#saddest days

[dubiouslexism]

i want a girlfriend to ravish :(

[nickoleptic]

please come back, david rakoff

[lovelikelinda]

The Notebook and A Walk To Remember puts tears in my eyes every time. <3

Watched both today, life is sad :x 

[sapphirerabbit]

Grandpa Stinker and Tracy

When I woke up this morning, I had an e-mail telling me my grandpa had died in the night.  He was 90, we had known for 2 years that it could happen anytime.  Still, knowing that he'll never pinch my knees and call me Billy again is really weird to grasp.  My mom and aunt are now orphans, and they both came over tonight for pizza and to choose photos for the memorial thing we're doing this weekend.  They're exhausted, and teetering between laughter and tears, and it is really hard to see.  We called him grandpa stinker because he was a stinker like bugs bunny was, in that way that made everyone warm to him in a heartbeat.

I went to bioart, forgetting my materials at home because I was a little scattered.  I felt weird being there, but it felt better to have something to do.  I am sure it seemed weird to everyone else how I told them what was going on, but how else do you say it?  "sorry I am a little weird today, I am excited my mom is in town but heartbroken that my grandpa died" just can't sound casual and sound right.

After bioart, I hung around waiting for Martin for a while, and then I got a facebook message from Martin saying that he saw a posted obituary for my college friend Tracy.  About 10 minutes later, my old roommate called me to fill me in.  He was clearly shaken and I didn't know what to say to him to make it better.  Tracy shot herself.  Her son wasn't home, but her fiancee was.  It was sudden, there were no warning signs and no note.  When I talked to her before Christmas, she was really excited that I might be able to come to her wedding in June.  I have no idea how to process this information.  We weren't the closest of friends, but she's only the second person I have ever known to commit suicide, and the first was in middle school and seemed unavoidable.

I came home and took down the Christmas tree.  Ryan called to see if I knew what had happened with Tracy, and talking to him made me feel better that our friends are always there with love and a joke, even when times are hard and dark and make me want to cry and yell at everything and nothing.