👀 + Do you love someone? Do you miss someone?
The silence that falls is almost suffocating. He feels his metaphorical hackles raise, and even the burn of smoke from his cigarette can't chase away the frustration, the regret, the guilt, the self-loathing. All these things piling up, and up, so much so that it doesn't matter if he loves someone. Because he doesn't deserve to love someone or be loved in return.
But he does love someone.
It makes him feel equal parts comfort and dread. It's something he thinks he's going to take with him to the grave and beyond, because he doesn't know how to say those words, doesn't know the right way, doesn't know if it's worth it. It's the last little gap between them. A man who makes him want to be better. A man who wholeheartedly believes he can be better.
Even though they butt heads like stubborn old goats all the time.
He can't bring himself to take the first step to bridge that gap.
There are so many memories of falling asleep together in cramped motel rooms when money was short; of drunken nights, those big blue cow eyes half-lidded and drowsy, gangly arms looped around Wolfwood's shoulders to try to pull him into one last clumsy do-si-do in the middle of the saloon like he doesn't look ready to fall asleep on his feet at any moment. That stupid blonde-haired bastard always rushing to someone's aid, even if he's chased away by blazing guns moments later. And Wolfwood always goes with him. Wherever the man goes, Wolfwood follows. Not even because it's something he was tasked with at this point. It's because he wants to.
Wolfwood thinks, for the first time, maybe he's capable of changing.
"If I did love someone, it don't matter. I got shit to do."
Dodging the question. That's already enough of an admission.
So many different soft, young faces, all looking at him with wide, adoring eyes. Little voices calling him big brother and small hands grabbing his own. They wouldn't recognize him if they saw him now. It's for the best they don't see what he's become, that they never have to see the blood on his hands.
If they knew, would he have ever been allowed to leave in the first place?
"I miss home," he manages to admit, and doesn't elaborate further.