Summary: Violet and you treat your boyfriend Xaden to breakfast in bed for his birthday.
Warnings: One very minor Onyx Storm spoiler, one swear word, a hint of Xaden feeling undeserving, kissing, reader has perpetually cold hands.
Written for @empyreanevents's Xaden Week Day 6: Birthday.
AO3
Xaden wakes up to kisses being peppered all across his face. Cheek, other cheek. Jaw, forehead. Both corners of his mouth, which twitches up into a sleepy smile. The room is filled with the scent of coffee and something sweet — cake, maybe? Whatever it is, it smells amazing. He might've thought he's still dreaming, if it weren't for the fact that his dreams are never this pleasant.
Peeking his eyes open, he is met with your and Violet's smiling faces, hovering so closely above his own they take up his entire field of vision. You're not lying in bed with him as you should be, he notes. It feels like you're sitting to either side of his shoulders, on top of the covers instead of beneath them.
Before he can even open his mouth to say good morning, the both of you cheer “Happy birthday!” in such perfect unison that Xaden can't help but grin.
“Did you two practice that?”
“Maybe,” you reply, grinning back at him as you lean in to peck his lips before retreating so Violet has space to do the same.
Addicted to the taste of each other's lips as they are, the chaste kiss doesn't stay that way for long. Seconds later, Violet's tongue is in his mouth, his hand in her hair, their breaths coming as one as their lips glide against each other.
Xaden could've happily spent all morning like this, but apparently, the two of you are intent on feeding him something more nutritious than kisses for breakfast. With one more press of her lips against his own, Violet sits back, which puts her out of his reach and allows him to see past her, to where a large tray is balanced on the bedside table, overflowing with plates of breakfast foods, cups and a small pot of coffee, and, most importantly, chocolate cake.
That explains why you're both fully dressed already. Xaden is honestly impressed you managed to sneak out and fetch breakfast without waking him.
He’s not entirely sure what he's done to deserve two such amazing partners, but he sure as hell isn't about to say no to a breakfast of cake in bed.
He sits up, and immediately, your cold hands are on his bare torso. Since you do this just about every chance you get — mornings, evenings, in the middle of the night, when he's been sparring or fresh out of the shower — he merely rolls his eyes as gooseflesh breaks out across his skin.
Violet pulls you away. “Don't use the birthday boy as a hand warmer,” she scolds.
“Okay,” you shrug as she turns to reach for the breakfast tray, and slide your hands down the back of her shirt instead. “Your turn, then.”
She yelps, shudders, and grimaces, but doesn't try to escape until she has poured a cup of coffee. Then, she twists around to push it into your hands. “Here, warm yourself on that.”
“Fiiine.”
Violet pours coffee for Xaden and herself as well, then the both of you distribute the food, swatting Xaden’s hands away when he tries to help.
He accepts his plate with an amused huff. “You're spoiling me.”
“Of course we are,” you reply, looking at him like that’s something he should be taking for granted, like being loved by the both of you is the most natural thing in the world instead of a fucking miracle. “That's the whole point of birthdays!”
To Xaden, birthdays had lost most of their appeal when his mother took her leave on his tenth one, but maybe, he can find some of that old joy again now that he has you and Violet showering him with affection.
“If you say so.”
“I do,” you nod, and lift a forkful of the eggs on your plate to his mouth.
Though Xaden rolls his eyes, he accepts, joking, “And here I thought I was getting cake for breakfast and kisses for dessert.”
You throw a victorious grin at Violet, which she answers with a groan of playful annoyance.
“Ha! I knew he would've been happy with just the cake,” you crow, turning back to him to explain, “Vi insisted cake isn't filling enough and we should bring you a real, big breakfast. Not that I’m complaining. Anyways, you're the boss today, but I’d suggest something savory first, and then the cake and kisses for dessert.”
“Mhm, sounds good to me,” Xaden agrees, stealing one of the promised kisses already simply because he can.
Summary: When you accidentally get hurt during a sparring session with Xaden, Violet's overprotective side shows.
Warnings: Blood and injury, Iron Flame spoilers, arguments, reader has chronic pain and stiffness in her fingers. Established poly relationship, unspecified setting.
