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i love buying a card and writing up a really nice message in it for a friend i've had for 30 years , sending them a message for their new address they haven't sent me yet even after moving in earlier this year , and 5 days later on their birthday i still haven't heard back from them .

#hah... feeling great :')#i sent a message to the group chat with my 3 oldest friends and i've only heard back from one of them since messaging last week #and i haven't made a single friend since moving to scotland in 2022 #funny that the url is not alone but i've never felt so alone in my life #tbd .#negative .

my brother in christ, how is it that you see "reblog from source" and NOT do that?? especially when you're not even FOLLOWING me???

#ooc .#boo speaks .#( THE SOURCE ISN'T EVEN DEAD CMONNNNNN #jesus christ - for roleplayers and writers; some people have no reading comprehension )#negative .#tbd .

everyday i have to remember i.dv is i.dv .

#Negative .

wow i feel so bad rn that i just considered playing fortnite to spice up my life

#how do u get catharsis #im gonna fucking run around my house and sing hsm soon but like #ive suppressed/repressed(WHICH ONE IS IT) my emotions for so long that i have a really hard time with it #expressing feelings and opening up about my emotional constipation on tumblr.com.......who am i.....#txt #personal #negative .#in other news ive started a big rainbow building in minecraft

i normally make read mores abt this topic bcaus i dont want to put a bunch of negativity on peoples dashes but anyone else in this thread aroace (specifically aro) and kind of find it a permanent headfuck and feel hopeless and like ur destined to live out your life alone like a loveless reptile to the extent that seeing people talk about love makes you feel anxious and sad, and even aro positivity blogs or whatever dont scratch the surface

#negative .#yeah wah wah boo hoo i get it who cares not a real problem whatever #i genuinely dont know if many other aro people feel like this but i BIG feel like this always every day so thats good

[ feeling a little down about my portrayal . . . ]

#♚▐░ ooc #[ must be the added stress but ]#[ i feel like i'm not doing a good job ]#[ and that i'm hated ? ? ? ]#[ i feel alone and scared ]#[ and my anxiety is through the roof ]#[ i feel so pathetic ]#[ i'm 29 but i feel like a fucking teenager ]#[ time is moving too fast ]#[ and i'm just . . . really scared ]#negative .

i wrote 1300 words on a fic i havent touched in a month and like. i should feel really good about that. because that’s 1300 words that wasn’t there before. chapter 10 is started! it’s like a third of the way done, actually!

but i just feel inadequate bc i didn’t write more than that and what i did write is clunky and doesn’t flow well and isn’t up to the quality the other chapters were bc of the motivation i had at the time and i just.

things are going bad in my head. i’m still out of my anxiety meds and i’m still not in therapy. my flatmates are putting up with my shitty mood like champs and looking after me and i love them for it but like. i’m just. not doing well. i’m trying but it’s not working yet.

anyway i have orientation tomorrow afternoon at maccas. gonna try and make an appointment with the psych on thursday to get my fucking meds sorted. and make sure they know that the ACC therapy didn’t work out and i. desperately need therapy. i’m waiting to plateau into apathy but i’m just angry and miserable and it’s like. detrimental for everyone. i’m done with it. i want a refund.

anyway gnight

#.rtf #negative .

#negative .

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