The last gif recap for every ten entries in this top 250 (#110-101), featuring the second iteration of the LED dress, a malfunctioning smoke machine, and a keyboard which lights up like mine at home.
Since we made it through another 50 songs, here's the state of play:
By Country:
Greece: 12 (+6 since last count)
Israel: 11 (+5)
Italy: 8 (+2)
Sweden, the United Kingdom: 7 (though the UK has added +2 since last count)
Belgium, Finland, Spain: 6 (FIN gained the most, with +4. BEL gained 3, whereas ESP gained 2)
France, Ireland, Portugal: 5 (PRT and IRE both gained 2, whereas FRA gained 1)
Croatia, Germany, Russia, Slovenia, Turkey: 4 (RUS and TUR gained 2; CRO, GER, and SLO gained one. In addition, CRO just had its last entry appear)
Cyprus, Denmark, Hungary, Iceland, Netherlands, North Macedonia, Switzerland, Ukraine: 3 (NED gained 2 here, while everyone else bar MKD and HUN gained 1. SUI had its last entry appear here)
Armenia, Azerbaijan, Austria, Bosnia-Herzegovina, Bulgaria, Latvia, Luxembourg, Poland, Yugoslavia: 2 (ARM gained one entry; AUT and POL had their last entries appear here)
Albania, Czech Republic, Estonia, Georgia, Moldova, Monaco, Montenegro, Romania, Serbia, Slovakia: 1 (MNT and ROU had their only entries appear here)
I might sound biased as hell but we deserved to win in 2010 lol
I do love Lena and maNga, don't get me wrong, but playing with fire was just so fun and energetic, and also Paula's vocals! She and Ovi have such a good chemistry on stage.
I don't think we will ever get a better place than 3rd, honestly :))) but you will never know,,
30. Nika Kocharov & Young Georgian Lolitaz - “Midnight Gold”
Georgia 2016
When rating Eurovision entrants, it’s important to also take note of the journey, and Nika Kocharov had one of the best ever? Similarly to The Shin, everyone was just about:blank towards “Midnight gold”, not understanding the concept and ranking it last in unison. Like Shin & Mariko, I was mostly intrigued and willing to give it a chance. Unlike the Shin though, I thought “Midnight Gold” was a good song for its genre, just not one I was that entheused by. The revamp, which provided the setting of a mad scientist’s laboratory, was a step in the right direction, providing a hint of entropy, a dash of absurdity, a spark of insanity.
And then, at long last, the dénouement:
STAINS OF MUD
ON UR SKIN
THE NIGHT WILL COME
AND SO WILL SIN
Winning LIFE *and* everyone over with that <3 I don’t think ANYONE could have anticipated that “Midnight gold” would deliver a non-stop absynthe-minded ACID TRIP in Stockholm. 😍 The visuals were so ICONIC they are still setting the special effects bar in the present day. This is Sacha Jean-Baptiste’s best staging. Period. Not “Euphoria”. Not “Alter ego”. Not “Fuego”. "Midnight gold”. BY FAR. Would it be even considered a stretch to go as far as saying that “Midnight Gold” has the best staging of any Eurovision entrant to date? I don’t think it does, but it is definitely a contender.
Who would have thought that THIS song would become one of the more memorable, epic entries of a great year such as 2016? Of course the flawless staging also made me retroactively appreciate “Midnight gold” as a song as well and I regularly give it play time whenever I can. 😍 STAINS OF MUD.
ps: I don’t care about fashion much, but I want his hat.
What superlatives can I still use for describe the pure, unshattering LIGHT that is “Historija majho zyccia”? It leaks mirth from every pore, infecting everyone around it with the irresistable urge to tap their feet along to the HEY HEY HA JA JA HO’s!
At the center of this wonderful hovercraftian masterpiece lie Artiom and Ksenia, two of the most adorable humans ever to exist, who are also a couple irl and it shows. The two have chemistry and charisma in spades, especially Ksenia who is the living embodiment of the “^__^” emoji. I am ALWAYS happy when I listen to this song and I am thrilled we got to hear it twice.
Eurosnob contempt for happiness is a well-documented feature in this ranking, but it reached its nadir with Naviband: You see, in addition to being ‘A Happy Song’ (a term used with contempt, imagine that O_O), Naviband are also folk singers from Belarus, who -shocker- sing in Belarusian.
