PART ONE
Female reader x Jax Teller explicit language | smut: unprotected sexy time! Giving & receiving head, some hand action and probably what I’d say the best smut I’ve ever written?| 1st person y/n pov | drug abuse mention | tiniest tiniest nod to possible abortion. If you are under the age of 18, dislike any of said topics, or haven't finished the show, please read no further.
taglist: @daryldixonswifesworld @fallout-girl219 @wish-upon-a-star-1310 @thoughtfullyfurryangel @steffieswifeyyy @mylifeisanoxymoron21 @hannahmmarie2016 @wish-upon-a-star-1310 @steffieswifeynwacc @bonnyclydecat
Two and a half years. That’s how long it’s been since the night me and Jax became one for the first time. Since all the stolen glances, the hidden touches and everything else that came along with it. Two and a half years since he’s stepped outside those prison walls. Two and a half years since he’s tucked his little boy in to sleep at night.
All I’ve had is letters, scheduled visits and phone calls. But it hasn’t been enough. Part of it scares me if I’m being honest, yeah I’ve been nannying for him this whole fucking time but we’ve never actually been “together” outside of the prison walls, and now that his release date is coming up, due to good behaviour, part of me is worried that shit might not be the same, that maybe he’d change his mind, maybe he’d realise it wouldn’t work.
But I’m hoping, I’m fucking praying from the depths within that it won’t be like that. Even though we’ve been in contact sporadically over the years, well hardly ever. Fuck...I’ve fallen in love with him more and more every single day, even with his prolonged absence.
He tells me though. Tells me how proud of me he is. That I’ve fallen into the role without any hiccups. Which I guess was a little bit easy, you know spending most of my time with him and his family anyway.
I know my way around, his schedule, their routine. But he says he can’t thank me enough, for what I’ve done for his boy whilst he’s been inside. And Abel? He even calls me Mommy now.
"y/n, sweetheart...you okay?" Gemma's voice cuts through my thoughts.
I turn, still leaning slightly against the bar "Yeah, I just..." a breathy laugh slips out, "...I just feel...nervous?" Better to say nervous than admit I'm actually about to shit myself.
Gemma gives her usual knowing hum. Eyes flicking over my shoulder to where Unser's posted up watching Abel. "Makes sense, baby. But you've done good. Real good sweetie. You stepped up when Jax and Abel needed you most. Shit, when I needed you." Her hand slides, grabbing my arm. "I couldn't have done this without you y/n. You're family now, you understand me?"
My throat tightens as I glance at the clock, "Yeah" I manage to breathe out, pushing away from the bar and turning to walk out.
"Gemma?" I stop, spinning on my heel to face her again.
"Yeah sweetie?"
"You sure it's right? Not telling Jax about Wendy showing back up?"
Her jaw ticks as she steps closer, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. The touch somewhat possessive.
"It'll do nothin' but stir shit darlin'. Let sleeping junkies lie”
“But she’s clean she-”
“Just leave shit alone y/n. You hear me sweetie?"
Engines roar outside, deep and thunderous cutting the conversation short. Fuck. My stomach hollows and everything drops inside.
He's here.
Gemma's lip curls into that trademark smile, all fucking Teller.
"Daddy's home" Her arm hooks through mine and she pulls me towards the door.
The second the cool air hits my face, I see him.
Swinging his leg off his Dyna like the world hasn't shifted and rebuilt itself in the time he's been gone. His helmet comes off, eyes sweeping the lot. Fuck, he's beautiful. The buzz cut's grown in rough at the edges, like prison time spat him out harder and meaner than when he went in.
My feet stay rooted, I stay standing back, not rushing forward letting him have this moment with the rest of the guys, his Mom, son and his new freedom.
"y/n?"
Gemma notices me standing back, Abel balancing on her hip until she strolls over pressing him into my arms. His little hands grabbing at my tee.
"Family" she says. The words land like a promise. Not the nanny. Not the girl who stayed behind. His. Abel's. Jax's. Gemma's. The club's. Family.
Gemma gives me a small nod, ushering me forward and the world narrows to the weight in my arms and the man just a few feet ahead.
I move forward, Abel's legs bouncing against my hip, matching the beat of my racing heart. Everything feels slow, like the world around us is holding its breath. The crowd gathered between us parts like the red sea and bodies start shifting and all eyes follow.
Then, his eyes find mine, like a light at the end of the longest tunnel.
"Daddy!" Abel screeches, his little voice high and excited. It's the first time he's seen Jax face to face. Course they talked on the phone, little scribbled letters here and there but Gemma and Jax didn't want him anywhere near the prison.
