Hot take: Mumen Rider deserves better than that jerk
(In response to this post)
Thank you for your message, Anon-san.
I used to think that too, particularly when I first learnt of their relationship. I thought Garou was a heartless jerk, a self-centred asshole, an uncultured swine who couldn’t possibly appreciate things like love and friendship, let alone respect. I still thought that until this morning.
I was wrong.
Garou is–Well, he’s still kind of an ass, and his hijacking of this blog still irritates me, but he isn’t bad. He’s just… my Saitama says Garou “isn’t used to this stuff”, so I suppose that makes him…inexperienced in being a good person.
But he’s with Mumen Rider, one of the best people to learn from. Garou may be a jerk, but he’s not a vindictive asshole. He…has made amends today.
When he showed up at the apartment, I was ready to kick his ass all the way across City Z.
But after last time, my Saitama had told me, “No fighting in the apartment. Or outside of it,” so I had to suppress the impulse. I could always catch Garou later, away from the apartment, if he really pissed me off.
My proximity sensors had alerted me to his arrival, so I went to see him off before he could goad me into another fight.
“What do you want?” I demanded as he approached the door.
He hunched his shoulders, nose wrinkling. “That a way to treat your favourite guest?”
“You’re not welcome here,” I told him.
“Hey, ‘s that Garou?” My Saitama called out from inside the apartment.
“It’s nothing to worry about, Saitama,” I called back.
Garou took a step towards the door, and I blocked him, squaring my shoulders and preparing to grab him if he tried to push past.
“Hey Saitama!” Garou yelled.
I really wanted to blast him.
Saitama popped up behind me, his hands coming to rest at my waist. “C’mon Genos,” he said. “Let the guy in. Mumen said he’d be ‘round.”
“You knew he was coming?!”
“Yeah?” He gently tugged me backwards. “You two’ve got stuff to talk about.”
“I’m not talking to him.” I glared as Garou stepped inside, willing him to fall on his ass as he took off his shoes.
“Well you’re gonna.” My Saitama took my hand, his fingers briefly brushing over where my ring used to be. “‘s gonna be okay, you’ve just gotta not fight.”
“But why?”
I knew I was being whiny. I just didn’t care. I didn’t want to talk to someone who didn’t respect my boundaries or feelings.
“‘cos Mumen fucking said so,” Garou muttered. He pushed past, strutting into the main room as if he owned the place. “An’ I do shit that Mumen asks me, even if I don’t wanna.”
“That’s stupid,” I told him.
“What like you don’t do fucking everything Saitama asks?”
“My Saitama never asks me to do stupid things. Except talk to you,” I glared. “I don’t think I’ll do that.”
“Yeah you will.” My Saitama kissed my cheek. “I’m gonna go grab some snacks from the grocery store, you two are gonna talk, an’ if there’s any fighting when I get back I…” His features sharpened, his expression serious. “I’m not sleeping with you.”
I balked at that. My Saitama had never threatened to kick me out of bed (not that we sleep in a bed, but that’s beside the point).
“…okay,” I agreed quietly. “But if he says anything rude or unkind, I reserve the right to make him leave.”
Saitama let out a sigh. “Just don’t fight. That goes for you too, Garou. Be nice, guys.”
With that, he slipped on his crocs and wandered out of the apartment, closing the door behind himself.
I rounded on Garou, fists clenched. “Whatever you want to say, hurry up and say it.”
Standing there with his hands on his hips, Garou arched a brow. “Listen trashcan, ‘m here ‘cos Mumen said I’ve gotta come talk n’ stuff.”
“So say it, and piss off. I’ve got more important things to do than waste my time on you.”
“More important things like searchin’ for yer precious engagement ring?”
I engaged battle mode without even thinking about it, my core whirring angrily as the charge fed to my blasters.
“Don’t you dare bring that up,” I snapped.
“But I gotta, ‘cos–”
“Get. Out.”
“Fuck’s sake you’re such a drama queen.” Rolling his eyes, he shoved a hand into his pocket and withdrew something. “Gimme your hand,” he said.
I eyed him, filled with distrust. Garou had ripped off my arm before. I wasn’t going to give him the opportunity again. “Get out,” I repeated.
“Nah, you really want this.” He held out his closed fist.
“Don’t make me repeat myself. I want you gone.”
He heaved a sigh, shoulders slumping. “You big fucking trashcan. Just fucking look, will ya?”
His mouth twitched as he slowly opened his fist, and I was waiting for the cruel joke, the sneer, the teasing laughter.
But it didn’t come. He unfurled his long fingers, and there in his palm was my ring.
He’d found it. He’d found my ring.
I stared at it, weapons systems powering down as the shock and surprise overcame me.
I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t believe it was there, let alone that it was Garou who had brought it back to me.
“Where– How…?”
“Found it. Down a drain. Cleaned it off ‘cos it was mucky.”
I dragged my attention from the ring to his face. If he’d had time to clean it off, how long had he had it for?! Had I been searching for it all this time, only for him to have been keeping it–not doubt to wind me up?!
“When did you find it?!” I demanded.
His mouth twitched again, and stretched into a satisfied smile.“This mornin’. Mumen said you’d given up but I figured I’d give the place one last once over.”
