#memo:rec

[ehontee-archived]

[ O ] REC. 'FEB - 01 - 15

   — b e e p.

Threads were tangled around her feet, threads that were her laptop's chargers, or that belonged to her earphones that she'd flung across the room once she remembered she had to do today's memo. Today's memo had to be done, it was a sort of urgency that had her wanting to rip what was making it almost impossible to get to her phone so she could record it. But then it was safe and sound in her arms, fingers sliding across the screen to the page that held the files where her thoughts went, where her voice went. A password quickly entered and then she was able to pull up a new recording set. 

"Don't you go judging me now." First words that left her the moment the button was pressed. It was always odd at first, hearing it then seeing the red light that went on blinking until she'd press stop, "I had to choose, see? It's like this thing where you sign a life contract with the devil one way or another your soul's gonna go to him, and you're never going back again. The association wouldn't just let me go, I've got things on them and let's be honest I was one of the bests for the short amount I was there." An arch of her eyebrows, talking to herself had never been a hardship for her, so talking to the screen of her phone almost felt the same if not better because she'd be able to repeat it later on if she started to forget why she wanted to do this. It tended to happen. 

"So it was either I go back to killing," A nervous tick, fingers quickly pushing away a strand of hair behind her ear, tongue swiping across her bottom lip, "Or I do something else but stay bound to them so I chose something else. I can't kill, I cant do it anymore not when he's not with me because it's just not the same but also because I promised! I'd be good, I promised, but it doesn't mean I can't cheat a little. Besides my skills were going to deteriorate if I didn't have a place where to put them to good use, this is a win win, it's not something I didn't do before, I started there." She started picking at the sheets of her bed before then clicking her tongue, a smile on her full lips before her front teeth sunk in them. Releasing them the next minute so she could talk again, "And that is the big change of this month! Tune in for another Haeri's stupid or fucked up thoughts episode whenever it happens." 

                                                                                                                                         — b e e p.

[ehontee-archived]

[ O ] REC. 'DEC - 22 - 14

    — b e e p.

                                                                                                         "I went to the orphanage," 

There silence fell, her lips stilling against the screen of her phone. This close, her breath brought a fog on the surface. A fogshe could feel herself remembering having felt, as she'd stood there, breathing against the warmth of the scarf wrapped around her neck.

Hands balled in fists that tightened by the second she'd been in the cold. The pair of jogging she had on had just served as an excuse. What a poor excuse it had been too, running and getting in front of the place by accident. As if she hadn't intended to, as if the little wrinkled post-it note that was held tight in one of her fist wasn't proof enough that she'd meant to end up here.

But standing there, things had been quiet in her mind because she'd swallowed the pills before coming here. As if wanting to lock this memory in the part of herself that'd never belong ot him. Not wanting him to destroy this as well, this had nothing to do with him. This piece of her, she never wanted his voice to even just echo around it. 

She blinked away the rest of it, her eyes looking up and holding still on the post-it note, now where it had been from the moment she stepped back in her room. Furious with herself, frustrated beyond words, so that it was stuck in awkward angle against the wall facing her desk. Then she just felt like she had to put it somewhere, so she wouldn't redo this mistake. 

Her eyebrows furrowed at the note, the address quickly scribbled, a name, a phone number and the words Found him. Like pieces of a puzzle put together. 

                "I shouldn't have." 

                                                                                                                                          — b e e p.

[ehontee-archived]

#memo

"Three months, I've lasted this long, must mean I can last longer right?" The question hung in the air, with no answers that could be given, but that reassured her somehow, because it meant she could make up her own.

"I can, he said I could so I can. Said I was getting better, must be a good thing. Getting better. A good thing for mom too, she doesn't look worried when she looks at me now, Dad comes home more often too. These are things that should have happened years ago. Caring and showing." She frowned momentarily, biting on her bottom lip before shaking her head quickly. 

"Must not think of the past! Three more months maybe, on a side note, what do I do? I really miss him right now." A puffed cheek a sigh and then her thumb pressing down on the button to stop recording. 

[xentoki-blog]

#memo

"Hm--can we skip this day and act like it never happened each times it happens because no, no, no, noooo," She let herself fall back on her bed phone held up above her face, "I hate getting older. Nothing good comes out of it, besides I look more and more like mom at this rate I might also turn as bitter and strict as her, ugh, don't make me puke." Then silence fell as a small frown drew her eyebrows together for a small moment. 

Would they be celebrating this day even when she wasn't there? The thought of going back sometimes did cross her, "Maybe I should let them know I'm alright but without telling them where I am. Haerim said mom's trying to cope but, then again, am I even worthy anymore." Her finger quickly ended the record, tossing her phone aside as she closed her eyes. 

[xentoki-blog]

#memo

"You know what I feel like doing and probably should do? Write a letter to Ravi. I started it y'know, then I got kinda lazy man, writing a letter requires so much plus my hand kinda hurt. Because I decided writing a letter by hand was such a good idea, why do I always do these things?

On a side note, it's been two weeks. The deal was two weeks right? I member it being that, I'll have to listen to the memo again, I titled it, how smart am I really, it's amazing. But yeah, I have to hunt this week. Two weeks is a good length I think.

On another sidenote, it will be a contract so there will be a person cleaning the mess. I might need a personal one too though. But the next time it will be my choice, that's always more exciting if I have to be honest."

[xentoki-blog]

#memo

"Should I send something? What are the chances of her not knowing it's from me? But I always made sure she had something during mother days and it's been a year, has it already, time's got to fly doesn't it, I don't even remember the last time I was aware of what time it was or what day we were."

There's a frown on her face now, worrying her bottom lip, her free hand the one that's not clutching her phone and tapping it against her chin from time to time idly playing with the pendant she tucked out from under her collar. A habit that's grown without her realising, a habit she doesn't even know she has until someone asks her what she's doing, they don't get an answer most of the times though.

"Wait that sounds a little too depressing now, am I actually going to grow up to be one of those bitter repressed people who always think about how time's going by and they can't get a hold of it and go all angsty and mopey, ew, do not want nope." 

She grimaces a little, the image she just put in her head making her almost wince before sighing and laying down on her bed. A new bed, a new place, somewhere she might actually probably stay for a bit longer until her next target. Still her main problem right now being the mother's day, she's never really showed it or told her but her mother's someone she's always looked up to.

"Then again they say you realise what you had once you let go of it or lose it, I personally prefer the let go of. I don't really like losing things, that makes everything a lot more troublesome, it's easier to let go, I could give it to Haerim and he could act like he bought it, pretty sure he won't get her anything, yeah I should do that."