#my obscurity

[april132009]

your post made it to Instagram. I'm so sorry </3

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[house-foxglove]

Vent: Hungry/Yearning I

I love her 

I love her not

I am so desperate for love but I don’t know how to pursue it.

I wish to taste and smell a flower, but am unaware where to find the seeds

I love her 

I love her not

If I had a flower I fear I would neglect it, and forget to water

Or perhaps smother it, wilting it with an overbearing outpour.

I love her 

I love her not

I feel desperate. It feels like there is no one in my life that would yield fruit if I were to pursue. The women I know either have no taste for me, hardly know me, or are already in a communion.

It feels rude to say there are none to choose from, like they’re cattle. 

I want to hold a woman so badly. I want to feast on her and shower her with honey.

So many around me but I know they have no taste for me.

I love my friends, but they can’t get rid of the lonely.

where is she 

Can someone please show me her? 

I don’t know where to look. Have I even seen her before?

I have never known a love like that.

I’m so fucking angry ive never had it.

I am so fucking hungry But I don’t want to eat her alive but a taste isn't enough

I’ve never held a woman never kissed her never given her gifts

Never given her sweet notes smelled her hair Lifted her off the ground

I have never loved a woman and she loved me back

A woman has never loved me

is there a woman that will love me? is it even possible?

Every shot I’ve taken has been off course. It is because I am small and meek. My stature is never enough or i forget and cannot commit. Why did my parents curse me to be so fucking small.

I ought not to love her

I am a strong man. I am fucking MIGHTY

I am tender… I want someone to hold me

Am I allowed to be both of these? It’s hard to be the former.

I have been told I am a catch, but must I set up the bait myself? Is there no hunter after me? Why wont a woman just talk with me and be blunt about her affection?

Because she has none and who knows? Maybe she will never be out there

Please be there

In this field of wheat and thistle, there is a flower I will love and dote upon.

I will love her

[house-foxglove]

Vent: MAN/NAM(e)

I am a Diet Man. Not in the way that I watch what I eat or have a strict eating schedule, I like to eat. But in the way that I am not fully a man, I think. I feel different. Being a man has not been a part of my identity, it is how I am referred to, yes, but at my core? In a way but it feels less, not concentrated or potent. 

I see and am told what being a man is like and I go “sure” and go with it. Some things I have felt a connection to but I can’t tell if it's just because I was born with a diddle or personal preference. But with things that girls are told to like I enjoy as well. And I would be seen as less of a man for liking them. But I think I am okay with that. Because I believe that a man can look like several different things, masculine does not equal manhood. 

I can’t tell if I’m breaking the mold or just can’t fit in it. 

Do I have to change my name? Luke. LUKE. L U K E. Look. l u k e. It just looks like letters, when I hear it all that registers is “Come see.” or “Look at me.” Is it me on a piece of paper? Luke. A name shouted at me that is meant for my attention. It is an identifier but mostly just a way for people to get me to focus on them, to pay attention. For a while it didn’t seem like my own name, since one guy in a few movies had that name so obviously I must have a connection to him.

“Luke, I am your father.” Great, can you give me more attention than the other one did? Can you be a bit more emotionally vulnerable? Be Present? “Use the force.” I’ll force my fist up your ass.

I am named after light and healer. I agree with both, the virtues of my name I adore and feel are a part of me. But couldn’t we have chosen anything cooler? 

She liked it because it was quick and to the point, “Brad” I like my husbands name, hmm i have a son now. “Luke” Sure! It's short like his is. 

Unfortunate that my great grandfather was a raging racist who spouted venom and bile. “He was a product of his time.” Yeah and obviously a defective product. People fought for freedom and equality for blacks hundreds of years before him and he didn;t know decency. Yet I share his name. That wasn’t brought into account for whatever reason. 

Luke

Luke Luke Luke Luke Luke Luke Luke Luke Luke Luke Luke Luke Luke Luke Luke Luke Luke Luke

Luke

It just looks ugly after a while. The word. 

Couldn’t I have been given a list to choose from? Mender? Morn? Aurora? Break? Dawning?

Can I find one for myself?

I have been given one by my friends that is silly but makes me feel known and loved and wanted. I like that name better than my own maybe because only they use it. 

[yourfuturebxyfriend]

I would reblog that music shuffle rp meme but I have a really strange taste in music and I don’t want ya’ll to shame me