#poor bruce

[noodles-and-tea]

Superman is his favourite…

[frownyalfred]

okay but consider the hilarity of Dick Grayson actually making a name for himself as a REALLY good detective over in Blüdhaven, the Gotham tabloids catching wind of it, and printing a whole story about how Dick “…clearly doesn’t get it from his father!”

his father being Bruce Wayne, known in certain circles as the world’s greatest detective. like imagine the dinner table conversation after that story drops.

[witherby]

For the littlest Wayne series, imagine y/n having the habit of biting Bruce specifically 👀

Alfred, the batboys and the justice League members can hold y/n as long as possible without getting bit but whenever Bruce holds y/n he always ends up with tiny bite marks

Hey this made me laugh for like 15 minutes. I love u

The Littlest Wayne: Teething

Bruce is fine. His sons will tell you he's pouting but he's not, okay.

It's just that you obviously love your brothers more than him. Anybody would be upset by that. But he's not pouting.

"Bruce, get up."

"Can't. I'm injured."

Dick levels a flat look at him. "Up."

Bruce lifts his bare arm, showing off the miniscule little tooth mark you left on his bicep.

"I think it's fatal. I'm sorry, Dick, I know I promised I'd stick around as long as I could, but —"

"Oh my god."

"This may come as a shock, and you're going to need time to grieve, but I've left you a substantial amount of money in the will."

"Bruce, they're just teething, please stop."

"I can feel the life draining out of me. I'll finally see my parents again."

"Whoa."

"Too much?"

"Too much. Dial it back."

Bruce sits up and sighs, running a hand through his hair. He gestures to you as you relax in your brother's arms. "They don't even have a binky in their mouth right now, and they're just sitting there so politely."

Dick rolls his eyes, bouncing you lightly. You look at your big brother for a moment, then direct your gaze to Bruce and stare at him like the tastiest cookie on the planet.

"What's the problem? It's not like anything bad is happening. You're just the person they wanna chew on."

"Chum. It's gotten to the point where they will spit out their teething rings to crawl to me, find the first available patch of skin, and bite down." He lifts up the pant leg of his sweats and points to his ankle. "Eight times. They found me and bit my ankle eight times today. Then I picked them up ten minutes ago and they got my arm. These are targeted attacks."

"They're not targeted," Dick insists, trying not to laugh. He turns to you and tickles your tummy. You squeal and squirm. "They're not targeted, are they? Huh? No, they're not! Bruce is being paranoid again! He's so silly."

"Put them down."

Dick smirks. "Bruce. They just ate. They're not going to —"

"Put them down."

He rolls his eyes, but Dick complies and gently sets you on the floor. You stare up at him a moment, then face Bruce, then crawl up to him and open your mouth, nearly headbutting his ankle in your haste to chomp on it.

"Oh my god," says Dick, "like a heat-seeking missile."

"Like a heat-seeking missile," Bruce echoes, pouting.

[24hourdaydreamer]

Whoops, I went angsty again 🫣

Do you think Bruce ever feels jealous of Clark and his (perceived) perfect life and family? 🥺

[ofdragonandphoenix]

Batfamily fic idea:

The ‘Tim goes back in time and changes things’ premise (bc yes I’ve been bingeing these lately and I’m in LOVE) but somewhere along the way, Tim gets amnesia.

He doesn’t remember anything about the new timeline he’s created or whatever event led him to go back in time in the first place. So, when Tim returns to his senses after whatever concussion or drug that effected his memories, he just collects his things and goes home.

To the manor.

Wayne Manor.

Against all odds, it actually takes a while for him to realize something’s off. To be fair, he’s very out of it, and very tired in general, and it’s just so easy to explain all the little things not matching up.

Can’t find his keys? Probably lost them on patrol. He can just break into his room.

None of his stuff is there? Curse the brat and his vendetta against Tim’s existence.

None of his passwords work? Guess Bruce is going through another late night paranoia bout and switched them, not like Tim can’t hack in on his own.