For the anon who asked for riorgail x reader with an injury or the reader feeling left out because of the bond. And I think this could also count for day 2 of @empyreanevents's Riorgail week? Idk, the bond isn't the main focus, but it does play a role.
AO3
It's fortunate the gym is practically empty at this time, if only because it spares others the slew of curses you let out as you slump onto a bench near the mat you'd been sparring on with Xaden. What few people were there had glanced over at your shout of pain, and quickly decided they had somewhere else to be upon noting the expression on Xaden's face. He still raised a wall of shadows to shield you from prying eyes until everyone filed out, at the same time hovering over you and gauging the severity of your injury.
The sight of the blood welling from your side has panic flaring bright in his eyes, so you ignore the pain pulsing in your wrist and set about soothing him.
"I'm okay, Xaden. No need to freak out."
"You're bleeding," he replies, and yep — he definitely is freaking out. "Fuck, I'm so sorry. I don't know how that could happen."
His hands are trembling ever so slightly, so you pluck the bloodied blade from him with your uninjured hand, wiping it on your pants and sliding the dagger into its sheath before he can hurt himself, too.
"It's just a scratch. And it wasn't your fault. I tripped."
The fact that you haven't yet collapsed from blood loss and are fully coherent seems to help with Xaden's panic, but it does nothing to ease the guilt in his eyes.
"I told Violet to bring Brennan," he says, ignoring your reassurance. Did he even listen, if he was talking to Vi over their bond? "They'll be here in a few minutes, okay?"
"I could have gone to the healers, Xaden. My legs are working just fine, you know?"
"A mender is better than a healer," he insists.
You sigh, not sure why you even tried to argue. If Xaden feels the need to fuss, then he will, no matter what you say. You can't entirely blame him for being shaken after that accident — to him, is must have looked as though he'd actually stabbed you when you tripped and fell right into his dagger. It was by sheer luck that the blade only grazed your ribs, instead of sinking between them.
Noting the way you're cradling your arm, Xaden frowns. "Is your arm hurt, too?"
Despite your repeated assurance that he isn't to blame, Xaden practically exudes guilt, and you hate giving him even more reason to feel bad, but there's no point in lying. It'll only make things worse if you try.
"My wrist," you admit.
Xaden had been holding it, expecting you to move closer to him and twist free of his hold while taking the dagger from him with your other hand, just as you'd been practicing the past quarter hour. But when you stumbled, your momentum had taken you in the wrong direction, wrenching your wrist into a painful angle because Xaden hadn't had time to let go.
"I'm sorry," Xaden says for what has to be the dozenth time at least. "How bad is it? Broken? Dislocated?"
"I'm not sure. I never broke or dislocated anything before, so I wouldn't know what it feels like."
You immediately realize it was the wrong thing to say — if Xaden looked guilty before, now he's absolutely miserable.
"Fuck. Now you did, and it's my fault. I'm so sorry."
"You don't know that. Maybe it's just... twisted or something," you say, but it's mostly just to reassure him. Considering how much your wrist hurts, it seems entirely plausible it really is broken. "And even if it is, that would be my own fault, not yours."
Xaden shakes his head, still frowning. "I should have been more careful. The previous two attempts you pulled that move off so flawlessly, I was sure you'd manage it this time, too, or I would have let go and caught you."
"I know that, Xaden. You can't blame yourself for me stumbling over my own shoelace!"
But of course, he absolutely can. He's a master at blaming himself for things that are out of his control.
"I should have considered that you would fall right into the blade if you didn't get it right. And I should have noticed immediately when you tripped, and let go of your wrist fast enough to not snap it in half. If I'd just made sure your shoes were properly tied in the first place—"
"Xaden," you groan in exasperation, "don't you think that's taking it a little far?"
"No," he says, crossing his arms. "I know you struggle to lace them tight enough sometimes because of how stiff your fingers get."
"So what, are you gonna tie them for me from now on?"
Xaden looks like he's actually considering it.
You can't deny the idea has a certain appeal — tying your shoes can be a real pain when your fingers are giving you trouble. But that doesn't mean you're going to let Xaden add lacing your shoes to his endless list of responsibilities. You know you can ask him or Violet for help on the days you really need it, but most of the time, you can manage it yourself, thank you very much.
Luckily, Violet comes rushing into the gym just then, her brother in tow.
