From Upon the Golden Thrones
Episode 32: A Castle Full of Memories
“Peter!” a familiar voice shouted from the balcony. In a flash, Lucy was speeding down the hallway banging on every door as she went, shouting that her big brother had finally returned. Susan and Edmund quickly followed suit, rushing after her to greet the magnificent king as he entered the castle gates. Soon word of the army’s return had reached everyone in Cair Paravel, and the families of those who had fought tirelessly all joined the young king and queens.
Peter’s heart swelled with happiness at the sight of his family, caught in a tight embrace the moment he left Besnik’s back. “We’re so happy you’ve returned safely” Susan whispered.
“How was it?” Edmund asked. “What were the giants like? Did they put up a good fight? I still wish you had let me come with you, Pete.”
“It was fine” Peter replied despondently. There was something off about him. He had bags under his eyes, and he looked almost sickly. He turned his gaze to the happy reunions of his army, wives and parents and children all rushing to hug their beloved. Tristan’s family wailed and kissed his cheeks, desperate to ensure that he was really alive. Their hearts broke upon discovering he had lost an arm, but the fact he had lived despite that was a miracle. It’s Aslan’s blessing! they exclaimed. And then there were those who weren’t quite so lucky.
A young woman rushed forward, frantic, a hand upon her pregnant stomach. “High King Peter, y-your majesty!” she cried, “W-what about my husband? Has he fallen behind? Will he return soon?” The look of desperation upon her face, the terrified suspicion, only enforced Peter’s own depression.
“I’m terribly sorry” he replied, placing a hand upon the woman’s shoulder. He tried to be as kind as possible, but still there was something rather detached and robotic about him. Something not quite right. She looked upon him incredulously for a moment, searching his face for any sign of this perhaps just being some sick joke but when she found none, she brought her hands to her mouth and then subsequently broke down. Susan rushed to her side, wrapping the woman in her arms and trying to calm her. She glared at her elder brother and mouthed That was nicely handled.
In the following days, however, it was clear that something was definitely amiss. Peter kept to himself often and didn’t want anything to do with anyone. Of course a battle of such proportions would take it’s toll on anyone, and at first the others presumed he was just tired from the fight, but when he was sleeping for far too long and still in a terrible mood, their suspicions escalated. Something wasn’t right and Susan, Edmund, and Lucy were determined to get to the bottom of it.
“I just don’t understand” the gentle said one day, gathering her siblings in the library for a meeting. “I’m so worried.”
“I knew I should’ve gone with him, no matter what he said” Edmund replied, arms crossed as he sat back in one of the reading chairs.
“It’s not your fault, Ed” Lucy assured him, resting a hand on his shoulder. “He just wanted you to stay safe.”
“Lucy’s right” Susan agreed. “Besides, we needed you here. Your work in the castle is just as important as anything you might do on a battlefield, if not more.”
“I know, but still” Edmund replied. “I wish I had been there. Maybe then I could’ve prevented whatever’s bothering him from happening.”
“I do wish we had some sort of clue as to what’s the matter” Lucy sighed. She hated seeing her eldest brother so withdrawn. “The last time he was this bad was after Eilonwy had left.”
Edmund furrowed his brows and stroked his chin, deep in thought. “You know, Lu, now that you mention it, I have seen him spending a lot of time in the garden by the monument.”
“Do you think something happened to hike up his depression about her again?” Susan asked.
“It seems like a valid conclusion” Edmund began, “But I can’t possibly imagine what could’ve happened.” His sisters both shook their head in mutual understanding. Without any inkling of the journey itself, it was hard to discern what may have caused such a spell. Lucy gazed out the window to the garden below, wondering whether her brother was out there right at that very moment. She wished there was something she could do to make him feel better like last time, but they couldn’t afford another seafaring adventure. They had far too many obligations in court now. If she wanted to cheer him up, she’d have to think of something far less grand.
When he wasn’t wandering the garden, Peter spent much of the rest of his time in his office mulling over paperwork. It had stacked up rather quickly while he was gone. Susan peeked her head in, a small stack of envelopes in hand, before approaching. “I’ve brought your mail” she replied, smiling softly. “Plenty of letters from Brenn. You ought to respond to them quickly. Ginevra’s been growing rather anxious, per her letters to me.” She hoped that perhaps their dear friend would bring at least the tiniest hint of a smile to his face, but to no avail.
“Put them wherever” he said flippantly, barely even looking up from the page. “I’ll deal with her later.”
Susan knew deep down that he couldn’t possibly be this cold, at least not without reason, but he was clearly in a compromising mood and she preferred not to make matters even worse. She nodded once, silently obliging, then stepped back out into the hall. “I’ll just be a few doors down if you need anything” she said, hoping for a response, but when she received none, she sighed and disappeared.
“Well?” Edmund asked. He leapt up from his chair the moment Susan returned to the library. “What happened?”
The gentle queen shook her head. “Absolutely nothing” she replied. She explained the situation in exact detail, then watched as her younger siblings fell back with heavy sighs.
“I wish he would just tell us what’s wrong!” Lucy moaned.
“We’ll just have to keep a close eye on him in the next few weeks” Susan said. “We can’t rush these things. He’ll tell us when he’s ready. However, if he should get worse, then…”
Her voice trailed off, but the just and valiant knew exactly what she meant. They didn’t want to have to resort to such manners, but if Peter was to be noncompliant and show no signs of progression, then they would have no choice but to intervene. Lucy and Edmund nodded in agreement, and their secret pact was then formed.
