#post heartbreak

[scandel-makes-art]

Been finding it hard to be kind Since I've been lost out there, losing my mind And I still keep on searching for what I can't find Let me drown ("Let Me Drown", song by Orville Peck)

Happy belated Valentine's Day to Ortega and Ortega alone 🤭🤭🤭 I finished the drawing wohoooo!!

[plotbunny-bundle]

I just had the angtiest thought

Fallen Hero Rebirth and Retribution (demo) spoilers under the cut

If it was the Farm in that ambulance it would be more effect to confirm which cuckoo they have by scanning the bar code rather then checking the face. They would check both I imagine but code would probably be scanned first.

Can you imagine how terrifying that would be for Sidestep? Being dragged into an ambulance, being too injured to resist or get away. Being so scared for Ortega and Steel still up there, for you, your secret is about to be exposed. And then the “paramedics” cut off your costume and costume and scan your tattoos, those hated marks, before treating your injures. They make a note of your ID code before working to save you. And all you can do is hope they fail.

That would be horrifying. I’m not sure if that would be worse or for Sidestep to be out for most of the time and go from their last memory of jumping to waking up back at the farm.

[tequilatipsy]

Some days I remember our little jokes, belly laughing at a language only we spoke. Other days, I remember how I wasn't enough to make you stay. I remember the crushing feeling at 4:00 in the morning when you said you didn't want to try anymore.

Often when I think of you, it's a lovely memory we shared. Those memories normally end with wondering; wondering what happened, if you ever meant forever all those time you promised it. Wondering why you gave up on me, why you fell out of love with me. Wondering if this new life is what you wanted. Wondering if you think about it, if I'll forever be your sore subject. If you'll always feel bad about what you did to me.

I don't know you now. I haven't heard your voice in so long, seen your face, smelled your ever so familiar scent. All I have are memories, and even though we had year and years of beautiful, wholesome memories, the heartbreaking ones still haunt me more than the pleasant ones that I'll forever miss.

[takeitadayatatime]

Steps

1. I loved you with every cell in my body, every breath in my lungs, every bit of blood in all my veins

2. I hurt. My hear was shattered, my soul destroyed, my knees and hands were scarred, my eyes red and puffy from trying to get the pain out of my body

I realized forgiveness didn’t mean it was okay, it meant you two no longer had anything on me to control my emotions or hold me back.

3. Time helped. The emptiness wasn’t as heavy. I found genuine people that showed me not having you in my life was not a loss but a chance to find myself again and get on the right path.

4. I revisited every place we went to. I made new memories. At the park, the movies, the mall, the places where we went out to eat at and you were on your phone and I ended up paying the bills at.

5. I listened to all the songs I listened to before you. I listened to the songs I heard while with you in your apartment living room, bedroom and car. I listened to the type of music that made me think of you. I had to get all the pain and memories out.

6. I forgave you. I forgave her.

7. I regretted our relationship.

8. I start to wonder if maybe you do have some human characteristics and did feel something for me at some point and start out with good intentions. Immediately I remember the type of human being you are.

9. I realize it’s sad that I loved you so much and I never meant anything to you. You probably don’t even realize what you lost which was a person who would have done anything and everything for you. What’s idiotic is that I want to talk to you and catch up. Not in a “I wanna get back together” way. I know you wouldn’t want to because you don’t see how great I am but luckily I don’t need you to, I’m actually over it and realize you are not my person. I’m too good of a human being for what you are. I’m a different person who can see clearly now so I want to see how you’ve turned out.

10.

[sundayhydrangeas]

I write on the edges of old book pages

Inscribing

Graffitiing

Call it what you may

The words I leave are all I have to say

Sayings from the heart I thought were long lost

Emotions spilled in ink from love once star crossed

Memories with doors never closed

Petals falling from a single rose

All moments placed upon an old fairy tale book

Because that is where I know you will never look 

[tequilatipsy]

Good Anger

Now that we no longer speak, I can see the world more clearly. The world without you, full of opportunity, new beginnings, new faces. I still think of you, but not as much. I still miss you at weird times, but it usually ends in anger. Maybe I needed to become angry with you and your choices to stop missing you. Because when I'm angry, I'm mindful of how you hurt me and the mess you left me in. I'm conscious of how far I've come without you and how I'll never let anybody, especially not you, do that to me again.

So now when I start missing you, I just scream fuck you instead. And then I'm okay.

[tequilatipsy]

I'm Okay

She won't ever replace me.

Nobody will replace me.

I was your first. I loved you first. I lived with you first. We grew up together. And grew apart together. That dreadful fear I had of being replaced is irrelevant, because it's impossible. What we had can't be replaced. It will be different. Better in a sense. But nobody can take away what we had. Somebody will come in and steal your heart one day, and I sincerely hope they do. And that they are wonderful to you. But I will forever hold a small piece of your heart from your youth, and from your young twenties. From our life for 6 years. Just as you will forever hold a piece of mine.

So I'm okay knowing I won't be replaced. We are just moving on. Living. Surviving. Thriving.

[sh-eilla]

Menjadi dua, Tak lagi satu.

Lagi-lagi, patah hati selalu jadi titik balik.

Satu tahun mungkin bukan waktu yang lama, tapi seperti yang pernah ku sampaikan padanya, bahwa dalam satu tahun ini banyak yang terjadi.

Dari mulai sembuh dari luka lama, kemudian merasa hidup diatas kaki sendiri (bahkan menopang yang lain), sampai berbagi masa depan.

Sudah merasa seperti menjadi satu rangkaian gerbong kereta yang satu tujuan, tapi ternyata harus berbeda arah. Seperti kereta, mengganti rangkaian gerbong untuk tujuan lainnya tidak semudah itu, ada tempat dan waktunya.

Ini bukan kereta, ini perasaan. "Mungkin sama-sama butuh waktu" Atau mungkin tidak satu waktu, dan itu bukan salah siapa-siapa.

Ternyata setelah dikaji dengan bijak, tidak ada gunanya merasa menjadi korban: toh segalanya kita lakukan dengan suka(dan sangat)rela. Tidak bijak juga membenci, mencaci, apalagi harus menyumpahi karena setiap manusia itu diciptakan seimbang baik dan buruknya.

Tapi lagi-lagi, memasuki kehidupan seseorang yang sudah kita anggap rumah: masuk dengan permisi, keluar juga dengan permisi; itu penting. Bukan masalah ego, bukan juga tentang siapa yang salah, tapi bentuk saling tanggung jawab, bahwa dimulai dengan diskusi untuk menentukan masa depan, ditutup juga dengan diskusi untuk menentukan jalan kedepan.

Mengacu ke prinsip hidupku:

Bahwa menjadi baik itu satu-satunya pilihan, jika mengharapkan kebaikan yang hakiki. Menyadari bahwa setiap jiwa ada kebaikan yang telah diporsikan untuk kebaikan lainnya dan jiwa baik lainnya akan menerima kita. Maka kunci dari hidup dan mati tenang itu: menjadi baik.

Tapi sayang, kita hanya manusia.

Semoga di kehidupan selanjutnya, aku adalah orang yang lebih baik dan bisa menerima kebaikanmu, dan kamu, adalah orang yang lebih baik dan bisa menerima kebaikanku.

Aamiin-kan paling serius. Aamiin yaa Rabbal aalamiin.

Bandung, 22 Mei 2023 -dari aku, teman kepalamu. Untuk kamu, teman hatiku.