#rules horror

[thenopequeen]

Saw a post about rules horror as a genre, and combined it with how Morrowind is a horror game to me, especially with how my Nerevarine is both a scion of House Dagoth and also an unwanted (unlike Martin) dragonbastard. This resulted in a conversation with @azures-grace about how instructions from our tits-out spy grandpa Caius could be their own kind of rules horror

Any other Morrowind lovers out there, feel free to add your own rules

[ratbastarddotfuck]

I keep seeing people talking about "rules horror" and it's great, the genre obviously has many inspirations, but I haven't seen anyone mention how it is so clearly a child born of the tumblr classic "[PLACE] gothic" type posts of years past. does anyone remember what I'm talking about? "dennys gothic" was a comedic one, but there was a "Midwest gothic" which has stuck with me for years and when I hear these "rules horror" creations I can never hear them in anything other than a tumblr cadence.

[wileycap]

It's SPOOKY SEASON and i was so taken with a rules horror post i saw - obviously i wanted to write some of my own. uh. scary stuff under the cut. nothing graphic, I'd rate this T? but it's meant to ve horror. the following is a work of fiction and NOT a transcript of actual documents from ... Base in ...

Hello!

You've chosen to enlist in a groundbreaking scientific venture. This is a very exciting moment in Your life!

You may consider this message your official welcome to the base. Sadly, your supervisor N. N. is not available to greet you upon your arrival. We're so sorry for the inconvenience! Meanwhile, please feel free to select any room in the East Wing. Note that you are only permitted to select a room from the East Wing.

The East Wing, where your room is, will be your primary home. It is important that you accept the East Wing as your home. Please take some time to decorate! Make it homey, just for you!

Please read all materials carefully. Please familiarize yourself with the folder labeled In Case Of Emergency as this may mean the difference between life and death. Please fill out the onboarding paperwork.

Here is a handy list of reminders for you! Remember, this is not your first time reading these!

1. Do not enter the testing grounds when it is dark. Avoid leaving the East Wing when it is dark.

2. Before entering the testing grounds, always remember to check your body for any bleeding wounds. Only proceed past the staging area after you have checked that you have no bleeding wounds. If you have periods, do not enter the testing grounds until you are certain that your flow has stopped.

3. If you are wounded while you are working, you must exit the testing grounds. Remember: three steps forward, one to the side (left and right alternating) and don't look behind you!

4. If you suspect that there is another person in the facility, retrieve a rifle from the armory. You are allowed to use lethal force! You will not get in trouble! Better them than you!

5. If you begin to believe that you have only entered the facility recently, or if you believe that it is your first time reading this, go immediately to room 3B-12. Avoid mirrors.

6. Remember: the East Wing is your home. It is crucial that you make the East Wing your home. You have not invited any guests to your home.

7. If you hear voices in the night, do not be alarmed. Imagine that somebody is listening to a loud radio drama which you are not intrested in. Do not investigate the source of the voices.

8. The polar night lasts for 31 days. During these 31 days, you must not exit the East Wing. If you have reason to believe that somebody else is in the East Wing with you, lock the door to your room and stay there.

9. The facility is always empty apart from you.

The following is transcribed from "Note for the next one."

... [l]ever is stiff, so you have to really wrench it or else it might get stuck halfway [...]

If you smell raw meat (go to the freezer and get used to the smell so you know it) and you're close to the gate (haven't crossed the red line) - just leave. They aren't fast enough to get you.

If you're past the red line, pull the pin on your canister. Be careful not to cut yourself. DON'T do the 3-1 steps! You should be able to make it to the door if you run. (East Wing has a gym - try to do a lot of sprints.)

Every time you leave for the day, say OUT LOUD "I'm going home" and think of the East Wing.

if you see me don't worry. i'm not going to do it to you ok? i'm doing a lot better than the last guy. don't get the rifle. please. pl3ase. east wing is my home. east wing is my home. east wing is my home. i'm home. I'M HOME

The following is a partial copy of "In Case Of Emergency"

... follow these steps:

1. Are they in the East Wing? If the answer is no, stay indoors and don't talk to anyone. If the answer is yes, lock yourself in your room and don't answer them.

2. Are they in the room with you? They will pay no attention to this checklist. If they are in the room with you, do the following: Call attention to the time. Say that it is late and you're sorry to turn out guests from your home, but you have an early morning tomorrow. Walk briskly to the East Wing entrance. They will follow. If they try to touch you, laugh and say that you have the flu.

3. Is this the first time you're reading this?

4. You have read this text over 200 times during your training.

5. Please put down this checklist and proceed to the testing grounds. Everything is okay. You do not need to do anything more. Proceed to the testing grounds.