Jax strides towards us as everything and everyone dissolves, just the three of us in this little moment. He wraps an arm around both of us, pulling us in like he's afraid to let go. He places a kiss to Abel's head, then one to mine but quickly like he can't trust himself with anything deeper just yet. I can't speak. I can barely breathe. My chest feels too full and too empty all at the same time.
Abel reaches for him, tiny fingers grabbing at the leather he hasn't touched in so long. Jax scoops him from my arms with that effortless Dad strength, swaying him side to side as they take each other in for the first time in almost three years.
"Daddy missed you" he breathes into his son's hair. His voice so soft. The kind of soft he only ever uses for his boy.
"Are the animals okay Daddy?" Abel asks, his big innocent eyes blinking up at his Father like he can't wait any longer to get the answer. For a second, confusion flickers across Jax's face. His brows pinching in the middle, like his mind is trying to catch up to a life he hasn't been here for.
"The animals...at the cabin?" I remind him softly, a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth as I remember the reason Jax gave Abel for his sudden disappearance.
A light sparks in Jax's eyes as the memory slots back into place. The laugh he lets out is soft. "The animals" he echoes, ruffling his boys hair.
"Yeah, buddy. They're all good. Took Daddy a long time, but they're all good now"
The familiar click of Gemma's heels against the pavement causes us to turn and look her way.
"Grandma! Grandma! Daddy's back!" Abel beams, moving his little arms to loop tight around his Daddy’s neck.
"Hi baby" Gemma smiles at Jax, her tone dipping into that softer side. She reaches up cupping Jax's face like he's a little boy again.
"I'm so happy you're home"
She pulls him in, pressing a kiss to his cheek, her hand lingering by the pocket of his jeans, as she smiles between him and Abel. For a moment, it's just them. Mother, Son and Grandson. Then Jax shifts Abel higher on his hip and extends his free hand towards me without hesitation.
"C'mere" he murmurs as his fingers catch mine, pulling me into the circle. The four of us pressed together like family stitched back together right in the middle of the SAMCRO lot.
"Missed you so fuckin' much, babe" He barely gets the words out before he has me pushed against the back of the dorm door, his hands everywhere. Sliding over my waist, my hips, my tits. Like he can't get close enough fast enough.
I gasp into his mouth, fingers threading into the front of his kutte. "Missed you too" I whisper between kisses, tugging him closer.
"Jesus" he mutters, lips dragging across the edge of my jaw. "Been thinkin' about you and that tight pussy 24 fuckin' 7. I just wanna-"
"JACKIE BOY!"
Chibs' Scottish drawl rattles the frame. "Give the girl a bloody chance! Get out here, yer ma wants ye!"
I laugh against Jax's chest, and he drops his head dramatically with a moan lifting both middle fingers towards the door. "Yeah, yeah...we're comin'" he calls back, dragging a hand down his face then adjusting his jeans with a muttered curse.
"When we get home" I murmur, fingers brushing lightly against his as I give him one more slow kiss. "We have all the time in the world"
His annoyed frown melts into a smile. "Countin' on it".
The clubhouse finally feels alive again. The atmosphere in the air is just how it used to be, it's like the whole place finally exhaled after holding its breath for too long. There's something beautiful about a bunch of rough men letting themselves feel, even if it is loud and messy.
The welcome home chaos has slowly melted into the usual kind of madness. Happy looks ready to fight, fuck or sleep, whichever comes first.
Opie took Lyla and the kids home hours ago. I cant thank Opie enough, At first I thought he was pissed about me and Jax getting together, but after he'd been locked up I understood it. He was just looking out for me, making sure I knew what I was getting myself into. He's really helped me through a lot of shit in the past 2 years, Lyla too.
Jax is across the room, cornered by Gemma. They're talking low, faces close both of them wearing that serious look that never means anything simple. I can't hear a word, but it looks secretive. She keeps tapping at his jeans pocket, and my minds drifts back to earlier, how her hand lingered there. Jax catches me watching and gives me one of his subtle chin tilts, the one that says 'I see you, give me a minute'.
Abel's nearby, somehow still awake, standing beside Rat, who's trying to explain how to play pool. The cue's taller than he is bless him and Rats way too drunk to be teaching anyone anything. I can't help but smile as I walk over, slipping my arms around Abel and lifting him up against my hip.
"We goin' home now Mommy?" My heart still jumps every time he calls me that.
"Yeah baby. We'll go say bye to Grandma and see what Daddy's doing, okay?" He nods sleepily against my shoulder.
I rub a hand across Rat's back before walking away, thanking him for keeping Abel entertained as long as he did. He grins swaying a little mumbling something about being "the best damn babysitter in Charming" I laugh, shaking my head.