"What the fuck happened?!" your girlfriend demands before she has even reached your side, her ever attentive-gaze immediately registering the bloody cut at your waist. It's almost twice the length of your hand, but not very deep — certainly not life-threatening. With some stitches, it would heal just fine the natural way.
You try to smile through the pain. "Hi, Vi. Sparring went a bit sideways, but it's nothing to worry about."
Violet isn't reassured in the slightest. If anything, she seems to get more agitated at your display of what she lovingly refers to as your self-neglecting bullshit — a condition both you and Xaden suffer from, according to her. Not that she ever listens when one of you points out that she herself is just as bad.
As Brennan sets about examining the wound, the blood flow from which has already slowed to a trickle, Violet immediately whirls on Xaden, knowing you're in good hands with her brother.
"How could this happen? You were supposed to help her train, not stab her," she hisses at Xaden.
It's been a while since you've seen her this angry.
"Vi, that's not fair," you say before your boyfriend can answer. "We were practicing how I can disarm him, and I tripped right into the blade. It happened too fast for Xaden to do anything about it. Besides, it's not even that bad and—"
Brennan's prodding at your wound has you interrupting yourself with a hiss, and Violet's eyes narrow.
"You're in pain."
"You're in pain all the time," you counter. "It's not a big deal, love."
"You're bleeding!"
"A little, yes. But I'm okay. I swear I am." You look to Brennan for help, certain the mender is currently the most reasonable person in the room. "Could you please tell those two they're making a fuss over nothing?"
He takes a moment to assess your wrist first, then turns to your worried lovers. "Well, I wouldn't say nothing, but it really isn't that bad. The cut is shallow, except in this spot." He points to where the wound ends, right on top of a rib. "Easy to fix. But the wrist is fractured right at the joint."
Damn it. Now Xaden is forever going to feel bad about being responsible for your first broken bone, no matter that it wasn't actually his fault.
Violet isn't helping. Still in overprotective mode, she glares daggers at him, and though she doesn't say it out loud, you can read the words she's probably hurling at him through their bond in her eyes: You snapped her fucking wrist?!
Xaden rakes a hand through his hair, looking for all the world like a kicked puppy. How Violet manages to stay mad at him with that look on his face is beyond you.
"Would you start mending her already," Violet demands, turning her attention back to Brennan for the moment. "Please."
"On it," her brother placates, wise enough not to try and argue with her. He starts with the cut, instructing you to lean back so he can better access it.
"Sorry they're making such a scene. I told Xaden I could just go to the healers, but..." You shrug, vaguely gesturing to your boyfriend's miserable expression and the shadows clinging to you.
Brennan gives you an understanding smile, more than used to how overprotective the three of you can be of each other. "It's not a problem. I'm happy to help."
Just as he predicted, the wound across your ribs quickly closes under his hands without trouble. When he gets to your wrist, however, you have to grit your teeth against the pain and itching sensation of the bone knitting itself back together. It almost feels worse than the initial break, but with both Xaden and Violet watching like hawks, you refuse to let any of your discomfort show.
By the time your injuries are all mended and Brennan quickly excuses himself after instructing you not to strain your wrist for the next couple days, Violet is calmer, but still angry, the tension evident in every line of her body.
Rising from the bench, you step in front of her and lightly put your hands on the sides of her upper arms. Frowning down at the bloodstain drying on your shirt, she doesn't loosen her arms from where they're folded across her chest.
"Vi, won't you stop making that face?" you say softly, lifting one hand to trace a finger over her creased brow line.
"What face?"
"Like you want to murder someone."
The frown deepens for a moment, then clears away as she sighs, pressing a quick kiss to the corner of your mouth.
"I'm sorry. I just—" She shakes her head, turning to glare at Xaden once more. "I don't know how you could let her get hurt like that."
"I was too slow," Xaden mutters. "I'm sorry."
It clicks for you then, why he's taking it so hard. He's always been the fastest on the mat, predicting his opponent's every move thanks to his second signet, but in this case, it had been useless. You hadn't intended to trip — didn't even notice you had until you were already falling. And in typical Xaden-fashion, he thinks of that as a personal shortcoming of his.
"It was an accident," you say, desperate to get it through both of their thick skulls. Violet will calm down soon enough, and then feel bad about blaming Xaden for what happened, but he won't be as easily convinced that it wasn't his fault.
