Jul 7, 2025
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Okay but imagine if Gawain had actually had sex with the lady of the manor and then had to do the same with the lord to keep up his deal
Everyone LOVES talking about how a Dorito or EDM/Dubstep would kill a Medieval peasant.
LAME! Old news. We've been Over This.
Some weaver named Gerdrut in a fucking 14th c. Silesian duchy has context for crunchy carbs, cheese, and spices.
Dubstep? EDM? Do you think that would kill Anchier the Fishmonger? HAHAHAHA. My man would simply bust a move.
So what would cause a 13th c. European to flip their shit? It's not furry porn, it's not monster energy, and it's not skibidy fucking toilet. For your contemplation...
The Rubber Band:
Once I whip this baby out, Ulrich's not gonna know what to do with himself.
He's never seen RUBBER. He doesn't know elasticity like this. This ain't your Grandma's smocked shirt; this is the combined fruits of the Columbian exchange and vulcanisation.
Hot tip for all you ladies out there:
If your husband cannot satisfy you in matters of conjugal love, consider taking a trip to the statue of Saint Uncumber in St Paul’s cathedral. If you set a peck of oats at her feet, she’ll straight up destroy your husband! Once Saint Uncumber has carried him off, maybe try one of those convents you’ve heard so much about. I hear it’s a very fulfilling place for those inclined to assist their sisters in Christ.
Please discuss. I would like to hear all your clever Arthurian shitposting takes.
Twitter screenshot:
OP (Dr. Francis Young @drfrancisyoung) reads: “Reading an interesting suggestion that Geoffrey of Monmouth latinised Myrddin as Merlinus because otherwise the name would have been ‘Merdinus’, with connotations of ‘Mr Shitty’ for speakers of Norman French”
Comment (Pete Smith @reddite) reads: “rex quondam et futurdus”
This blog is now inactive - for your regular dose of medieval content go follow @the-merry-otter instead :)
The people of medieval France be like...
'Our king is in town!'
'Let's drape everything in blue fleur-de-lis fabric! EVERYTHING!'
Case in point: