first sufjan interview in a long time and it’s awesome
image description under the cut:
a screenshot from an interview with Sufjan Stevens in Vulture conducted by Craig Jenkins. transcript:
JENKINS: There’s a certain subset of song you write that, depending on a listener’s perspective, can scan as either deeply religious or potentially quite sensual. This is a thread in “John My Beloved” and “To Be Alone With You” and “Javelin (to Have and to Hold).” What inspires that train of thought?
SUFJAN: The religious is very sexual. It’s erotic. Look at Catholic art through the ages, Baroque art. It’s all very fleshy and sensual and full of naked bodies. I’ve always embraced that. I’ve always felt that my relationship to God is a very intimate and sensual one. Sacraments are. It’s engaging with God in a physical way. You’re literally eating the flesh and drinking the blood of God during the Eucharist. It doesn’t get much more erotic than that. If you’re a vampire, that’s the ultimate erotic experience.
JENKINS: Most people who lurk the texts don’t luxuriate in the closeness of Jonathan and David.
SUFJAN: The Bible’s very gay. Just all men. That’s what you get when there’s a patriarchy that’s endured for so long. Jesus was single, never married; Disciples were all dudes …
cw: tooth ache worthy fluff, comfort, almost nostalgic? more fluff, soft!toru, like a soft kiss pressed to a forehead
‘twas was the day after christmas, satoru was away on some business trip, your friends were busy with family and here you were all cosy-ed up in your red pyjama set and warm blanket with your laptop propped up watching cheesy romance movies.
your hand reaching, for the delicious chocolates which you’d received from your lovely husband in your stockings, suddenly halts at an unexpected knock on the door.
a chill travels up your spine, no one is supposed to be here…this late at night, closing your laptop rapidly shut you grab a fireplace poker muttering affirmations to yourself.
it’s okay, it’s probably no one, just the neighbors maybe, nothing to worry about.
your thoughts are interrupted by another rapid knock on the door, bracing for impact you contemplate whether you should open the door or not.
“baaaabbbyyyyy, i’m homeeee!” a characteristic cheer you knew too well, you pull open the door to a snow covered satoru, candy cane in mouth and suitcase by his side.
jumping into his arms, you squeal “you’re back!” nuzzling into his face, highly elated to see him. hair sprinkled with snow blending into the scene behind him, satoru embraces you tighter, peppering kisses all over your face.
exhilarated he walks in with you clinging to him, simultaneously shrugging snow off his coat “i wanted to surprise you, wait..what’s that for?” pointing at the fireplace poker you’d dropped to the ground in your excitement.
sheepishly you shrug at him “oh um..i thought you were a burglar”
“course you did”
curious all of a sudden, you question,“what made you come back so early?”
“my flight got delayed,” satoru points back outside, “because of the weather” you help him take off his coat hanging it up on the stand.
you felt a warmth in your chest looking at your husband then, you hadn’t realized how lonely you felt in his absence, sighing contentedly you reach up on your tippy toes to give him a kiss on his lips.
so soft and warm, satoru thought and…yummy? raising his thumb up to the side of your lips your husband swiped a bit of chocolate bringing it back up to his mouth, he grinned licking it off with a slight pop.
“messy girl”
you chuckled surprised, tongue poking out to wipe the rest of the chocolate, you walk away into the living room, pinky intertwined with your husband pulling him along.
“what were you up to?” satoru walks around the room observing your set up, “just watching some movies” you drawl pulling your blanket over you.
“you cold? i could start a fire” your husband turned around then, both of you looking at the put out fireplace, a similar thought coursing through your minds.
reminded again of your high school years, where you’d both had your firsts together on that carpet, infront of the fireplace, it was serene.
satoru turns around flushed all of a sudden, “or well..never mind it might be too late for that”
you giggle again, always delighted in his presence “i guess we both thought of the same thing”
your husband, unable to stand still and always in motion takes his seat by your side, a suggestive hand on your thigh,“well actually i was considering the possibility of us recreating it”
you cup his face with one hand, observing the carefully concealed exhaustion behind his eyes, “it’s late we should sleep”
a sweet kiss shared again.