He's been good to us Rat has, all of them really. Checking in every morning, Jax's orders I'm guessing. Either way, they made sure I never felt out of place. Shit happened fast, yeah but they never once made me feel like I didn't belong.
Abel mumbles something about his blanket as I strap him into his car seat. I make sure to place it over him gently before shutting the car door softly. When I climb into the passenger seat, Jax is already watching me. One hand on the wheel and the other resting against his thigh. That crooked smile already on his face, eyes holding that same hungry kind of longing that catches me off guard.
"What?" I ask, a little laugh escaping under my breath.
He shakes his head, eyes never leaving mine.
"Nothin'. I just...fuck y/n. I fuckin' love you darlin'"
The words land so fucking deep, my cheeks burning as the words leave my mouth.
"I love you too Jax"
I grin, looking back between him and Abel. His hand finds mine, his thumb tracing lazy circles over my heated skin and somewhere under that warmth, a tiny sting of guilt sparks. Wendy flickering in the back of my mind, with Gemma's warning echoing right after. I squeeze his hand tighter, forcing the thought away.
The knock came just as the microwaved dinged, letting us know the popcorn was ready.
"One second baby" I said, brushing a kiss over Abel's hair. "Let me get the door, then we'll start the movie, okay?"
He nodded from the couch, legs tucked under a blanket as the menu screen for Toy Story 2 flickered. Our little friday ritual, he'd pick a movie every week that we'd sit and watch as I mentally counted down how many movies left until he’d be home.
I padded towards the door, expecting it to be Gemma on the porch with her usual bottle of white wine and a smirk. But it wasn't.
She was blonde, hair in a messy halo of waves. She had a leather satchel slung over one shoulder and boots that were clearly made for walking. She didn't look familiar to me, and for a moment she didn't even look at me. Her eyes were over my shoulder, looking into the house.
"Uh...hi?" I said carefully.
"Jax here?" she questioned with a voice that went straight through me. The way she said his name was so casual, like she was used to using it.
"No..." I say slowly "He's not home"
she frowned clearly impatient, moving a hand to her hip. "When will he be back?"
"He's...away right now"
Her eyes narrowed as the frustration began to slowly show "Away? what's that supposed to mean?"
Before I could even think of an answer, a gentle little voice came from behind me.
"Mommy? can we...can we start the movie now?
I bend down to him, taking his hand in mine "Yeah, baby. Just give Mommy one second okay?"
He nodded but his eyes drifted up towards the stranger, he blinked at her before shuffling back into the living room. When I stood to face her again, she looked as if she was holding her breath and her eyes were glassy, fixed on where Abel had just been standing.
"Mommy?" she repeated, "He calls you Mommy?"
Her voice cracked with every word, I couldn't work out why. Maybe anger or hurt but something...something wasn't right.
"Jesus Christ" she scoffed, pushing her hair away from her face. "He's got my son callin' some other woman Mommy already?"
The words slammed into me. I pulled the door halfway closed behind me, like I was trying to physically block her from seeing inside.
"Wendy" the words leave my mouth with a sharp nod of my head.
"And you are?"
"y/n"
"y/n...you wanna tell me why my son thinks you're his Mommy" she air quotes the last word. "He doesn't...he only just..."
Heat rose in my chest, the anger bubbling so fast I didn't even know what to say. I wasn't prepared for this, for her return. I don't think anyone was. But thankfully, before I could form some sort of response, tires crunched in the driveway, Gemma's SUV pulling up.
"Great" Wendy muttered whilst rolling her eyes. "The devil incarnate"
Gemma climbed out, sunglasses perched on her head and she zoned straight in on Wendy. Her eyebrows arched as she looked over to me with an expression that asked a million questions.
"Look what crawled back into Charming" her voice was cold, eyes deadlocked onto Wendy's. In the quickest of movements she grabbed wendys arm, looking for fresh tracks I assumed.
"Gemma, I’m Clean. Look please I just I want to see my-" Wendy started, but didn't get to finish.
"No. You listen to me…" Gemma’s tone rose as she stepped right into Wendy's space, fingers pointed and then, as if she just remembered I was present, she turned to me. "y/n sweetie, you wanna check on Abel?"
That was her telling me this was none of my fucking business.
I ducked away, peeking into the living room. Abel still waited patiently on the couch, staring at the still picture of Woody and Buzz on the screen. I let out a sharp breath and slipped into the kitchen, where I could still see the front porch through the window.
