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Chapter 15 - Resolution, Part 1

Eventually, you'd realize that healing had already come to you, in the form of a heavily armored man who you'd grown to trust without reservation, long before you married him or even knew his face. His devotion and respect were all you had ever needed.

But that realization would come another day.

Summary: Din and Cyar'ika explore the intimate possibilities.

Note: This chapter will be posted in two parts.

Heed warnings! This is the closest we're going to get in this story to any sort of truly sexual interaction. These two have shifted boundaries throughout their relationship as they become more comfortable with each other, but now they're going to hit the hard line where they realize they don't want or need anything more and finally settle into a status quo regarding their intimate life.

I'm looking at this as sort of a conclusion to the story. Part of the reason I wrote it was to explore the ways asexual people can engage in physical intimacy that are not blatantly sexual. We've seen that more sensual intimacy advance by leaps and bounds throughout their marriage, far beyond what you might expect in a story about two asexual people. But I knew that exploration had to end somewhere, and I think what I've done in this final chapter does that while staying true to their asexual identities.

As a reminder, it's been well-established in this story that Din is pretty indifferent about sex, very willing to try something if she would like but totally content with their sexless relationship. On the other hand, Cyar'ika, though very open to extremely intimate sensual activities, is averse to those that involve sexual stimulation. Her asexuality is also informed by a past abusive relationship.

Warnings: Profanity, sexual interactions (no intercourse or oral/manual stimulation of any kind occurs), explicit sexual language, description of male and female arousal, nudity, cyar'ika discovers a funny little kink. Mature content between the ********** dividers in case anyone prefers to skip over, though it is kind of necessary to the plot.

Read on AO3

—-------------------------------------

Retirement from bounty hunting and Nite Owl missions was certainly different, but in truth, it was going better than either you or Din had expected.

Gone were the pains of wrestling unwieldy marks or sitting for hours on end in uncomfortable spaces, and your aging bodies were thanking you for it.

Now your days were spent strolling Nevarro, enforcing on Karga's behalf and occasionally wrangling unruly visitors, most of whom had simply overindulged in the town's new and improved cantina. A night in jail and a lecture from a fully armored Mandalorian generally did the trick, no excessive show of force needed.

You and Din worked together by daylight and went home together by night, just like you'd been doing for years. Except now, you could relax at the end of the day - no bounties waiting.

And that true relaxation… there was nothing else like it. It had been years since either of you had been able to truly let your guard down, mentally or physically.

You were taking full advantage of the newfound freedom that had afforded you.

Din had taken to removing the heavy armor more often, nearly always when you were home and off the clock.

And he'd been letting a lot more go, too…

Stripping down to shower with you after a long day of work, sleeping in nothing but his boxer shorts on warmer nights, pressing his entire body against your often completely bare one - skin on skin nearly head to toe. These once rare and unfamiliar indulgences had become routine.

The intimacy between you continued to evolve, as well - remarkable, really, after all this time.

It seemed that each day Din was more and more comfortable touching you with few limits.

Of course, you touched him, too, but given how easily he was overwhelmed, you tended to rein yourself in.

It was never sexual, just as it never had been.

His touch was exploratory and reverent, simply enthralled with this ability to know you so completely. It was something he'd never thought could be allowed in the life of a Mandalorian.

Din was just as fascinated with the curve of your shoulder or the bend in your knee as he was with the softness of your breasts or the smooth countour of your buttocks.

Very rarely, eyes would wander briefly toward your most intimate spaces, but they never lingered there long, and his hands always stayed safely in other places. This exploration was purely a sensual one.

That wasn't to say it was never stimulating, though.

Despite innocent intentions, his loving touch on your bare skin sometimes triggered a natural physical reaction.

You often found that feeling of subtle, indirect arousal enjoyable, but it was never paired with any desire to do more, certainly not in any sort of sexual manner, and you mostly ignored it unless it became too intense to do so.

