Sep 13, 2015
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which of shakespeare’s characters should you fight
Short answer- most of them.
Brutus (Julius Caesar): no way do not fight brutus. he will kick your ass and will probably feel bad about it but he will for sure kick your ass. and even if you win, cassius will come and kick your ass. there’s no way to win here
Lady Macbeth (Macbeth): I mean you could fight her and you might even win, but years from now you will wake up in a cold sweat with the image of her crazy eyes haunting your dreams. she’s going to say some pretty fucked up things while you fight that you will remember forever. they will probably be your last words, muttered crazily to yourself on your deathbed. you should probably not fight lady macbeth
Iago (Othello): yes absolutely, next question.
Old King Hamlet (Hamlet): yes, fight him. but do it while he’s asleep. and don’t fight him so much as pour poison into his ear and then run away before anyone sees you. you’ll win and you’ll get his hot wife and his crown and guardianship of his weird son who keeps saying shit about you under his breath. I haven’t finished the play yet but it doesn’t look like there is any way this could end badly for you
Goneril and Regan (King Lear): this could go either way for you. you could take them one-on-one for sure, so maybe seduce them both to cause tension in their relationship. but if they team up against you, you could lose really badly. one second they’ll be telling you how soft your hair looks and how much they like your outfit, and the next you’ll be sitting in the gutter with no kingdom, no home and no friends, wondering how you lost to two babes who seemed so nice just a second ago
Bassanio (Merchant of Venice): you should probably fight him and you could definitely win. you could even make money off of it because he would bet on himself and then lose. except you’ll probably never get the chance to fight him because antonio will insist on fighting for him. and you don’t want to fight antonio, give him a break he just lost all of his economic ventures at sea
Desdemona (Othello): wtf is wrong with you, why do you want to fight desdemona? have you been talking to iago? don’t listen to that wedgie machine, my girl desdemona is a saint
Proteus (Two Gentlemen of Verona): yes fight him. kick his ass. you won’t even have to go find him, he will decide he likes something you have and try to steal it and then start a fight with you. and you will destroy him and I will high-five you so hard
Tybalt (Romeo and Juliet): look, I know he makes it so easy to fight him. everything he says and does makes him so punchable. he’ll probably even send you a letter inviting you to fight him. but do not, I repeat do not fight this guy. I’m telling you, he fights as you sing prick-song, keeps time, distance, and proportion; he rests his minim rests, one, two, and the third in your bosom: the very butcher of a silk button, a duelist, a duelist; a gentleman of the very first house, of the first and second cause. Ah, the immortal passado, the punto reverso, the hay!
Shakespearean Smackdown
can we talk about cassius/brutus and memesis? can we talk about "since you know you cannot see yourself so well as by reflection, I your glass, will modestly discover to yourself that which you know not of" and how cassius is aware of their mimetic relationship?
mirrors before 1835 were pretty shitty, basically just polished metal, which means that the reflection was always a distorted corrupted version of the original. cassius isn't saying that he's a true reflection of brutus, but just a vaguely accurate reflection. because cassius knows that he'll never be able to reflect brutus' nobility. he's more like a shadow than a reflection and he knows it. and he uses it, pretends that this is fine because he can use it to manipulate brutus into his conspiracy against caesar. but even sadder (because with cassius it always gets sadder) is that cassius is secretly hoping that he can show brutus something dark in himself so that he can finally be worthy of brutus and they can be shadowy, sketchy reflections together