The intel board for his latest case is missing? Tim must have moved it around during his own latest bout of late night paranoia.

Alfred staring at him in shock when he runs past and out of the manor? Yeah, he’s surprised he’s up and working without caffeine around this time, too.

And on it goes.

It takes a couple of days for Tim to realize something’s changed. A little because he’s still recovering. Somewhat because he’s spiraling into a case. Mostly because he’s avoiding any real interactions with his family (just so that they won’t worry. He’s learned his lessons about hiding multiple injuries. Totally. Definitely. For sure.)

Even so, he finds time to unknowingly terrorize the Bats.

He sees Dick at a coffee shop, grabs his coffee and chugs half of it before running out with a thank you thrown behind him, leaving Dick half bewildered, half indignant and staring mournfully at his cup. He bumps into Jason at the library and they hiss at each other back and forth until Jason actually throws a punch. Tim dodges and laughs, bc it wasn’t anything near the precision and strength Hood usually uses. He says so and then looks at the time and heads out, smiling, leaving Jason utterly disturbed. He snags cookies from Alfred at the manor, earning a double take from the butler so hard that the man has to take aspirin after. He finds Damian in the living room, yells at him for messing with his bedroom, then storms out when Damian just stares at him making short, angry, flustered noises. He sprints past Bruce on his way out. Bruce tries to question him but Tim just waves him off, attributing it to overprotectiveness and seamlessly dodging all Bruce’s attempts to catch him.

Finally, Tim realizes something’s wrong when he gets to his apartment and it’s not his anymore. He uses his trackers to find his suit and it leads him straight to Drake Manor, where he finds Cardinal’s costume, not Red Robin’s. In his confusion he checks his phone for any updates from the family and finds a different date than he expected. A really, really different date.

Dread finally dawning on him, Tim heads over to the cave, taking the motorcycle that’s thankfully still there (albeit a different aesthetic than he remembers). He’s realized that he has amnesia and can’t remember the last… years of his life. Arriving, his panic only worsens as he sees Jason in a non-Hood getup, Batman in an altered suit, and Nightwing and Robin sparring in a very different looking training area.

Suffice to say, everything screeched to a stopped when Tim skidded in on his bike.

After a lot of punching, cursing, and Batarang throwing, Tim finally manages to convince his family that he’s not a super villain. In fact, he tells them the truth he’s at last realized:

He must be in an alternate universe, having taken on the body of their Tim.

Handcuffed to a chair, Tim goes about proving it, giving the assigned code for alt universes and sharing information that only a Batkid and, more importantly, a Wayne would know. Batman finally calls in Zatanna and she analyzes him, telling them she certainly found something alright. Unfortunately, she whispers to Batman and then Tim is forced to sit in the medical bay (still injured), out of earshot, while the rest of his family discuss what she found.

Finally, finally, his family filters into the medbay, all staring at him with wide, unreadable eyes. Then, Batman steps forward and says, “Okay. I believe you.” And crumples a little as Tim lights up like a Christmas tree.

Because Zatanna’s analysis told them it wasn’t alternate universe travel magic covering his signature, but time travel magic. Meaning, all Tim’s proof of familyhood was him remembering being one of them in the alternate time line. Meaning, they had a family member right there all this time who must have known, and yet hadn’t come home.

Meaning, this boy who looked at Batman—at Bruce—with a bright smile and mischievous eyes, who joined his brothers in banter and troublemaking with such ease and familiarity, who was calculating and passionate and sarcastic as everything, was theirs. And they never would have known.

The next few days, Bruce along with Jason, Dick, and Damian conduct their investigations— Cass, Duke, and Steph coming in on it soon after. They pretend they believe Tim, helping him uncover “Other Tim’s” life so they can know more about how he got there, and then help him get home. They ask him questions, playing up curiosities of their “other selves.” Tim fills them all in, chalking up their emotional reactions to shock from learning about such a different alt universe, and asks questions in return.

