Shatter Me - Chapter Eight
Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader
Summary: The Winchesters were your world. After joining their hunter ranks, you quickly became attached to the brothers. After a successful hunt, you insist on going out celebrating with the boys – only for a loose end to catch up with you. You’re trapped in a world without hunger, thirst and the Winchesters. With the brothers beside themselves, they make preparations to say goodbye until Dean starts to connect to you through his dreams. Little do they know that you’re much closer than they think…
Chapter warnings: 18+, fluff, angst, injuries, swearing, adult content, crack(?)
A/N: So here is chapter 8! Hope you enjoy this now and if you’ve read the tags, there may be a few spoilers. Sorry it’s taken a while - life is all i will say! Ha! But the next chapter is writing itself so it won’t be long after this one! Hope you enjoy it my darlings!
Please let me know what you think, feedback is my fuel! I love reading your comments and any reblog makes me smile like a loon, it makes it all worthwhile!
Also any mistakes are my own, please do not repost my work anywhere however reblogs are fine and welcome :)
Let me know what you think!
“I’m not going anywhere sweetheart”
Normally, you’d relish the fact that you were encased in Dean’s arms but the pain that was tearing through you was horrifying. You felt every tear in your skin as it came apart, the burn that made the cracks black, it was torture. The light in your darkness however, was Dean’s strong arms that were currently wrapped around your frame. He was holding you so tight, his plump lips peppering comforting kisses into your hair.
“I-it hurts Dean” You whimpered into his chest, you hand clutching your arm “It hurts so much”
Dean gently pulled you away from his chest, his hands sliding down your arms softly “Let me see” He whispered, his face still so close to yours. You just nodded, tears still trailing down your cheeks.
You watched as Dean pulled your arms into view, tracing his fingers over the cracks in your skin. His touch feather light, his brow furrowed as he watched the blackness stain your skin. He had no idea what to do, he wanted to take all of your pain away. If he could switch places with you he would in an instant, he just wanted you home.
“This is bad, De” You said softly, your voice breaking just a little as you watch his fingers trace over your injuries.
Dean shook his head, swallowing down his fear “Hey, no. It’s just a few scratches” He took your hands in his, dipping his head slightly to look at you, trying to catch your eyes to reassure you “We’ll fix this”
You just shook your head, allowing more tears to flow. The warmth of the fire next to you doing nothing to dry the stains on your face. It’s not that you were insecure about yourself and your abilities but right now, being so terrified, you couldn’t see a way out. All you could think about was how this was going to be your endgame. Dean had already visited you multiple times and there was no breakthrough on getting you home.
You pulled your hands from Dean’s grasp and hugged yourself “Maybe it’s not meant to be fixed” You whispered.
“Y/N” Dean hushed, feeling his heart break in that moment “How-how the hell can you say that?” He questioned as he gently placed his large hand on your face, urging you to face him.
“Dean let’s be serious here ok?” You questioned as you took in the expression he was wearing “I’m trapped in a place that none of you know of, you appear here only when you’re sleeping, my skin is literally cracking which means I’m falling apart and I don’t even need to mention the fact that I’m unresponsive and deteriorating in the real world” You sobbed. Saying it out loud just made it even more real. You had no idea how to get home, neither did Dean. You furiously wiped at your tears, hating that Dean was seeing you like this.
“De, I need to accept my fate” You interrupted “Maybe…maybe this is it you know?” You swallowed down the lump in your throat when you saw the broken look on Dean’s face. You knew that was the last thing that he wanted to hear but you couldn’t see your way out. You had to at least acknowledge the possibility that this was your end.
Dean’s eyebrows knitted together “Are you kidding me? Sweetheart, this is not your time. You’re going to outlive us all”
He sounded so determined and it made you smile slightly. Dean Winchester, the man who would put himself in front of danger for anyone close to him. It was a quality you loved and hated at the same time. He cared so deeply about those around him but a world without this green eyed man, would be a world worse off and it scared you.
Clearing your throat, you played with the hem of your towel “Will you promise me something?” You questioned, looking up into the eyes you loved so much.
“Anything” Dean nodded, an urgency in his tone as he shuffled closer towards you, his hips now at your side, in line with your knees.
You took a deep breath, the intimacy of him making you nervous “Promise me that if my time comes, if it comes, just let me go. No deals, no hoodoo just, let me be” You spoke with a soft confidence, not breaking eye contact throughout the whole sentence.
You saw his resolve break just a little “Y/N…I…I can’t promise that” He stuttered.
You rolled your eyes, your hand automatically going to his thigh as a comfort which in turn made Dean’s breath hitched in his throat “Come on Dean…please. No more sacrifices” You pleaded with him. You couldn’t let him sacrifice his happiness for you. There was no way.
