How do we feel about Stackson plus Derek? I'm just. I'm a mess about Stiles being sandwiched between two emotionally constipated, muscly, overprotective assholes that don't understand how to say "I love you". I'm a mess about Stiles anchoring them back to their humanity and letting them know they're not monsters, being good and sweet to them, better than anyone ever has been, and letting them be good to each other too. I'm a mess in general tbh.
umm, we love. we love a lot, actually. allow me to paint you a picture, my friend.
stiles and jackson are together first. it’s complicated, to say the least - it starts with contempt and shame and venomous insults murmured to one another as they fuck with the passion of a thousand suns. then all of that slowly falls away, everything except the passion, which feels less and less like hate with each passing day and more like something else. something they don’t talk about, not ever, because talking isn’t something they do. they let it evolve, though, from petty hostility to comfortable silence. to something almost resembling a friendship. it works for them, as long as they don’t stop to think about it for too long.
then jackson up and moves to london. no warning, no explanation, no goodbye. stiles can’t even find it in himself to be mad at him, because he understands why he did it. and he doesn’t owe anything to stiles, not really. they were never supposed to be anything more than fun, a way to let off steam, and the kind of brutal, vulnerable honesty it would have taken to have this conversation isn’t something that had ever been present between the two of them. sure, stiles has always had a talent for inferring jackson’s feelings - his innermost thoughts, his deepest insecurities. but he’s never once actually been proven right, never had jackson tell him what he’s thinking point-blank.
so he’s not mad, but he is a little bit heartbroken. he misses jackson every day, is constantly torn between wanting to call and make sure he’s alright and giving him space. he grieves him like he would any other breakup, though he’s not even sure this could be considered one, takes it one day at a time until eventually he finds his way to derek.
derek is very much the same and also completely different. he calls stiles an idiot with an exasperated-but-almost fond sigh that’s so familiar it makes his chest ache, but they fall into each other in a much more conventional way. they grow to like each other, then they kiss, then they fuck. it’s the complete opposite of how it happened with jackson, and so it feels more healthy, more legitimate, maybe. he falls for derek hard, and he puts his all into being with him, because he can’t handle it falling apart. he won’t survive being left again.
derek’s painfully similar in that he’s absolutely god-awful about talking about his feelings in any capacity, but he does manage to articulate to stiles why exactly that is. he makes a point to explain it to stiles early-on in their relationship, tells him he’s been hurt so many times by so many people that he genuinely doesn’t understand when people actually care for him. he apologizes profusely, tells stiles he deserves better than someone so damaged and shut-off and profoundly difficult to get close to.
stiles, though, just appreciates the maturity and the honesty. he kisses derek’s tears away and tells him it’s gonna take a hell of a lot more than some stunted communication abilities to scare him off. that it’s okay, they don’t have to be super emotional and touchy-feely all the time, because he knows how derek feels about him, and that’s all he needs. and it is. they’re happy.
fast forward maybe a year and a half or so, and jackson comes back. just waltzes right back into beacon hills with as little notice as when he left, sending stiles into a spiral of what-ifs and anxiety attacks and heart-rates so fast derek worries he’s dying. stiles kind of feels like he is, if he’s being honest.
so he tells derek everything, because there’s no way to avoid it, really. he tells him about what he and jackson had, what it had started to maybe turn into, how stiles fell too hard too fast and didn’t even realize it until he was gone. derek listens, and once stiles is finished, he asks, quietly, “do you still…?”
stiles can’t lie. it’s half a sentence at best, but it’s derek actively trying to have a conversation about this, it’s derek being vulnerable instead of shutting down or running away, and stiles will be damned if he takes advantage of that and lies to his face like every other piece of shit from his past. so he swallows, nods slowly, and says, “yeah, i think i do.”
he hates himself when he says it, and he gets a little hysterical, taking derek’s hands and saying “i’m so sorry, baby, please don’t leave me, it doesn’t mean i love you any less,” until derek shushes him. he takes stiles’ face in his hands and kisses him until he stops shaking and the tears subside.
“he’s my first beta, stiles,” derek tells him. “he…i always felt this connection with him, stronger than anything i’d ever felt before. i pushed him away because i knew we wouldn’t be any good for each other, and i was scared, but i…i always wanted him. i still do.”
stiles swears he feels the weight of the entire world lift off his shoulders, and he says “fuck, i love you,” before proceeding to kiss derek stupid. he fucks him into the mattress, too, with lots of soft kisses, just to really drive his point home.
they take a couple days to process everything, the majority of which stiles spends glued to derek’s side, cuddling the hell out of him so he doesn’t forget, even for a second, how he feels about him. and then, once they’re both ready, they invite jackson to the loft for dinner.
they have a plan, have practically written a whole script for the night’s conversation complete with all of jackson’s possible responses and how to address each one, but it all goes out the window the second stiles lays eyes on him. jackson smirks at him, says “hey, stilinski,” and stiles is transported back to sophomore year, when jackson would let himself into stiles’ house and greet him exactly the same way, complete with a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth. it’s only natural for stiles to react by leaning in to press their lips together.
jackson relaxes against his lips for the briefest of seconds before he startles and pulls away, looking from stiles to derek and back again with wide eyes.
stiles just smiles at him and says “it’s okay, jacks. he knows i love you.” he says it so easily, so earnestly, despite the fact that he’s never said it to jackson before. it’s definitely news to jackson, judging by the look on his face. “he does, too,” stiles adds carefully after a moment.
derek must hear jackson’s heart beating out of his chest, because he steps forward then and rests a gentle hand on his cheek. “i know you’re nervous. we are too,” he says, brushing his fingers against jackson’s ridiculously perfect jaw. “but i really think this is how it was always supposed to be.”
“can i really…” jackson breathes, hesitantly, more unsure than stiles has ever heard him sound. he and derek both nod at him encouragingly until jackson gathers the courage to lean in and kiss derek. it’s soft at first, but then derek licks into his mouth, pulling a happy sigh from jackson.
“that was so hot,” stiles says once they pull away, almost reverently. he means it, but it also does a good job of breaking the ice a little. they all laugh, and then derek goes back to making dinner while stiles and jackson start to catch up on brooklyn nine-nine (because they used to watch it together and both refused to watch it alone once jackson moved away), and that’s that.
they’re still shit about talking about their feelings, so it’s not always perfect. they have to learn some things the hard way.
for instance, when jackson’s in a bad mood and tells them to fuck off or leave him alone, what he really wants is for them to go after him and sandwich him between them for some top-tier cuddles until he forgets about why he was upset. (one time, they actually left him alone like he asked, and he got even pissier and stormed out of the loft and didn’t talk to either of them for days.)
another example: derek doesn’t like when stiles and jackson fool around when he isn’t there. (that one wasn’t pretty - one time, they had a quickie in the locker room after practice and when derek came to pick them up, he got one whiff and lost his mind, drove off and left them there because he was convinced that they didn’t want him anymore. he completely shut down after that, and it took days of apologies and soft kisses and assurances that it wouldn’t happen again, that they still are and always will be as into him as they are each other.)
neither of them can say ‘i love you’ still, but it doesn’t bother stiles. he knows they love him, and he says it enough for all of them. he always says “we love you,” every time, without fail, and derek will echo the sentiment with a peck on jackson’s cheek and vice versa.
it’s really, really good. they’re happy.
ANYWAYS, hope you enjoyed my fucking thesis that you definitely didn’t ask for but got anyway. if anyone’s actually still reading this you’re the realest.