“And it was down a drain.”
“Yeah. Knew you wouldn’t’ve thought to look.”
I wanted to argue about that, but the truth was I hadn’t thought to check drains. The only drains had been for water, and I’d assumed anything that fell down there would be long gone, washed away by the system.
I’d been so stupid.
“And that is really my ring?”
“Yes, ‘s really your ring, will you take it already?”
Hesitant, I held out my hand, still waiting for the joke.
He dropped it into my palm, and I sensed its weight, and saw the little scratch from where my Saitama once caught it with his thumbnail.
“It’s mine…”
“Well yeah, wouldn’t bring ya some random ring would I?”
I closed my fingers around it, holding it tightly in my palm. My vision blurred, and I realised with horror that I was crying.
In front of Garou.
“Aw geez, don’t go gettin’ all soft,” Garou folded his arms, half-turning away.
Blinking back tears, I slid it onto my finger. It likely needed better cleaning than whatever Garou had done, but I would attend to it later. I needed my ring back on my finger, needed to see it there, feel it there, know it was real.
“Thank you, I mumbled, twisting it around in place like my Saitama always does.
He shrugged, suddenly nonchalant. “‘s just a ring. Mumen said I’d hafta bring it ‘cos I’d found it, so that’s all.”
“But you looked for it. Thank you.”
“Damn right I looked, me n’ Mumen’ve been looking for–Well, yeah. Whatever,” he shrugged again. “Got sick ‘f that mopey face ‘f yours. ‘s more fun when you’re not like that.”
“Thank you,” I drew myself up to full height, trying to regain my composure as I looked at him. “It’s extremely precious to me. I thought I’d lost it for good.”
“But you haven’t, ‘cos I’m a real freakin’ awesome guy?” he grinned.
“You’re a jerkface,” I replied, with a tiny grin of my own. Regaining my engagement ring was a real weight off my shoulders. I felt less like I had betrayed my Saitama’s love by losing it.
“Hey, I’m the jerkface, cheers very much!”
“Jerkface.”
“The Jerkface,” he corrected with a smirk.
“The jerkiest jerkface that ever did jerk.”
“That’ll do, trashcan.” Garou uncrossed his arms, then crossed them again. “Oi, listen. ‘m sorry ‘bout the whole blog thing. Mumen’s been really on my ass about it. Was just a dumb prank, y’know? Didn’t think it’d bother you so much.”
I was not going to let myself cry in front of him a second time today.
“You mean you’re actually apologising?”
“Yeah.”
“Will you write a proper apology post?”
“D’ya trust me to do it properly?”
“No.”
“Nah then. You can tell ‘em I’m sorry yourself.”
“Okay…” I glanced at him, at last noticing his awkwardness. “…I’m sorry for beating you around the head with my detached arm.”
He snorted. “Heh, admit it, you’d do it again.”
“Yes, because you are the jerkface.”
“Yes I am!”
Grinning, he reached out and messed up my hair. I dodged away, swatting at him, and he leapt aside, laughing.
“Oi, didn’t your fiance say no fighting?”
“We’re not fighting.”
“Cool, good,” Garou grinned again. “Now we’re buds again, I gotta go.”
“You don’t have to go,” I said, suddenly reluctant for him to leave. He was loud-mouthed and brash, but also sort of entertaining.
He shook his head. “Yeah I do.” His grin softened into a smile, and his voice took on gentler, excited tone. “Got a date with my best guy Mumen!”
I rolled my eyes at him. “And you tell me not to go soft.”
“How’s goin’ on a date with my future husband goin’ soft?”
“You’re talking like he’s the only person in the universe.”
“Heh, you got a problem with that.”
“No. I know exactly how you feel.” I grinned at him. “Just saying that if I’m soft, you’re definitely soft.”
He snorted, making his way to the door. “Yeah, fuck you, trashcan,” he said cheerfully.
“Fuck you too, jerkface,” I replied, toying with my ring. “And thank you.”
He shrugged. “Yeah sure. Wellp, see ya round.”
With that, he left, and I retraced my steps back into the apartment. I don’t know how long I sat there looking at my ring before my Saitama returned, but when he did, he had a knowing smile on his face.
“You got it back?” He reached out his hand.
“Garou found it,” I said quietly, setting my hand in his.
My Saitama smiled, rubbing his thumb over the ring. “Mumen said he’d send him over with it.”
“So you knew?!”
“Mm–Don’t get mad.” He kissed my cheek. “Was Mumen’s idea, to get you two talking again. You friends now?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“Cool.” He kissed me on the lips this time, fingers intertwining with mine. “Missed seeing you looking happy.”
“I am happy,” I replied. “I have you, and Garou apologised for being a jerk, and I…I have this ring back.”
Tears spilled over onto my cheeks for a second time, and my Saitama chuckled and pulled me into a hug.
“Those’d better be happy tears,” he murmured into my hair.
“They are,” I mumbled back, mentally adding oil stain remover to our grocery list. I was so relieved to have the ring back. I truly thought it was gone for good.
I learned later on that Garou had spent days searching for it, and had got into trouble with Mumen for wrenching up a drain cover once he spotted it down there.
He’s…not a bad guy (but he is the jerkface).