"An accident that shouldn't have happened!"
"Pretty sure that's the definition of what accident means," you joke, but it falls flat.
Violet just keeps glaring at Xaden, and you realize they're having one of their silent conversations again — though in this case, silent argument would probably be the more accurate term.
You sigh. It's hard not to feel left out when they do that. Your own dragon is gloriously single, and though you could never begrudge your loves the mental link they have thanks to theirs, sometimes you really wish you could be part of that connection.
You can only guess at what's being said between them right now, but judging by their expressions, it's not the sweet nothings they usually like to exchange this way.
"Why don't we just all take a deep breath and calm down," you suggest — no reaction.
When it becomes obvious they don't intend to switch to talking out loud again any time soon, you try again. "There's really no need for this. Come on!"
Again, nothing. Like you're not even there; subject of their conversation, but not allowed to be part of it.
You've had enough.
"Hey!" you snap. "Can you two please stop ignoring me?"
They turn, surprise etched into their features. It's rare for you to raise your voice like that, and you immediately feel bad about it. You know they weren't ignoring you on purpose, know their silent communication thing comes so naturally to them they never think about it twice. It's not like they ever intentionally exclude you from conversations — they just have a tendency to forget that you're not privy to what's being said over their bond.
"I'm sorry, baby," Violet starts.
Before she can say more, you squeeze her hand and say, "It's okay, I get it. But I don't want you two to argue because of me. It really wasn't Xaden's fault, love."
She sighs, expression softening as she finally relents. "I know. I just— I guess I don't know how to cope with you getting hurt. Either of you."
"I know. If one of you got hurt during sparring I'd be freaking out on the other, too. But I promise I'm okay. All mended, see?"
You hold up your other hand and rotate the joint. It still feels a little sore, but otherwise fine.
Violet nods, and takes a deep breath to calm herself. Sighing, she takes Xaden's hand with the one not held in yours, and presses a kiss to it — she doesn't stand a chance of reaching his face without him ducking his head.
"I'm sorry I overreacted."
Shaking his head, Xaden leans down for an actual kiss. "It's okay. Pretty sure I would have acted the same way if the roles had been reversed."
You take his free hand in your injured one, so all three of you are connected. He gives you a kiss, too, soft and apologetic. You can't have that.
"It was not your fault, Xaden. If you want to blame someone, blame my shoelaces. I'll even let you cut them into little pieces or set them on fire as punishment if it makes you feel better, as long as you just stop with the self-loathing. You can't always control everything around you, and you don't have to."
"Okay. I can't change the way I feel, but I'll try to stop blaming myself."
Summary: Violet teaches you how to give Xaden head.
Warnings: Smut involving light bondage (reader's hands are tied behind her back), dom/sub dynamic with reader being the sub, throat training/oral sex (including deepthroating and face-fucking), a little self-doubt, hair pulling, painplay in the form of electrostimulation/inappropriate use of lightning signet, vaginal fingering, praise.
Kinktober masterlist
Violet guides you to your knees in front of Xaden, hands tied behind your back.
"Don't worry, I'll be telling you what to do the whole time," she reassures you. "Now, be a good girl and repeat the rules to me so I know you understood."
"If I do it right, you'll reward me," you say. "But if I falter or mess up, you'll stop too, and there will be consequences."
"That's right," she says and squeezes your shoulder, before exchanging a look with Xaden, who sits on the edge of his bed, bare from the waist down. His cock is right at eye level in your current position, already hard.
He nods and looks down at you. "I'm ready when you are, love."
You shift a little nervously, the carpet rubbing against your bare knees. Technically you know this is all in good fun, that Xaden isn't expecting you to be good at something you've never done before, but you still dread the idea of disappointing him and Violet. Silly, considering that's the whole point of this little lesson — to make learning how to suck cock a fun challenge for you. If you're completely terrible at it, you can always still make Xaden come another way.
Taking a deep breath, you nod at him.
After pressing a kiss to the top of your head to steady your nerves, he takes his cock into his hand and taps it against your lips. "Open up, then."
You do.
Violet threads her hand into your hair, her presence at your back warm and reassuring. Her other hand glides down your naked body, brushing across your nipples and teasing between your legs; a promise of what's to come if you do well.
