I just want to get this off my chest really quick... (rant-y)
I’m watching some INFJ videos on YouTube and one YT channel presenter started talking about subtypes of INFJs, so of course I had to watch. It turns out the subtypes he was talking about were the Enneagram types most likely to be INFJ. Now I’ve stated in the past that I don’t care for the Enneagram very much because it’s problematic, and I’m more interested in the MBTI when it comes to personality analysis. Although I’ve tried to lean in and grasp the Enneagram’s ideology, I simply can’t get on board with it.
I am not a fan of the Enneagram, and it's especially connected to how those who follow it describe Type 4s. (For the record, I consider myself a Type 4w3, but my argument stands regardless of this information.)
To be blunt, I think those who are "all in" on the Enneagram get Type 4s completely wrong when it comes to motivation. I've never identified with the mischaracterization that my sole purpose in life is to be unique. Authentic, sure. But unique is a fluid concept, and Type 4s are more about not wanting to feel manipulated by a society that directly and indirectly pushes us all to think, act and believe one particular or specific way. Yes, Type 4s buck conformity, but they do so because it feels inauthentic. Not because we want to be unique.
For example, I own a OnePlus smartphone. Before that, I had a Motorola Droid Turbo. When my 2-yr contract was up and I decided that I didn’t want a new Droid, I made a point not to look at Samsungs and iPhones. I know those are the 2 most popular smartphones available in my country, but I didn’t want them. Sure, I had no desire to buy them and be like everyone else, but not because I didn’t want to be like everyone else, but because I needed to be sure that I spent my money reflecting my voice and values. No phone manufacturer is perfect, and based on research, all phone companies are awful in a variety of ways (slave labor, violating environmental laws, lobbying practices, tax evasion, etc.).
But I put a genuine multi-month effort into researching what phone I could get that met my needs and, hopefully, was the least awful in a barrel of awful corporations. I landed on OnePlus. Now, I may be wrong, and they’re just as hot garbage as all the others, but comparatively, I made an earnest effort to find something to truly reflect me -- authentically. Not because I want to be unique.
I feel like Enneagram fans honestly believe that Type 4s devalue themselves if they ever view themselves as normal, and nothing could be further from the truth. Type 4s know they're human, and they take pride in relating to others when they genuinely do. And yet I see so many "experts" insist that we're constantly trying to feel special and our self-esteem is predicated on viewing ourselves as magical unicorns that it frankly makes me doubt the entire Enneagram concept.
Perhaps a truly unhealthy Type 4 does behave this way. But if you listen to the so-called experts tell it, this desire to be unique is what defines us all and we're all running around just being absolute terrors, annoying everyone for the sake of annoying them while living our most unhealthy life. And to that I have to say "No, thank you."
And whenever I bring up how Enneagram fans are incredibly judgmental of Type 4s, someone is quick to rush in and say that the Enneagram isn’t about judging people. “It’s just a tool to help you to become a better and healthier person.” Sorry, that’s just nonsense. The Enneagram was developed by human beings, and human beings are prone to make flawed judgments about people they don’t understand, especially when they divide them into too few categories.
And since the Type 4 group is the smallest of the Enneagram types, I’m inclined to think that it’s been developed by and seconded by people who don’t understand the people who identify as Type 4s, and it’s more about manipulating that type into being what the rest of society wants them to be -- that is someone who falls in line, plays along to get along, and does what they’re told.
Type 4s are constantly attacked for thinking they’re “special” and told that they’re not unique and everything they go through is the same things everyone else feels and goes through. And yet, countless Type 4s share stories of being under the unending barrage of criticism, abuse and bullying from people who tell them that they’re weird, freakish, and unacceptable. If everyone knows what it’s like to not fit in, then why are there still people who bully others into fitting in?
Some of us are people who have lived an entire life of never fitting in. We’re not talking about just when we’re kids or teens. We get bullied as much as adults as we did when we were young. We’re rejected by our families, our classmates, our coworkers, and society in general. Some of us have never had more than 3 friends at once our entire lifetime. We can’t rely on others to help us when we’re in need. We don’t have anyone to lean on when we’re depressed. When we open our mouths to express our opinions, the entire room grows silent and tense because we said something so unpopular or out of the ordinary. (I can’t tell you the number of times that has happened to me at every single job I’ve ever had.)
Sure, these aren’t the experiences of every Type 4, but it is the experience for many of us. My point is we’re not trying to be unique. We’re just trying to be ourselves in a world that says we’re not welcome to do so. So stop saying the Enneagram isn’t about judging people, especially if your description of us and our motivation is completely false.