It was a generally unspoken thing, but Din understood when you suddenly stilled his hand that he'd inadvertently overwhelmed you with sensation. No big deal and no awkwardness - just a natural stopping point.

The whole experience - and in particular how completely comfortable you were with it - did make you wonder at times if sexual intimacy could be possible.

This had been a recurring question throughout the decade of your marriage. Though it was off the table as a mutual agreement, there had always been a lingering idea in the back of your minds that sex might be a possibility in the future. And so you'd never put a nail in that proverbial coffin, recognizing that intimacy was such a fluid thing in your relationship.

Anything was possible.

Or was it?

Maybe it was time to find out and put this questioning to rest.

—-------------------------------------

It was harder than you had expected to broach the topic. You hadn't discussed this issue explicitly since the early days of your marriage, and there wasn't really a natural opening in daily conversation.

The blunt route would have to suffice.

"Hey, Din?"

He was currently focused on cleaning his blaster at the table next to you, responding only with a slightly distracted "hmmm…".

Welp, now or never…

"So… " you started casually, as if this was a perfectly normal and common thing to ask him. "Do you ever think about what it would be like if we… had sex?"

His hands stilled at your words, and there was a pregnant pause before he finally looked up and turned his head toward you.

"No…?" he responded quizzically, eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. "Do you…?"

You looked down in mild humiliation before admitting with a shrug, "Sometimes…"

"Hey," he addressed you softly, swiveling in his seat and reaching a hand out to drag your chair toward him, putting you face-to-face. That was a loaded question you'd just asked, and a proper conversation was in order.

Your hands immediately went to cover your flushed face.

"I thought… Gods, I'm so embarrassed…"

"Don't be," he appeased, pulling your hands away from your face and holding them for a moment in your lap. "Talk to me, Cyar'ika. What's brought this on?"

You took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, willing away the anxiety. Din would never judge you.

"Okay," you acquiesced. "It's just… we've been very intimate lately, and I've found that it's sort of… arousing at times… and I'm a lot more comfortable with that fact than I might have expected…"

"And that's making you question if it could go further?"

You nodded.

"Basically."

Din was pensive. You could see in his expression that a lot of conflicting thoughts were running through his mind at your unexpected admission. At least none of those expressions were of total disgust.

When he finally spoke, he chose his words carefully.

"What do you think it would be like? Obviously, you've thought about it."

Your face was heating up again. Kriff, he'd really turned that one around on you, hadn't he?

"I think it would be… nice."

He let out a small laugh at your blunt statement.

"That's… vague…"

"Fine," you scoffed lightly. "It would be comfortable. I trust you… and I already know that I can communicate with you freely about these things…"

He paused, taking that in before responding.

"Nice and comfortable don't really sound worth risking your mental health, riduur."

He didn't quite understand, clearly, and that was alright. Din had a very different experience of sex in his young adult years than you did. But you could appreciate that he prioritized your welfare and took your past traumas seriously.

"Din," you replied, shaking your head. "Comfortable is all I've ever wished for in a sexual encounter."

Your statement hit the mark, and understanding dawned on his face.

For you, simple trust was an ideal - one you were frequently deprived of in a prior intimate relationship.

"But also…" you continued with a small grin. "I think it would feel nice, too … like all of the stuff we already do… plus orgasms…"

Din, unaffected throughout this awkward conversation up to this point, flushed deeply at that last statement. A mental image of such an encounter was beginning to form in his mind for the very first time in the history of this relationship.

Thinking about you (and himself) engaging in all that in such a real manner felt strange… though not in a bad way… He'd enjoyed everything he'd ever done with you - sex would likely be no different.

But that didn't necessarily mean it would be a good decision, either.

Din, for his part, had never cared much for sex. It was perfectly fine, he mused, even if typically mediocre, when opportunities arose in his younger days - nearly always a casual encounter initiated by someone else. But in between those opportunities, he honestly didn't even think about it.

