Sad Hearts And Black Eyes (chapter 5)
Dan walked into the hotel room, he was so confused and honestly a bit angry. He could put it off to being sleep deprived, could put it off to being a teenager with hormones that make him moody, but honestly he was tired of being played and then pushed away like he was still a kid. Phil needed to decide what he wanted from Daniel, all he wanted was a clear answer, a simple explanation as to why he was being treated this way.
Looking at it however, not even Daniel knew what he wanted. Did he really want to be in a relationship with a man like Phil, someone who traveled and killed monsters? Did Daniel want to put his entire life at risk for a simple man, someone who couldn't even properly take care of him, someone who didn't make proper money, nor have a proper job. He couldn't properly protect him, but honestly he could protect Daniel more than anyone, knew things others don't, things other men couldn't protect Daniel from, especially if whatever killed his dad or anything at all what gonna come after him.
Was Phil someone Daniel even wanted to be interested in? He was the kinda man his father would say run away from. someone so full of sin God couldn't even turn his head to look at him, his name having a permanent place on the list of Hell. And wait just one second, why was Daniel even considering this, Phil wasn't interested in him, and he wasn't interested in Phil. That was final enough for Dan. He didn't need a relationship, his father had just died, not that Phil could even give him a proper relationship.
He had thought about his father as little as possible, trying to mask his feelings of sadness underneath everything, making himself busy with Phil and the new journey ahead of him so he wouldn't have to worry about how it would be when he had to stop and actually think.
Why had his life had to change so much, why had his father had to die, and why did this happen to him specifically. How cruel was it that a god who claimed to love him so much would make him suffer through this.
Daniel felt his mood drop, he felt his lip tremble, and he felt water stinging his eyes. His father had been a good man, he truly was, or at least that's what Daniel had believed. Things like this just happened to Daniel, there had been a time when he had believed it was because he way gay. Where he had believed everything has happened to him because God was punishing him, and sometimes his father had even agreed with him.
Quickly wiping his cheek he put his bags on the bed. He heard footsteps behind him and he turned around to find Phil staring at him, curiosity in his eyes.
“You okay?” he asked, clearly hesitant, he wasn't one for emotions something he didn't need to tell Dan for him to understand.
All Dan could do was nod, he wasn't going to to cry to Phil, he wasn't going to do this. He was eighteen, he could handle this, after all, clearly his father hadn't been all that amazing so why was he so upset? He could see the doubt in Phil’s eyes, so all that he could do was turn his back to the man, as his shoulders hunched. He could feel his breathing become heavier, his eyes were watering again, tears racing down his cheeks.
Maybe it was the fact he was crying, maybe Phil Lester actually did have a heart, because soon enough he felt arms wrap around him, turning him around and hugging him. Dan could only sob harder as Phil squeezed him. Dan let himself bury his face into Phil’s jacket. Daniel just didn't know how to stop crying, why had this happened to him, why did Phil even have to come to the town, his father should be alive, his mother should be alive, he should be straight and in college right now, becoming the lawyer his father wanted him to be. Instead here he was in the arms of a man he could no longer deny the fact he was attracted to.
Eventually the crying had to stop, and Dan was content with just being held, breathing in the scent of Phil and letting himself sniffle and let everything out and go. Maybe he wasn't healed, maybe this was the first of many breakdowns, but this was a start, and he knew he could do this.
Soon enough he felt the arms start to pull from his body, and as pathetic as it sounds, he let a small whine slip out. He wondered why Phil had to let go so soon, which in turn made him wonder why he even ared, why did he convince himself he wasn't attracted to Phil, only to turn around and prove the facts to his own face?
Phil let out a chuckle, and Dan was only upset when he couldn't feel the vibrations against him like he could have a moment ago. Phil was face to face with Daniel now, and even though Dan hated this fact, he couldn't help notice how amazing those eyes were, close to his own. He hated this stupid cheesy feeling he got near this man, how was it fair someone could jump into your life so suddenly and make him feel something, even knowing he'd never have a chance, even if Phil was gay, clearly he wasn't interested, showing the way he was able to stop making out with him so easily, push him away and then joke about it. Clearly Daniel just wasn't Phil’s type, if Phil even had a type.
