Steve pressed his forehead against the glass, swallowing down his tears. He missed his kids, but he couldn't leave her alone. Not like this.
Strong fingers moved delicately across intricate carvings, as he wondered what they meant. Foxes and jellyfish. The jellyfish were obvious, something to do with Tyler. Maybe they were there because she missed him. There was no way to know. But foxes? He could understand butterflies, panthers even, but not foxes.
Maybe they didn't mean anything.
In truth these were idle thoughts to keep him distracted from what he knew must be the truth - that the parasite was back somehow.
And God knew what that would bring.
Except there wasn't even a God in this universe, was there? Not one he could pray to anyway. The closest thing they had to a god was in perpetual sleep, right in front of him.
He supposed that made her parasite the Devil.
There was one person he wished he had with him in that moment. Someone who was long gone, and he would likely never talk to again. The man he felt stupid for still loving, who didn't really even exist anymore.
He would comfort him, tell him everything would be okay...
No. He couldn't fall into that spiral again. He had to be strong for her.
The veteran sat back and scratched his stubble, seeing old tired eyes staring back at him. He was old. Not nearly as old as others, but old. He was just glad Arc didn't have to see him like this, on the edge, nearly toppling over into his skinny form.
But even as the thought passed, he noticed something dark out of the corner of his eye. He looked to see the raven just out of reach, black and made of mist. It looked at him thoughtfully, and he could see her wisdom behind its eyes. It was like she was studying him, unable to get the full picture.
"Hey doll," he whispered, not even knowing if she would even hear him.
The bird cawed in response, but didn't get any closer.
"Care to tell me what's going on?" he joked. At her best Arc could make the raven talk for her, at her worst she couldn't even summon it. At least she wasn't at her worst.
The bird glanced to the coffin, then back to Steve, staring at him intensely. Almost disapproving.
"I know," he sighed. "I'm a mess."
It fluttered its wings a little, tipping its head to the side.
He opened his mouth to say something else, when he heard footsteps. It was Merlin walking towards him, brow furrowed.
When Steve turned his head back, the raven was gone.
I have many names. Triodia is the one I use to feel safe, powerful, confident in my solitude. It's Greek, and means "one who frequents crossroads."
I chose it because it reminds me of Hekate, but less... Godlike. It makes me feel more like a force, a pillar, a place.
I feel safe at crossroads. I know what's behind me, and I know that I don't have to make a choice just yet. I can see what's in front of me and not have to run from it.
I wish I had more times like that in life.
I don't know why I started this by saying that. I guess because I wanted to feel protected?
The point of writing is that...
I can feel him again.
It's faint, and I don't know if he's trying to do anything, or just watching, but... I can feel him.
Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between my darkness and his. I am made of broken hearts and banshee screams and silver fog. And he is made of shadow and pain and something small and unidentifiable.
But I start to figure it out with little things.
A sensation almost like the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end. An irritability like my panther haunches are raised. The smallest static sound like a faraway whisper. And the faces.
I have many faces, and so does he. But sometimes when he is feeling strong, or I am feeling weak, I see particular ones. For him, I see only flashes of darkness, with his glowing white eyes, or his sharp and blinding smile. And for me, I see the face of a teenage boy, the face from a show I used to watch, gaunt and sick and with red eyes.
He was possessed, that boy. And when I see his face, even healthy, I start to worry my parasite will try something soon.
Something tells me he won't do anything right now, but one can never know for sure.
Even the thought of him is enough to make me feel sick sometimes.
I can only hope that while I am stuck in this part of my life, the crossroads will keep me safe.