Keeping in mind what she'd told you about being careful with your teeth, you keep your jaw loose and relaxed as Xaden slides his cock past your lips.
The both of them give you a moment to get used to the feeling of a dick in your mouth — the weight of it on your tongue, how wide your lips stretch to accommodate its girth, your field of vision dominated by Xaden's well-defined stomach.
Tentatively, you press your tongue up against his cock, though there isn't much room for movement.
"Try hollowing your cheeks," Violet instructs. "Move your head back and forth on him."
You obey, but in your eagerness, Xaden's cock hits the back of your throat, and you pull back with a pathetic whine, gagging.
"Easy, sweetheart," Xaden warns. "Don't get ahead of yourself."
"Sorry," you cough, blinking back tears.
Xaden doesn't give you time to feel bad. Before you can overthink your mistake and let the doubt about your lack of skill set in, he nudges your lips with the head of his cock, and you reflexively open wide to allow him entrance.
"There we go. Now let's try that again, nice and careful this time."
With a muffled hum of agreement, you note that he's pushed only the tip inside, leaving more space for you to use your tongue. You swirl it around him, at the same time sucking just as Violet had said.
Xaden lets out a quiet hiss of pleasure.
Violet seems to take that as a sign you've earned a little of the same. Her slender fingers collect some of the wetness that has already gathered between your legs, and glide to your clit, slowly circling it.
"Good," she praises. "Now try again to slide your mouth up and down his length."
You hesitate, worried you'll make yourself gag again.
When the moment lasts a little too long, Violet pinches your clit in warning, the tiniest spark of electricity erupting from her fingertips. It's not enough to actually hurt, but you know that next time, it will. One free pass is all you get.
"Go ahead, now. I know you can. It's okay if you take your time and go slow, but don't make me say it twice."
Clenching around empty air at the threat in her voice, you push forward around Xaden's cock, stopping before it can touch the back of your throat and sliding back again. Eyes fixed on Xaden's face to see every flicker of approval, you settle into a slow rhythm of this back and forth.
"Just like that," Violet croons, rewarding you by slipping a finger inside you.
You moan around Xaden's cock, eyelids fluttering. Just in time, you remember Violet's earlier instruction to keep your gaze on Xaden the whole time you suck him off, and force your eyes to remain open.
Xaden smiles approvingly, hand stroking the side of your face in a fleeting caress that makes you long for more. "Good girl. You're learning so fast."
Violet hums in agreement, pressing her thumb to your clit.
Since Xaden seems to enjoy the vibrations of your moans and whimpers around his cock, you let yourself be loud.
Violet chuckles, her touches slow and precise, the teasing kind that never fails to make you absolutely desperate.
It's just the motivation you need to keep from letting your lack of perfection hold you back. Every moan from Xaden and every stroke of Violet's fingers are proof you're doing well enough, and the more you continue, the better you will get at this.
There's something meditative to the repetitive motion that has you sinking into a hazy state of mind where the slide of your lips around Xaden's cock is the only thing that matters. Drool runs down your chin. Without meaning to, you let your eyes drift shut.
Violet's signet snaps you back to awareness, a sharp sting of electricity between your legs, where her fingers have ceased their movements. With a muffled yelp of pain, your eyes fly back open.
Xaden is watching you with raised brows, more amused than bothered by your error.
"Oh no, dear." Violet tightens her grip on your hair, forcing you to keep moving while she admonishes you. "You were doing so well, but you have to stay focused. Do you think you can do that for us, hm?"
You manage a small nod, sucking on Xaden's dick with renewed fervor to prove that you mean it.
"Good."
Violet releases your hair to let you move without her guidance again. After a moment, she resumes fingering you, apparently satisfied with your efforts.
Xaden is gripping the edge of the bed so tightly his knuckles stand out pale against his tawny skin, face drawn tight with the restraint it takes him to stop from fucking into your mouth. You almost wish he would; it would probably be more satisfying for him than your clumsy efforts, and having only to hold still might be easier for you, too.
You inwardly shake your head at yourself. The point is to practice, not for it to be easy.
With that in mind, you lean forward a little more to take his length further into your mouth — and immediately regret it. Though you try to fight it, your throat convulses as soon as you feel his tip against the back of your throat, forcing you to pull back.
