’t,” Grantaire laughed. “You hated me.”

“Ah, dieu, not this again,” Enjolras said, laughing too. “I did not hate you. I never hated you. I don’t hate people.”

“You hated a lot about me then,” Grantaire said, waving a dismissive hand. “Quite rightly too. I was a royal pain in your arse.”

“I disliked a lot about you,” Enjolras corrected him. “Including the fact that you were, indeed, a royal pain.”

Grantaire laughed gleefully, clearly pleased with himself.

Enjolras rolled his eyes, though he was smiling. “You’re not so bad now,” he teased.

“Non?” Grantaire laughed. “Not so bad?”

Enjolras grinned. “Non, not so bad. In fact, you’re only a pain in something small, like… a fingertip.”

“That’s it?” Grantaire asked, pretending to be outraged. “All my hard work, and a fingertip is all I get?”

Enjolras grinned. “You let up a lot in the past few years,” he said with a shrug. “You’ve not been nearly as purposefully annoying.”

“I’ll have to try harder,” Grantaire said, smiling at him.

Enjolras groaned. “Don’t do that to me,” he said. “I like when we get along.”

Grantaire laughed. “We’ll see, we’ll see…”

“You can’t annoy me,” Enjolras said, laughing too. “Or else I’ll be glad to have oceans and countries between us.”

“Ah, c’est vrai,” Grantaire said, mockingly rueful.

Enjolras laughed and leaned over to steal a spoonful of his ice cream. “Who will you torment in Greece, hm?”

“Well, you, I hope,” Grantaire said, stealing a spoonful of Enjolras’. “If you can come visit.”

Enjolras softened. “I will,” he said. “I promise I will.”

“Oui?” Grantaire said, looking over at him with a smile.

Enjolras wanted so badly to lean over and kiss that smile from his lips.

“Will you have time for me?”

“Oh, always,” Grantaire said. He was smiling still, but his words were completely sincere.

Enjolras ducked his head and took another spoonful of ice cream, his cheeks a soft shade of pink.

“Ah, you say that now. Wait until you’re famous and being flown all over the world for your art.”

Grantaire snorted a laugh. “Like that will ever happen.”

“You can’t say that,” Enjolras said. “You never would have thought you’d get flown to Greece.”

Grantaire had to admit that was true. “That's just part of work though, t’sais?”

“They chose you. It’s not like everyone at the gallery is going.”

“A ton of us are.”

“They still chose you.”

Grantaire shrugged. “Je suppose.”

Enjolras reached to squeeze his arm. “They chose you. You should be proud.”

Grantaire glanced down at Enjolras’ hand before looking up at him. He smiled a little, shrugging self-consciously. “Ah, I have you to do that for me,” he teased.

“And proud, I will be,” Enjolras said with a bright smile.

Grantaire pulled a face at him before scooping up the last mouthful of his ice cream and offering the bowl to Ant.

“It's a bad habit, je sais, je sais,” he said, before Enjolras could protest. “But she loves ice cream just as much as I do. You saw her watching me the whole we were eating, non?”

Enjolras laughed, halfway to telling Grantaire off. “I did, but dairy is not good for her stomach.”

“It's a tiny, tiny bit,” Grantaire said. “And I only give in every so often. This is not a regular thing, and don't let her tell you otherwise while she's living with you.”

“She better live it up now,” Enjolras said sternly. “She won’t get ice cream with me.”

Grantaire gasped. “Enjolras!”

Enjolras shook his head. “I can’t enable this habit.”

“That's it,” Grantaire declared. “I'm taking her with me.”

“You can’t put her through a plane ride, that’s cruel,” Enjolras said. “She hates the metro.”

“I'll travel by ferry,” Grantaire decided. He laughed. “Can you even do that? What route would you have to take?”

“Ah, I’m not sure,” Enjolras said, frowning as he thought about it. “It would be quite a ride to even get to the sea. You’d have to get around Italy.”

“I guess you'll have to surrender then,” Grantaire concluded, smiling across the table at Enjolras.

Enjolras raised an eyebrow. “Why do I have to surrender?”

“Otherwise, you will be complicit in shipping this cat to another country on an airplane.”

“You could surrender,” Enjolras countered. “She doesn’t need ice cream.”

“Mm, non, those are my terms,” Grantaire said lightly, in that exact tone of voice he used to use to wind Enjolras up during meetings.

