Jimin x Reader, Gender Neutral Y/N
Warnings : Past Death, Holidays, Cheesy
Part of a Christmas Calendar
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"- He will not come back. ”
Of course, you know that he will not come back, that it was surely only a utopia, but it tenses you. Maybe people were wrong, maybe he was going to come back, as bright as before, as beautiful and tender as the first time you met. You just nod your head, swallowing the bitterness that inhabits you while your eyes look outside: there is snow falling.You still imagine the footsteps in the snow and the laughter of the children. Winter was a wonderful time, everything was covered with white, the decorations of the holidays were seen everywhere and the joy of people permeated the surroundings. But it wasn't your case, this kind of moment didn't really touch you anymore, it was a little above you. Because you knew that he would no longer be there, that Christmas would no longer go as you liked to do before. Because your loved one had disappeared a year ago and you had the impression that whatever you were facing, you couldn't stop people from talking. It was like being locked in a loop that never keeps silent, people didn't want you to forget, while continuing their lives. And you almost feel suffocating every time you think about turning the page. Tell you that the world couldn't ask you to stop think about it. A breath, a little tired passes your friend's lips. He had always been there for you, a pillar when your world was to stop spinning, when your phone rang, at two o'clock in the morning, telling you that things would never be the same ever again. Your lover had an accident, he was in the wrong place, at the wrong time, telling you that he would only come back the next day, looking for the perfect gift for the holidays. He had found, and had to pay for it with his life. However, you still wear the jewel, the only thing you could have recovered, the rest was to seal in cold boxes, locked in a cellar. And just the memory brings back your tears. He was going to propose to you. And you would surely have said yes, because a wedding under the snow, there was nothing more romantic. Your fingers are clenched on your arms, while you hold your sob, collapsing once again.
"- You should go out and ventilate a little, don't you think?
- What would I find outside? You say it yourself, he won't come back.
- Maybe, but he would have liked you to go out, not let yourself die. ”
And he's right, it frustrates you to tell you that he was right. But it kills you to tell yourself that you were going to continue to live when he wasn't. It was almost annoying. This strange impression that no one understands you takes you to the throat like a terrifying snake, and finally you abdicate, today you didn't want to fight. Outside, your nots sink into the snow, it having made a deadly mud because of salt and frost. It was the right time for long walks, the lighting was magical. But you know it was much prettier at night, when you can see all the magic of Christmas decorations, reminding you of good memories, the taste of sugar and the desire for hot chocolate in front of boring movies and how cliché. But at the same time, it hurts you. Because you lived these moments with the loved being. And now that he was no longer there, then the hot drink did not feel the sam, the taste of sugar had to gone bland. And boring movies would no longer have the same effect. A deep sigh, you regret having followed your friend, who drags you to all the shops he finds interesting. Like you were doing a marathon.
"- Wait for me here, I have for five minutes!
- Why don't we go together?
- Because. Wait, do you want to? ”
Your eyes rise to the sky, and you tell him that you will be in the book section. Because literature was almost a religion. The smell of new books, the sweetness of a cover and the desire to read a new story that would take you away from your world. Caught in your thoughts, you don't notice that you are not alone and your hand hits against the warm hand of the stranger, which surprises you both. Your eyes intersect and the first thing that strikes you are the little eyes of the man, a little bigger than you. His shy smile almost made them disappear under his cheeks. And you can only find him adorable.
"- Excuse me, I didn't see you. Go ahead, I'll take another one.
- Unfortunately, this one is the last of the department.
- I didn't really want it, you can have it. ”
Your gaze rests on him, pointing out that he was a very bad liar. He has a fleeing look, and he seems to try not to really look at you. He was really so cute, and this thought squeezes your throat. Your eyes land on the book as you pull it from the ray, reading at an angle, not hanging any words before finally reaching it to him, visibly surprising him.
"- This is not my kind of literature.
- Really? I don't want you to force yourself.
- It's okay. I assure you. ”
Your sincere smile seems to reassure him as he takes the book, looking at it much longer than you, and you can't help comparing it to your former partner. He was a bit the same in his facial expressions, of course physically they didn't really look alike. Your lover was a little taller, he had rounder eyes. But he had the same way of being, the shy one of an introvert. You had met him a little in the same way as him, and you told yourself that fate had a bitter humor. When your eyes cross, you slap yourself mentally, apologizing to half a word before looking at the rest of the shelf, looking for something else to occupy your mind and hands. It was a really strange situation, a heavy silence, and you don't know if you should talk a little more to sink yourself a little more or just let the silence continue. And finally he is the first to break it, with a voice of course not sure, he shows you a new book, resembling the other.