Dean sighed as he ran a hand down his face. You really had no idea how much you meant to him. You still thought you were just one of the guys but you were so much more than that. “Do you really think I could live without you?” He questioned, urging you to look at him so you could see the sincerity in his eyes as his one hand squeezed yours on his thigh. His lips sporting a soft smile when he recollected the first time he met you “You’re this little fireball that came into our lives covered in werewolf blood, guns blazing and kicked ass. You probably saved mine and Sammy’s ass that night” He chuckled.
You looked down at your hand encased in his on his leg before your attention went back to the cracks in your arm and you let out a sigh, your hair falling in front of your face as you did so. You weren’t in the same league as the Winchester’s when it came to hunting, that’s what you were telling yourself “I’m just your back up”
“Back up?” Dean scoffed, his hand squeezing yours as he leant forward to push the piece of hair that had fallen in front of your face, behind your ear “Sweetheart, you’re more than backup. You’re family. You’re my best friend. You’re-” Dean held his breath as you looked at him, your Y/E/C orbs glistening in the firelight. He suddenly became very aware that you were still in just a towel, just moments earlier he was watching you thrash around in the bathtub. In this split second moment where he was studying you, he realised that you were everything he had wanted in life. Sure, your life wouldn’t be picket fences and bake sales on a Sunday but it’d be making pies together in the kitchen, coffee in bed and movie days on the sofa. In this split second moment, Dean made one of the biggest decisions of his life. With that in mind, he smiled softly and tucked the loose strands of hair behind your ear, tracing his forefinger down your cheek to your chin “-Hell Y/N, you’re everything to me”
His eyes drop to avoid your intense stare for just a moment as he scans your cleavage, your collarbones, up your neck before resting on your lips. He dares to inch closer as he runs his tongue along his bottom lip “You’re my everything” He admits in a whisper, leaning closer to you, his forehead resting on yours.
Your heart was pounding in your chest. You had no idea what was happening right now, you were in a daze. Everything around you seemed to disappear, your thoughts vanished as you focused on the feeling of Dean’s breath upon your skin. You let out a shaky breath that you didn’t know you were holding as you closed your eyes, wanting to remember this exact moment. The crackles of the fire, the warmth of the flame, the feeling of Dean’s nose brushing ever so slightly against yours. You hand was still holding his on his thigh, although his thumb was gently rubbing at your skin.
You opened your eyes to stare at his full, plump lips as edged forward slightly. You looked up into his eyes from under your full lashes to see him hungrily staring at your mouth. He was waiting for you to make the move, he’d put his feelings out there and wanted your permission to take it further. You coyly smiled a small smile as you removed your hand from under his to place it onto his stomach, feeling it tighten under your touch. Dean shuddered underneath your fingers that were tracing their way up his chest, your palm became flat over his heart and your smile became bigger when you felt that it was beating widely under your touch.
This was a moment you had only imagined countless of times when you were in bed, alone. This was a moment you had wished for when you were riding in the back of the impala. Now this moment, was yours. You made the move. You angled your face slightly and closed the small gap between you, brushing your lips against his.
Inside, Dean felt like he’d hit the jackpot. You wanted him just as much as he wanted you. The feeling of your lips brushing against his was more than he could take. He brought his free hand to cup the back of your head, his fingers nesting into your hair as he pressed his lips onto yours. You took a deep breath at the contact, the feeling of his lips on yours was ecstasy and you whimpered into his mouth, the arousal pooling between your legs. Dean smiled into the kiss when he heard the sound you made and brushed his tongue along your bottom lip, seeking permission for entry which you gave eagerly.
You fisted at his shirt, your other hand coming to rest on his bicep as he drew you closer to him, his other hand now pressed against your bare shoulder. You felt his stubble rubbing against your skin and you enjoyed the delicious burn it gave, anticipating how it would feel in between your legs.
Dean let out a low grumble as you nipped at his bottom lip, his erection pressing hard against his jeans and it was taking all of his self-control to not whip off your towel and lay you down in front of the fire. However, he wanted to take his time, he wanted to worship you and your body, to give you the respect and love you deserved. He didn’t want you to think that you were just a one night stand, a notch on his bedpost because you were it for him. You were everything.
In the bunker, your room was consumed by darkness thanks to the spell not working. The cracks in your arm creeping on your skin on your right arm. Sam strode across your room in a panic and flicked on the lights, his eyes immediately landing on you to see if there was any change. A frown appeared on his brow when he noticed the thick black cracks slowly appearing on your right arm. “Rowena, what the hell happened?!” He bellowed as he hastily made his way to your side.