However, don’t be harsh on the Eurosnobs because the area of the dopamine receptors in the brain of a Naviband hater are always attached to a person who isn’t living happily ever after. Naviband is life at its best. EMBRACE IT. Like this Lithuanian frump did:
lol I JUST spoke about “Midnight gold” having one of the best, but not the best staging. Well, that’s because “Heroes” is, in my opinion, the most visually impressive Eurovision entry of all times. 🤗
I don’t think it’s even a stretch to call it that? “Heroes” as a song is widely regarded as pretty whatever, winning due to its act. However, while I don’t necessarily disagree this is why Måns won, I feel this take very much undersells Måns. Using it at an excuse to dismiss his goodness is ridiculous.
First of all; “Heroes” IS a really, really good song. Infectuous, upbeat, irresistably positive with highly quotable lyrics (”now go sing it like a hummingbird the greatest anthem ever heard” 😍) and an earnest anti-bullying message (<3). It may not be *as* original as some of the entries ranked around it on this list, but it definitely handles its own, with and without an act.
Another defining factor in making “Heroes” a great entry is Måns himself. Måns Zelmerlöw is arguably the most attractive human to ever set a foot on a Eurovision stage. The man is irresistable even on a platonic level. He puts every other charismatic performer to shame and does it effortlessly.
However, even with these two trump cards, the staging is indeed the best part of “Heroes”. It bears repeating that I think this is the best Eurovision act to date. Impressive visual effects, flawless choreography and impeccable camerawork elevate “Heroes” to a much higher level. It tells it story with more clarity and efficacity than any other entry I can think of.
Ultimately, Måns staging is a testament of his goodness, and an acceptable reason for winning Eurovision. Because of “Heroes”, many countries have upped their staging game, resulting in more visually impressive entries (specifically the Sabotage Baptiste ones in 2016, and Sergey I guess), which is a positive development. Live music isn’t so much about which song you perform, but about how you perform it, and “Heroes” is the best example of that.
Here we are again, our annual appointment with everyone’s favourite sibling alliance. 😍 “Stones” is powerful kick-ass diamond of indie-rock and a serious contender for my favourite Swiss entry of all time.
The song is a masterclass in mental health awareness and self-empowerment, dismantling bullying and depression with perfectly timed percussion and AHUMs, truth-bombing lyrics and an insanely charismatic lead who sounds like Joss Stone on five packs a day. 😍 It’s catchier than ebola, more addictive than sugar and soars higher than a kite.
In addition to all of that jazz, “Stones” is also responsible for some of the most iconic visuals in 2018:
God the shot of Coco with the flare still sends shivers down my spine. WHAT A CRUSADER OF THE DOWNTRODDEN. 😍 Whenever I’m feeling down, this is the song that lifts me back up again.
Really, the only thing not good about ZiBBZ was the camerawork and that wasn’t their fault. FY Hans Pancake. 🙄 If ever there were a robbed NQ who deserves a Genovaesque return, it’s the Zibblings. BRING THEM BACK!!!
26. Paula Seling & Ovi - “Playing with fire”
Romania 2010
Speaking of highly addictive songs, holy cow Ovi I need rehab for that beat alone because I CANNOT get it out of my head.
Anyway, who else would be the #1 for Romania if not for Paula Seling and Ovi? “Miracle” was a beautiful example of tacky taste, but “Playing with fire”, man, :takes a sip of gin:, now that is the real stuff.
I’ll start, I guess, where I’ve begun my write-up which is the composition: “Playing with fire” has one of the best underlying beats in this decade, which gives it infinite replayability. Layered on top of that is some delightfully aggressive piano (😍), on top of THAT some amazingly playful lyrics (”BOY BOY BOY If we’re mean, i would start a fight tonight” songs about playfighting <3) and on top of THAT, Paula Seling. Paula is the STAR of this performance, stealing the show every time she’s shown with deliciously flirtatious facial expressions
and some vocal masturbation in the guise of a dolphin impersonation.
She and Ovi and ignite the place with both insane pyrotechnics and spontaneous chemistry. So fun, SO GOOD, so dynamic especially for an act where the main singers sit down in front of a double-headed plexiglass piano (😍). Duncan Laurence DEAD in a motherfucking DITCH.
And with this update we have eliminated FIVE countries. Check their reviews below:
GEORGIA
Georgia is such a bizarre Eurovision country, often churning out absolutely BONKERS entries that leave Europe stunned in silence. <3 It may not be reflected in their vital statistics but I always look forward for what they have on offer because even in the rare case of them being boring, they are always interesting.