And the same was true since your marriage - even when you were kissing or doing other intimate things together, sexual activities never even entered his mind.

Your current intimate life was so satisfying for him in a way sexual dalliances had never been, that there was really no draw to pushing it over that line…

Unless it was something you wanted.

He cleared his throat uncomfortably, trying to shake off those awkward thoughts.

"So are these just… passing thoughts?" he asked. "Or are you actually considering if we should do this?"

"Uhhh… somewhere in between?" you mused. "I've been thinking about it a lot recently, but there's definitely still a part of me that finds the idea terrifying."

"Okay," he replied, serious expression plastered on his face, taking your hands in his own. "Then it's not happening."

You felt as much frustration as reassurance at his words. You appreciated that he wanted to give you space to think about all this more carefully, but it felt a bit like a dismissal.

"Are you not open to considering it?"

"I'm open to it," he answered quickly, squeezing your hands. "But I have to know you're really sure that it's what you want. We've been perfectly happy without for a very long time…"

"Fair," you admitted, mollified. Truly, you weren't sure - this was a fantasy scenario at this point, and reality was a very different thing.

Din glanced over at the chronometer. It was almost time to leave for an assignment from Karga.

"We should talk more about this tonight," he said, squeezing your hands gently again. "Yeah?"

You nodded, untangling your hands and framing his face before kissing him once chastely.

"Okay. Let's go get suited up."

—-------------------------------------

The job went smoothly, simple security for a meeting of some potential, big-name allies in the New Republic. Sometimes you wondered if Karga gave you extra work simply to justify your salaries. As expected, quite literally nothing out of the ordinary occurred.

And when you both settled into bed that night, Din raised the subject again as promised.

"Our talk earlier," he began, pulling up the covers as he turned to face you. "I have questions…"

"Okay," you replied, wrapping your arm around his middle as you did during most of your late-night conversations. "But don't embarrass me too badly…"

He raised his eyebrows, expression apologetic. These questions were most certainly going to embarrass you - though he wished you wouldn't feel that way. Talking about these kinds of things was a necessary reality of your intimate relationship.

"What things have we been doing that are so arousing for you? I know you get overwhelmed sometimes, but I guess I didn't realize it was like that."

"Din," you questioned with an amused huff. "What in the galaxy did you think was happening?"

"Honestly?" he replied, a little confused. "I thought it was like… being ticklish or something…"

You couldn't help a giggle at your ever-literal husband. After all these years, you still forgot sometimes just how clearly you needed to spell things out for this man. Subtext was lost on him.

"Okay, I'm starting to see how I may have misinterpreted things…" he chuckled. "You always stop me when I'm touching your stomach, so I just assumed."

You laughed. Perhaps you could have been more direct about what was going on there. How was he supposed to know?

"Alright, let me explain," you started, still amused. "I do get a little aroused by your touch at times. And then the intrusive sexual thoughts sometimes start creeping in. That's when I stop you."

"Intrusive thoughts? Like what?"

"Like…" you winced, embarrassment coming back to the fore. "That I might like your hand on my stomach to continue downward…"

"Oh…"

It came out nearly a whisper as Din stared at you for a few beats before hesitantly speaking again.

"Sometimes I have the urge… to do exactly that."

Well, that was a revelation.

He spoke again before you could respond.

"Not really in a sexual way, though…" he clarified. "It's more of a curiosity."

His expression looked almost guilty, like he'd revealed some secret perversion. There was no need for that.

You snuggled up closer to let him know you weren't the least bit put off by his admission.

"Tell me more."

"Well," he began. "You told me once that you would give me a lesson in female anatomy… Maybe it was just a joke, but I think about that sometimes… because I don't understand how you work down there… and I wish I did…"

"Why?" you asked gently. "If not for sexual purposes?'

He shrugged.

"Because I like knowing you…"

You smiled fondly.