Rowena was wide eyed as she shook her head, her hands held out in front of her “I-it appears that the witch has put a safety mechanism on her curse. The spell is basically protecting itself against any tampering which has caused the curse to quicken its effects” She tried to explain as best as she good, her hands running through her red locks.
Sam’s face became stoic as he swallowed hard, he knew time was running out. He knew that Dean was probably with you, trying to figure out a cure or a way out but Sam needed him to be awake to talk things over, they needed a plan of action “Cas you need to wake up Dean” He said with urgency “Now!”
Castiel just nodded as he hastily left your room, intent on his mission to disturb Dean from his slumber. Considering he was comatose from alcohol, Cas was the only one who would be able to get through to him.
Sam ran his hands through his hair before he brought them back down over his face. His mind was running at a million miles per hour, taking everything in and trying to pinpoint what this was. The fact that the curse was now protecting itself, made the situation direr. He placed both hands on his hips as he sighed “What are we gonna do?”
Rowena just shook her head as placed both hands on your bed, leaning onto them “I don’t know, Samuel. We need to get back to the books”
Sam just nodded as he looked around the room. He knew that already but books weren’t getting them the answers they needed in the time they needed them. Suddenly Sam looked straight back at Rowena, a slight smile on his face as he clasped his hands together “I think we need to be more hands on”
“…meaning?” Rowena frowned, as far as she was concerned, they were being hands on already. She watched as Sam rushed out of your room with no explanation “Sam!”
Her call could be heard from the kitchen as it echoed down the hallway. Castiel quickly turned to see Sam bolt past the kitchen door and hastened his mission to wake up the eldest Winchester. He made his way to Dean who had his head on his folded arms, comatose on the table and he sighed. Castiel placed two fingers onto Dean’s forehead, a little white glow appearing as the angel closed his eyes. Focusing, he was able to pull Dean from his unconscious state.
Dean felt like he had hit his head repeatedly against a brick wall, it was pounding and seeing the empty whiskey bottles in front of him, he up curled his lips in disgust. Then he remembered you in your towel, he remembered you in front of fire and he remembered your kisses. As he smiled at the thought of you, he suddenly became very aware of the erection that was straining against his jeans.
Turning to his right, he’s startled by the angel standing there and he jumps in his seat, banging his knees under the table “Cas?” Dean questioned, a grimace on his face as he rubbed his knees.
“Dean we have a situation” Castiel stated plainly, frowning slightly at Dean’s motions.
Dean grumbled, knowing that he hadn’t woken up naturally “What the hell man?! I was with-”
“Y/N yes. She is the reason Sam told me to wake you” The angel interrupted, walking closer to Dean.
The eldest Winchester pinched the bridge of his nose “Sam wasn’t even there and he’s still cock blocking me” He muttered under his breath, earning a confused head tilt from Castiel. Dean just shook his head and motioned for him to continue.
“Dean it’s not good news” Came a gravelly reply which made Dean stand straight immediately.
“What do you mean?” He questioned as he walked closer to his friend, concern etching at his features.
“Her condition has worsened. Rowena thought she had found the counter curse but it appears the spell has a protective quality” Castiel explained as Dean started to frown “If anyone tries to tamper with the spell, it defends its self my rapidly accelerating its effects”
Dean held up his hand to stop Cas from talking “Wait, wait. So you’re telling me that the reason Y/N got new scars on her arm, was screaming in agony, is because someone tried to tamper with the curse?”
Castiel just nodded, unable to look Dean in the eyes “Well…yes. Sam, Rowena and I thought we had found the counter curse. This has made things a lot more complicated” He tried to explain.
“You think?!” Dean’s fury was written all over his face. Your screams and the look on your face when you felt the agonising tears in your skin will be forever burned in his mind. He was meant to be protecting you, he was meant to be getting you out and instead he spent his time with you making out in front of the fire. He let his own feelings get in the way of your safety and it made him feel uneasy.
With wide strides, Dean made his way to your room. His head still banging from a hangover and his thoughts making a heavy weight press on his chest. He wanted you home and safe but instead on trying to work on a plan to bring you home, he made a move on you and got distracted by your nearly naked form.
As Dean made his way into your room, and saw you motionless on the bed, he swore he wouldn’t let himself get distracted again. He’d spend every waking minute working on a way to get you home. He would push his feelings aside. With Castiel in tow, Dean stopped just before the end of your bed, taking in your delicate features.
Noticing the company, Rowena looked up from your side “Dean, you’re back with us” She smiled as she stood “Did you learn anything while you were Y/N?”
