hii apple :D
I was thinking about a phantom thieves x reader angst where reader is a persona user but is constantly being left out by their teammates… like when you’re in a friend group and they lowkey don’t want you there mmm angst yumyum
it’s your choice to add resolution but honestly hurt no comfort is just as fine :P
I'll be right here, right where you left me
Phantom Thieves x Phantom Thief! Reader ♯ right where you left me - Hindia and Jae Park Synopsis: when you had no choice but to be a part of the Phantom Thieves. Genre: angst. Hurt/ (gulp) no comfort. Tags: Insecurity. Insanely OOC. Crying. Sojiro's a good guy. Suicidal thoughts. Loneliness. Mental health issues. Self scratching (?). Mentions of suicide. Reader implied to have no family. Ambiguous but sad ending. Wc: 2.6k
C/n = code name
You thought you had found yourself a friend group.
The very same friend group that you'd see in coming-of-age TV shows and movies where the group of outcasts bond and become one. Share each others trauma and talk about it together.
And you did. In a way, you did. It wasn't like anything you imagined, though.
Your friends don't seem to like you.
You don't even know if they'd consider you as their friend.
You just happened to carry the misfortune of being a Persona user. Of having problems big enough that you developed superpowers.
It just felt like you were outside of the greatest inside joke. Yet you were the inside joke. What with the way you'd hear snickers behind your back. Whispers whenever you'd do something wrong.
Each time you were in the MetaVerse, you felt deeply underestimated.
Every time they'd decline your invite to a hang out.
"Sorry, Y/n. I gotta work out." Ryuji's sorry smile didn't seem sorry, or like a smile at all. It never seem to meet you eyes. Especially when talking to you.
"I apologise, Y/n, I really need to finish my next project." Yusuke speaks as if you were the project. A project that exhausts him. The bags under his eyes seem to accentuate whenever you met them.
"I'm going shopping with Shiho, I mean, you can tag along, but I don't know if you know Shiho that well!" Ann never came off as mean. But she'd always make you feel like you were asking for too much. It's always 'if you want to.' And never 'I want you to.'
"I'm busy." Makoto was blunt, she never sugar coated things. But she'd always make you want to shrink in on yourself. Make you smaller under her intimidating gaze. But friends shouldn't make you feel intimidated. Friends shouldn't make you feel like you were screwing up every second of the day.
Futaba barely even talked to you. She acts as if you were capable of harming her. Her agoraphobia seemed to be better with the rest of the team. But would remain even when you were there. You wonder if you're doing something wrong.
"Oh.. well, I need to tend to my cafe, so I'll be busy this week! I'm sorry." Haru's always so kind-hearted, she tries her best to let everyone feel at home. Her voice is gentle and her actions are soft. But she speaks to you like a child, like if she says something wrong, then you'll do something you shouldn't.
Morgana acts like you're an idiot. Like everything you say is the stupidest thing that you could've done. Yes, you weren't a long time Persona user, but you knew how to do things, you knew how to learn. "No--! Y/n, you're supposed to use this, not that!" He grumbles. He's such a big talker for such a little guy.
And Ren-- your trusty leader. The quiet guy who should've been the one to treat you differently. To see you. He isn't any different than the people who would make up rumours about him. Who would whisper and point and scurry away from him whenever he'd try to speak.
It felt like they had their own seperate group without you.
No, you've never really seen them hang out with each other without you as a group. But you'd see duos.
You'd see Ryuji laughing with Yusuke. You'd see Futaba talk easily with Ann. You'd see Makoto invite Ren to the movies. You'd see Morgana say something other than complaints to everyone else.
You had nobody. You'd just watch from a far. Not knowing what to do. Where to put your hands, whether or not you should leave lest you cry on the spot and make everything worse.
You don't know what you're doing wrong. You're just like everybody else in this team. You were wronged by an adult like them, you were hurt like they were hurt. And you were helped like they were. So why do they treat you like--
Like a fucking loser.
It's always like this. Wherever you go. Even before you awakened your Persona. No one would even dare to look at you. No one would come up to you and strike up a conversation.
And even when you thought everything would be different, they weren't.
Which was why you made a decision. You distanced yourself. You only talked to them if you had to. You'd join in on the meetings at LeBlanc's attic, but you'd never dare to speak. In fear that you'd be humiliated like you always were.