Bruce becomes more and more heartbroken the more he learns. The more he sees how much Tim obviously loves them. His siblings do too. Anger, grief, and fear run high in Wayne Manor. Batman investigates. Dick gets clingy/distanced in turn. Cass and Steph rotate shifts so their newfound brother is always under surveillance. Duke snoops like he’s never snooped before. Damian and Jason loom in the corners. It’s all they can do not to shake Tim and demand answers he wouldn’t know anyway.

However, as frustration grows, so does their love for their wayward brother and the determination to keep Tim no matter what.

Eventually, after a week or so, Tim wakes up one morning, picks up his cup in the kitchen, takes a sip of coffee surrounded by the chaos of his siblings and grumpy dad, and remembers everything.

Unfortunately, his dropped cup shattering on the floor and his loud, “Oh no. Oh no,” is not subtle in the least, grabbing the attention of the room. Then he’s staring at them in horror as they stare back. Panicked, Tim throws a spare gas bomb, runs up to his room with his family on his heels, and jumps out of his bedroom window.

He makes it a good ways through Gotham, taking a pit stop to throw on a wig, eye contacts, and a different set of clothes. He’s at the docs, about to board a ship when the full power of the Bats comes down on him. Secrets out, his family drags him back to the manor, demanding answers. It’s not long before Tim breaks down.

His plan had been working so well and then he had to go and ruin everything. There was no recovering from this mess up. He’s determined to just ignore them until he can get away again, but his family won’t leave him alone. They pester, provoke, interrogate, and smother him in turn until finally, confronted gently by the real reason he went back in time (Bc there was no way he could have hid that from Cass and the rest of the world’s best detectives for long— body language is their forte), he tells them everything, dog-piled beneath his siblings as Bruce strokes his hair.

Needless to say, he moves back into the manor. There may or may not be a few more attempts to run or self-isolate, but his family knows him now. Maybe not with as many memories as he has (they’re working on that though), but enough to reassure him, for now, that they’re not going to let him go again.

[snakeredbirdbatkatana]

Sorry for so many like bodily fluid posts but I've always wondered/thought about the actual mechanisms of being vigilanties Nevermind child vigilanties and it's kinda hilarious.

Picturing big bad Batman talking with James Gordon only to be interrupted by his nine year old Robin just like doing a bathroom dance.

"B I have to go now."

Bruce abandoning his conversation cause now means now and he's not risking having to clean that up.

James thinking of how many times he's had to do that with Barbra and not even stopping him cause he gets it.

Hell Bruce having to speed back to the cave and watching Jason practically run out of the car, a gun landing right on the bat computer cause he waited to long.

Dick avoiding eye contact while his little brother pisses in a Gatorade bottle he just found cause this stakeout has lasted a bit to long and he's sick of watching Tim do a dance like a child.

Damian having to embarrassingly ask Dick one of his first patrols as Robin if they can make a pit stop because in about 2 minutes he's gonna piss through the armored leggings.

Like highly trained skilled vigilanties and there isn't enough training in the world to get rid of the fact that sometimes you have to pee and 9/10 your Dad who is Batman then has to run you to the bathroom or your older brother who is the Nightwing is running a red light begging you not to piss in the Batmobile.

"Tim please like 2 minutes I'm begging you."

"Do you not think I'm not trying I'm fucking trying."

It's absolutely the funniest shit every

[feelingbat-ty]

Bruce, telling the kids some random tidbit about his life: And that’s why I don’t drink rum anymore.

Duke: Wow, new dad lore just dropped

Bruce: I don’t set the laws, You can do what you want.

Duke: … wait no- Hah!

Jason, cackling: that’s not what lore means old man!

Bruce: ???

[erraticsunflower]

Dick: Rules were made to be broken

Bruce: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken

Tim: Uh, piñatas

Steph: Glow sticks

Daimian: Karate boards

Jason: Spaghetti when you have a small pot

Dick: Rules

Bruce: