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Wolf may not be wrong, but he is being quite the hypocrite there...
"Im not soft... im husky! There's a difference, its all muscle and fur... just makes me look bigger." The scruffy mercenary scoffed and took a swig from a canteen staining his fattened jowls with cheap booze.
He wasn't fat, he couldn't be.
Fox, Wolf, and Falco are like disaster magnets for the agency, the disasters getting worse in scale when they're all on a mission together...
If you're assigned a mission with one of them, you pray you can get out mostly unscathed.
If you're somehow on a mission on all three, the agency's already prepping the replacement, cause you're doomed.
They somehow managed to survive... they're rather skilled but just very accident prone.
Falco's ass is a target for blow darts
Wolf can't go a mission without getting a feeding tube shoved down his throat
And Fox has failed doing am acrobatic split to dodge trip lasers more times than he can count...
It's a miracle they're alive
Wolf, maybe all your drinking isn't that good of an idea? It's certainly not helping that you're basically drinking as much booze as the amount of food you're eating now...
"You know you're probably right but honestly I hardly give a shit anymore." The merc sighed as he leaned back on a rather rugged and well worn couch, kicking his feet up and taking a drag some bizarre alien looking device before blowing a purple colored smoke cloud into the air. "My rep is ruined, my teammates either betrayed me, died or stuck their necks out on their own solo careers." He spat scratching his hand into his gut while he got comfortable.
"My weight can only get worse from here so why bother? I'm getting by fine as is so no need to waste my time trying to pretend a few beers will make a difference." He said seemingly accepting his lot in life for the time being.
Wolf landed on hard times after the experimental flight serum he chugged to "keep up with fox" turned him into a fatass. He lost his team but gained a new spot on Star Fox. Even if he absolutely hates their guts...
"Fucking cargo jobs... I wouldn't accept these boring missions if they didn't pay so well. Maybe the client won't notice if a few packages go missing, I'm STARVING."
A few kegs?!
And wolf doesn't even get a little tipsy from that?
He mostly drinks cheap stuff, it's takes alot for him to get drunk thanks to his enhancements.
How much beer does wolf drink on a usual day?
Can he even get like piss drunk when he's that fat?
"Shit... um a few kegs a day? That's not that much right? Honestly I forget how much Is normal for other people, these damn combat enhancements mean I gotta stuff my face way more than usual... it's a damn pain in the ass but atleast I get to eat what I want."
Like wolf isn't more dorky...
He's probably even bigger as well. Big enough he probably gives himself his own wedgies as well...
He's alot heftier than fox... a massive gut and sagging moobs to match. Though he doesn't give his own wedgies, despite how tough and cool he postures himself as he has a horrible habit of getting his undies caught on things even his own ship! There was a particular incident where he was dangling from the wing while the ship's auto pilot did loops around a heavily populated space port. Everyone got to see the fearsome leader of star wolf dangling by his undies and farting fearfully everytime he almost slipped off. Cheeks and bulge aching from the wedgie his reputation never recovered... though all three pilot's aren't exactly taken seriously anymore