"We should spend a few hours in mementos to collect coins for upgrades." You said, meekly. Voice smaller than you intended for it to be.
And much like you expected, you ended up getting shut down.
"We don't have time." Morgana didn't even spare a glance at you.
"Yes, our deadline is in a week," it felt like Makoto was sneering down at you.
"And we're only at the first floor of the palace."
You nodded, back slumping further down. Everyone was practically piling down on you. Gathering up and forming a group to make you feel as bad as possible.
The conversation went on. They didn't really look up to ask for your input. Despite the unanimous decision rule, it was like your opinion didn't matter.
You could feel your eyes grow wetter by the second.
You refused to break down in front of them, god knows how they'll treat you after that.
You excused yourself, standing up and walking down the stairs to the main floor. Not like they'd notice if you were gone anyway.
You practically ran to the bathroom, locking the door behind you and pressing your back against it. Ignoring the calls of Sojiro from the counter.
You slapped your hand onto your mouth. Trying to muffle the sobs that were threatening to come out of your throat. Hot streaks of tears falling down onto your cheeks, meeting under your chin before falling down onto the floor. Your knees were threatening to fall, weak.
You weren't sure how long you spend crying on the floor of this cafe. At this point, your eyes were already getting swollen, your nose was running like crazy, and you had to bite down on the knuckles of your hand to keep quiet.
Everything just felt too much.
You--
You just felt so lonely.
It was only when you heard a knock on the door that you scrambled up on your feet. "Just a second!" Wiping your face and splashing cold water onto your face. You let out a sigh, hands holding the sink as you tried your best to compose yourself.
Shaking your head, you unlocked the door and peeked outside.
"Oh, hey boss." You tried to crack a smile. It definitely looked wrong.
"You okay?"
That question alone made you want to break down all over again. But you managed to push through it.
"Yeah-- yeah, I'm just.. had a bad day is all."
He nodded slowly, very obviously not believing that it was just nothing.
"You want to talk about it? I can brew us up some coffee." Before you could refuse, he was already shushing you, making his way back to behind the counter.
Sitting down on the stool, you picked on the sides of your fingers, trying to calm yourself down and not go absolutely insane. Trying to redirect your attention to anything but your swallowed feelings.
You heard a clink come from in front of you. Hesitating, you looked up, adverting your gaze to the cup of coffee right in front of you.
"Thank you.." you muttered, not trusting yourself to speak any louder.
"Now.." He placed his hands onto the counter. "Tell me what's going on."
You blinked, eyes darting up to his face. You opened your mouth to speak, but you knew that it was useless. That when Sojiro wants to know something, he'll stop at no ends to know what it is.
"I'm.. I'm just having a bad day." You nodded, though, it felt like you were trying to convince yourself rather than him.
"Bullshit."
You felt your heart drop ".. what?"
"You can't fool me, L/n." He chuckled. "I've seen how you hold yourself up whenever you tag along behind the group." He recounted, you recounted as well. Cringing at yourself, at how you'd come in hiding behind whoever was in front of you. Worried that if you made yourself visible, they'd find something else to pick on you about.
You chuckle. Though it was dry. Nothing felt funny right now.
Before you knew it, you let out a large exhale from your nose. Slouching down further on your seat. "It's uh-- well. Hm." You struggled to find out how to tell him. "i just don't think I'm fit for this group."
Sojiro looks at you, his eyes unmoving, expression not changing. "Is that so?"
You nodded. Trying to ignore the twist in your gut. At the thought that you were finally talking to somebody about this.
"Yeah-- you know, it's nothing personal." It definitely was. "I just don't think I'm.. meant... for this group."
He sighs. "Are they.. giving you any trouble?" He tried to ask you casually, you knew what he meant though.
"No, nothing like that." You waved your hand. "It's more like... they don't really see me as a friend." You heard your own voice crack at the last few words.
"How so?"
Don't fucking cry. Not like this.
"Well....-- it's like. Like they don't like me." The corner of your lips were tugging down into a frown. "Like they're okay with each other but when it comes to me." Your nails were digging deeper into your knee. Trying to distract yourself from the heavy feeling returning to your chest.
"I dunno." You were scratching your leg now. "It's like they hate me."
"Why do you care?"