"I'll think about that - it could be sort of fun."

"Okay…" he answered, a little dumbfounded at the trajectory this conversation was taking. "Uhhh… any other intrusive thoughts you're willing to share?"

You bit your bottom lip, trying to swallow the flush of embarrassment that was rising once again.

"I'll tell you mine," he interrupted. "If you tell me yours."

Oh, okay. This was becoming a rather titillating little chat, wasn't it?

"There is one more," you admitted. "But it's what I get the urge to do to you."

He cleared his throat nervously, not expecting that at all.

"Go on…"

"That trail of hair on your abdomen," you started shyly. "I get the urge to follow it…"

If you were anyone else, Din would naturally assume you were talking about following the trail to his manly parts. But he knew you better than that.

You had minimal to no interest in those.

His chest rumbled with laughter as he made the realization. Memories of you playing with his beard or the curls on his head, the smattering of hair on his chest and belly, and even that in his armpits. It all made sense now.

"You have a thing, Cyar'ika," he laughed. "You like hair. You want to follow the hair… to more hair…"

You looked horrified for a brief moment, considering that accusation. It would have been less strange if it was the manly parts you were after.

"Oh, Gods," you exclaimed. "I do, don't I?" You hadn't thought yourself capable of kinks, if that's what this was.

"Seems like it…" he replied goodnaturedly. "It's a little weird, but it's harmless… so have at it when the mood strikes, I guess."

"Really?"

"Yeah," he shrugged. "I trust you. Sounds kind of relaxing. Not really much different from the hair on my head."

Look at you both uncovering weird new sensual activities.

Seriously, these were the kinds of honest, back-and-forth conversations you could never have had with prior partners - about sexual things or otherwise.

For your ex, it was penetrative sex - or nothing. And 'nothing' wasn't really an option, either. Discussion? Impossible.

But you and Din could talk freely about all of the possibilities - no fear, no judgment, no coercion. Just honesty.

"You still want to tell me yours?" you asked him. "It's ok if you don't."

"A deal is a deal," he replied resolutely, steadying himself with a deep breath.

You looked at him expectantly. He seemed to be having trouble getting this out.

"I have…" he started with some hesitation. "A bit of an oral fixation…"

That was no surprise to you. It made a lot of sense, really, given how long Din had covered his face. Kissing had been a huge revelation to him, and he seemed to enjoy it even more than you did. And recently, he'd been braver with it, allowing his mouth to roam over your skin - always chaste in the sense that he entirely avoided your most sensitive parts.

You leaned forward to kiss him, running your thumb over his lips for a moment.

"There's something you've been itching to do with your mouth, huh?" you asked. "Tell me."

A small part of you was fearful of the answer, though you tried not to show it in your expression. Everything below the waist was still very much emotionally fraught for you. But knowing Din, you doubted he meant that.

"Your… breasts…" he said sheepishly.

Honestly, you were totally on board with that idea.

"Actually…" you grinned, setting his mind at ease. "I think I would enjoy that quite a lot."

Quite frankly, it would feel amazing, you were sure. And though it would certainly be arousing in a sexual-ish way, it would not feel threatening as such. There would be no danger of Din pushing it further or expecting anything more out of it - something you couldn't have said of past partners.

"Really? Are you sure?"

"Completely sure, Din," you reassured him. "In fact, I believe I've encouraged you to spend more time in that area…"

He chuckled. You had, now that he thought about it, brought this up a few years ago - though at the time he was still getting used to interacting with so much bare skin. It was overwhelming then, but now with enhanced comfort came new desires.

"I forgot about that," he smiled. "You've always been way ahead of me."

"Well, after twenty years of self-imposed touch starvation," you joked. "I have become a woman who is very aware of her inclinations."

"Self-awareness is one of your strengths," he replied amusedly, expression suddenly turning more serious. "I'm glad we can talk about these things…"

"Me, too…"

He stared at you for several beats, a mild concern clouding his features.