Enjolras narrowed his eyes. “You would rather cause her a great deal of stress and trauma?”

“You would?” Grantaire countered.

“Not giving her ice cream is not causing her a great deal of stress and trauma.”

Grantaire laughed and shook his head as Ant finished licking the bowl and hopped up onto his lap. He kissed her head, scratching behind her ears. “Ah, I would never, petite.”

“I will get her some special cat treats,” Enjolras said, smiling fondly at the two of them. “Catnip. Wet food. Cat grass. It’ll be fine.”

Grantaire smiled up at him. “Ah, merci,” he said. “She'll love that.”

“And those wall pieces so she can climb,” Enjolras said. “I’ll have to go shopping.”

Grantaire laughed. “Well, I'm glad I'll be keeping you busy, at least.”

“Ah, hopefully things will get rolling with the firm,” Enjolras said with a laugh. “I’m going crazy trying to find things to do.”

“Oui, I bet,” Grantaire said. He hesitated. “Will you still be able to visit, if things start rolling soon?”

“I’m my own boss,” Enjolras said with a grin. “I make my own hours.”

“Oui,” Grantaire said, breathing a laugh. “But still…”

“I’ll be there, R,” Enjolras said, serious now. “I promised, non?”

Grantaire nodded. “Oui, but it's okay if work gets in the way, t’sais?”

“It won’t,” Enjolras said simply.

“Oui, but if it does…”

“But it won’t. I know how to take breaks now and again.”

Grantaire nodded, falling silent. He stroked Ant, who was getting comfortable in the sunshine beaming down on his lap.

“Ca va?” Enjolras asked.

Grantaire nodded, glancing up at him with a small smile. “Ca va?”

Enjolras nodded. “I don’t want you to worry about this. Any of this.”

“I'm not worried,” Grantaire said quickly. “Why? Are you worried?”

“Je ne sais pas,” Enjolras admitted with a laugh.

Grantaire softened. “What are you worried about?” he asked gently.

Enjolras shrugged, his eyes focused on something beyond the balcony. “It’s far,” he said. “And it’s a long time to be away.”

“It's no farther than you've been lately, ah?” Grantaire said softly. “And it's not so long. It'll fly by. You'll visit me and I'll visit you. I'll be back before you know it.”

“Non, je sais.” Enjolras was frowning; he didn’t know how to articulate what worried him, or if he could even admit to it. “It’s just… different. And all that distance changes things.”

Grantaire looked over at him, safe to regard him at length all the while Enjolras was looking away.

“Oui, but we've never really changed, have we?” he said, very softly. “There's something about us... Our relationship, that never changes, does it?”

Enjolras glanced up at Grantaire, his heart suddenly thudding in his chest. He knew what it was for him, that he was still in love with Grantaire and always would be and no matter where they were or what might happen between them, nothing could change that. He didn’t know what Grantaire thought it was.

“Non, you’re right.”

Grantaire smiled at him before looking down at Ant again. “So, nothing to worry about, ah?”

“Can I ask you something?”

Grantaire looked up again, stomach fluttering. “What is it?” he asked.

Enjolras inhaled softly, looking away again to keep his nerve. “That kiss…”

Grantaire swallowed, hard. “I'm sorry,” he hastened to say. “I should never have… I was upset and I just… I'm sorry.”

“Oh,” Enjolras breathed, trying to mask his disappointment. “So just… you were just upset?”

Grantaire nodded quickly, desperate not to ruin this tentative friendship they'd managed to settle into. “I'm really sorry,” he said. “It won't happen again.”

“Non, right, sure, it’s fine,” Enjolras said lightly, feeling a little like his heart was breaking all over again. He didn’t know why he chased every little light of hope when he knew how it would end. “I don’t know why I even brought it up. I’m sorry.”

Grantaire shook his head and touched his hand to Enjolras' before considering that that maybe wasn't the best tactic to employ when you were trying to convince someone you weren't still in love with them. “It's okay,” he said. “It's all good.”

Enjolras’ fingers twitched and he wouldn’t let himself take Grantaire’s hand to hold, wouldn’t let himself fall for any kind gesture of his and interpret it the way that suited his deeply-rooted desires. He couldn’t make Grantaire love him again.

He smiled. “Want to help me clean up?”

“Non,” Grantaire said with a mischievous smile. “But I will.”

Enjolras rolled his eyes and stood, gathering up their spoons and bowls and the remainder of the ice cream.

