I feel like it's okay if you see your gender or sexuality as a choice or something you changed into rather than something you always were. It's often framed as if this can never be true but I don't think that's the case? I was never exactly a girl right, that much wasn't a choice. But on another level, I believe my identity as nonbinary to be a choice I've made. I choose it out of love and because quite frankly it's cool as shit. I wasn't always nonbinary in the way I am today, I just wasn't a girl either. Not sure I'm expressing myself well but like. I feel like the framing of it as never being a choice is something to help legitimize being queer and protect those who are queer from being hurt. In a world that's unaccepting and desperately wants to change us, I see very clearly how it's helpful. But ultimately, even if it were a choice, being queer still wouldn't be wrong. The argument of "it's not a choice, therefore it's fine" feels to me like it cedes some ground, similar to how "puberty blockers are temporary, therefore it's fine" cedes ground. The idea that being trans is lesser than being cis, therefore choosing a different puberty would be wrong. The idea that being queer is lesser, therefore choosing to be queer is wrong. And the belief that being queer can't be a choice and has to be something you're born as does end up causing material negative effects. Having to prove you're really trans to receive healthcare, because it isn't allowed to be a choice. Having to date and have dated the right type and number of people to prove you're really bi because it isn't allowed to be a choice. Any changes in sexuality or gender being scrutinized because are you sure that's true? What if it's a choice you've made? And you can't talk about your experiences as being a different gender without scrutiny because you were always the gender you are, it was never a choice you made.
Like, ultimately I'm talking about this because I'm tired of my agency surrounding my gender being taken away. I'm nonbinary because I choose to be. Because I love being nonbinary. My choice to me is a form of celebration. For many it isn't a choice and I love them too.