"You know that even though we discussed a lot of intimate things just now, I have no expectations for any of it." His hand ran soothingly over your shoulder as he added, "My only expectation is that you'll be honest with me…"

You cupped his face, looking into his eyes to convey your seriousness.

"I know… and same…"

How interesting that this conversation about your newfound interest in sex never did get around to sex at all - focused on sensual activities as usual.

That probably should have been an indication to you of the right choice - but perhaps your self-awareness only went so far…

—-------------------------------------

Very little changed in your intimate life after this chat - neither of you was discontent with the status quo, even if you could acknowledge that more was possible.

You did, though, spend a lot of time in further discussion about the sex issue.

Din questioned you frequently, trying to understand what you were imagining sex would look like and attempting to gauge your true desire to engage in it in real life.

Questions ranged from serious to practical to silly.

Did you imagine this happening through penetration? Or manual stimulation? Or both? How would you actually feel about having his eyes and hands down there for that purpose?

Were you comfortable with the idea of climaxing in his presence? And what about him climaxing - not just in your presence, but potentially inside of you?

Did you really feel favorable to the idea of interacting with his erection? How about ejaculation?

While it was very strange to hear such graphic words come out of his mouth, you understood what Din was doing.

And honestly, it was working.

Laying it all out more realistically than the fantastical sex of your imagination made the idea feel a hell of a lot different.

Uncomfortable.

Foreign, almost.

It had been so long that you'd nearly forgotten the realities of sexual activity. Your brain liked to skip over those.

But there was still that curious, yearning part of you that struggled to let the idea go. Even if it was misguided, you often felt that just one good and comfortable sexual experience could erase all of the bad ones.

Eventually, you'd realize that healing had already come to you, in the form of a heavily armored man who you'd grown to trust without reservation, long before you married him or even knew his face. His devotion and respect were all you had ever needed.

But that realization would come another day.

It wasn't all discomfort and negativity, anyway.

You had a lot of fun showing Din clips on your datapad of your favorite sex scenes, the ones you often emulated in your mind, and choice excerpts from your romance novels.

Din's mechanical realism about this whole sex thing was much appreciated, keeping your desires grounded in reality, but he grew to appreciate your more emotional experience of sex through this exercise.

Honestly, he'd never had an encounter like those in your books and holovids, and he was starting to understand better why you yearned for it.

Still, he got that same emotional satisfaction right here cuddling with you on the couch, your head resting on his shoulder, while you watched (essentially) pornography together.

For years, he'd gotten that same satisfaction just sitting next to you in the copilot seat, chatting and strategizing as you flew off to your next job.

He got it from sleeping next to you, kissing you, sharing a home…

He didn't need sex for that.

But he also didn't want to dismiss your feelings or desires around this. That felt rather paternalistic. You were an adult woman who could make her own decisions about her intimate life. And truly, his indifference allowed for either choice. He would happily do this for you if you were sure it was what you wanted.

But you definitely didn't seem 'sure' as of yet, often pulling back on these intimate discussions.

Simultaneously 'wanting' and 'not wanting' - that's how you'd explained it to him. Always yearning… yet ever wary. A side effect of trauma, he imagined.

If only there was a way to explore this without risking your mental welfare.

—-------------------------------------

For more than a decade, you'd hidden your erotica habit from Din - probably due to the residual shame of your religious upbringing. He knew, of course, but you both pretended he didn't.

How funny that you now read it together many evenings.

Din loved it - laughing with you at the over-the-top romantic dialogue and fascinated by the wide diversity of sexual practices.

It was in some ways an educational experience for him. He'd often stop you mid-paragraph to ask, "Wait, is that a real thing?" Or "People really do that?".

And it was a surprisingly satisfying way to placate those bothersome sexual feelings that had been plaguing you of late. Something new to put that energy into without any danger of crossing your own boundaries, and even better - something you could do together.

