hey guys oof. this is gonna be a long one and i’m not going to hit backspace at aLL! unless i make a typo then i’ll have to but okay (: this blog post is gonna be all about boys and my pov and struggle as of right now when i’m writing this on a tuesday night at 10:56! all aboard the struggle bus!! okay so... there’s this guy... it always starts like this => i meet this guy, decides he’s super cool, gets his number, talk a lot, like everyday a lot, we make plans to go out, i realize i’ve caught feelings, convo starts dying bc awkwardness, he begins to ghost, i freak out, have our mutual friends spy for each other, confess, never speak again. im currently going through the final phase of regret and so much “why”. okay when i first met him it was through a dare in my eighth grade year. i was dared to walk up to someone and say hey im your new mom come with me and go with it. lol he went with it for a long time and that when i was said “dang youre a cool kid!” and we exchanged instagrams. we then liked each others posts, commented every once in a while. then highschool. he’s in band and im in guard so we had every practice together, every comp together, ect. so we actually exchanged numbers in the middle of the season and talked basically everyday. we were each other’s number 1 on snapchat for a couple days or so, until we both talking to our own best friends. i told 3 people about this and they all said they were rooting for the both of us because we were cute but i was never sure :0 i was still in the state of denial of could he like me, could he not. and it got really unhealthy where i was over analyzing every singe text, snap, like, comment i sent and received. i started getting closer to on of his friends and then we both became friends. she asked me about him and i was like ptsh no. but then my gut told me i was lying. but i didn’t know it. i was super conflicted with my emotions because i had just asked him the previous day to come to the mall with me and this other couple. comes the day of our mall trip and i bring a friend and he brings a friend and it was super awkward. my girl and i were practically third wheeling this kid and his friend. after that we didn’t talk for a whole week because i knew somehow someone must’ve told him “yo paula like likes you” so i got tired of no response for a whole week. the last guy i liked totally shut me out and i felt like sh*t for the whole summer and i didn’t want that to happen, but hes not important so moving on! i texted him and said “hey i know you know but this is how i feel... xyz” and i asked him if we can hopefully stay friends, because he’s genuinely a great person. he said he doesnt feel the same way. *shocker* and he said we can stay friends if i want. i don’t want him to be uncomfortable or forced in a one way friendship because it’s going to end up hurting us both. so i asked him if he wanted to and he said... and i quote, “i mean a little” -2017. WHO DOES THAT TO A GIRL THAT JUST EXPOSED HERSELF AND FEELINGS?!!1??1! yea im not gonna lie i was hella disappointed and so were my friends rooting for us from the beginning, but i’ve learned something through all this pain and mega regrets