BELARUS
Belarus was one of the worst countries in the 00s, but in the 2010s they’ve evolved into a bargain bin Moldova, which makes them solidly good. It’s really astounding that a country SO GOOD at being entertaining gets dismissed so easily because of their flag (and dictatorship (and gay rights)). They’re mostly good and 100% worthy of our time, tyvm!!
SWEDEN
The worst part of Sweden’s success streak is that it made them conceited and lazy. They no longer need to be innovative, creative or entertaining in order to get a top five position and worse, they are fully aware of it. This resulted in a marked drop in quality and if they don’t curb their hubris quickly, I predict it will soon come back to bite them. (ie: another NQ)
SWITZERLAND
B A S I C. Zibbz and Luca did a lot of the heavy lifting here, which caused Switz to mathematically outrank Sweden, and while that’s hilarious it also feels absurd and wrong. Don’t be fooled by all that green though. Switzerland are basic bitches and have no idea what to do in order to be cool.
ROMANIA
Romania are one of the better hit-or-miss countries in Eurovision, imo even if the chart doesn’t fully reflect it. The problem I have with them is that their entries don’t have a long shelf life. Like, the Cezars and Ilincae of this world grow stale very quickly because they’re exhausting and shallow. Having said that, this is by far preferable over being consistently boring (UK) or violently oscillating between great and demonic entries (Germany, Demark).
That tells you all you need to know about Nathan. His appeal is the exact same as Gianluca’s, except Nathan isn’t nearly as good. I happen to adOOOOOOre Gianluca though (um, spoiler), so I’ll happily accept a discount store alternative, why not? 🤗
As for Nathan himself, he brought some lowkey adorable ferrety charm to the table, but “Running on air” is a conformist dreamscape on the verge between “acceptably boring” and “unacceptably” boring for me. It’s as nice as a salad... and ain’t nobody buying no friends with a salad~
Senit is pretty great, how come she isn’t mentioned more??? I suppose being a quiet San Marinese NQ in a sea of deafening LOUDness is the main reason why she’s getting overlooked, but that’s why I like her. She’s like the batty Eritrean aunt I’ve always wanted to have (um, since May 2011) 🤗. So sweet, so pure, so hopeless, so Senit. 😊
SCRUMP BITCHES <3 God, Paula and Ovi are just Romania at their most glorious: King and Queen of tacky trashpop <3 Don’t mistake me, “Miracle” is a terrible song, but that’s precisely why I find enjoyable: The shouting, the hand choreography, the impractical circular synthesizer, the lowres hologram, the FORCED HUG. If you’re going to be horrible at music, please, YES, cloak it in non-stop, over-the-top showboating. 😍
PS: Paula and Ovi thought they would win with this. 😂 Bless ‘em.
Artsvik is one of those entrants where I feel the bulk of the potential she had was largely left untapped. Like, “Fly with me” is a dreamy, droll, whimsical cocktail of secondary colours and ethno-indie noise, baptised by Sacha’s signature magenta lighting. It easily could’ve been one of the all-time greats under the right circumstances. Instead, it kind of gets lost on a giant stage wit only a meager hand choreography and a CGI simurgh left to compensate. "Fly with me” is still really good, mind, but its role in Euroivision 2017 is that of a townsperson.
God, I remember this place turning into Jonestown, Guyana once MELOVIN into our Eurovision lives all: “I AM A VAMPYRE!!!! WORSHIP HOW ALTERNATIVE AND ARTISTIC I AM 😈”. Everyone was so ready to drink the killer koolaid for this *so real, so weird ::cuts self::* type of creature.
As such, Mélovin could have easily end up as annoying and insufferable as his rabid fanbase did, but fortunately he was an entity of lowkey hilarity. The tone was set once he decided to go all from can I consider the most LEGENDARY 40 seconds of a Grand Final opener.
A vibe was then continued in an impromptu interview with Filomena which she had to cut off once Mélovin came out as the strigoi of Stavropol, blurring the line between Genuine Indie Weirdo and Actually Insane Person.
Unfortunately though, much like Artsvik the whole does NOT live up to the hype created by the artist. Mélovin is p. good and I’ll forever cherish his unique spin on the English language, but after its epic opening “Under the ladder” then sinks into a jibberish, underwhelming poprock vehicle, with no real climax or reference point. It’s pretty fun and all, but a far cry from the songs that make my heart race, so bye!
