#ryan's records

[zedif-y]

it's currently Christmas Eve for me over here in the philippines! i hope you guys are doing alright. truly.

to everyone who has stuck with me through this year, mutual or casual follower who probably doesn't understand why i'm so emotional about the incoming new year, thank you. for being there, for liking my art, my writing, and my occasional funny post.

thank you for caring, even a little bit. thank you for those who took the time to tell me that they do.

honestly, i thank even those who left— i wish you well.

just... you know. happy. grateful. because my corner of the internet happened to be full of really kind people.

i don't know what the next year holds for me, but i hope it's kind to all of us.

happy holidays, everyone :]

[zedif-y]

Okay, I've been sitting on this for about a year now and I don't think I can really keep denying it anymore

I think your shapeshifter!joel au transed my gender.

oh my god. oh my god?? i mean-- congrats on figuring it out??? BUT ALSO?? WILD?????

i've felt bad that i never really continued that au, but the idea that it had such an influence on someone regardless.... holy shit. absolutely wild. i'm so happy for you for figuring yourself out, i'm glad i was able to be a part of your journey :]

[zedif-y]

finally got around to replying to some of the messages i got during my Weekend From Hell. to people who sent me kind asks, i just wanted to say that i'm really fucking thankful for each and every one. i won't be replying to them because i want to hoard them and be able to look back on them, but thank you. thank you thank you thank you. i really fucking appreciate it, you're all so sweet :'']

another reason i won't be replying to each and every one is because part of me just... wants to move on from that day. i'm doing better and hopefully i will continue to be but i don't want to fill my blog and your dash with reminders of what happened. i hope you understand.

all this to say: i love you all. thank you for being kind to me. i hope life is kind to you too, and if it's not, i hope it will be soon.

[zedif-y]

"life sucks but things will get better eventually"

- sweet sentiment but not always true. sometimes you have to deal with the same painful shit everyday and there's no cure for it.

"life sucks but it won't beat me. if i have to deal with this bullshit i might as well stick around for the parts that hurt a little less."

- more motivating to Me. i'll claw out as happy of a life as i can get with my bare hands if i have to, grit my teeth and grind them to dust. i'll get to the next year with blood under my fingernails and i'll drag myself to the next one inch by inch. life will not beat me. i am not going anywhere and that is a fucking THREAT.

[zedif-y]

I put a version of this in the tags (just sending anon so it's slightly more private) but that fic made it clear how like. Jimmy thinks he knows what flirting with his friends in Minecraft is like, but he has NOTHING on the shit lifelong friends like Imp and Skizz and Tango will say to each other.

It's like the new guy at the gay bar who's used to just making dick jokes with some buds, getting approached and freezing as an out-for-decades bear gives him a genuine once-over and buys him a drink. He doesn't know what he's gotten into. Out of his depth.

I WANT TO PUT THIS ASK ON MY WALL OR SOMETHING . HELPF DJDNDNDM

THAT'S SO FUNNY?? AND ALSO. YEAH. YEAH I AGREE . it makes it even funnier to me knowing that technically jimmy HAS been gay married in the past w scott, but like . is still Completely thrown by impulse's flirting . i love this NDNDNDND

[zedif-y]

in a time of depression, i offer softness.

you are not alone. i may only know you from your blog but you seem like a delightful person. your art and ideas are amazing. im sending the vibes of a warm hug and a cup of your preferred comfort drink.

my advice to you is to get cozy, put on something silly like jimmys uno video or team zits shenanigans, and hopefully the laughter and silliness will cheer you up. it always helps me.

i also offer a headcanon as usual. i think team zits are all some flavour of neurodivergent. and stimmy. as a treat for me. tango in particular happy stims a lot when with friends, often by tail swooshing and other body stims. The Skizzlenoises ™️ are vocal stimming. impulse likes Texture, especially polished metal, and can often be found running his hands over a totem. and zedaph likes chewing on things. do not let him borrow your pens he will absentmindedly put it in his mouth while thinking.

love ya! -headc-anon

waughgh,,, thank you for this :'] i'm not gonna lie, when i first got this and i read it, i legitimately started tearing up. this was very sweet of you to send and i love your headcanons, as usual, even when i keep hoarding them in my inbox KLSJGDHSDG zed is just like me fr

again, thank you, anon. i hope you have a good rest of your day/night :]

[zedif-y]

Anon who's gender was transed by your shapeshifter au here! For clarification (because I was lowkey out of it when I sent the first ask. It was like 1 am for me when I wrote it) I had kind of been Vaguely Aware of the fact that I was probably Not Cis for a few years but I was in denial and didn't really think about it, kind of like that meme that's like "I'm probably nonbinary but I don't have time for that rn" (though in my case I'm not nb) and then finally I eventually had one (1) singular, random-ass thought/realization about myself that pushed me into a Gender Crisis TM and around that time I stumbled across the fic you wrote for the shapeshifter!joel au and that was like. The Final Big Push for acceptance for me I guess. There was just something about that fic that just kinda Settled everything in my head, clicked stuff into place y'know.

Ever since then I've been figuring myself out more, dipping my toes into online trans communities and stuff, even picked out a name! (it's James! :D)

Thank you for your congratulations in response to my previous ask, but more importantly thank you for writing your fic and making that au in the first place. Don't feel bad about not continuing it either, I obviously can't speak for everyone, but for me? You've already done so much more than enough ♡

i know its been a hot minute since you've sent this, but i hope you know that your story has touched me a lot so i couldn't bring myself to let go of this ask. no response felt good enough to express what i feel, so i'll just say this:

i'm really happy to be a part of your journey, james :'] it means a lot to me that you took the time to tell me this. i wish you the best and i hope you're happier now, there's nothing quite like gender euphoria and exploration <33

[zedif-y]

hii just wanna remind you that you’re loved and i’m glad you’re here and that i’d miss you if you ever left <3 i’m always glad to see you on my dash you’re awesome

?!?!? THIS IS SO SWEET. UNPROMPTED????

thank you so much anon :''] i hope the world is kind to you oh my goodness. blessings upon ye