Analysis Review
The first target area that I am focusing on is C3- A confusing idea, whether due to syntax, logic, or underdevelopment. My original excerpt is from my Analysis 2 on the Tempest, "Because of these implications, I better understand that: while humans may often be thought of as the smarter, stronger, and better race of animal, we wouldn’t be able to survive if it weren’t for the lesser animals around us." My revision of this excerpt is: "Because of these implications, I better understand that: while humans think of themselves as the smarter, stronger, and over-all better race of animal, they would not be able to survive without the creatures that they believe to be "lesser"; Also, these "lesser" animals are, in fact, not lesser, but equally as important as humans are." During the Paragraph Workshops that we held, it was brought up by several other students that this sentence in my original analytical paragraph needed some work because the way I had worded it was confusing. It seemed to be contradictory that I had just talked about these other creatures being superior, but then immediately called them lesser. I changed this to "lesser" to show that it's more of an implication by humans, themselves, that the other creatures are lesser than them.
The second target area that I'm focusing on is J1- Positions expressed independent of analysis, such as moral, ethical, or artistic positions, or opinions. My original excerpt was, "I disagree with his position completely. I believe that parents should be required to vaccinate their children unless the child has a health reason that prevents them from getting the vaccine," from my Analysis 3. My revision of this excerpt is, "Because Governor Christie is so clearly misinformed when it comes to the effects of vaccines yet advocates not vaccinating your children, he loses a great amount of credibility with the public. The article seems to emphasize this downfall of Christie's in order to dash his reputation and possibly ruin his chances in the upcoming presidential election."