Like pretending.

Detached.

It was that disconnected nature of this activity that gave Din an idea about how you could bridge the gap between fantasy and reality - maybe figure out once and for all if your imagination would actually translate to real life enjoyment.

"Role play?" you asked, tone skeptical. "Like pretending we're other people?"

"No, that's not what I meant," Din replied. Clearly, he wasn't explaining this right. "We'd still be us…"

"So, like… talking through a sexual encounter… as ourselves…"

"Exactly," he responded. "We could talk through every step."

"But not actually doing it?"

"Right, just what we would do…"

"Okay. It's a good idea," you agreed. "But we need ground rules, I think. Fully clothed? And not in bed?"

Din nodded. It made sense to keep this activity as detached as possible. You were way too comfortable with each other in that intimate setting - it would be far too easy to get carried away and do something you might later regret.

"Deal."

****************************************

Din insisted you take a few days to decide what particular scenario you wanted to talk through and ensure you were mentally and emotionally ready to do so. The last thing he would ever want is to cause you any further trauma, and he was fully prepared to forget the whole thing if you changed your mind.

You imagined that you would be doing most of the talking - it was your scenario, after all.

And that fact made you very nervous. You trusted Din not to embarrass you, but still, your secret fantasies were about to be laid out in excruciating detail.

But if you couldn't tell him those… then what you were thinking considering an actual sexual encounter?

Honestly, Din was a bit of a genius here. This was a perfect test of your true feelings on the matter. And it would be informative for both of you.

When the time finally came, though, it was painfully awkward - at least, at first.

The focus on 'detachment' wasn't doing you any favors on that front, even if it was necessary.

"Din, this is still an intimate thing," you implored him from the other side of the couch. "It feels too weird to be this far apart while we do this. It's not normal for us."

He knew you were right. There was no reason you couldn't be physically touching - that had pretty much become your baseline state these last few years.

You grinned as he held hand out to you, taking it and letting him pull you into his lap, your hips straddling his legs.

"Much better," you whispered into his neck as you wrapped your arms around him, settling into a comfortable and familiar embrace.

He smiled and pulled back to look at you. Here went nothing.

"So… tell me how this would happen, riduur."

You took a deep breath and told him exactly what you envisioned - that after all of this discussion, you would come to the decision to give it a try. You would pick a day, talk ahead of time about what you wanted to do, and then on the chosen evening - you'd go for it.

It would start like your typical bedtime ritual with kissing, but from there, it would diverge from routine.

Hands would slip under clothing - not that this was entirely unusual - but the path they would follow certainly was.

Din's hands would gravitate toward your breasts while yours would lift his shirt up and over his head.

"How would I touch your breasts?" he prompted you to specify.

"Uhhh…." you paused, trying to picture it all in your mind. "Let's say I'm not wearing a chest band. You would… squeeze? And run your fingers over my nipples."

The first signs of Din being affected by this became apparent at this point, as he took a sharp intake of breath.

He had told you once that 'context' was really the only trigger for sexual desire in his world - not people or their parts. And that context was typically non-existent in your marriage - until right now.

"And how…" he cleared his throat, trying to regain composure. "How would you react to that?"

"It would be arousing…" you replied in a hushed tone. "And my nipples would harden under your touch…"

In reality, this was what was happening to you right now, just talking about it. But you were very accustomed to ignoring that feeling.

Din, on the other hand, was already struggling. He never thought about you this way, and doing so was throwing him for more of a loop than he had expected. 'Context' was sort of a bitch, wasn't it?

The subtle groan that left his throat, a sound you had never heard from this man before, told you everything you needed to know.

"This is turning you on," you stated casually, as if your knowledge of that fact wasn't mortifying. But you quickly assuaged his panic, reassuring him in your usual gentle way. "It's ok, Din - we expected that. Just breathe."

