#shattered diary

[22michael06]

Even when my heart is drunk

I won't make a move on you

It's undeserving

You're so pretty

And I'm ugly inside out.

[22michael06]

I feel incredibly close to dying

when my brain stops for some time

just to spin again, I wish to still it 

for my happiness is flying out. 

No one told us how fake living is

hunting for life we will never get

so scared to waste it no one tries to fill it

and the pain is only thing that lasts.

[22michael06]

I'm looking for love

But it's so hard to trust myself

So I'm hiding up my flaws

And my dreams they drown in lies

Creating a person that I

Cannot play nor be nor fake

It's not even better

Just more guarded

Less flesh sticking out

Less affection to give.

[22michael06]

We fell in love during winter

the warmest time in my life

now I am freezing in july

with no you to warm me up.

[22michael06]

I know I should worry less

About things that can't be stopped

But each second rushing stress

Is ripping straight through my gut.

Eating is like shoving down

My throat

lumps of coal

Even hours afterwards

They travel up my neck

To escape

The prison of my body

Rejecting itself once more

Accepting but pain and shame

Burning for the cold.

[22michael06]

I want to die in absinth

Drown in green that wouldn't leave my dream

So bright and refreshingly clean

It can take my mistakes

Dissolve dirt stuck on my brain

Vanishing the sickness

Preying on my soul

I'll be free once I am gone.

[22michael06]

With no passion life is treading

Sunshine through a cave

Seen by no one, doing nothing

Echoes hollow screams for death.

[22michael06]

I will hex him into love 

don´t care if it´s against God

the divine could have brought me heavens

instead decides to play devil

now I´m taking what feels mine.

I vow myself to be good

give him all that he deserves

and even more

he won´t find a better soul

than my own.

But if someone comes between

I will send them rolling deep

into the dark

bruising their flesh

I always play to keep.