Shouting in the stillness
One day a week, I teach a music and storytelling class for little ones. Yesterday I showed them a book about the difference between being loud and quiet. I would read the page and then ask them imitate the quiet and loud noises. It was hysterical for me to see how uninterested they were in being quiet and how incredibly eager they were to shout, bang, sing and stomp. Even the little children demonstrated how uncomfortable and boring it can be to sit in the stillness.
Last night, I came across a quote from one of Tim Keller's sermons. It said, "A sense of Jesus' absence might be a sign of his presence--a sign he's working already in your life." I had to read it a few times and let it seep in because it was difficult for me to grasp. How can His seeming absence be a sign of His presence? It just didn't make sense to me.
Ironically, I had just finished writing my first blog about standing still when everything tells me to run. So, as I read this quote, I decided to sit still and ponder what Tim Keller might have meant. I journaled as I sat and came across Romans 12:2 which said,
"Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."
Most of the time, when I want transformation and change, I expect a message to come through loud and clear. A concise text message or a lightning bolt would be ideal! But it dawned on me that I cannot hear His still, small voice when there is loud noise all around me. I cannot "test" and "discern" the will of the Lord, as the verse says, if I am running and shouting in the stillness.
Noise and activity surround most of us in every direction, however, so it would make sense that one might equate the absence of noise with the absence of God's presence. It is so easy for me to miss the fact that God might be speaking to me, comforting me, directing me and actively loving me when, in my limited perspective, nothing is happening.
Yet, I harken back to the Israelites in the desert. They wandered for forty years in search of the promised land. Sure, they witnessed dramatic moments of God's awesome power. And so have I! But too often, when the stillness and lack of answers is dragged on, I jump to the conclusion that He has forgotten about me and has put the plane on auto pilot. I'm slowly starting to see that the opposite may be true...
...maybe there is something to be said about embracing the QUIET strength of the Lord, even when I don't feel anything. Maybe He IS doing something big when nothing seems to be happening at all. Maybe my vision is so impaired that I cannot recognize he is working all things together for my good in the day to day monotony...
I'm sure I will continue to fight the quiet and beg God to speak to me in dramatic overtures. It is my personal nature to shout in the stillness and fill the silence with noise. My prayer, however, is that I will learn to fight against that urge to fill all the gaps. I hope that I will begin to listen in the stillness and trust that God is moving even when I don't sense His presence or mighty hand.