He nodded, taking a deep, steadying breath. He wasn't a teenager anymore - he could handle this, even if it was a little disorienting.

"Then what?"

You went on to describe your own top coming off and Din's mouth on your breasts… in vivid detail…

Your breasts and peaked nipples brushing against his bare chest as you kissed him.

Your fingers traversing his torso and abdomen - approaching but not yet broaching the waist of his pants.

Din couldn't help but think that your imagination was a very intriguing place. He could picture it all as if it was really happening - and it was… nice… just like you said.

'Mechanics' could never be just 'mechanics' when it involved you. Anything you did together carried a familiar comfort and emotional weight.

He was gaining a whole new appreciation for the kind of sex that happened in committed relationships. It was not the same as the casual, one-night things he'd had with practical strangers in his younger days.

He'd have to stop rolling his eyes at those romantic holovids you were always watching.

Now you were describing how he would lay you down on the mattress, remove your leggings and underthings, and approach your most private regions for the first time.

You broke the spell for a moment to whisper conspiratorially in his ear.

"This is your first lesson on female anatomy and pleasure. Take mental notes."

He huffed out a shaky laugh. You had promised to teach him, hadn't you?

His lack of knowledge in this area was a source of some embarrassment in his adult life. The women who would proposition him only just wanted to be fucked by a Mandalorian and nothing more, and so he'd never had an opportunity to learn how female pleasure worked in any detail.

You never ceased to surprise him with these odd little kindnesses of yours.

He'd probably never have reason to use this information, but he would like to know that he could if you ever asked.

He was riveted as you explained everything he would do - where he'd touch and how, when he might use a digit or two to penetrate you and what he would do there, how he'd know you were close, and finally, what he'd feel when you orgasmed.

"I would need a minute to recover, get my heart rate back down…"

"Yeah, me, too," he deadpanned.

"We're not done yet, Din," you replied, sly twinkle in your eye. "It's your turn…"

"Kriff, I forgot about the actual sex thing. You've already practically killed me, and I've still got my imaginary pants on."

You giggled at that. Din was certainly in character.

You kissed him once, just chastely, and pressed your forehead to his.

"Ready?"

"Not really," he responded, a slight tremble to his words, evidence of persistent arousal (not that it hadn't been rather obvious somewhere else, but you were very intentionally ignoring that). "But I'd like to keep going, anyway."

"You tell me, then," you started, still engaged in a gentle keldabe to keep you both grounded. "Would you take off your own imaginary pants? Or would I do it for you?"

Wow, you were amazing. You'd anticipated exactly where he'd need some autonomy, even in this fantasy situation.

"I would do it myself, I think."

"Okay, then," you began again. "You would take off your pants… and your boxers…"

"And then," he cut in suddenly. "You would lay eyes on my naked erection…"

He sounded very unsure, and you imagined it came back to his discomfort with being 'on display', so to speak, after so long being covered head to toe.

"Yes, I would," you agreed, laying a comforting hand on the back of his neck. "I won't lie - the idea is a bit disconcerting to me, too."

That actually made him feel better - he wasn't alone in this weird, self-conscious feeling.

"I'd get over it quickly, though," you continued, glancing down at his tented crotch area. "It's just a part of you I already know - in a different physiologic state…"

That easy… Din wasn't so sure, but in the name of pretend, he would go with it.

"Alright, I guess I can handle that."

"Would you want me to touch?"

"Would you want to touch?" he countered.

He was putting you back in charge of the narrative, and that was okay. It was your fantasy, anyway.

"Maybe. I'm not sure," you answered honestly. "But we can skip ahead if you want."

He nodded against you - he didn't enjoy so much the focus on himself.

Onward, then.

You pressed your forehead to his again and closed your eyes, picturing what happened next in your mind.

He would hover over you and perhaps kiss you before reaching down to guide himself gently into you.

Leaving out no detail, you even explained that you would need to take care to relax yourself in that moment - you'd likely be a bit rigid anticipating the intrusion after so many years of abstinence.