I couldn't make out the words properly, but I saw Wendy's hands come up like she was trying to explain herself, Gemma’s face barely moved except for the slight tilt of smirk. She then leaned in close, the lines around her eyes deepened. Whatever she said made Wendy flinch hard, her tears spilling before she could even stop them.
Then she turned fast, storming towards her car before getting in, the tires screeching as she tore away. Gemma stayed out there for a moment, her eyes followed the taillights until they disappeared. Then, calm as ever she made her way indoors.
"That never happened" she said to me, her voice harsh, clearly a warning. She then walked over to Abel with that beaming Grandmother smile, sitting down next to him as her mask slipped back into place.
Jax slowly pulls Abel's bedroom door shut, careful not to make a sound. He stands there for a moment, palm still resting against the doorframe like he's taking it all in. And of course he fucking is. Its been nearly three years since he's been able to tuck his boy in at night. The last time, there were tears. Tears of fear and pain, but this time, the tears are from relief, from finally having the most important thing back after feeling like he'd never get it again.
He turns around, our eyes meeting and mirroring each others. Wet and glistening. He shakes his head like he's trying to keep shit together, wiping at an escaped tear with the heel of his hand.
"I can't thank you enough y/n" he says, pulling me into him, his arms wrapping around tight as he presses a kiss to the crown of my head.
"Taking care of my boy like he was your own..." he mumbles into my hair "Steppin' into this life without a fuckin' blink. A lotta people woulda run, but you..." He pulls me closer, so tight it feels like he's scared someone might drag him back to Stockton.
"...you stayed" he whispers, "And I'm so fuckin' in love with you for it...amongst other things" He chuckles lightly, reaching round to cup my ass.
I tilt my head up, grinning softly through the emotions "Yeah?" I tease, nudging him gently.
"Yeah" he echoes like its the easiest truth he's ever had to speak.
I slip my fingers through his, feeling his hand tighten around mine instantly, I tug gently, guiding him down the hall, towards his bedroom. Our bedroom.
As soon as we step into our space, its like something breaks in him. He pulls me in deep, kissing me like he's been starved for years - which I guess is true. His hands run over me in frantic sweeps, like he needs to feel every inch of my body just to prove to himself that this is real, that he's really home and I'm really here.
The force of it steals every detail I had planned for tonight. The playlist I made, the way I meant to draw this out so fucking slowly, tease him till he'd literally combust. Even the glittery black lingerie tucked neatly in my top draw slips from my mind the second his mouth meets mine.
But its perfect without all that.
The way he's touching me isn't about seduction. It's about relief. Two years of wanting and need in one fucking moment. He pulls back for a second, just enough for me to take every part of him in. His tall frame silhouetted against the faint strip of light peeking in through the blinds, the rest of the room swallowed in darkness. His hands stay firm on my arms as he looks down at me. The silence in the air thick, the only sound is our breathing coming out in uneven huffs that meet somewhere in the middle.
He raises one hand, slowly brushing his knuckles along my cheek before his thumb trails the line of my jaw and then drags lightly across my bottom lip. I lean into his touch without even thinking. I know he's played this moment out in his head as many times as I have.
Then his hands are gone. His warmth disappears from my skin and before I can even chase it, he steps back, even in the low light I can tell his eyes are locked on mine.
He lifts his white tee over his head, before his fingers move to his belt, the soft clink of metal separating causing fire to flood through every nerve in my body. Then, steps out of his socks, boxers and jeans leaving a crumpled pile of clothing beside him.
Jax stands there completely bare and unguarded in that way that makes my heart throb. He gives me a slow nod, his wordless way of telling me its my turn.
I slip out of my sliders, my toes pressing lightly against the hardwood. My leggings are next. I pull them down slow, bending slightly but never breaking eye contact. I catch the way his gaze flicks to the mirror behind me. How he takes in the shadow of every angle and every curve, before his blue eyes come right back to meet mine. I’m now left standing in my underwear.
I've been with men before in my past. But none of them, and I mean none of them have ever made me feel this safe standing this bare. There's no shame, nothing but trust and love.
My fingers hook into the waistline of my panties as I move them down slowly, kicking them off my feet causing them to land at his.
When my eyes trail upwards from the floor, his fist is already squeezing tight around the base of his cock then moving upwards as he begins stroking himself to the sight of me stood in front of him. As soon as I catch the movement of his hand the swell of my clit finds its own heartbeat.
I slip out of my bra, tits bouncing free and my peaked nipples showing Jax just how much I truly want him, if he couldn’t already tell from the slickness coating the skin between my thighs.
We stand there, staring at each other like neither of us know who deserves to make the first move. But I can't wait, not one more fucking second. I rush forward at the exact moment he does, our bodies colliding with such a force it nearly knocks the breath out of me.
