╰─▸ ❝ Twisted Wonderland x reader!
Pagtingin
featuring — Riddle Rosehearts
₊˚ ‿︵‿︵‿︵ ୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵ ˚₊
(“Pagtingin” — Ben&Ben)
The Ben&Ben song "Pagtingin" is about the fear of confessing romantic feelings and the hope that the other person feels the same way.
The Heartslabyul garden glowed beneath the soft warmth of the afternoon sun. Red roses swayed gently in the breeze, their fragrance mingling with the faint scent of baked goods and tea. You sat quietly at one of the tables, a cup of tea in hand, pretending to read while your eyes occasionally lifted, drawn, as always, to the boy across from you.
Riddle Rosehearts.
He was busy checking a list, murmuring to himself, every movement precise, every gesture refined. There was something mesmerizing about the way he lived, disciplined, graceful, yet so human in the little moments he didn’t realize others noticed, especially you.
Like the way his nose scrunched slightly when he concentrated. Or the slight tilt of his head as he read. Or how his voice softened whenever he praised someone for following the rules correctly.
You smiled faintly to yourself.
Your heart felt too full for words.
Dami pang gustong sabihin,
Ngunit ‘wag na lang muna…
There was so much you wanted to tell him, how admirable he was, how you found beauty in his strictness, how you loved the way he led with both strength and gentleness, how he smile, when it rarely appeared, could unravel every wall you had built and how your heart fluttered whenever his eyes met yours.
But no. Not now.
Maybe not ever.
So you swallowed the words and let them die quietly in your chest.
You told yourself that loving him from afar was enough.
Hintayin na lang ang hanging,
Tangayin ang salita…
Maybe, you thought, if fate was kind, the wind would carry your unspoken feelings to him someday.
For now, you would let them drift, gentle as the breeze that rustled the roses.
・・・・・
Days passed. You and Riddle shared more moments together or with friends, studying in silence, tending to the roses, sipping tea between tasks. You always stayed close, yet never daring to cross the invisible line that friendship drew.
One morning, as you helped him set up decorations for the next Unbirthday celebration, he gave you instructions in his usual crisp tone. Yet his hand brushed against yours when you both reached for the same ribbon. You froze.
He blinked, slightly startled.
“Ah—apologies, (name). I wasn’t looking.”
You smiled, your heart aching from how formal he always was, even in tenderness.
“It’s okay.”
Inside, though, you felt the familiar pang of what-ifs.
Wag mo akong sisihin,
Mahirap ang tumaya…
You couldn’t blame yourself for being afraid.
It was hard to take the risk, to bet your heart on someone like him. Riddle lived by rules and order. You were the chaos he had learned to tolerate, maybe even appreciate, but love? That was a rule you didn’t dare test.
One wrong move could cost you everything, even the warmth of his friendship.
You wanted to take the chance, but fear kept you still.
Dagat ay sisisirin,
Kahit walang mapala…
And yet, part of you knew, even if you found nothing in return, even if this love remained unanswered, you would still dive into it. You would still choose to feel quietly without expecting anything in return.
So you hid behind smiles and polite laughter and stayed by his side, a quiet companion in his carefully structured world, never once showing how much he meant to you.
・・・・・
One late afternoon, you and Riddle took a walk through the rose maze after classes. The golden light bathed his red hair and you noticed he was quieter than usual.
“(name)” he said suddenly, “do you ever wonder if people truly understand you?”
You blinked at him, surprised by the vulnerability in his tone.
“Sometimes” you admitted. “But I think… the right people don’t need to understand everything. They just stay.”
He looked at you then, really looked and for a moment, the world felt quieter, smaller, like only the two of you existed among the roses. Then he turned away with a soft hum.
Your heart ached.
Pag nilahad ang damdamin,
Sana ‘di magbago ang pagtingin…
If you confessed, if you let your heart spill, would he look at you differently?
You wanted to tell him everything right then, to lay your feelings bare, to let him see how deeply he had become a part of your every thought.
But what if it changed things?
What if the warmth in his gaze faded into discomfort?
What if your confession shattered the fragile peace between you?
So you smiled instead.
And you let silence speak.
