Since it's pride month, I wanted to talk a little bit about one of my more "controversial" labels and why I chose it (controversial is in quotations because irl most people dont really care, but some people online get pretty worked up over it so yk), which is the "mspec lesbian" label!
For some background, I realized I wasnt straight when I was about 13, and I started calling myself a lesbian soon after. I stuck with that label for a few years, but then dropped it for a couple years in mid high school after getting into a relationship with a transmasc person. During that time, I just went by queer/unlabeled. After we broke up, I went through a small sexuality crisis. I liked the "queer" label, but unlabeled wasn't quite right, because my brain kept telling me that "lesbian" was the right label, no matter how much I fought it. Eventually I stopped fighting it and settled on lesbian/dyke/queer/mspec lesbian.
So why do I feel it's the right label for me? Im attracted to pretty much all types of genders and gender expressions, im not picky, except for cisgender men or people who present within a masculine binary. Deep, masc voices and facial hair are my two biggest turn offs. The idea of being with a cis man in any way is literally repulsive to me, I don't even want to be associated with the idea of it. If I really wanted to, I could call myself bisexual, since I am attracted to some kinds of men (transmen/transmascs/multigenders). But for me, labels are meant to be practical tools for easily communicating with people in as few words as possible, and finding people with similar experiences. Regardless of whatever the "technical" definition is, the reality is that if you go out into the world and tell people you're bisexual, 9/10 times they're going to take that to mean you're interested in both cis women and cis men. That's not the case for me. Im only interested in dykes and transgenders and I want people to know that right out the gate. Technically, "lesbian" doesn't quite cover all of that either, since most people do define it as wlw or nmlnm, but it gets me closer to what I want people to know about me than bisexual does. If I had it my way actually I would probably just use dyke as a full time label, but Im pretty sure doing that would draw more negative attention to me than Id like. And Im sure there is some microlabel out there that would get me even closer, but again, if Im going to use labels at all they need to be practical and microlabels almost never accomplish that irl. I also find I resonate more with lesbian history, culture, and individual experiences than any other label Ive explored so far.
So no, me calling myself a lesbian while also being attracted to trans dudes is not a sign I secretly see them as girls. Im transmasculine myself, I get it. And if I were to ever pursue a transmasc person again I would be upfront about my identity and why I call myself what I do from the beginning, and if they were like "Im still not really comfortable with that" then I would stop immediately. I do not fw lesbians who get into relationships with trans guys just to feminize them and treat them like their "masc girlfriends" or whatever. If a transmasculine person doesn't want to be with a lesbian because it doesn't feel right for them, then I 1000% support that!
I hope that sorta makes sense lmao. Happy pride month to all my weirdo queers out there, yall keep shit interesting around here and ily for that <3