His hand flies up gripping at the back of my neck with a desperate claiming hold. For every push of my tongue, his pull is ten times harder. He walks me backwards step by step until the backs of my legs hit the edge of the bed and I fall back with a small gasp as the mattress dips beneath me.
He uses a knee to nudge mine apart, pushing my thighs wide open so I'm laid out and ready for him to take. He kisses at my neck as his hands grab at my tits, before trailing lower till his fingers swim through my folds, teasing me with every touch.
I moan his name into his mouth as he whispers how much he loves me into mine. His kisses travel lower and lower until he finally reaches a place he's never touched with his mouth before.
The grip on my inner thighs is brutal as he folds me open for him to devour me as he pleases. He does these soothing little licks against my clit as he surges his middle finger in and out of me.
“Even better than I fuckin’ dreamed” “Jax-” I gasp at the sensation his tongue causes as he drowns himself in me. “Fuck y/n you taste...so. Fucking. Good.” Another moan leaves me as I grip the back of his head, the outgrown stubble causing friction against my skin but in this moment I couldn’t give a fuck.
He was making me feel so fucking good. I wanted, no, needed to return the favour. I push his head away quickly, sitting up and repositioning myself. “darlin’...” he wipes at his mouth with the back of his hand “What-” “Lie down” I instruct, and he does so without any fucking hesitation.
I hover over him, his stiff cock directly below my aching hole. But that’s not what I want right now, I still want his mouth against my pussy, I just wanna do something for him too.
So I lower myself down onto him slightly off centre in a reverse cowgirl position, I can tell he’s a little confused that I don't sink straight down onto him. But when I scoot back a little, he gets exactly what I'm tryna do.
He grabs me by the ass pulling me back into his mouth, pressing a hand against my lower back arching me so I’m in the perfect position for him. And now, he’s in the most perfect position for me. I grab his cock, squeezing the base before gripping upwards, my forefinger grazing against the underside of his tip causing him to suck in air through his teeth. I flick against the precum, the salty sweetness coating my tongue like an after dinner treat. He moans into my pussy, his whole mouth trapping my pleasure as he sucks me up in that painful pleasurable way.
I grind slowly into him as my head bobs and my cheeks hollow. I ignore the gag reflex, the spit flowing out my mouth in long glistening streaks.
It’s good, so fucking good, but it’s not enough. And he must have that same exact thought at the same time as me cause he slaps my ass ushering me to get up.
“Can’t wait any longer darlin’”
But he doesn’t move, just spins me round to face him guiding me on top. I throw my leg over him, my hands pressed against the groove of his abs. I don’t let him enter straight away. I slide up and down his shaft, it makes me shudder every time his tip rubs against my clit.
“Shit, y/n stop fuckin’ teasin’ me” he winces grabbing my hips pushing me into place. I slide up his length once more before his tip nudges at my entrance.
I exhale a moan, reaching behind me grabbing his girth to guide him in. Before I close my eyes in my own pleasure I see the way he stutters and his eyes screw shut. My fingertips lazily trace the new additions to his skin. Rough scars have found a home on his chest, just below his ‘Abel’ tattoo. I wanna ask how he got them, who the fuck did this to him, but I know nows not the time.
“Jesus fuck-” his sentence is cut short by the deepest groan I’ve ever heard as he pushes all the way home.
We fuck like we're making up for every night we spent apart, and there's no denying that's exactly what's happening. His mouth ghosts over my nipples as I lean forward, rolling my body against his in soft little movements, his hands roaming my back and hips like he's trying to learn every inch of me.
"Been waitin' for this day darlin'" he whispers against my skin causing all the heat to rush up my spine.
I slide my hands to either side of his waist, using his godly body to balance myself as I rise over him in a squatting position. I drag my pussy up and off him to the point where its just the tip inside before lowering myself back down again, my ass meeting flush against his pelvis with that beautiful clapping sound.
My thighs tremble from both the strain of the position and the intensity in his eyes as he looks up at me, his hands now placed beneath my thighs like my very own seat, controlling my movements with a gentleness that doesn't match the hunger behind it. When my body needs a second to adjust, I collapse against him. My chest pressed to his and my shaking breath warm against the skin of his throat.
"So fuckin' beautiful y/n" he murmurs into me "and I'm never gonna let you forget it" His big, solid arms wrap around me instantly as he pulls me tight against him as if he's trying to shield me from the entire world.
Then he moves beneath me, guiding my hands behind my back, his fingers closing around my wrists in one easy hold pinning them there with a strength made to restrain. His free hand comes up to my face gripping my jaw firmly, tilting my head so I have no choice but to look at him. The expression on his face is so fucking desperate as he jackhammers into me.