Clearing his head of his self-loathing thoughts, he nodded “Actually, yeah I did” Dean replied, rubbing at his stubble “Y/N said that she remembered the witch saying ‘altum somnum’ and she also found some notes that people had managed to scribble which means people must have been there before”
Rowena frowned slightly “Altum somnum? That’s Latin for…”
“Deep sleep” Came another voice and Dean turned to see his little brother standing in the doorway and nodded in greeting.
Rowena nodded “I can work with this. There will only be a handful of spells where those words must be muttered” She sounded hopeful as she started to gather and put away her things from your bedside.
“What about the notes?” Castiel questioned, looking at Dean, encouraging him to explain more.
Dean’s eyebrows knitted together as he tried to remember “They were random words or phrases. Things like the obvious, the witch did it. That she’s trapped and there isn’t a way out and then there was this random on which just said…love” Dean said softly, looking around the room as he crossed his arms across his chest.
“Love? Could that be a clue?” Rowena asks as she looked between the three boys, all of them looking as lost as the other.
Dean just sighed as he ran one hand down his face, feeling frustrated that they weren’t getting anywhere fast “I don’t know but they were hidden under the floorboards”
A moment of silence fell over the room as everyone began to contemplate the new information, all eyes looking at you on the bed and the injuries you’ve already sustained. They knew that from here on out they needed to be careful with whatever they tried. Dean didn’t want to see you get hurt again, seeing it on hunts was bad enough but at least he could kill or be in control of that situation. Here, in this scenario, Dean couldn’t control a damn thing. He couldn’t kill anything as it was already dead. He was fighting an invisible force that was getting stronger over time.
“We need to see what’s going on, wherever she is” Castiel’s gravelly voice cut through the silence.
Sam nodded in agreement, a plan already formulated in his mind “Yeah I mean Dean, what you’re telling us is great but maybe there is something you’re missing” He stated as his hands went into his pockets “We seriously can’t afford to waste any more time. We need all hands on deck now”
Dean just sighed “So what do you suggest?” He questioned, staring at Sam intently.
Sam pulled his hands back out of his pockets and motioned towards his elder brother “We need to see what you see, we need to visit Y/N, so…” He explained as he disappeared out of the doorway for a second, coming back a moment later wheeling in a machine “…I dug out the mind link device. I figured we could connect it to you and me, then Cas could hitch a ride”
Dean didn’t have the energy to argue, he didn’t want to waste time asking questions and he trusted Sam with everything he had. If he thought this would work then he’d give it a shot. Unfolding his arms, he let them hang by his side “I promised Y/N I’d get her home. So let’s get her home”
Sat in front of the fireplace, you couldn’t stop smiling. Sure, Dean left at a very inconvenient time but that wasn’t anyone’s choice. Your lips were swollen and tinging from the heavy kissing you’d just been doing and you beamed at the feeling. You brought up your fingers to your lips, relishing in the feeling it was giving you. You just wished he could have stayed longer as you definitely would have done more than just kiss him.
Wondering if your clothes were now dry, you stood up and made your way to the bathroom to check on them. You mind was still spinning with what had happened, Dean Winchester liked you back. Who would have thought? His words echoing in your mind “You’re my everything” Even though you were trapped god knows where, you didn’t care, Dean was making it all ok.
In the bathroom, you felt at your clothes. Noticing they were still damp in places, you picked them up in your hand to lay them out in front of the fire. With your clothes bundle in your arms, you walked past the mirror in the bathroom and something on your body caught your eye. You took a few steps backwards to look at your reflection and you were confused at what you saw. The original scarring on your left arm had started to heal, the cracks were still there and were still deep but they were shorter. They weren’t reaching your elbow anymore and the skin was starting to knit together.
That’s when it hit you like an oncoming train. You dropped your clothes and ran back into the living room, picking up the notes on the sofa you had shown Dean that had been left behind. You frantically looked through them till you came to the one you were looking for. Love.
Could it be that being in love with someone was the key to all of this? You mind was spinning with questions and scenarios as you stared at the note in your hand. Then your self-doubt kicked in. Did Dean piece it all together when he saw the note? Knowing that he and the team had been researching in the bunker, your mind was telling you that they had come across curses and sleeping spells. Of course they had, Rowena was now working on the case. You felt sick at the thoughts now running through your head, Dean didn’t really want you. Dean had only kissed you because he knew it would help in saving your life.
With the mind link device all set up in the library, the boys had made themselves comfortable. Dean was sat at the end of the table, Sam to his right with Cas by the machine next to Sam. With all the necessary wires attached, the angel turned to Dean and placed a hand on his shoulder “You ready?”
