Hi, fellow fandoms.
After over a year away, I’m stepping back into this space—not as the person you once knew, but as the person I’ve become. I want to show you not just who I am now, but also the kind of person you’ve lost.
When I first joined the phandom, I was just starting to figure out who I was. I was wide-eyed, naive, and desperate to find a place to belong. And at first, this fandom felt like home. People welcomed me warmly, and I clung to that kindness like it was everything. But as time passed, I started to see the cracks in the surface.
While the phandom has done good—especially in supporting queer and neurodivergent people—it also has serious blind spots: racism, microaggressions, xenophobia, privacy violations, and cultural appropriation. And when these things aren’t addressed, they grow roots.
Take Dan and Phil. Their boundaries have been crossed again and again by fans—through stalking, oversexualization, invasive jokes, and content that steps far beyond respect. Despite how much “we love them,” I don’t believe they’ve ever felt truly safe with their own audience. And it’s not just them.
This fandom, like many others, reflects the larger issues in the world. Racism, xenophobia, and a lack of emotional safety exist here too—sometimes from fans, sometimes even from Dan and Phil themselves. It’s tempting to idolize them, but they are just people, shaped by the same colonial systems and biases that harm so many others.
I’m not saying this to condemn, but to highlight what could have been different—what I could have helped build if I’d stayed.
You see, I’m a doctor. I’ve never mentioned that here before. But more than that, I’m also a pansexual, genderfluid, creative problem-solver. I don’t just think outside the box—I connect boxes. I build bridges. And where others see chaos, I see systems that can be improved, made fairer, made safer.
Here’s what that has looked like in the real world:
Healthcare reform: In my country, we’re severely understaffed in hospitals. Doctors often see over 100 patients a day—giving each person just 6 minutes. So I created pamphlets (written and designed by me!) explaining symptoms and self-care for common illnesses. I included a Facebook page link where people can get more information and message me for help. This system eased the burden on doctors, helped patients feel seen, and saved lives.
Queer community building: Our society is conservative. Even as things improve, queer people are scattered, silent, and scared. So I started a Discord group—a safe space for queer creatives. I handpicked members by first offering emotional support online. If someone seemed in need of belonging and safe to be around, I invited them in. We have daily check-ins, conversations, art shares, writing hangouts, voice chats—everything a chosen family needs. And I’m planning to train more moderators to expand this space to reach the whole country.
Queer representation in media: Media representation here is often shallow—cis women writing gay men for clout, while queer people feel erased. No one knows what a sensitivity reader is. So I plan to become one internationally, build the demand, then bring that standard home. I’ll train others, start a company, and turn sensitivity reading into a norm. Our stories deserve to be told by us, for us.
Queer health advocacy: I plan to become an LGBTQ+ health doctor, alongside my work in family medicine. I’ll write educational blogs, offer resources, and create pamphlets that speak directly to queer experiences—meeting people where they are, especially those too afraid to seek help.
All of this is what I’ve been doing. All of this is what I could have done here, too.
If I had stayed in the phandom, I could have:
Built healthier boundaries between Dan and Phil and their fans—ones that protected everyone.
Created systems that supported BIPOC and international fans, without shaming or dividing people.
Made this fandom safe for everyone, including Dan and Phil.
But you didn’t let me. You pushed me out.
So no, I’m not here to take revenge by lashing out or tearing anyone down. My revenge is this: I’ve left. And you’ve lost me. You lost someone who could have changed things. Someone who builds instead of breaks. Someone who listens, connects, and makes entire systems better.
I’m not coming back. I’m moving forward. You can keep what’s left.
To all my (ex)friends who need to see this—
With love, and nothing left to lose.
@intoapuddle @obv10usly @calvinahobbes @toastysandhamwich @thistooisphanyuri @philipforscales @foreverjustanemokidatheart @gamora-borealis @invisible-brandy @jonsaremembers @absolutefilthimsorry @castrotophic @psychicmoth @serendipnpipty @deadandphilgames @yikesola @azuphere @hoodiestrings @nothoughtsonlytrance @yonpote @husbants @natigail @ahappydnp @danrifics @danielhowell @amazingphil
