ALRIIIIGHT the FIRST post of The Afterthought outline notes are here! Read below the cut, see how weird my wording is, and how much changed from my original plans! 💖
The chapter names are different in some places I think, especially number one girl cause that has nooot happened yet lol
I look in peoples windows
When you were all human, you had a small herb garden that helped season food aaand earn some extra coppers when you were able to sell some. You love cooking, you always took over the cooking and carving parts after feyre got back from hunting (she took care of skinning and tanning the leather afterwards). You are the youngest Archeron sister, just a little under a year younger than Feyre (Nesta blames you for their mother getting ill with two pregnancies so close together)
When Nesta and Elain were taken, you had been off with a suitor you had been sent to that day, and when you came back to the manor it was destroyed, your sisters nowhere to be seen and all staff killed. The two months or however the fuck long the war with hybern was passed with you staying at the town's inn, barely able to pay for anything with the amount of gold you knew of.
After the war, Feyre and Rhys return to find you- and take you back to Velaris for "safety".
Nesta screams at you all the time, angry that you were able to keep your humanity. Elain ignores you, hardly ever says a word to you if she can help it.
You develop a crush on Cassian, who is the kindest member of the inner circle to you. You don't know how obvious your crush is until Feyre pulls you aside and tells you to let it go, get over it. Lots of insecurity, after all you are only a human. How could you compare? But you can't help it, you still react in his presence as much as you wish you didn't. Once Nesta learns that Cassian is her mate she hates you even more, glaring at you whenever the three of you are in the same room.
You eventually move on, hoping to salvage some kind of relationship with your sisters.
Lucien starts visiting more once Elain is feeling better, though she generally doesn't want his time. You invite him for tea once when he's over, and every time that Elain declines his company the two of you have tea. Once Elain finds out she flips her shit on you, starts to attempt to accept the bond with Lucien.
You feel like you don't belong. So out of place. So pathetically human.
But on the second year of you being in Velaris, you ask Feyre if everyone could have dinner at the House of Wind for Bounty Day- a human celebration of the end of the harvest season, filled with lots of good food. Feyre promises that everyone will show up.
You spend the week before preparing, going to the various Palaces with either Nuala or Cerridwen to get all of the ingredients you need. You even ask every vendor for the proper fae way to prepare the dishes.
You can't read. Well, you can, just enough to understand a recipe. But it takes time. You have Nuala/Cerridwen read it for you to make sure you understood it right.
When the day finally comes, you've been slaving away in the kitchen all morning, afternoon, and evening. The dinner is laid out, you had just barely had enough time to change before people were supposed to start arriving-
No one does.
You wait for an hour before admitting defeat to yourself. But Feyre promised?! You head down, down, down the ten thousand steps, dragging your body to the River House-
And there, inside, is your "family". Sat at the dinner table together, laughing and having a good time.
You're exhausted already, your human body weak in the cold. But you move. You move to the exit of Velaris, heading into the wilderness. Who cares if you die? They hadn't noticed you were missing from dinner. They hadn't remembered to come to YOUR dinner.
I Hate It Here
You're only out of Velaris for an hour before Azriel is sent to fetch you, dragging you back kicking and screaming to Velaris. You have a blowout, saying that you would rather live in poverty in the human lands once more than live with them, your former family. But you are kept in Velaris, the wards now set to keep you in.
Over the next three weeks leading up to your birthday, you isolate yourself. Rarely leaving your room except for refills of tea and occasionally a bowl of fruit and veg- you're as close to hunger strike as you'll ever be, hoping to perish in the winter cold like you were meant to.
On your birthday (3~ days before Feyre's/solstice) you're brought downstairs, only the promise of your favorite cake Elain makes drawing you down, and Feyre's begging looks even though you're on your cycle. Everyone got a gift for you: the sisters got you cookbooks (but you can't read...), Cassian got you a box of sweets, Rhys got you an old book of human fables (Feyre told him you used to love them, but still... you can't read), Amren got you a necklace (not your taste but nice), Mor and Az got a combined type of present: Az got you a teapot and set of tea cups that are enchanted to keep the liquid warm for at least 12hrs, and Mor got you five different blends of tea she thought you might like.
Your celebration is cut short by Cassian realizing that Feyre is pregnant- you slip away, without a piece of cake back to your room, books placed on your desk to be longingly looked at, and tea stuff kept on your dresser. Feyre comes by later with a slice of cake, and leaves it on your desk while you're asleep in the bathroom.
Clean
The one time you leave the River House was to go shopping for Feyre's birthday, you get her a set of nine small canvases with rope to attach them together, so she can document her feelings on her pregnancy in paint and have a memory of it. You also buy yourself a hairpin that doubles as a blade, charmed to only unsheathe at your touch. You get Feyre a similar one that is solely a hairpin.
You reject the idea of going to the cabin for solstice and Feyre's birthday, opting instead to give in to Feyre's begged request to go out to lunch on her birthday.
The one day you're alone after they leave for the cabin, you don't know what to do with yourself. You make tea, and automatically start going to your room before you stop and try to think of a place you'd rather sit. The fireplace... that's out, remembering how Elain yelled at you. The gardens are out because it's cold and snowy. The kitchen is uncomfortable, reminding you of the hunger in your stomach from your silent protest at life. So you take your tea back to your room, and pull the plush armchair over to the window, where you sit and stare until you fall asleep.