“You left the dinner plates in the sink, didn’t you?” he said, moving to head inside.

“Oui,” Grantaire said, following after him with Ant in his arms. “But I’ll help clean them up now.”

Enjolras laughed. “It’s okay, I was just teasing you,” he said. “Here, I’ll wash, you dry.”

Grantaire set Ant down and grabbed a tea towel before taking up his station beside the sink.

“I’ve kind of missed this,” he admitted. “T’sais, all that teamwork stuff you get to do when you live with someone.”

Enjolras exhaled softly, his breath a little shaky. He couldn’t let a comment so small break his composure.

“So have I. Although, there are a lot less dishes to do when you’re on your own,” he teased lightly.

“C’est vrai,” Grantaire said, glancing over at Enjolras with a small smile.

Enjolras returned Grantaire’s smile with one of his own, nudging him with his elbow.

“You can always come over and help me with my chores if you miss doing them so much.”

Grantaire snorted a laugh. “Not that much.”

“Ah, come on,” Enjolras said with a laugh. “Don’t you miss changing the bedsheets?”

“My enemy,” Grantaire laughed.

“You were about as useful as Ant with the bedsheets,” Enjolras agreed.

“Hey, I never chewed on them.”

“But you have sprawled across the bed and made it impossible to put the sheets on.”

“That worked out pretty well for you in the end, I seem to remember,” Grantaire teased, smirking.

Enjolras’ face flushed at the memory and he turned his head quickly to hide it from Grantaire.

“Now I think you did that on purpose.”

Grantaire grinned. “No comment.”

Enjolras breathed a laugh, and it was all he could do to stop himself from stealing a kiss from Grantaire. It wasn’t fair for him to tease him like this.

“You have always been cruel.”

Grantaire snorted a laugh, flicking the tea towel at him before continuing to dry the washing up.

“How long can I keep you here?”

Grantaire softened, finding himself smiling a little. “As long as you like,” he said.

Enjolras breathed a laugh. “You’d better put a limit on that.”

“I mean, I have to get Ant home for dinner,” Grantaire said with a shrug. “But she’s pretty flexible with feeding times.”

“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” Enjolras asked, finishing up the last dish and moving to put away the ones Grantaire had dried.

“Oui, that sounds good,” Grantaire said, brightening. He even dropped the tea towel to help Enjolras finish putting the dishes away, though he fast realised he didn’t know where anything belonged. He ended up passing them to Enjolras with a little laugh. “What do you want to watch?”

Enjolras shrugged and laughed softly too. “Je ne sais pas, I still don’t have any taste in movies. I thought you might know something good to watch.”

“Ah, you know my defaults,” Grantaire said. “Hercules… Moulin Rouge…”

Enjolras hummed. “Have we watched Moulin Rouge together? I think that’s your go-to with Jehan.”

“Ah, je ne sais pas,” Grantaire said. “Have you seen it?”

“Non, I don’t think so,” Enjolras said. “What’s it about?”

“Take a guess,” Grantaire laughed.

“I could, but I have a feeling it’s so much more,” Enjolras said, putting the last dish away. “Is there anything else you want before we get settled?”

“Non, I’m good, merci,” Grantaire said. “You?”

Enjolras shook his head and without thinking before acting, he took Grantaire by the hand to lead him out into the living room.

“I don’t own it, will we be able to find it online?”

“Ah, oui,” Grantaire said, after a slight, startled pause. He didn’t pull his hand free. “I think so.”

“Bon, let me just go grab my laptop,” Enjolras said, squeezing Grantaire’s hand before letting go. “Why don’t you open the balcony door? We can get a nice breeze.”

“Oui, that sounds good,” Grantaire said. He felt a little adrift as he broke away from Enjolras to open the balcony door and gather up Ant before finding a spot on the sofa with her.

Enjolras fetched his laptop from where he’d left it on his bed earlier that morning and joined Grantaire back out in the living room, smiling fondly at him and Ant. He set the laptop on the coffee table and perched himself on the edge of the sofa.

“Do I just search for the title?”

“Ah, non,” Grantaire said, leaning forward. “That’ll probably just come up with the… actual Moulin Rouge. Here, let me.”

“Oh, sure,” Enjolras said with a soft laugh, nudging the laptop towards him. He stole Ant from Grantaire’s lap and sat back, scratching the top of her head.