Within the next week and a half, Peter was stagnant. Letters from Ginevra were stacked from the floor to as high as the windowsill now, and he was paying very little attention to the many documents he was signing.
“Uh, Peter?” Edmund asked, reviewing the one. The magnificent merely grunted as he skimmed the contents of his next page. “You do know you just signed a law to make raspberry jam illegal, right?”
“Never liked raspberry anyway” Peter muttered. Edmund reached out just as he dipped his quill in ink, gripping his wrist as the point hovered over the page.
“You’re not paying attention” Edmund scolded.
“Of course I am” Peter replied, glaring up at him.
The just smirked. “Then what’s the purpose of that one?” he asked, pointing to the document in front of him.
Peter blinked, then smiled confidently. “It’s an addendum to the law about illegal grocery distribution” he said. Edmund snatched the paper from his desk and skimmed the document himself.
“It’s a complaint about marine pollution filtering into Glasswater Creek” Edmund corrected. “See? You’re not paying attention.”
Lucy sighed and pressed her back against the wall outside of his office. “I can’t watch this anymore” she whispered. Susan shook her head, standing beside her. “It’s like he’s a shell of his former self!” She cupped her hands at her chest, her heart aching at the sight of it all. It was too much.
Susan knew it, too. “There’s nothing more we can do” she whispered. “We just need to wait it out a little while longer.”
Lucy peered back inside for a moment more, as if to torture herself further. She hated feeling so helpless. She truly respected her older sister, but at the same time she couldn’t stand to sit back and do nothing while their eldest brother was clearly suffering. She was going to have to take matters into her own hands.
The roses in the garden were in full bloom, coating the air in their sweet fragrance. The garden was silent all but for the fountain in the center, upon where the statues of the former royals stood. Peter stared upon them with great focus, leaning forward with fingers tented before his mouth. The valiant watched from afar and tried to piece everything together, but his mind was barred.
“Seems like you’ve been spending an awful lot of time out here” she then spoke, stepping out into the open. She gazed upon the statue a moment, then to her brother and asked, “Mind if I join you?” She sat beside him before he could utter a response.
They stayed there in silence for a few moments, Lucy simply observing and trying to make sense of everything. When she got nowhere, she resorted to small talk. “I’m sure you’re glad to be back in warmer weather after your trip up north, right?”
“Doesn’t really matter to me” Peter muttered. Lucy frowned.
“Soon it’ll be the perfect weather to run down to the beach. We could have a picnic! Wouldn’t that be fun?”
“I guess.”
“Until then, we could always have a picnic here in the garden. Just the four of us! It’ll be like old times, when Mum and Dad would take us to the park with sandwiches and those little chocolate biscuits.”
Peter shrugged. “I’d rather not.”
“Oh? And why not?” Lucy asked.
“I just want to be alone” Peter said, and this time there was a hint of frustration in his tone. As if he was trying to tell Lucy to leave. She wouldn’t hear of it.
“Well, then we can be alone together” she grinned. She could almost see Peter’s eyes roll into the back of his head with frustration. They then fell back into another bout of silence, before Lucy got a brilliant idea. She mimicked Peter, staring up at the statues with great purpose, then said, “I wonder what they were like. You know, when they were alive.”
Peter made a strange sound and then shook his head, breaking his gaze with the statues. “I hate this goddamn thing” he muttered. “She should be up there with them.”
“Who should?” Lucy asked, cocking her head to the side.
“Eilonwy” Peter said quietly, as if she should’ve already known.
“But she’s not gone. Not really” Lucy replied. “I mean, she’s still out there somewhere.”
Peter abruptly stood and kicked at a rock on the ground, biting his lower lip. For a moment, it looked to Lucy as if he was about to cry. Then he sniffled, leaned down, and began turning the rock over in his hands. “I wish we had never done this. So stupid” he said, analyzing every inch of the thing. He turned his gaze back to the king and queen atop the fountain, pursing his lips and then growling “This was the biggest mistake.” Then, without a single ounce of hesitancy, he groaned and launched the rock with perfect aim straight for King Lorr’s head, knocking his nose clear off.
“Peter!” Lucy exclaimed. She leapt up from her seat and pulled his hand back into hers. “What did you do that for?!”
He was very still for a moment, his eyes skating down to the chunk of rock now laying on the grass, then turned back to his baby sister with wide, incredulous eyes. “Oh, god…” he murmured. “What have I done…?” His hand began to shake in Lucy’s grasp, his face growing red and his eyes teary. “What have I done?” he repeated, louder now. And then he broke down, wailing pathetically and burying his face in his hands.
Lucy’s heart pounded in her chest. What was happening? There were very few times when she had seen Peter this distraught and broken. All she could think to do was wrap her arms around him tightly and attempt to comfort him, but nothing seemed to quell his hysteria. “P-Peter, please! What is this all about?” she begged.
It was then that she was met with a sentence she never thought she would hear. When the words fell from his lips, the entire world went silent and Lucy’s heart leapt into her throat. Peter looked at her with wide, bloodshot eyes, voice cracking and body quaking, and whispered, “Eilonwy is dead.”