The next day, Feyre shows up as promised, you give her the presents you picked out for her. She has a request for her birthday tho: come dress shopping for starfall with her, Nesta, and Elain. You agree, solely because she gives you the puppy dog eyes that make you think of her as a human again.
Dress shopping goes as expected, lots of... hatred from Nesta and Elain. But you find a pretty dress, pale pink floor length with off the shoulder long sleeves: Feyre talked you into the less modest look, and you do like it... she also gets you a pair of silver heels.
Starfall is... Sad. You get ready, and Azriel takes you up. Mor is happy to see you after being gone for most of the time since your birthday, you talk for a few minutes before she gets pulled away by her new girlfriend (Emerie). You hope that someone will make time for you, that you won't feel like you're an annoyance, but that doesn't happen. You leave down the 10k steps once more after the actual starfall begins, and meander through the streets of Velaris before you come across Sevenda's restaurant. She asks how the dish she gave a recipe for turned out when she sees you, but notices that you're crying. An idea pops in your head- and you ask her for a job, anything that you can help out with. She agrees, and asks you to come in at 7 the next morning to get comfortable doing prep work for her.
Azriel finds you an hour or so later, sitting on the edge of a cliff and watching the ocean, wishing that you had the courage to just jump. He sits next to you and wraps a soft white fur shawl over your shoulders (button in the front), and one of his wings protects you from the cold. He asks why you left, you explain that you feel out of place no matter where you are in Velaris. You ask why he came- he says he was worried about you when he couldn't find you (you thought he was busy flirting with Gwyn, he sees her as a good friend)
He walks you back to the river house, all the way up to your bedroom after the two of you share a pot of tea together (you finally open his present to you, and share one of the teas)
The job at Sevenda's is perfect- you spend 3-6 hours there every day, helping out with the prep work. Once you've worked there for a month, you have enough to rent an apartment that Sevenda kindly pointed out for you, and you move out.
No one (besides Azriel and Mor once she's back) notices that you're out of the house so often now, or asks where you've been if they see you come home. Disappointing.
Azriel is the first to notice your move, and comes over a week after you're out, arms filled with the teas you like as a small housewarming present. (He was in Illyria for a couple of weeks, but noticed immediately that you'd moved out and comes right over) He's very nice, and apologizes for how everyone else acts.
Then he notices you don't have a bed- he plans to rectify that, offering to buy you a bed. You try to refuse, but he offers it as a housewarming present, and insists that you need a proper bed to sleep in, not the blankets on the floor. You make him promise to not make fun of you for whatever bed you choose, he says that he would never (and actually means it!!)
number one girl
You and Az go bed shopping, and as promised he's supportive of your choice to get a bed with a canopy that hangs from from the ceiling. He pays without question, happy to provide something nice for you. Shadows take the bed to your home, and fully set it up before the two of you return to your apartment.
Mor had been sent to the Hewn City again for a few weeks, but she notices as soon as she gets back that you're gone, and comes to visit you after asking Az where you went. She comes over as soon as she can, and drags you out shopping like she had promised to do so long ago. After all, you need an expanded wardrobe since you only took your favorites from the clothes that had been provided for you.
Shopping is fine enough, but like at Starfall it makes you aware of how your body appears- far too bony and frail. But it reflects how you feel, and you don't have the energy to change it.
Mor makes time for you whenever she can, as does Az.
You and Az start spending more and more time together, he comes over to fill out reports sometimes while you teach yourself to read and write (you went shopping for children's books and tools to help with it), Az helps when you ask. Whenever he returns from a long mission, he cleans up and heads straight to your apartment to see you, and check in on you. You start to develop a crush on him, but remind yourself of what Feyre said- how fae and humans don't belong together.
He starts bringing food every time for both of you once he notices that you rarely have food stocked in the apartment, generally only some produce. Slowly you start putting on a bit more weight, regaining some of the energy you used to have.
Feyre comes by a few weeks after you moved out, angry and hurt that you would go without even telling her. You throw back in her face that she hadn't even *noticed* you moved out until now, when Azriel and Mor realized as soon as they stepped back into the River House. Also point out how she got you a cookbook but couldn't be bothered to remember that she is illiterate, because Feyre's problem was already solved. Feyre apologizes, but you don't accept. You need more proof that she means it. She asks for you to give her a chance, to have tea or lunch once a week from now on. You accept that offer- you dooo miss Feyre, you had been the closest to her growing up.
After two months of spending time together, Azriel finally asks you out to your complete surprise- you never thought that he would be interested in you (in this az never tried to date Elain, only helped her adjust to her new body) especially with the pretty redhead that he had been with at Starfall.
The date goes amazingly well, he takes you out to dinner in this tiny little restaurant in the palace of thread and jewels (you hadn't even realized it was there) that he frequents often, they serve lots of soups (one of your favorite food types). You and Az share four different bowls, and by the end you're so stuffed and happy that you finally fiinally feel warm inside, all the way through again. Az drops you off at your door, a soft kiss pressed to your lips (your first kiss ever). You're left with butterflies and hope in your heart.
