Summary: Cringy pick-up lines by Johnny Soap MacTavish. Lamest of the Lamest.
Warning: CRACK FIC. don't take it so seriously. Mature theme, innuendos. swearing, alcohol use.
A/N: Well, I blame @captainsy-cookiemonster for making me snort with laughter at 11 at night, and @deadbranch adding fuel to the fire from this POST by @captainsy-cookiemonster
Masterlist
"You look like you could use a spa day..."
“What????” You can just see Gaz cackling himself in the background, knowing what is to come. OH these boys are up to something.
“Fucking hell MacTavish, that is the worst pick up line I ever heard.” Simon grunted with a hint of amusement.
“You know, with this luxury cream soap,” He smirks as he pointed towards his crotch,
“Comes from the lower highland area of Scotland, limited edition you cannot get elsewhere, I can guarantee you a smooth sensual experience.”
The cashew nut you just popped into your mouth rolled out onto the table as your jaw dropped open. You hear an unladylike snort, followed by howling laughter coming from Mini before she hides her face into Simon’s chest, trying and failing to contain herself.
“But it’s working, right Bonnie?” Soap winked at you.
“No.”
“No?” He pouted. “So you're not coming home with me tonight?”
“John MacTavish, We live in the same house.” you replied with a deadpan expression. “Go flirt somewhere else.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to give it a test drive for free..” Soap was interrupted by Mini slapping her brother’s head,
“Haud yer wheesht!” “That’ll do MacTavish.” Simon stood up and picked Soap up by the collar and half lifted him back to the dart board where Gaz is still bending over, wheezing from laughter.
“These boys…” Mini let out a sigh as her eyes followed Simon’s movement, “Being in the military seriously impairs these boys’ way of flirting.” Popping some mixed nuts into her mouth, “Simon tried to compare himself to a cuddly teddy bear, and König, his was just too rude to repeat, I don’t know how his partner fell for it.”
“You got to admit, it’s so lame it’s good.” You hide your smile as you take a sip of beer. As cringey and lame Soap’s attempt to flirt with you ( you are sure he only did it as he lost a bet with Gaz,) you kind of like it.
“Not my brother’s. Oh heaven, It’s going to give me nightmares and images for days thinking about it.”
“Would you like to try milking some highland cattle…”
Pairing : John Price x F!Reader ( Mini MacTavish )
Warning : Mature theme, mention of injuries.
A/N: Thanks to @jynxmirage and @okayyadriana for the ideas. @eenochian I know that post was an edit but it triggers this drabble. 😆
Was going to be a crack-ish fic, but somehow Angst was sprinkled in.
MASTERLIST
The door slammed open.
“CAPTAIN JOHN PRICE!!”
The whole room just went silent. You can almost hear the pin dropping onto the floor.
Soap turned immediately to his captain.
“…. Whatever you have done, I wish you luck.” Patting him on the shoulder with one hand, and another one behind his back, signalling to Gaz and Ghost to ready to exfil out of the danger zone. “If I was you, I wouldn’t underestimate my sister’s wrath.” He added hastily.
You marched towards Price’s desk, full of anger and purpose. Soap gave his captain one last look, Good luck and survive. Before he dashed out the door.
“Can I help you love?” Price asked you in a calm manner.
“CAN I help you???” You seethed. “CAN you help ME??” He can see you trying very hard to suppress the urge to scream into his face. “First, you didn’t tell me you are back. And second,” Pointing at the slinged arm and bandages that are showing through the gaps of his shirt. “WHAT IS THAT.”
“ An injury I have aquired?” He raised his eyebrow. Shit. He totally forgot to contact you about his return.
“An Injury that nearly cost your life???” Tears started falling from your eyes. “Why didn't you tell me?”
Guilt grips Price’s heart. Walking around the desk and pulling you into his embrace with the uninjured arm and giving you a light kiss on the head.”I am sorry. I didn’t want you to worry.”
“I am your wife John, it’s my job to worry about you.” You sniffed. “Don’t do this to me again please.”
“How did you find out I was back anyway?” Price asked in a quiet voice. He knew he wasn’t going to get away with his forgetfulness.
“I had a little bird that told me everything.”
“….. You told Mini about Captain’s injury??”
“Well….He was too stubborn to let her know, she will find out sooner or later, so..”
“Gaz..”
“Plus, that will get me off the hook. So… Good luck to you two.”
Pairing : Simon “Ghost” Riley x F!Reader (AKA Mini MacTavish)
Summary: Winter moment with Riley family
Part of Memory in a Fragrance series
Part of Mini MacTavish series : post - And life goes on
Warning : T-M rating. Fluff.
A/N: This is for @okayyadriana , bit of Simon non Angst comfort for you :)
Series Masterlist
Masterlist
Winter is your favourite time of the year.
Season for snow, roaring fire, comfort food, hot chocolates.
Closing your eyes, inhaling. The charred smell from the burning wood, mixed with the distinctive weapon oil,gunpowder sandalwood and vanilla.
Smell of comfort, home, safety.
Smell of Simon Riley.
“Tired?” Simon whispered as he put his book down, caressing your hair lovingly.
“Just relaxing.” You smiled as you snuggled further into him.
“Ma, Da.” Your head turned slightly, hearing the slight clinking sound of tray and mugs being set down on the side table. “ Two hot chocolates with a dash of whisky as requested. And Oh.” Turning back to dash into the kitchen and returning with a metal box.”Some Kletzenbrot that Uncle König sent over.”
“You mean Alex sent it over.” Tiny chimed in.
“Haud yer wheesht TINY!!!” Aileen blushed and tried to shush her brother up from spilling out secrets.
It’s one of the rare occasions the whole family is home for winter breaks. You couldn’t even remember when was the last time the family of five gathered together for the winter festive season.
Usually Simon and Soap will be called away for special missions, or the twins and their cousin had to be on standby at the base, leaving you with little Kylie to spend Christmas with your sister in law and rest of the children.
“I thought I told you to stay away from that boy.” You feel your husband’s body tenses up, chest rumbling as he voices his disapproval.
“LOVE.” “DA!” You patted Simon's chest, trying to soothe him.
“I like Alex, he is nice to me.” Little Kylie pouted, Simon’s eyes softened as he looked down at his youngest daughter, sitting in front of the fireplace with her brother,concentrating on knitting a scarf with the knitting machine Gaz got for her as a birthday present. “Uncle König makes the best desserts.Can we invite their family over next time??”
You had to stifle a laugh when you heard Simon grumbling away, “We’ll see.” He just couldn’t say no to his daughters.
“Well Tiny,” Aileen, turning towards her brother. “Who was that person I saw you chatting away in the barrack last time? You seem to be pretty close to them, hm??”
Tiny glared at his sister, who seemed to be pleased with her revenge.
Your ear perked up, but the bickering of the twins together with their younger sister drowned any recognisable conversation. Guess the gossip about your son’s love life will have to wait for another day.
You feel Simon relaxed back into the couch, pulling you back into his lap as he picks his book back up again, resume reading with a slight smile on his face.