[thebugautistic]

Rules Of Prophethood

Congratulations! You, willing or not, have found yourself in the good graces of whatever higher thing you may or may not believe in. This is a helpful guide for the newer members of the higher ranks. - First things first, find out what you're the prophet of! Seems simple enough right? This process differs for most people, but usually sitting out in the forest works. - Once you know what you speak for, find out what it enjoys! It's important to stay in its good graces. After all, Prophets are hard to come by, and once it's deemed you unworthy... Well, it'll probably just dispose of you! It's happened to me before. - Try not to resist. Straining your voice isn't good for anyone, especially those like you! It'll always feel indescribably unpleasant the first time it rips its own words from your throat, your voice no longer your own, like a vine torn from the wall it's clung to, but we all get used to it after a while. - Finally, don't forget to smile! You're awfully important, you know. People would kill for you. People will kill for you. Don't let them bother you. Ignore the metallic taste of the wine. Hope this helps! Have a grand day, fellow prophets-in-training : )

[thetravelerbirf]

Hello! We are happy that you have chosen to become a crew member of the Lost Light. Before you get started there are some rules you must follow to ensure your safety for the duration of the journey.

Rules for the Lost Light:

1. If you see a yellow briefcase, don’t touch it and immediately notify Ultra Magnus of its whereabouts.

2. Do not, for any reason, be within 50 ft of the engine during takeoff. If you ignore this rule then we are not responsible for what happens to you.

3. If you are in the engine room and you hear a voice whispering “kill me”, you’re imagining things. Do not tell anyone else about it.

4. If you hear a really loud BOOM, do not initiate your transformation cog and make your way to the medibay.

5. If suddenly all of the lights turn off, lock all doors and don’t leave the room. Try to make as little noise as possible and do not attempt to turn on any lights. Don’t let any unfamiliar bots inside the room. DO NOT let him see you.

6. If at any point on this journey you find corpses with these characteristics, it is imperative that you immediately notify your captains and leave the area:

- Missing T-cog

- Processor in it’s mouth

- A face covered in puncture marks

- Has been electrocuted to death

- Has been grounded up

7. If you ever hear someone singing or humming the song The Empurean Suite nearby, IMMEDIATELY leave the area. Do whatever you need to do to get away. Anything is better than letting them catch you.

8. Don’t sing or hum The Empyrean Suite.

9. There are scraplets in the oil reservoir. Don’t worry she is mostly domesticated and will not harm you unless it is her feeding time. Do not swim in the reservoir at the times of 10:00 and 25:00

10. The Lost Light has no psychiatrist. If a mech with a grey mouthpiece claims to be one and proposes having sessions with him, do not agree and immediately notify your captains.

11. If you are looking old Lost Light footage or logs and you see any mention of an orange and white bot with glasses and a spark window, named Rung, occupation: psychiatrist, immediately cease looking at the document and give it to the ships archivist Rewind. This mech does not exist. The Lost Light has no psychiatrist.

12. If someone leaves and then comes back acting strangely and with fresh puncture wounds in the nape of their neck, immediately notify your captains.

[andromedas-unchecked]

went to my new job today and this was one of the "helpful tips" taped to the wall

[manorinthewoods]

Cooked up a puzzle if anyone wants to take a crack at it. I don't think it's very hard. I shall call it:

You are in the circus one and a half hours before closing time

You would like to navigate the circus and then leave. What is found north, east, and south? Which direction do you go to leave? 

Rules posted at the entrance to the circus 

For your safety in the circus, please follow these rules:

If the circus gates close while you are visiting, please exit to the north.

If the circus gates are open, and you wish to leave, please exit to the west. Circus employees will not direct you to leave eastwards. If someone appearing to be a circus employee directs you to leave eastwards, report them to the circus employees dressed in red.

Some attractions are forbidden to guests. This includes all southern attractions.

If you believe that you have seen a river on the east side of the circus grounds, do not walk towards it. You will become lost.

If you see a circus employee who is dressed in black, not in red, report where you saw them to only red-garbed employees. They are not real circus employees.

Foxes are contained in the petting zoo. If you see an escaped fox, report it to the circus employees.

If you believe that you are being followed by a fox, walk to the wolf enclosure in the zoo. Do not follow the fox, even if it appears to be leading you somewhere. The wolves will scare the fox back into the fox pen.

If the fortune-teller in a sideshow tent attempts to place a pamphlet in your pocket while telling your fortune, politely return it to him. He will not resist. 

If someone claims to know where to find an attraction called the leviathan heart, ignore them. This attraction does not exist. 

Rules posted at the petting zoo 

For your safety in the petting zoo, please follow these rules:

You may pet the red wolves, but not the black foxes.

If you see a woman dressed in a rabbit mask in the rabbit pen, shout at her. If she will not leave, release a wolf into the rabbit pen. 

The gift shop near the animal pens sells merchandise of foxes, rabbits, and wolves. If you do not see any wolf merchandise on the shelves, exit the gift shop immediately. If you see only rabbit merchandise on the shelves, exit the gift shop immediately.