You looked up at him, shocked. "I care because.. because the only way I could ever start to like myself is if someone else does." You blinked away your tears. "I mean, if you spend your whole getting shitted on, you start to believe that that's what you deserve."
"Ugh." He looks off to the side, shaking his head at disappointment, at Ren, at his entire group. In general. "Those kids... I'll talk some sense into them--"
"No!" Clearing your throat and composing yourself. "I mean, please don't. They treat each other so well, so I'm sure it's just a problem with myself."
"Well, even so, they'll have to talk to you about it. Instead of treating you like this."
"No, no, it's alright."
He sighs once again, leaning further into you. "Don't do this, kid." As if he were sharing a secret. "Don't knock yourself down by blaming yourself."
You only nod. As if you were actually going to do anything about it.
It's not like you could just leave the group, you have fucking powers for christ's sake. Well, not like they enjoy your input, but you still had something to give.
You excused yourself once again, making your way back to the bathroom to freshen up.
Rinsing your face again and again with the painfully cold water for minutes on end. You opened the door walking halfway up the stairs, before you were met with nothing.
They weren't there.
In your confusion, you looked down, eyes struggling to find Sojiro. It drifted to the front door. The 'Closed' side of the sign was plastered outside, confirming the fact that he had to leave from errands or whatever.
But that didn't explain the empty attic.
They left.
Fuck-- of course they left.
How stupid of you to think that they wanted to find you.
They wouldn't go tot he MetaVerse without you.
They're hanging out. WIthout you.
Funny.
You knew it was going to happen evenually, but you didn't think it would be this obvious. You were right in the bathroom, how did you not hear anything? Six pairs of footsteps making their way down the stairs.
Maybe they were in the MetaVerse without you.
Or maybe they knew that you were in the bathroom, and they were intentionally trying to be quiet.
You felt your lower lip tremble once again. You ran upstairs, grabbing your bag and making your way out the building.
This time, you couldn't help but to cry. Couldn't help but to let the sadness take over. The devastating realisation that no matter how hard you tried, no matter how many people wanted to talk to you. You'll always end up by yourself in the end.
That night, you were on your phone, scrolling on social media to ignore your feelings.
You scrolled so far down, you stumbled on a post. A group selfie. You blinked, unmoving.
A photo of everybody, excluding you.
You swiped. A photo of Haru laying on Futaba's lap.
Swipe.
A video, of Ryuji and Ren laughing like maniacs. At a stupid joke that only they seemed to understand.
Swipe.
A picture of Yusuke crouching down, petting Morgana's back. He'd never let you do that.
Swipe.
The last picture made you tear up once again. Another group selfie. Couldn't have been just a few hours after you stormed out of LeBlanc. They looked to be in a restaurant, some cheap barbecue place downtown. Ren's hands held the tongs, while the bright coloured sodas assigned to everyone was visible in the frame.
You couldn't really take it anymore.
You sat up on your bed, your legs twitching, trembling in pure sadness. Utter devastation. You really, really hated this feeling.
You didn't bother with thinking when you sprang up to your feet. You ran out of your bedroom, slipping your shoes on and making your way out of you door.
You ran.
What's the purpose of life if this is how you're living it.
You couldn't live like this. You never wanted to live like this. You wondered what you did to deserve this.
All this time, you've just been trying. Trying to change your personality every fucking second just to satisfy everyone you've ever met.
Trying to not come off as too pushy, or too distant. Trying to become the perfect, and most balanced version of yourself.
You just hated this.
You ended up on the rooftop of your apartment building. Shivering under the cold of the night.
You stepped closer to the ledge.
You found yourself struggling to breathe, your tears didn't seem to stop. Your nose was blocked from all of the snot.
You tried not to let it go this far. But you don't know what else to do. You just want to escape. You just wanted all of this to stop. For these feelings to just go away.
For everyone to treat you like a regular fucking person.
Were you cursed? Was that what this was? Were you just doomed from the beginning that this was how your story was going to eventually end?
This wasn't the life you were promised.
And maybe, you'll get the one you deserved in your next. Or rather, this was the life that you deserved. Shaking, you inched closer.
You don't have a home.
You've never had a home.
You're just a lonely kid.
And you always will be.
*SIGH* this is my taglist Ig... *SIGHS LOUDER*
@orphicarchive @theempuzzlement @pinkwafflesxd @theempuzzlement