- The coverage seems to be in fact. ”
The book is rather banal in reality, a blue cover, and a big image of a penguin on the front cover, which surprises you both. A crazy laugh, as you read the back cover between two sneers. Forgetting the shyness and weight in your chest. An impossible love story between a penguin and a whale, pointing out that the poor book must surely have been abandoned on the shelves by someone who obviously did not have any sense of respect. However, you don't want to put down the book, not being able to let go of it. Even if it was a child's book, and not completely your kind of reading, their love stories intrigues you, and you hope it ends well.
"- You are here! I've been looking for you for a while now.
- Excuse me, I let myself be carried away by the books. ”
You kindly wave to the man, who answers you with a small light smile, before leaving his company. Your mind is no longer completely focused on pain and remorse, but on this new encounter that, you don't know why, makes you feel better. You are more open to conversation, even laughing a little timidly with your friend, as you leave the store. Tell you that in the end, it wasn't such a bad thing to get out.
"Do you have everything you need?
The sleeves of your jacket straighten to your elbows, you go around the empty room that resonates, checking that you have taken everything, thus ensuring that you do not leave anything important behind. It was a strange feeling, a slight feeling that stings your throat makes you feel a little sick. It wasn't as if you were betraying who it was, or even anything, but it wasn't a pleasant feeling anyway. The little hand rests against your hip, making you startle as you cross the soft look. Absolute tenderness as he pulls you against him, passes a hand through your hair and lets you smell its perfume.
"- Do you still need a little time?
- No. I think we should do it like a band-aid. The slower we do it, the more terrible the pain will be.
- As you wish. Just know that I'm here, if necessary. ”
A slight smile, as you straighten your head, gladly accepting the tender kiss he offers you, before letting him step back. A year had again passed, and Christmas still knocked on the door, like a song a little more honeyed than last year. Finally, you were still met on a striking coincidence. Park Jimin had collapsed with you, spilling his Ice Tea all over you and feeling unwell at the thought that you could get cold. So finally, he drag you a little to offer you something warmer, and replaced your wet top. Step by step, you spoke again, and you told him about the book you bought on Christmas Eve. Then time had done the rest, of course, resuming the taste of love had been harsh, but thanks to it, you had managed to cope with mourning. Of course, you still dreamed of your former lover, sometimes tended to compare them. And if at first it was a little wobbly, the balance had finally come about. Slightly, with tenderness. Jimin showed you again that the world could be wonderful, sugar could sting your tongue and that Christmas movies could be boring but incredible. Being Park Jimin's girlfriend was not the easiest thing, but you wouldn't leave your place for anything in the world, ignoring the comments of fans unable to accept your happiness, simply preferring to live it thoroughly without a headache.
"So let's go back to the car, do you want?
- Of course. But you still haven't told me where we were going to live!
- I told you, didn't I? It's a surprise! ”
You must have learned to be patient, Jimin was the shy kind at first, but he never stopped proved to you that every day was a better day. He didn't offer much gift, but when he did, he just knew how to make your eyes sparkle and your heart beat harder in your chest. So you let him lead, starting a new life again without completely forgetting the old one. He had been understanding, six months before, when you explained your story to him, collapsing in tears when he drag you to him. Swearing that he would teach you not to blame yourself anymore, and accepting your wounds. Trying to turn them into a scar, step by step. And after a year of relationship, you had finally agreed to move in with him, leaving your apartment to reach his home, moving forward on a new stage in your life as a couple.
"- We will not get married under the snow.
- To get married you must have already made your request, right?
- ... I haven't done it yet? ”
Your eyes widen as he looks at you, sitting in the driver's seat. Before he puts his hand to his mouth, visibly plaguing against himself while he searches in his pocket, before taking out the velvet case, a little big for a ring, making you curious.
"- It must have been much more romantic. But.. Do you want to become a Park?
- I'm not asking you to completely forget him. I ask you to agree to let me take his place. Just for this time and this moment.
- Yes. Yes, I want it, yes! ”
With tears in your eyes, you throw yourself on him, as he hugs you, kissing your cheek, temples and lips, before showing you the beautiful engagement ring, in gold plated with a flake as a jewel, a shiny stone in front of your eyes, while they still fill up a little with tears. Behind the ring, the thin white silver necklace catches your eyes, as he puts the ring on your finger, then takes out the second jewel so that you look at it better.
"- For the other ring. That way you can always have it against you.
- He was there before me. And if he had always been there, I wouldn't be in this car with you. He is a part of you. So no. ”
Outside, the snowflakes seem here to make the scene even more romantic.
This year, maybe you were going to reconcile with Santa Claus finally.
