#regrettable updates

[regrettablewritings]

You know what? I think this’ll do…

Thanks for the last five or so years, whoever’s out there. But at least for now, this chapter is finished.✌🏽

[regrettablewritings]

So because I live in an actually kinda shitty place to live in, we’re experiencing yet another hurricane situation at some point today. Currently, there’s a chance the power will go out and if it does, then it might be out for a few dats...Might go radio silent in such an event, given that my only way of charging my phone once my portable chargers die will be at work.

In any case, in the event of this occurring (knock on wood), y’all stay safe and have a happy Halloween!

[regrettablewritings]

m’kay so as it turns out, i will not have anything out by tomorrow. maybe sunday, but i make no promises. work suddenly decided to actually be a pain in my ass, so now i’m constantly tired and my only days off are mondays and tuesdays, so i’d expect a bit more productivity around or after those dates. thanks for understanding

[regrettablewritings]

To the people who requested ship memes a millennia ago:

I swear they’ve been in the works all this time. In my 20/20 vision of hindsight, it occurred to me I probably should’ve warned that there would be some delays because I had been tasked with a hefty art commission all of September, and October showed an increase in my work hours with strong hints from my boss that my part-time job May become a full-time job in the near enough future.

Because of these things, the energy to do what’s left wound up being rationed quite a bit and it’s been hard to stay focused. And considering the amount of detail I put into those, I hope you’re understanding. I’ve been sorta writing other things on the side to potentially perk me up and revive my e joyment of writing so don’t think that because I may be posting other things, that I’ve forgotten about yours.

Anyway, I just wanted to ensure that they’re still being worked on and to thank you endlessly for your immense amount of patience! But suffice to say, I probably won’t be doing another ship meme for a while after this. And if I do, they won’t be nearly as long probably.

Thanks and toodles!

[regrettablewritings]

Update: Tfw you're writing the Bruce HCs but it's playing out like an imagine, but with bullet points...

In short, this is either gonna be really good or really bad 😂😩

[regrettablewritings]

Should I do a Sleepover Saturday??

I feel like it’d be a good way to connect with y’all, and a weak way of making up for the fact that I couldn’t do anything spectacular for the 200-follower milestone. I’m just hesitant about it because I worry that no-one will message anything. I already have a hard enough time getting messages over simple things like what to write for next or show recommendations . . . But I dunno, I’m willing to try if you are.

[regrettablewritings]

So the other night, I went to go see Black Panther: Wakanda Forever.

It was a very last minute decision, especially considering that I actually had been dreading the idea of seeing it. But part of me thought that wouldn’t be fair, and that maybe actually seeing it might give me a sense of closure or catharsis of some kind left by the raw wound I’m still trying to heal even two years after Chadwick’s sudden passing. But I also went for another reason.

Let me preface this by saying that this post isn’t a review or analysis regarding my thoughts and feelings about the film, be it personally or critically. But if Youtubers can start at Point A just to get to an eventual Point D, then so can I. Just . . . be warned, this is going to be all over the place, per the @regrettablewritings way.

Years ago, before 2020, before even Endgame, I decided that whatever the sequel to Black Panther was, it would be the last Marvel film I would try to see or have any real feelings on. I’ve never been quiet about it, but I also don’t think I’ve been necessarily vocal about my growing disinterest and frustration with the franchise. But I mean, there’s already a metric crapton of Youtube and Tumblr essays on why the MCU “sucks now”, so go look at those. (Though my personal growing lack of interest was based on how suffocating the franchise was becoming by the end of Phase 2 for me, what with the expectation that you keep tabs on every single film but I digress.)

The plan, despite my emotional hesitancy following Chadwick’s death, had always been to eventually see the movie and let that more or less be the end of my “relationship” with Marvel (god that sounds so needlessly dramatic but whatever). By extension, though, this would mean bringing a close to the writings I did for characters from the MCU.

And to a degree, I was fine with this: I barely wrote for them, the ones I did write for never really got requested when I did headcanon memes, the others I tended to get requests for belonged to lines I just couldn’t keep up with for one reason or another. The final few I still had on my Who I Write For list were predominately characters from Black Panther, so they existed within a sort of holding pattern until the sequel came out anyway. And while, yes, I did have plans for fics and perhaps some headcanons regarding a few of them, I couldn’t honestly say when or even if those would ever see the light of day. It frankly just seemed for the better to just call it a day and let things be.

Not everything needs to be written or written for, after all.

But as I mentally prepared myself for that, I also couldn’t help but keep thinking about it. A mental spring cleaning, if you would.

By the end of it, I was left with piles: A pile for things I no longer wanted to write for, a pile for things I wish I had the focus or energy to write for, a pile of things I just don’t know how to feel about, and so on.

And the thing is, these piles have all existed for far longer than even the trailers for Wakanda have been out. All seeing the movie really did was make me have to confront them, and what doing that meant was coming to the following conclusion:

I know I’ve said it before, but I genuinely mean it when I say here right now that I don’t know how much longer I’ll be doing this for. Writing on this blog, that is. Potentially writing at all, really.

I know: Hell of a time to come out and say it but the truth is that I’ve been feeling this way for a long while now.

I haven’t really enjoyed writing the way I used to. Every time I try, it comes out like garbage or it feels like it’s a bird trying to fly on broken wings. But every time I thought about just going on a regular hiatus, I’d start drafting up new ideas. So I stuck it out because I thought maybe all I needed to do was muscle through but . . .

And yeah I know to some, this is a hilariously small number to have in one’s drafts. But remember: I tend to write very thoroughly and verbosely for even things meant to be small, like preferences or headcanons. I’ll own up to it and admit that that played a part in my downfall, and that my perfectionism and the high expectations I place on myself aren’t any more helpful, but that doesn’t fix the fact that this is where I’m at for now. Even trying to reel it back and keep things simple makes me feel like I’ve hit a wall. I mean, look at all I’ve written so far just to come clean about something as simple as “I don’t know if I want to keep doing this anymore”!

Gonna be real, the uptick in followers I’ve gotten these past few weeks has had me telling friends “It’s like finally starting up a Twitter account, only for Musk to buy out the site right after.” (Too soon? Too funny.)

But on that note comes the question of what happens next. And the answer is: I have no idea. I really don’t. I’ve battled with that question for at least half of to possibly a full year now. There have been days where I wanted to just delete the blog and move on. I’m too noncommittal to stick to just ghosting. And, like a pack rat, I’ve convinced myself that some of these fics might even eventually get posted. But the truth simply is that I don’t know what the future of this blog is, yet I still wanted to come clean about how I’ve been feeling about it.

I’ve humored the idea of just starting from scratch with a new blog but without alerting anybody because I think I might miss those days where there weren’t any expectations. After all, I never once thought this blog would get as many followers as it has now: I started Regrettablewritings as a literal dumping ground for the headcanons and oneshots I would give to other blogs over anon because that was how I showed admiration. Writing is one way I show love; so it’s frankly a little devastating to me at times that lately I just don’t enjoy how I’ve been writing. But what’s also pretty amazing is that it got this far at all. And I have y’all to thank for that, so . . .

There’s really not going to be a way I can truly express this: Thank you for sticking around even when there were dry spells, even when my perfectionism meant taking longer to complete a request, through my ranting, my obsessing, etc. The fact that for five years, there were people who would think that my stuff was halfway decent will never cease to amaze me. Truly!

So to whatever comes next: Let’s hope it works out. Cheers!

[regrettablewritings]

Btw I went and got an AO3

I doubt anything’s gonna happen to this blog when shit hits the fan, but I thought just in case

Anyway, the name’s the same though if I change it, I’ll obviously let y’all know