It kills everything it touches

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It kills everything it touches
Everyone i pray for i pray for bc god must be the only thing left that can help them but now everyone on my prayer list dead and its all my fault and i killed them for praying
And now i know god hate me bc i came from hell and this the proof
Dverything that make everyone else happy make me unhappy
Food just disgusting now i cant tjink abt eating w out gagging all i see is just mucosy vomit mush all over and the tastes and textures so sickening
Prevention
I vant remember how many times ive tried to kill myself been uncountable
What if i died every time and in just gonna keep doing this ove and over forever bc im in purgatory
Someone else doing that
Thats not me thats someine else
I didnt do that
It feel like im always tiptoeing on cracks and brrathing in monoxide and rifles aiming at the back my head and im never gonna feel safe