・・・・・
You stayed close to him, as always, as his friend, always the one who reminded him to rest, to eat, to take a break. He would smile at you sometimes, rare, but sincere, and every time, your heart would swell and ache all at once.
Because you knew what you were hiding.
And you knew what you couldn’t say.
Aminin ang mga lihim,
Sana ‘di magbago ang pagtingin…
You whispered those words to yourself one night in your dorm room, staring at the ceiling. You wanted to be brave, to admit the secret that had taken root inside you since the day he first smiled your way, to just be honest about how your heart felt when he was near.
But every time, the words trembled at the edge of your tongue, never quite finding the courage to leave.
Bakit laging ganito?
Kailangang magka-ilangan…
Ako ay nalilito…
Why was it always like this?
Why did love always come hand in hand with hesitation, with fear?
You didn’t understand yourself sometimes, how you could be so certain of your feelings, yet so terrified to let them show.
・・・・・
During lunch with the group, as you sat across from him, he laughed softly at one of Ace’s jokes, rare, genuine. He was smiling, truly smiling, and you couldn’t take your eyes off him.
He caught your gaze and tilted his head, curious. “Is there something wrong?”
You blinked, startled. “Ah, no, nothing! Just… it’s good to see you smile.”
His expression softened. “I’ll try to do that more often, then.”
You looked down, your throat tightening.
Pahiwatig,
Sana ‘di magbago ang pagtingin…
That was all you could give him, hints, fragments, small glances that carried the weight of a thousand words. You didn’t have the courage for confessions, only the quiet hope that maybe someday he could see through the silence and understand, even if you never said it aloud.
・・・・・
While helping him carry books to the library, you laughed at something he said, a small, unguarded laugh that made him pause. He looked at you for a long moment, unreadable.
“(name)” he murmured, “you’re… peculiar. You always look at me like I’m someone worth looking at.”
Your breath caught.
Your heart skipped.
You forced a small smile. “Because you are.”
He blinked, clearly taken aback, and for a heartbeat, you thought he might say something more. But then he looked away, face turning slightly red.
“I… appreciate that.”
You swallowed your words before they could escape.
Iibig lang kapag handa na,
Hindi na lang kung trip-trip lang naman…
Love wasn’t something you stumbled into, it was something you chose, carefully, when your heart was ready to bear the weight of it. And though yours had been ready for a long time, you kept it hidden, knowing he might not be.
・・・・・
As the seasons changed, your quiet affection remained, patient, steady, whispered between heartbeats. You saw him grow, laugh more, trust more. Every little moment became a treasure you held close.
Sometimes, when the nights grew silent, you found yourself whispering softly into the air, hoping the world would listen.
Subukan ang manalangin,
Sana ‘di magbago ang pagtingin…
You prayed, not for him to love you back, but for your feelings to remain pure, for your friendship to stay untouched.
Because sometimes, love didn’t need to be returned to be real.
Sometimes, it was enough that it existed.
And still, a small part of you dreamed just a little, quietly,
Baka bukas, ika’y akin,
Sana ‘di magbago ang pagtingin…
Maybe tomorrow, he would look your way and see you the way you saw him.
Maybe someday, your gaze would be returned with the same warmth you carried for him in secret.
Until then, you would keep loving him quietly, silently, through every gentle word, through every moment shared, through every glance.
Because that’s how your heart spoke best.
Not through confessions,
but through,
pagtingin.
End.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
English translation:
There’s still so much I want to say, but not right now.
Let’s just wait for the wind, to carry away the words.
Don’t blame me, it’s hard to take the risk.
I’d dive into the ocean,even if I find nothing in return.
If I lay my feelings bare, I hope your feelings won’t change.
To confess the secrets, I hope your feelings won’t change.
Why is it always like this?
Why must there always be hesitation?
I’m confused…
A hint, I hope your feelings won’t change.
I’ll only love when I’m ready, not just for the sake of it.
Try to pray, I hope your feelings won’t change.
Maybe tomorrow, you’ll be mine, I hope your feelings won’t change.
ᯓ★ I love this song so much! Damn, this is so me, lol
ᯓ★ Listen to Pagtingin, it’s worth it!