In the real world, Din placed a comforting hand on your back - he could sense your very present tension as you described that fear of pain and discomfort.

"How would that feel to you?" he asked, more out of curiosity than anything.

There was brief pause while you imagined the physical sensation.

"Full."

"Is that a good thing?"

"Yeah," you answered softly. "That's the feeling I miss. My own hands can't replicate it. How does it feel to you?"

"Warm," he responded quickly. "Honestly, that's the only feeling I miss."

It occurred to you in that moment that there were toys that could fulfill both of your needs - intercourse with another person not needed. You'd never seriously considered it before, feeling that you'd want to hide such an item from Din. But if you were both willing to be open about this, there was really no obstacle. Something to think about for later - it might even be fun to go to a shop together.

Weird that at the peak of this fantasy, you were so easily distracted by other thoughts.

Back to it, then.

You described movement - slow and gentle at first, and probably picking up speed as pleasure built - and the way you would kiss between thrusts. You even referenced one of the clips you'd shared with him to help him imagine what you were picturing this would look like.

Din's breath rate picked up as you explained what your pleasure would feel like, how you'd need to touch yourself for a moment to bring yourself over the edge, and how, once recovered, you would whisper gentle encouragement in his ear.

He visibly trembled as you went on to describe how you would feel his increasing rigidity inside of you and anticipate the warmth of his release.

Din was barely containing himself. This was the most arousing and erotic experience of his entire life, and he was impossibly hard right now. He was grateful when you finally concluded the fantasy because he was worried that he might seriously embarrass himself if it went on much longer - not that it wasn't already humiliating enough to be this turned on with you sitting right there.

"You'd probably go slack against me when you were done, and I'd run my hand through your curls until you were recovered," you whispered, smiling against his cheek and bringing your fingers to run through his hair. "Maybe we'd kiss a little more… And then we'd go to the fresher to clean up… and then we'd sleep very, very well…"

Din took a deep breath as you pulled back and let it out slowly through pursed lips, willing his heart to slow down and his arousal to abate enough to think clearly.

"Shit, Cyar'ika…" He shook his head in disbelief before adding, "That was just… I need a minute…"

"I'll tell you what…" you chuckled, seemingly unaffected. "I'm going to take a little walk, so you'll have about twenty minutes of privacy."

Gods, you were certainly the most amazing woman in the galaxy - giving him the space he needed to take care of himself without a hint of shame or teasing.

"Thank you."

The sincere relief and gratitude in his face nearly made you laugh, but it also spurred you into action, pecking his lips once quickly before hopping off his lap and heading for the front door.

****************************************

The walk served a dual purpose, giving you a few moments alone with your thoughts before an inevitable discussion about how the exercise had gone for you both.

Your arousal had nearly disappeared by the time you reached the end of the scenario, and you were honestly just fine. It surprised you a little bit because you'd expected to be in the same boat as Din.

Did that mean something?

You had greatly enjoyed the experience overall, but you could admit that while the sensual parts at the beginning felt realistic and familiar, the sexual aspects felt just as 'pretend' or 'fake' as they were, even if they were nice to imagine in a fantastical way with your most trusted person.

Really, once genitals (and especially the male variety) had come into the equation, it started to feel almost innately 'wrong'.

Was it 'wrong' simply because it was something you'd never done together?

Or was it truly just wrong?

Wrong for you.

Wrong for your marriage.

And how could you tell Din as much when he clearly enjoyed it?

Maybe broaching this issue at all had been a mistake.

Or maybe you were just discombobulated by the newness of it all?

Dank farrik.

Why was it so hard to understand yourself?

—-------------------------------------

To be continued…

In part 2 of this finale, a real world sexual interaction will finally lead Cyar'ika to the right choice. (Again, no sex will happen, but it might come pretty close.)

Next (and final) chapter

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