God he's so beautiful.
"Can I..." he breathes, the words barely forming. His forehead presses to mine and his eyes flutter shut as he holds me close.
"Can I..."
"Can you what Jax?" I ask, brushing my lips against his jaw "What do you need from me baby?"
His grip tightens, steadying himself inside me, his hips bucking upwards in torturous movements.
"Can I come in you?" he begs the question so innocently, nothing like the confident, commanding man I'm used to.
"Jax...you don't have to ask me that. I- I want you too"
His breath shudders against my bottom lip "Yeah?"
"Yeah" I whisper my voice cracking with need "I need you too." The moment I give him my answer, it’s like everything inside him cracks open. He pulls me against him so tightly it feels like he’s trying to fuse us together. His breath dances against my shoulder and when I turn my head ever so slightly to meet his eyes I’m almost sure they’re shining with tears.
His upward strokes are almost too much for me to take, he’s stretching me in the most painful yet beautiful of ways, hitting the sweetest spot inside me. My hands spread across his chest again and the way he’s looking up at me, fucking hell. His eyes are winced shut and his lips are parted round soft unguarded moans that he’s struggling to hold back.
“Jax…” I moan moving my hand to brush against his cheekbone. “Baby, look at me”
“Darlin…I” his shaky hands slide up the sides of my body “You’re killin me…you’re so- fucckkkkk”
A helpless moan escapes his mouth, making me even wetter than I ever imagined I could be.
“Baby…please” he whispers, his head pressed back into the pillow “Just like that. Stay slow baby, Jesus….fuck don’t stop”
My whimper shivers out of me as I move with him, slow enough making us both ache.
“I love you” he pleads “I love you so fuckin’ much”
My heart and pussy clench painfully “I love you too” my hands now cupping his face with both hands “I love you Jax. I love you. I love you”
Our breaths and moans tangle as the world narrows in on us. The feeling starts to build overwhelmingly fast as he clutches at my hips pulling me against him to deepen his position.
“J-Jax” I gasp against his lips “I’m-I’m gonna come”
His eyes fly open desperate and still shining. “Me too baby. Don’t…don’t let go yet please…fuckkkkk you feel s-so fuckin’ good”
“I’m not…I’m not letting go Jax. Come with me Jax…fuck…please”
And when I finally fall apart, he follows instantly like his body was waiting for permission from mine first. His arms crush me to him again still shaking as he lets out the most vulnerable sound I’ve ever heard from him.
When our highs finally fade, he rolls me gently onto my back, shuffling until he’s half on top of me. He kisses my lips softly, then makes his way to my temple as his hand slides down, his fingers threading with mine before he lifts our tangled hands up and presses a slow kiss to my knuckles.
“I love you” I whisper.
He smirks against my skin. “I love you too y/n” he kisses my hand again, even softer this time.
Silence settles between us but there’s a question eating at the back of my mind. I bite my lip debating to ask, and then I finally do.
“Why did you ask?…” I question “To…you know, why did you ask this time?”
He lets out a breath, like he’s been carrying something for too long.
“Thought about that night a lot when I was inside” he admits quietly. “Our first time. We were so fuckin’ new darlin’ I mean…we didn’t really know anything about us, like what you wanted or how you felt about stuff like that”
He brushes a damp strand of hair from my forehead, his thumb lingering where he left it.
“So I assumed” he continues “figured you were on the pill. Didn’t really think to check, didn’t think to ask I just…I had a lot of nights sittin’ in that cell wonderin’ what would of happened if you did get pregnant”
I’m captured by the sincerity in his eyes.
“After some time I obviously realised you weren’t, or if you were you…” he shakes his head, stumbling over his words “…did something or whatever. Which is under…I’d understand if you did…sorry I’m rambling I just mean…I realised what a dumbass I’d been makin’ that choice without even askin’”
“I was…on the pill” I whisper, snuggling closer into his chest. “Jax it didn’t even cross my mind, I wasn’t upset you didn’t ask, we were so caught up and it was fucking beautiful.” I giggle at the memory of our first time. “And I wasn’t ever pregnant Jax, believe me if I was you’d be the first to know no matter what. I wouldn’t keep something like that from you. I’d never keep secrets” I swallow the guilt of the current secret.
He nods, silently thanking me for the reassurance.
“My point is…I asked this time because I didn’t wanna assume nothin’ about you again. I needed your answer” he hesitates at the next words “and because…I wouldn’t mind if it happened”
My breath catches in my throat but he continues, barely above a whisper.