The punishment is immediate, a jolt of lightning directly into your clit. You wail, hips bucking uselessly.
"We'll have to work on that," Violet tuts, using her grip on your hair to momentarily pull you off Xaden's cock entirely. "Take a deep breath and then try again."
Drool and tears mix on your face as you gasp for air.
You knew sucking cock couldn't be as easy as Violet made it look, but you hadn't expected it to be this difficult. That's no reason to give up, though. You'll just have to try harder.
Having caught your breath, you lick along the side of Xaden's cock, from base to tip, procrastinating the fight against your gag reflex.
Violet lets you, but coaxes, "Come on, sweetheart. Don't you want to make Xaden feel good?"
You do; of course you do. You're desperate to please him, to make Violet proud and earn your pleasure, so you do as she says and try again. Fresh tears prick at your eyes as the head of Xaden's cock hits the back of your throat once more, and you can't make yourself go any farther, but at least you don't pull away, either.
"That's it," he praises, and Violet adds, "Take your time. When you're ready to go deeper, don't forget to relax your throat."
You whimper as you do just that, surprised when you actually manage it.
"Remember," Violet says as she slips a second finger inside you, "the better you make Xaden feel, the more I'll reward you, so why don't you go ahead and take him a little deeper, hmm? I know you can."
Obediently, you bop your head up down his cock, trying to go a little deeper each time. Still, you don't manage to take all of him. Frustration gets the best of you, slowing your movements again as tears drip down your face.
Violet reacts immediately, and a pathetic whine rises in your throat as she stills her fingers, ripping away what little pleasure she allowed you.
"Hush, dear. You'll get to come if, and only if, you make Xaden come with that pretty little mouth. I know you can. Just keep trying."
You do, but clearly, you're not the only one growing a little frustrated. With the frequent accidental pauses, you've been practically edging Xaden, and his restraint is starting to crumble. His hips jerk forward, pushing his cock back down your throat, further than before.
You struggle not to gag at the sudden intrusion, but manage to hold still.
"Good girl," he groans. "Let me help you take it all, yeah? Just hold still."
You hum in agreement, bracing yourself for the next thrust.
When it comes and his hips snap forward again, Xaden pushes deeper down your throat than ever before. Miraculously, you're able to suppress the reflex to gag. Jaw relaxed and hanging wide open like Violet taught you, you force your body to remain perfectly still, and let Xaden fuck your throat.
The praise whispered into your ear by Violet twines with Xaden's groans of pleasure into the sweetest song, underlined by your own muffled sounds as Violet's nimble fingers reward you for your obedience.
You find that it really is easier to take Xaden's cock when he is doing the moving and all you have to focus on is fighting your gag reflex and keeping your eyes open. The muscles in your jaw ache, unused to this kind of strain, but you push past the discomfort. You've memorized all of Xaden's tells, so you know he's getting close. Just a little longer, a little more. You can do it. And then, Violet will finally let you come, too.
"Fuck, that's it," Xaden pants. "Good girl. You gonna let me come down your throat, sweetheart?"
You moan around him, struggling for air as his thrusts grow harsher the nearer he gets to the edge.
He understands the sound as the agreement it is; after a few more merciless thrusts, he buries himself all the way down your throat, your nose pressed to his skin as he shudders with his release.
Violet's timing is perfect. As soon as Xaden releases you, she pushes you over the edge, too. Your glassy eyes still fixed on Xaden without really seeing him, you come, your gasp for air tuning into a high-pitched cry of pleasure.
Summary: You hide in your room because you feel bad about your body; luckily, Violet and Xaden know exactly how to fight those thoughts.
Warnings: Angst and smut. Bad body image, self-hatred, implied depression. Smut involves cunnilingus, body-worship and vaginal sex. Reader has stretch marks and scars, reader has a pussy. No physical description beyond that and no pronouns mentioned.
Anonymous requested: i absolutely loved the poly xaden and violet fic! would you be down writing another one with even more angst but eventually some smut ?
You sit slumped on the floor in front of your armoire, debating whether or not you should cancel tonight's plans.
Despite it being late afternoon, you're still wearing your pajamas. None of the clothes you own seem to fit right today, not even your favorite uniform that you usually feel so comfortable in. The mere thought of going out in any of the clothes strewn across the floor in front of you makes you want to claw your skin off.
