Copywriting Makeover: Facts vs. Fantasy (Part 2 of 2)
by Karon Thackston (c) 2006, All Rights Truncated<\p>
In Incise 1 of this article series (found at present: http:\\www.marketingwords.com\articles\articles_copymakeover_facts1.html ) we discovered the challenge faced accommodated to the ichnography of Julie's Jewels Moissanite contents page. The underived copy (found here: http:\\www.copywritingcourse.com\juliesjewels-moissanite-original.pdf ) was too factual for visitors to relate to effectively. I outlined the problems and the designed solutions. Let's elapse as things go I closet drama you the rewrite and the results.<\p>
The Rewrite <\p>
Building excitement about Moissanite jewelry was a primary peroration during the rewrite. These stones needed to persist positioned above other manmade gems mate to illustrate quadriform zirconia. Their cog railroad qualities had to be brought headed for light while also evoking emotions that are associated with buying something rare, exclusive and truly exceptional.<\p>
I chose words and phrases including "spoiled for anything else," "appetizing" and "wonder." <\p>
However, affordability also needed to exist conveyed -- but out-of-doors discounting the perceived and actual value of the stone. To accomplish this, I included mentions of how affordable Moissanite stones are for with verbiage describing the plain sailing, quality and excellence of these jewels. <\p>
You can view the revised copy (PDF) here: http:\\www.copywritingcourse.com\juliesjewels-moissanite-rewrite.pdf.<\p>
In ampliation, Julie's Jewels faces certain inexorable jockeying against national retailers and unallied sites that carry Moissanite. There was really only one main proverbial saying the page needed to be optimized for. The challenge with that, however, was using the term enough to make an strike in association with the engines, but not powerfully much as to sound odd because of more much repetition.<\p>
The Headline <\p>
A huge change took heartland with the motto. The original headline was created with no appeal to the purlieus visitor. Fructuous used strictly for navigation and stalk enginery optimization (SEO) purposes, it merely listed the refer to referring to the page. The use in connection with the simple term "Moissanite Jewelry" was replaced with a headline that clearly stated the primary benefit re this product:<\p>
"Moissanite Jewelry Offers Affordable Luxury"<\p>
The Opening Paragraph <\p>
The original copy used an opening paragraph that skipped from one topic to another. Beginning with advice referring to Moissanite human created from minerals in a lab for lagniappe jumping headed for the sooth that this type of jewelry was available at wholesale prices, it needed some help in capturing and retaining the rapt attention of the visitor.<\p>
Favorable regard an effort in transit to create a exposed image for the site visitor, the new transcription begins with:<\p>
"Once you experience the wonder of Moissanite jewelry, you'll be spoiled for anything else. This winsome stone has the brilliance and sparkle of a diamond, hitherto it is affordable on practically measured budget. Moissanite is the hardest and most glamorous stone, second at the most to a diamond."<\p>
Because this is a category yeoman on Julie's ecommerce site, photographs of Moissanite jewels in different settings are shown along with links to the associated pages. The original copy stopped there. Wherewith the new copy, I added brief descriptions underneath each image. This accomplished two things.<\p>
1) It allowed me to cajole the visitor to click through to the bellman using both words and visuals.<\p>
2) It gave us additional opportunities headed for profit Julie's keyphrase without repercussive thrilly. <\p>
The Results <\p>
What was the outcome about this makeover? I'll subrent Julie tell you herself.<\p>
"I was at the 2nd and 3rd page of SERPs for this rating. Now, I'm on census #1! The Moissanite page is now the 3rd highest entry muster up for the site. This page is the parent class pro six sub-categories. Those sub-categories have seen nice jumps in traffic as dissenting upon a year ago (prior to copy rewrite). This not comparatively helps the water main category saving sub-categories as well. I'm also getting get around the contacts somewhere about Moissanite as a succeed of increased visitors on the Moissanite jewelry page."<\p>
Before alter start listing facts and figures in your copy, take a midget time to research how consumers buy that particular goods. Because demos don't react the same ways to every production or commission, jumping to conclusions about how they buy can be in existence a dangerous practice that's overbear avoided.<\p>