“I’m not sayin’ right now, not sayin’ it’s something we gotta do. I mean shit, I don’t even know if you want kids but if it ever happened…if you ever told me you were pregnant…” his eyes are shining again “It wouldn’t scare me”
“It wouldn’t scare me either Jax”
Jax and the others have been home almost three weeks now, and I still catch myself stopping mid sentence just to breathe it all in, making sure this isn't just another dream I'm about to wake up from. Its fucking amazing having him back home, but the best part? Abel's little face every morning when he pads into kitchen bed hair on full display and he spots his Daddy already waiting for him. The cutest fucking thing ever.
"Hey Gem" I murmur, walking into the kitchen. She leans in, planting a quick kiss on my cheek.
"Where are our boys?" I yawn, stretching my arms as I glance around the kitchen. Abel's favourite cereal bowl already washed and drying in the rack with Jax's coffee mug sitting beside it.
"Our boys..." she repeats with a little smirk "...decided to go on a little morning adventure" she gives me that look, the one that proves she knows exactly where they are but she's holding off on that little detail.
"Oh" I say, trying to play it cool even though a small, stupid pang of jealousy flickers through me. I move to the coffee machine, its still hot so I pour myself a cup.
"They've been gone about an hour" Gemma adds casually. "I doubt they'll be out all day. Jax said he didn't wanna wake you" her lips curve into that familiar grin "Still makin' up for lost time, huh?"
I laugh into my coffee, using it as a shield to hide my embarrassment.
She watches me for a second longer before sighing and shifting her purse up her shoulder. "Well I'm headin' out. Chuckie called. Says some unruly asshole's refusin' to pay what they owe" She dips her hand into her purse and raises her gun "Think this'll make em think twice?"
"Gemma, really?" I raise an eyebrow "Do you ever not enjoy threatening people?"
She grins, already halfway out the door. "See ya round, sweetheart"
I spend the next hour doing the usual everyday shit like picking up stray toys, straightening Abel’s sheets. Then I I have a quick shower, changing into the comfiest lounge set I own before I begin to finish folding the endless pile of faded jeans and identical white tees. Somehow, even that feels good. More proof that my man’s really home.
A little while later I hear a car pull up and my heart kicks. I can’t wait to hear what my boys got up to but then there’s a knock, so it’s not Jax cause he woulda used his key.
I open the door halfway, and Wendy's standing there with her arms wrapped around herself. She looks pale and shaken, and begins wiping at tears that wont stop falling.
"Don't shut it" she blurts out, "Just...please...don't shut it" She steps back like she expects me to slam it in her face. If Jax or Gemma were home, that’s exactly what they’d expect me to do too.
My fingers loosen on the door, looking down the road both ways just to make sure there's no eyes on us.
"I know, I know I'm not supposed to be here" she says softly, "I swear, I'm not here to cause any kinda t-trouble I just..."
“You just what Wendy?” I say, my eyes narrowing at her.
"I just...wanted to thank you" her chin wobbles and I glance behind her again "I heard about Jax, where he's been" she whispers "And for him to leave Abel here with you...for Gemma to allow that...you must be special...to him...to them" she covers her mouth, choking on another sob.
"You were there for my boy when he couldn't be. When I couldn't be"
My heart twists a little.
"I'm sorry...last time I came here...I was a bitch, I was scared and angry and just..."
"Wendy" I shake my head, my eyes beginning to sting a little "If Jax or Gemma walked up right now this..." I motion between the two of us "Would blow the fuck up"
"I know, I know" she nods, her hands trembling "God, I know. I just...I'm not trying to cause any trouble, or take him away. I'm not. I promise I just...I want to see him, want to get to know him..." she twists anxiously with one of her many bracelets decorating her wrist. "...I've been clean for a year now. I'm gettin' my shit together, for him. For Abel" She straightens up, clearly proud of herself.
"Wendy, it's not me you should be taking to I-"
"Gemma will never let him agree" she cuts in, "Even if Jax wanted to, she'd get her claws in like she always does" she rolls her eyes. Gemma's never done me wrong, but I hate how true that is. I know what Gemma can be like, and clearly, so does Wendy.
It would be so much easier to shut the door in her face, to stand with the family that took me in and claimed me as one of their own. But facing Wendy like this, a mother begging for a chance. It's breaking any kind of restraint I thought I ever had.
"You can't just turn up like this" I sigh "What would've happened if Jax answered the door?"