By now, you've all but given up on finding something to wear. Instead, you try to think of a way to get out of the date planned for tonight without worrying your partners too much.
Deep down, you know you won't go. As much as you don't want to ruin Xaden and Violet's evening, don't want to make them worry, you don't think you can leave your room tonight. The mere thought of being among people, of being perceived, makes it hard to breathe, tears pricking behind your eyes. If you force yourself to go, it'll just lead to a breakdown in the middle of the pub, and that's the last thing you need.
You haven't felt as bad as this in a while; not since you started dating Violet and Xaden. Both of them are always so open with their affection and attraction to you that it usually drowns out the negative thoughts about yourself. You almost thought you'd gotten over this stupid self hatred. Even if you can't always see what they see in you, they love you — all parts of you. That should be enough. How can you hate something they love?
Yet there are some parts of your body you still struggle to find worthy of love, regardless of your partners' claims that you're beautiful as you are.
Should you really tell them you don't want to go out tonight? You know how much it pains them that you think so badly of the body you inhabit, but you don't want to lie to them about why you don't want to go, either. And they'll be worried as it is, seeing as you haven't left your room all day. There were no classes today, but you missed out on meals, and usually, you spend every minute you can with your partners on days off.
As you sit there, you spiral deeper and deeper into that bottomless pit of misery, aware you should snap out of it and get dressed, or at least get up from the floor and back into bed, but unable to do either.
Time doesn't exist, not until the door opens and Xaden walks in, Violet right behind him. Suddenly you're very aware you've been sitting there for far too long. An hour, two, you don't know. If the both of them are here, it has to be past the agreed upon time already, because the three of you were supposed to meet by the door leading from the quadrant.
So much for not making them worry.
In the blink of an eye, they're both crouched before you, asking if you're alright.
You nod weakly. "I'm fine. Sorry. I'm just— I don't know."
That doesn't sound exactly convincing, so you're not surprised when their worried expressions remain unchanged.
"Couldn't find anything you want to wear?" Xaden gently probes, his shadows gathering up the clothes strewn around you and putting them back where they belong.
"It's just... not a good day," you admit.
Since Violet and Xaden are aware of the problems you have with your self-image, they'll know what you mean. No need to go into detail.
"Then we'll stay in," Xaden decrees immediately.
Somehow, you dredge up the energy to meet his eyes and mumble, "I don't want to ruin your night off."
"You're not ruining anything." His tone leaves no room for argument. "I don't care if we go out or not as long as we get to spend time together."
Violet nods. "He's right, love. Your mental health is more important than a stupid date. Now, do you want to talk about what's wrong?"
"Not really." You've never been good at putting your feelings into words, and even if you managed, it wouldn't change anything. All it would accomplish would be to make the both of them feel bad. "But thank you for asking."
"What would you like to do, then?" Xaden asks, only to add when you open your mouth, "And don't even try to suggest we should go without you. There's no way in hell we're leaving you alone in this state. If you just want to sleep that's fine, but we'll sit with you."
"I've slept all day," you mumble, shaking your head. As appealing as the idea is, you know you won't be able to fall asleep again anytime soon. "I don't really care what we do as long as it doesn't involve other people or having to get up."
"Got it. Would it be okay if I carry you to bed? You'll be much more comfortable there than on the cold floor."
When you nod, Xaden scoops you up with a gentleness that reminds you that he sees your body as something precious, despite its imperfections, simply because it's yours.
He settles on the bed with you on his lap. Violet sits right beside you, arms also around you and head leant against your shoulder.
You hadn't even noticed how cold you'd gotten from sitting on the floor so long, but with both your lovers holding you close, it doesn't take long to warm you up.
Violet's breath is hot against your skin as she presses kisses to your neck, sending a pleasant shiver through you.
"You know, I think I know just the thing to make you feel better," Xaden says. One arm still holding you close to him around the waist, he's sliding his other hand toward your chest, not touching yet, but letting you know he will if you want him to.
You do want to be touched, to be proven you're not as undesirable as your mind would have you believe, but— "I'm not sure I have the energy for that."
"You won't have to do a thing, except let us know if anything is too much or uncomfortable. Just let us take care of you, hm?"
"Yes. Please." Your voice cracks with emotion.
Violet plants a kiss on your lips before untangling from you so they can undress you.