He watched the way Phil’s head fell into a tilt, and Dan wanted to die with how cute he looked. How could a single human being make him feel like this? He felt his head tilt, and the sigh that fell from Phil’s lips made him want everything so much more, so much that he almost forgot what he knew would happen if he kissed Phil right here in this present time. He would enjoy himself before Phil ultimately left him crying like the last time. Phil Lester just wasn't one to be held down and Dan knew he couldn't put himself in that position again.
“So what's the worst thing you've ever hunted?”he asked, looking down at Phil's lips for only a millisecond before he was back to staring into those blue eyes, blue eyes that were crinkled at the edges form the smile he was giving Daniel. Dan might be ashamed to admit he felt his stomach swoop from that one smile.
“Hmmm let me think.” Phil said, glancing down before saying “Probably this nest of vampires in Portali, killed over fifteen of the teenage girls in the town, and then kept their bodies. Only way i knew it was vampires is because of the fact that one girl survived. Freaked out she told the police but of course they said she was just scared and couldn't think straight. There were at least seven of those freaks just preying on the girls. It was awful.” He finished.
Daniel shivered at the thought. So many lives lost, yet this man in front of him saved so many people, even though he didn't understand Phil, he was extremely grateful he did what he did, saving people from things cops couldn't ever dream of. He was grateful that he had even saved him from what he had never believed had existed.
“Wait, do all of the families know what you do? He asked, curiously tilting his head. Phil chuckled, he seemed to find it hilarious Daniel was interested in this kind of thing, but i mean what did he expect when this was his life for now? The only thing he could do was deal with this, it was his only choice, he wanted to know about the supernatural elements and how you deal with them. Was there a god? Apparently since castiel existed, if so, did Lucifer also exist? The questions just kept popping up.
“Most families don't know anything unless they see the creatures themselves, which i try to prevent. I don't trust people not to go about trying to do what us hunters do without proper training.” Phil said, he looked away for a second, before finding “Not knowing has really messed a lot of people up, I've watched couples together twenty years divorce because of it, but it's better separated then dead i guess. It just makes you feel bad, but that's what life is. Other hunters think its funny, call them a bunch of pussy’s, but I've watched mothers hold their own kids as they die, hell i know a woman named Jody whose son came back from the dead, poor woman couldn't handle anything cause she loved him so much, but that thing ate her husband, so in the end she lost the most two important dudes in her life. Sam and Dean took care of that one, i was helping others. You haven't seen hurt until you've watched these things. Ain't nobody at fault for crying over what I’ve seen.”
Dan was in awe, staring at Phil for a moment, before he asked “Is she okay?”
Phil stayed silent for a minute, before he nodded. “She's good now, helps us out every once in awhile. She's a real great woman, i just wish we all could have helped more than we did. She should have never seen that. This job destroys people, but more people are gonna hurt if we ignore it and go about our merry ways.” he said.
“Couldn't they just, I don't know leave? Quit?” Daniel asked, kind of shocked at the angry look Phil gave him.
“You think they, or should i say we haven't tried? Things out there have fucking brains, and they will hunt you if you stop hunting them. Many friends of mine have been killed because they wanted a family, settled down, had a kid or two, and the one day wakes up dead, wife’s freaking out, kids crying and she's calling me because she doesn't understand.You can't leave this job, it's dangerous to be in it, worse if you get out. At Least hunting you have the equipment, stay in practice to know when somethings up.” He said. Dan could tell his breathing had gotten a bit heavier, so before it could escalate into a fight over Dan’s lack of knowledge in the supernatural department he placed his hand on Phil’s lightly. “I'm sorry about your friends.” he said sincerely.
Maybe it wasn't a lot, but Phil nodded, his expression softening. On the desk, Phil’s phone rang, causing them both to jump. Phil groaned and got up, answering it and saying “Yes, ma’am” a few times, before he placed the phone down and grabbed his jacket.
“Just got a call from the police department. They have a new body so i’m gonna go ahead and go ahead and get up there, try and exam and stuff. Will you be okay?” He asked.
Dan nodded his head, and Phil was out of the door, leading Daniel alone once again, but he needed to do his job so Dan had to be okay with it. He decided to take a nap since he had nothing else to do, so he turned on the Tv for background noise and laid down in the bed, his eyes closing slowly.
