angst angst angst but with comfort ending :)
a leon s kennedy x plus size!reader fanfic.
tw: insecurities, a little mentions of sex at the end, a few unhappy thoughts about ones body and who they are- if it triggers you in any way please do swipe away and take care of yourself. ilysm <3
divider by cursed-carmine
Colours have different meanings.
It's the first colour of the rainbow. The colour in the primary colours.
Red has many meanings too- in a positive sense it could mean; love, passion, desire and strength. However every colour also means something bad too.
In this case- it was a sign of warning, danger, telling you to stop.
You should have done that. You shouldn't have open that file.
You have never seen or met her before. Until one day Leon confined to you about her; before you guys official got together. He didn't want to hide things from you- you were too precious in his eyes. The love of his life. The reason he is still breathing.
So he told you about her.
From the moment he met her at Raccoon City, a rookie who was there to start his first shift as a police officer. To the moment they parted ways in Spain. He talked about her with a sense of uncertainty, worried about how you would feel about all it all.
You accepted him, much to his surprise.
You love him in the same way he does with you.
Love prevails everything, right?
So the colour red to you was just the intense love you both have for each other.
A long day at D.S.O can do so much to an agent, Leon was exhausted- he removed his jacket and draping it over one of the dining chairs. He called out to you, while tossing a file on the table. You came out from the bathroom after a nice shower- a tender kiss was shared between you two, him whispering against your lips that he was going to shower.
As he walked away, you eyes saw the file. He told you a few things about his work. Not everything as he said it was confidential - I mean who would you talk to about his missions? If anything the average person would assume you watched a very intense and crazy movie and laugh at the idea of it all.
A peek won't hurt anyone right? What could go wrong, genuinely?
Your fingers brushed against the file, opening it a little- a photo was attached to the file with a paper clip, glancing over the picture with your eye. You see a name scribbled on it.
"Ah, so this is Ada Wong."
You thought to yourself. Looking at the picture, you can't help but have this unsettling feeling within you - you thought about the conversation you had with Leon about her.
You noticed- the colour red.
It doesn't own her, it feels like she owns it instead.
She looked powerful, fierce, she knows where she stands and she knows what she wants.
Every time you see the colour red, your stomach churns a little. You couldn't help but to think about her. Does Leon thinks the same as well? Every time he sees red, is he always reminded of her?
Sitting down with Leon was a little awkward sometimes, you couldn't relax in front of him. You didn't feel excited to have dinners with him - always eating earlier. You hid your worries and insecurities you felt stupid thinking about them, he has better things to worry about. When he touches you, you just wanted to pull away. When he feels your body- you think about hers under his touch. Would he prefer that? Easier to hold, easier to carry, easier to be, proud of.
"Why me?" You asked yourself one night, your eyes taking in Leon laying beside you on your shared bed. His hand on your waist- a firm grip on your shirt. Your nose brushed over his - to comfort yourself a little before your eyes fluttered shut.
The changes wasn't drastic, they came over time slowly. You didn't realised it, it was just normal to you.
You tried on a pretty red dress for a dinner, looking yourself in the mirror. You couldn't help but compare yourself to her. Skinny, lean, she was built with a lot of thought and consideration. God took his time, sculpted her with his own two hands. From the fullness of her lips to each strand of her eyelashes. She was just loved. No missing pieces.
So why did he make mistakes on your body? Why the flaws? Why?
It's not even about how she looks.
Leon and Ada- going through the same things in life. Opposite ends; definitely but still they would understand each other so well. Something you tried to. There were times where days were tough for Leon, you couldn't do much but sit there, your arms around him as he cried silently.
He spoke to you after about his previous missions and what he faced , but no matter how much you tried to be in his shoes, you couldn't. You couldn't understand his pain in the same way he does unless you went through it.
He doesn't blame you for that though. He never did. He was just thankful that you were a fresh of breath air from all the horrors he faced.
Back to the present. The dress that you are wearing, it felt like something heavy and tight. Your love handles exposing themselves at the back and the sides a little, it wasn't a smooth feel from your side down to your curves of your hips.
You wanted this colour to be yours- so he wouldn't think of her. Selfish? You aren't really sure.
"Maybe we should stay home for tonight, an expensive take out for us to eat?"
Leon's voice echoes in the shared bedroom, his tone slightly gentle and smooth. He looked at you in the reflection in the mirror, his eyes raking you from top to bottom, he couldn't hold back.
He was itching to touch your bare skin, he wants his lips to be on your neck, marking what is his. Clothes are not need, it's stupid in his eyes- covering up what he loves. Gods, let him get on his knees to show you how much he loves you, please.
He knew about the changes that you have done without thinking. Right now, he just wants you back.
Where is his lover? What happened.
His arms wrapped around your waist- melting from behind, your warmth, your scent. He couldn't get enough of it- do you not realise how much he loves you? Why are you disappearing, why are you pulling away? Please, just let him love you. Please, please, please...
"What? Leon I'm here, I don't we can be any closer than this silly."
"The clothes are a barrier you know. We can start with that- we can be closer."
His lips brushed over the nape of your neck, the smell of you was something he wants to remember forever.
"Leon, why me? It's silly to ask, I'm sorry but I just want to know wh-"
"I love you." He replied back, his hands brushing your sides before wrapping around your waist. Hands gripping your body, feeling your curves was something he loved - gave him a piece of mind.
"I love you so much, you don't even know it do you? It is not about your looks - I understand it isn't easy to agree with my words, it isn't easy to see yourself the way I see you. It isn't just about your looks, it's also about you. You saved me in many ways than one, you keep me alive, you gave me a purpose to keep going. You see me as me, and I'm forever thankful for that- when I first met you, I couldn't believe that someone would even love me with all of my flaws, with my scars, my mental health."
His turned you around so he could see you. not through the reflection of the mirror. Leon wanted to see you. His hands still around your waist - he doesn't want to let you go. Not especially when you are doubting yourself.
"You are my world. My rock- all those cheesy things. My love, thank you for being you, you are everything to me. Come back to me. I love you."
Leon's words reached to you- your eyes brimmed with unshed tears, a soft hiccup escaped your lips and you were pulled against his chest - holding you close. The waterworks started, you softly apologising for messing up his dress shirt with a mixture of tears and your mascara.
"I'm sorry Leon, I just - I love you too, I just have been in this negative headspace I wanted to be more, I wanted to be better for you. Loving myself will take time and I hope you are okay with that and if it's not much, I hope you will be there for me."
A kiss was placed on the side of your head.
"You silly girl, of course I will be with you for it all. I love you so much. Thank you for being you."
At the end of the day, red is just a colour.
And right now that red dress you were wearing was on the floor of your bedroom.
hey, i kinda gave up proof reading haha, but i hope you enjoyed it.
i may write a gerard way fic soon, my mental health isn't the greatest so i have been sleeping alot but i will get to that.
ilysm, take care of yourself. see you next time