The reverence with which they do so is just enough to hold your self-consciousness at bay. It's not like they haven't seen you naked before, but usually, the lights are turned down. Tonight, they leave them on.
They both keep their clothes on for now. With a pang of guilt, you realize you're glad about that. They're both so perfect, Xaden with his sculpted muscles, those full lashes and perfect lips; Violet with her impossibly soft skin and just the right amount of curves. It makes it hard not to feel inadequate in comparison sometimes.
Xaden takes up position behind you, his arms wrapped around your waist and encouraging you to lean back into his warmth. While Violet kisses her way up your legs, Xaden's fingers circle your nipples, those plush lips of his gliding over your neck.
The vulnerability of it all makes your head swim.
Your thighs have always been one of the areas of your body you've liked the least; allowing Violet between them like this, with all the lights turned on, is intimate in more ways than just the sexual aspect of it.
Reaching the lower part of your inner thighs, Violet slows her advance, nibbling on a spot while her hands explore just slightly farther up. Giving you time to decide and let her know whether you're comfortable with what she's doing.
"This okay?" she asks, lightly tracing a finger over the stretch marks at the top of your thigh with what can only be called reverence.
The way she looks at your body is so wholly different from the way you look at it, like she sees a piece of art, or one of those priceless old books she loves.
"Yeah," you breathe. "More than okay."
Violet smiles up at you, and continues her slow, loving path toward the apex of your thighs. Every scar and stretch mark gets a kiss, accompanied by words of perfect and so pretty.
You feel Xaden suck a hickey into your neck, Violet mirroring the action on a smooth part of skin on your thigh. Somehow, those markings make you feel better. Theirs. You're theirs, and having your body covered in the proof of that makes it instantly prettier to you.
Xaden's hands trace your curves. Praise flows directly into your ear, a deeper echo of the words Violet speaks against your thighs.
Feeling the tension slowly leave your body under his and Violet's touches, Xaden murmurs, "That's it, love. Just relax and leave everything else to us."
As Violet's kisses reach the top of your thigh, her breath fans your core, where wetness is starting to pool. Your hips twitch.
You can't take your eyes off her lips as she licks them, sweetly smiling up at you.
"May I?"
Gods, yes, you want to scream, clenching at the mere thought of her eating you out. At the same time, you can't help feel bad that Violet will get nothing out of this.
You nod, but add, "You don't have to."
"I know. But I'd like to, if you're comfortable with it. Just let me make you feel good, yes?"
"Yes. If— if you really don't mind."
Violet shows you she doesn't mind at all. The way she eats you out is slow and gentle, but absolutely thorough. No part of your pussy goes untouched by her tongue, no nerve ending unstimulated. Every so often she pauses to leave a chaste kiss on your clit or one of your quivering thighs.
Meanwhile Xaden caresses your upper body, his legs hooked under your own to keep them spread for Violet.
"Look at you, so perfect for us," he murmurs as she makes you come. "Wish I could make you see how beautiful you look coming undone like this."
When you reach for her, thinking you should at least finger her in return, Violet tuts and signals Xaden to restrain you. He takes your hands, fingers twining with yours, and lifts them to press a kiss to each.
"Hush, love," she soothes when you open your mouth. "This is about you, not us."
"It just doesn't seem fair if I get to cum and you don't."
"I'll take care of that," Xaden assures you, shadows creeping beneath Violet's clothes. "We promised you wouldn't have to do a thing, remember? Now, would you prefer Violet to keep going, or do you want me to fuck you?"
"Fuck me, please."
"Glady."
Xaden presses a kiss to your cheeck and shifts you to the mattress so he can undress.
A moment later, he and Violet are as naked as you. Xaden slides into you, Violet grinding against your leg while Xaden fingers her and she rubs your clit.
You always thought the term lovemaking silly, preferring to call it sex or even fucking, but tonight, it's exactly what the two of them are doing — making love to you. It's the only term that can describe the thorough, unhurried way they're taking you, worshipping you. No part of you goes unkissed, every inch of skin is worshipped, every blemish you despise showered in love.
When they're done with you, you're worn out in the best way possible. Feeling warm and fuzzy, you easily fall asleep sandwiched between your lovers after they clean you up, negative thoughts about yourself temporarily forgotten.