“Thief,” Grantaire said mildly. Within minutes, he had the movie pulled up and set the laptop back down to sit back and get comfortable again.

Enjolras naturally shifted in towards Grantaire, settling into the sofa with his shoulder pressed against his and Ant curled on his lap.

“I’m afraid of what you’ve gotten me into.”

“Mm, you probably should be,” Grantaire replied, trying very hard to concentrate on the movie and not on the way Enjolras was leaning against him.

It dawned on Enjolras slowly, as the movie started and the music began, and he looked over at Grantaire in horror.

“Is this a musical?”

Grantaire looked back at him, trying his hardest not to look too gleeful. “Oui,” he said lightly.

“Grantaire,” Enjolras gasped. “I can’t believe you would do this to me.”

“Oh, you can,” Grantaire teased, resting his head on Enjolras’ shoulder.

“Lucky you’re going away or I would never sit through this with you,” Enjolras said, just about to press a kiss into Grantaire’s hair but thinking the better of it last second. He rested his cheek against the top of his head instead.

“Maybe I’ll have to leave more often,” Grantaire said, closing his eyes for just a second.

“Non non non, don’t say that,” Enjolras said, looping his arm through Grantaire’s. “This is too much already.”

“Ah, it’ll all be okay,” Grantaire said, trying to believe it himself.

“Je sais, je sais,” Enjolras said with a sigh. “Remember when I was meant to go to Marseille for that internship?”

“Oui, I remember,” Grantaire said softly.

“Don’t do what I did,” Enjolras said. “Get on the plane.”

Grantaire fell silent for a long time. Did Enjolras regret it? How much of it all did he regret?

“Oui, I’ll try,” he said finally, his voice very small.

Enjolras sat up quickly. “That didn’t come out right,” he said. “I just mean… there’s nothing here holding you back. It’s all… settled, tu sais? You can go and focus on your work and your art without any worry of what’s going to happen here. I don’t regret what I did, but I think you would.”

Grantaire nodded, though none of that was reassuring. It was all just depressing really. Had he been holding Enjolras back all this time? “Oui, je sais,” he said softly.

Enjolras sighed after a long moment of trying and failing miserably to find the words to say what he really meant. He settled back down against Grantaire, sliding his hand inside of his.

Grantaire’s skin tingled. More instinctively than deliberately, he laced his fingers with Enjolras’ and got comfortable again.

Enjolras’ mind drifted off as they watched the movie, not because he was disinterested in it but because he was so distracted by the familiar solidity of Grantaire settled against him, the warm press of their palms and the way their fingers slotted together so perfectly. He could almost believe like nothing had changed between them, like this was another quiet evening at home and Grantaire still loved Enjolras the way he ached for him to, would secretly cling to that feeling as long as he could, even though so much had changed and so much inevitably would still with Grantaire going away. He didn’t know if they’d ever be like this again.

He sniffled, surprising himself too, and turned his head to cover it with a cough.

Grantaire glanced over, eyebrows knitted together. “What’s wrong?” he asked. He nudged Enjolras gently. “We haven’t even got to the really sad part of the movie yet.”

“Ah, non, nothing, I’m okay,” Enjolras said lightly, nudging him back. “Just a tickle in my throat.”

Grantaire looked at him a moment longer but didn’t say anything further, just squeezed Enjolras’ hand tight as he turned his attention back to the film.

Enjolras held Grantaire’s hand between both of his and he didn’t tilt his head to steal a kiss from his lips, even though he was so close and that lingering look set his heart racing. He wondered how Grantaire used to stand it, and he would have asked if it wouldn’t have given him away.

“So, what do you think?” Grantaire asked, turning to scrutinise Enjolras as the end credits started playing.

“Ah, well,” Enjolras said with a laugh, his nose wrinkled. “It was… interesting. I recognized some of the music.”

“Oui? You did?” Grantaire asked, smiling at him.

Enjolras melted at that smile, and he bit on the inside of his lip to stop himself from kissing him. He wondered if that urge would ever fade away.

“Oui, are you impressed?”

“Oh, extremely,” Grantaire assured him.

“That’s mostly your doing,” Enjolras said, nudging his shoulder.

“I’m very proud.”

“Something had to stick, ah? Your music taste isn’t the worst.”

“Isn’t the worst?” Grantaire repeated, outraged. “Whose is better? Whose?”

Enjolras grinned. “Feuilly is into some really interesting stuff,” he teased.