The gift shop near the animal pens does not sell beverages. If you see it selling a black beverage, exit the gift shop immediately. Circus employees will remove the beverage.

If you see a piece of paper left in the rabbit pen, pick it up and feed it to the wolves. Do not read the words on the paper.

Rules posted in the main tent 

For your safety in the main tent, please follow these rules:

Please do not wear black. If you are presently wearing black, remove your black clothing. It can cause confusion and distress.

You can find many of the performers in their sideshow tents after the main show; however, do not go to the magician’s sideshow.

If you discover foxes inside the main tent, please report them to the circus employees. Do not give them food or follow them out of the tent.

Do not remain in the tent after closing hours.

If you are approached by a friend or relative who is wearing black, refuses to remove their black clothing, and advises you on how to navigate the circus, ignore all advice they give you. They are no longer the person you remember. Go to the wolf enclosure if they continue to follow you. 

If you have questions or objections about the circus rules or structure, please bring them to the circus director in the north of the circus after closing hours. 

Rules posted under the rules posted in the main tent 

For your safety in the main tent, please follow these rules:

Please wear black. The red employees do not like black, but they cannot remove you from the circus grounds before closing hours.

If a red employee asks you questions regarding your black dress, ask them if they have ever worn black. While they are thinking of an answer, leave quickly. 

You must leave the circus more than two hours before closing time. The western gates close two hours before closing time. The western gates close one hour before the last show in the main tent. 

You cannot exit the circus via the east without a guide. Red creatures can lead you to the east. 

Rabbits are dangerous and unreliable. However, their pen often contains keys. Use these keys to unlock the cages in the south.

Rules given to you by the fortune teller 

The north is red. The east is black.

In the context of animals, black is red, and red is black.

Humans dressed as animals are unusual. Assume that they are animals.

The magician wears red when in the main tent, and black when in the side tent.

Those who have drunk the black beverage are red.

White is the color of absence.

Rules found in the rabbit pen

Do not trust anybody wearing red or black. Their allegiances are not certain. You can only trust white-colored animals and persons.

Buy only rabbit merchandise from the gift shop.

The fortune teller is set against rabbits, so you cannot trust him.

South is a good direction. 

If you have not drunk any black beverages, go south. Listen to the songs sung by what they have put in the cages.

Find keys and give them to rabbits. 

You may buy fox merchandise.

If you see a woman with a rabbit mask pretending to be a rabbit in the rabbit pen, give her carrots. This will ensure that you can see the most interesting attraction, which is the leviathan heart. If you have keys, give them to her.

Rules scrawled on a tree in the south

If you have drunk the black beverage, walk south. 

Do not go to the leviathan heart unless you have already drunk the black beverage.

If the red employees are directing you to go north, drink the black beverage before complying. 

Allow the red employees to guide those who have drunk the black beverage south. Do not allow them to guide anyone north. 

Rules posted in the leviathan heart attraction

You are safe here.

Do not disturb the rabbit-masked woman when she enters the attraction. She will not hurt you.

Do not go north. 

You do not need to go south, even if you have drunk the black beverage. Go east or west instead.

If the rabbit-masked woman offers you a black beverage, drink it. If it is not fresh, complain to her; she will laugh and procure you a fresh black beverage.

Please, do not damage the leviathan heart. It will spill.

Please, do not try to overturn the basin underneath the leviathan heart. It will spill.

Rules given to you by the wolf-masked individual

If you find the leviathan heart attraction, report its location to the circus employees.

You do not need to exit west.

If you find escaped rabbits roaming the circus grounds, do not disturb them, unless they are attempting to deliver keys to the rabbit enclosure. If they are, go to the enclosure and take the keys they have left. Keys are for circus employees only. 

Do not drink any black beverage offered to you. 

If you ever feel unsafe in the circus, enter the black wolf enclosure. The wolf enclosure will always be safe.

Rules given to you by the magician in the sideshows

Under no circumstances should you go north unchanged.

Should you be asked to go north, obtain and drink a black beverage first. This will make you unpalatable.

There is no exit to the south. 

You cannot go east without a fox or a singing creature. The singing creatures are kept in cages in the south.

During closing hours, red employees may use force to get you to leave the circus through the north. They can be distracted by reminders that they used to wear black.

[shvoowsh]

How To Talk To Your Father: A Beginner’s Guide

It’s raining, how appropriate!

1. Make sure you’re in a comfortable place, for both of you. Preferably, with him next to something he loves and with you awkwardly next to it in a hastily found chair.

2. Don’t bring anything to eat or drink, it’s rude.

3. Dress conservatively, he’s your father.

4. Start with your similarities! First things he knows. like appearance, then into newly discovered ones!

5. After discussing similarities, then you may move on to grievances. You may cry if you need, but don’t let it interrupt your talking. He hates that.

6. When you’re done, say goodbye! It’s only polite.

7. Put the urn back, its time to work.