I have depression
I am 52 yrs old and I have suffered with depression since I was a teenager. Most of my life this darkness, this unworthiness has always been part of me. I had my first breakdown as a teenager, I still remember it now, partly because I had one 6-7 yrs ago when my husband left and I had to go through all that again. But there have been others too.
I have never really ever been fixed or 'right'. I do not know when or where it started, but lets face it if it started so young genes and my upbringing are probably the main sources. I have times when its just a background thing, where I can be doing the most innocent thing, be doing something that should make me happy and my brain will just go oh god it would be nice to just not exist, would be nice to just disappear and not have to be me anymore.
The real feeling of unworthiness came in relationships. I do not know why, but even from the first one I always had this voice in my head saying how unlovable I was and it was only a matter of time before he worked it out. Of course things always died cos you can't go into things like that being a broken mess trying to hide the shadows in you.
So why this ramble?
Cos of the message of Good omens 3. I kinda have always been a bit inbetweener. I am a bit Crowley (well you saw above, plus the questioning) and a bit Aziraphale (like my food, horde books etc). So the ending which I can see why it gives people hope can also give other people no hope, give people a very negative message. Crowley who was broken against his will (aren't we all, looking at you genes and family) are not able to go on. They can't live beyond their trauma. Beyond their upbringing. They can't find peace. They can't have love for any amount of time. They are just too much of a mess. they should just give up.
That does not seem like a good omen to me tbh