"I..." her voice cracks. "I don't know...I'm just thankful it was you"
"Look..." I regret the words before I even say them "take my number, if you need something or you just wanna talk...text me. But you can't keep showing up like this"
She stares at me "God, y/n...thank you. You don't know how much this means-"
"It doesn't mean anything" I say quickly "You know I'd never let you see Abel behind Jax's back. I'd never do that to him"
"I know" she sniffles, wiping at her eyes "I'm not asking for that, I just...needed someone to hear me out” I give her a half smile that doesn’t reach my eyes “Look, Jax will be back soon so-” “I got it...” she waves her phone at me showing she saved my number “thank you” her tears have dried now as she walks back to her car, looking behind her once more to give a sad wave goodbye.
I shut the door, leaning against it rubbing a hand down my face as I hear the words I spoke to Jax only a few nights ago...
“I wouldn’t keep something like that from you. I’d never keep secrets”
It’s been a week and a bit since Wendy showed her face again, plus I haven’t heard shit from her. it’s probably better that way cause honestly, she’s the last thing on my mind at the moment. This week’s been a fucking whirlwind to say the least.
I'm curled up on the sofa with a half finished glass of prosecco, listening to the low murmur of Jax's voice down the hall as he tucks Abel in. The old ritual becoming new again. After two years of doing bed time alone, watching him step back into that role feels so fucking special. Sometimes Abel will ask for the both of us, and we'll both go in and do it, but tonight, he wanted his Daddy, and I love that for them.
I lift my hand admiring the new ring that’s been sitting pretty on my finger for the past two days. A black heart shaped diamond that glitters under any lighting. Something I wouldn't have ever picked for myself, but it's so fucking beautiful, so fucking Jax I absolutely love it.
A halo of smaller diamonds frame it and the hidden engraving presses against my skin. 'Ride or die' So fucking thoughtful, and now I know the truth. The hushed conversations, Gemma sneaking it into his pocket the day of his return. He had been planning this from the inside all along.
I knew something was off though from the second I pulled up. Happy was turning away a group of croweaters at the door, and it’s not like him at all to turn away a warm body in a short skirt.
When I stepped inside, it all made fucking sense.
The clubhouse looked completely different. Black roses were draped along the bar, fairy lights strung across the ceiling. There were no outsiders, only family. He couldn’t have planned it any better, of course I fucking said yes.
I hear the soft click of Abel's door and wait patiently for Jax to return. Only he doesn't. I set my glass down, treading lightly towards our bedroom and push the slightly open door wider.
"Jax-"
He's sitting at the edge of the bed, head bowed and when he looks up my stomach sinks. His eyes are glassy and not just with tears but anger.
"Jax?" My voice comes out thin "What's-"
"Who is he?" His tone is so fucking cold when he speaks.
I blink once, then twice. Confused about where this is going "What are you talking abou-"
I reach for him but he snaps away from my touch. His face twists into that snarl I've only ever seen him direct at other people. He shoves my phone into my face, three unread messages
Unknown Number: Can we meet??
Unknown Number: maybe tomorrow
Unknown Number: if Jax ain’t around
"Jax..." my throat closes around his name.
"I asked you a question y/n" he tilts his head like he's trying to see me from all angles "Who. The fuck. Is he?"
"Jax, please just listen"
He steps forward, towering over me shaking with rage he's trying to keep quiet for the sake of Abel.
"Are you cheating on me?" he forces the words out, physically paining him to ask.
"No Jax! I would never I-"
"Don't lie to me" his voice cracks, I can tell he's trying to keep his anger under control. I can see it in his eyes and the way his fists are now clenched at his sides. "Don't you fucking lie to me. Not you."
"I'm not lying" my voice shudders "Just let me explain Jax, please"
He scrubs a hand over his head, pacing up and down our room. "I've been home a month" He hisses, "Four fucking weeks. and you..." he stops, staring at the floor. His eyes flash to the way I twist my engagement ring anxiously "Jesus christ y/n..."
"It's not what it looks like Jax please just-"
He laughs, the hollow sound echoing off the four walls around us "It looks pretty fuckin' clear from here darlin’"
I try to speak, but panic steals the words I want to say. He shakes his head like he can't stand to look at me before turning away.
"It's Wendy" I whisper, barely audible.
He freezes mid step, back still facing me "What?"
"Its...Wendy" I repeat, louder this time.
"How the fuck do you even..." He stops, turning round to face me with a face full of thunder.
"Why the fuck are you texting my ex wife?"
©️ photos & gifs are not mine, all sourced from Pinterest & Giphy | all credit to original creators.
oh my god. This was honestly the MOST requested part two I’ve ever had 🫠 apologies it took so long my lovers, I hope I did it justice hehe. Thank you all for your forever support!! Love each & every one of you 🖤
xoxo secretlysamcro