˳ ౨౿ ⁺ ༄ ༝ ₊
the next morning, just as you woke up to an empty bed, you had this funny feeling that he’d already left.
running down the stairs ignorant of your steps you trip tumbling down, not too hard just comically onto the floor.
owww…
multiple groans left your mouth, albeit a bit theatrical you rubbed your shoulder trying to sooth your embarrassment more than injury, cracking your eyes open at the presence before you.
satoru gojo, cereal bowl in hand and a mocking smile on his face.
“you okay?” he teased.
you groaned again “ugh leave me alone” covering your face with both hands.
knowing him well you could hear how desperately he was trying to hold in a laugh,
“you hurt? can you move?”
“i thought you were gone”
“nope, still heree” with a sing song-y tilt in his voice, gojo mused at how adorable you were.
quick to set aside his bowl, he got down on one knee beside you.
“let me help you up”
his attempt at trying to save some semblance of your ego knowing the hit your pride had taken with him being a viewer of your silly demise.
raising a palm up in defeat you murmured “no no, just give me a minute”
“okay”
satoru laid down right beside you, a hearty smile on his face, turning his head to look at you,
“how bad does it hurt, on a scale of one to ten?”
“eleven”
“my wife is such a baby when it comes to pain” laughing softly as he’s cut off by you,
“no i’m not!” groaning again for good measure.
“seriously that fall you took was no joke” your husband remarks “only if it was like those dramatic falls in movies, i would’ve ran up to you in slow motion and caught you in my arms” he reenacts a slow running motion.
“wow seriously?” you chuckle amazed by his analogy, but the laugh leads to further pain sending you reeling again.
seeing you wince, satoru instructs “i’m gonna pick you up and i’m gonna carry you to the couch”
“no no no, just no, i’m too heavy for you just leave me here” you raise both hands in protest.
“you insult me with that, love” your husband scoops you up effortlessly, as he had done countless times before carrying you over to the couch. a hand on your head preventing you from bumping into the door frame.
you closed your eyes wincing as satoru placed you on the couch, he had this thought then, his soul will always love you.
you spent the day together, but not together.
snow continued to pelt outside your window, the chill outside a sharp contrast to the warmth within. you attributed most of your feelings of contentment to simply satoru’s presence.
in your marriage you’d observed that over time and when alone, he seemed to have a much calmer demeanor. always the master of a facade he’d break the silence with one silly remark or another trying not to let on the feeling of solemnity he was experiencing with you.
satoru’s heart swelled up with love, at the thought of you bringing out such a different side of him. the satoru gojo when all his defenses had fallen away and all the masks slipped off.
when he could just be himself, with you.
an array of half eaten sweets and slowly cooling chocolate mugs separated the two of you, you curled up on the couch reading a novel, and him on the carpet crossword and pencil in hand.
“S four blanks n, without joking or lightness?”
pondering, you looked down at satoru in his soft sweater and big blue orbs, what a sight for sore eyes.
“hmm…salmon?”
raising his brows, a small smile tugging at his lips “sal..mon” your husband repeated fondly.
˳ ౨౿ ⁺ ༄ ༝ ₊
later on the same day, head on his shoulder you couldn’t recall when you’d dozed off.
satoru looking down at you then, adjusted his arms to pull you in closer into his chest so you’d be laying entirely in the crook of his side.
feeling your soft breath splay out onto his chest he tugged the blanket tighter around the two of you, his entire world in his arms.
later you’d wake to the movie still running and an asleep satoru pressed to your side, his snores droning into your ears which were now all too used to the sound.
the crackle of the fireplace and soft chatter from the movie you’d both fought to put on (settling on your choice ofcourse) long forgotten. blending together, you fall back asleep watching the stream of snow.
it’s endlessness now comforting due to your association of it with him. it was so lovely to be loved even in your silent moments. to have found love that felt just as comforting as when alone.
the next morning you woke on the couch, to a faint trace of a kiss pressed to your forehead a little note on the side of the open crossword book.
flight got rescheduled you looked so cute sleeping didn’t wanna wake you, i’ll be back soon, love -S
with a little chibi scribble of his own face on the side.
eyes grazing over the filled out crossword puzzle you notice a word highlighted “solemn”.
firefly; this was heavily inspired by belly and conrad’s christmas at cousin’s beach tsitp, god i miss watching that show and its more of a personal writing exercise of creating a comforting moment.