Grantaire clutched his heart and fell back onto the sofa in feigned agony. “Feuilly! Always Feuilly. I can’t compete.”

Enjolras laughed, and he remembered a time when he would have followed after Grantaire and peppered his face with kisses.

“Ah, you know there’s no competition.”

“Oui, because Feuilly wipes the floor with everyone else!”

Heat prickled Enjolras’ cheeks; that’s not what he’d meant at all, but he couldn’t correct Grantaire.

“We’ve always had a special bond,” he said with a shrug.

Grantaire laughed. “Oh, dieu,” he said. “Je sais, je sais. We all know.”

“Ah, it’s true,” Enjolras said with a sigh. “It has been the source of many an argument between me and Combeferre.”

“Oui, I bet,” Grantaire teased.

“Although, not recently,” Enjolras said woefully. “Not since he’s been domesticated.”

Grantaire snorted a laugh. “A true tragedy, non?”

“Ah, it’s just different,” Enjolras said, shifting back to lean against the arm of the sofa. He touched his toes lighty to Grantaire’s. “I didn’t think it would change things much, mais… he has a wife now, tu sais?”

Grantaire nodded. Combeferre had a wife and Enjolras did not have a husband. “Give it time,” he said softly. “Things will settle in.”

“Oui, it’s only been a few months,” Enjolras said, though he was frowning slightly.

“What is it?” Grantaire prompted gently.

“I thought it would be me,” Enjolras admitted softly. “It’s still… strange that it didn’t happen.”

Grantaire swallowed and looked down. “I’m sorry that it wasn’t,” he said, very quietly.

“Non, non, it’s…” Fine? Okay? It wasn’t really either of those things. “It just is. He’s better suited for it anyway, ah? Married life.”

Grantaire had to agree with that. He nodded.

“I’m sorry,” Enjolras sighed, nudging Grantaire’s foot with his own. “I don’t mean to be a downer, I don’t… we don’t have to talk about it. Let’s not talk about it.”

“I should head back to my place anyway,” Grantaire said, taking a deep breath. “Someone needs her dinner, ah?”

“Right, yeah,” Enjolras said with a quick nod, drawing his legs close again. He couldn’t look up at Grantaire. “It’s late, I’m sure she’s starved.”

Grantaire hesitated, looking at Enjolras for a long moment, before getting to his feet and gathering Ant up in his arms. “I’ll see you soon though, oui? This was good.”

Enjolras nodded, and he managed to look up at Grantaire with a small smile, though he wanted nothing more than for a hole to open up in the ground and swallow him up. He’d been doing so well masking his feelings up until then.

“Ouais, it was.”

Grantaire swallowed and nodded back before turning away to get Ant safely tucked up in her carrier. He took a deep breath.

“Alors, see you soon,” he said.

“I’ll walk you out,” Enjolras said, getting up from the sofa and sliding his hands into his pockets.

“Ah, merci,” Grantaire said. He looked up at Enjolras as they headed for the front door. “You’ll text me, oui?”

Enjolras nodded. “Oui, I will,” he said, giving him a smile. “We’ll plan some time before you go to get you packed, ah?”

“That sounds good,” Grantaire said, mustering up a smile.

“Or just to hang out?” Enjolras suggested as nonchalantly as he could manage, lingering beside the closed front door.

“That sounds even better,” Grantaire said, his smile growing a little.

Enjolras smiled too. “Bon,” he said, and after a moment of hesitation where he briefly considered the risk of leaning in for a kiss, and reached his hand out to open the door. “Text me when you get home, ca va?”

“Worried about me?” Grantaire teased, stepping into the hallway outside.

Enjolras’ stomach swooped; he craved that kind of attention from Grantaire, lived off it for hours when he got it. He laughed.

“I’m worried about Ant and her overdue dinner.”

Grantaire smiled at him. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Oui, you will,” Enjolras said, leaning against the door frame. “Take care.”

Grantaire leaned up at kissed his cheeks, like he did with all his friends - though, he’d never made a habit of doing so with Enjolras.

“You too,” he said softly, before turning and forcing himself to walk away.

God, that was unfair. Enjolras watched Grantaire go, his skin burning where his lips had touched it and the urge to follow after him and spin him around for a proper kiss simmering just under his surface, until he couldn’t see him anymore. He groaned and forced himself back inside, shutting the door firmly behind him.

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