Dean didn’t mutter a word, he just merely nodded trying to focus his energy on seeing you again. He didn’t know what he was going to say to you, he didn’t know how he was going to act. All he wanted to do was pull you into his arms and tell you it as all going to be fine but now he wasn’t so sure it was going to be. He wanted to hold you close to make himself feel grounded, he wanted to lose himself in you and he felt selfish.
Taking in Dean’s nod, Castiel places his hand on Dean’s forehead, instantaneously sending him to sleep. Immediately after, he placed a hand on Sam’s shoulder and flicks the switch to turn on the device.
In the cabin, you were pacing around in the bedroom area, trying to work out what your next moves were going to be. If Dean had just kissed you to heal you, surely he would have told you right? It wouldn’t have been as passionate as it was or did it have to passionate for it to help heal your injuries? Your head was spinning so you placed yourself on the edge of the bed with your head in your hands. In the time Dean had been gone, you had gotten yourself dressed in your now dry clothes and stared at the notes that had been left behind. Oh and let’s not forget that you were also replaying Dean’s kiss in your mind too.
As you sat there, your fingers wound in your hair with elbows on your thighs, you heard multiple murmured voices coming from the main area of the cottage. Your head snapped up, pushing yourself off the bed and placing your back against the wall. Your hunter instincts still strong. As you peered around the doorway, your guard broke down as you saw Dean, Sam and Castiel standing there. You couldn’t help the smile that broke across your face when you saw the youngest Winchester and the angel. You hadn’t realised how much you had missed them “Sam! Cas!” You squealed as you ran out of the bedroom, wrapping your arms around Sam tightly “Oh my god you guys have no idea how good it is to see you” You exclaimed.
“Hey Y/N” Sam half chuckled, tightening his arms around your frame.
You pulled away from him before going to hug Castiel. His response to which was “I’m glad you’re alive”
You giggled slightly into his chest, you hoped he’d never change “Me too Cas”
You pulled away and looked towards Dean. Expecting him to be standing there, waiting in line for a hug but he hadn’t moved from his spot. You noticed that he looked uncomfortable and you frowned. You thought he would be excited to see you again but he just leant against the back of the couch, his arms folded.
The awkward exchange between you didn’t go unnoticed by Sam to which he quirked his brow “We’ve come to lend a hand. It’ll help us if we see what Dean was seeing” He stated quickly to break the uncomfortable silence.
“Yes, Dean’s mentioned about a force field around this place? Can you show us?” Castiel questioned, stepping forward as he looked around the cabin.
“S-sure” You stuttered, your stomach flipping when your eyes rested on Dean, noticing that he would not make eye contact with you “Let me just grab a blanket, it’s cold out there”
As you headed back into the bedroom, all three men watched as you walked away. When you were safely out of sight, Sam elbowed Dean harshly in the ribs “Why you being weird?” Sam hushed
“I’m not being weird” Dean frowned, his arms still crossed “You’re weird” He retorted.
Before Sam could reply, you had re-emerged from the bedroom with a blanket wrapped tightly around your shoulders, choosing to ignore the tension in the room “Ok let’s go” You announced, as you walked towards the cabins front door.
As you passed, Sam elbowed his brother once more, silently motioning for him to talk to you to kill whatever elephant was in the room but Dean just shrugged him off, ignoring Sam’s bitch face. You opened the cabin door and made you way into the snow, shivering slightly at the temperature change. You turned to wait for the boys to follow you, only to see Dean skulking off to the side, looking around the perimeter. He didn’t even glance your way and you were understandably hurt which only fuelled your fire. You wanted to have it out with him, you wanted to ask him why he kissed you yet you didn’t want your thoughts to be true.
As Sam and Cas came to your side, your attention went to the treeline and you pointed “It’s just through these trees”
“Lets go” Sam said, a soft smile on his lips.
Your heels trudged through the snow as you tightened the blanket around you. You kept peeking over your shoulder at Dean who was trailing behind. He was look at everything he was passing but he still refused to look at you. You sighed, you needed to face this head on. You needed to pull up your big girl panties, bite the bullet and talk to him.
You slowed your pace slightly, letting Sam and Cas take the lead through the trees as they chatted between themselves about what they were seeing. With Dean’s long bow legs, you soon fell into line with him and you saw his jaw clench when you looked at him.
“Are we going to talk about what happened?” You asked in a hushed tone, your arms still wrapped in the blanket draped around your shoulders.
Dean’s jaw ticked slightly as he still focused on the path in front of him “Let’s just focus on getting you out” He stated plainly, putting no emotion in his reply.
“Seriously?!” You chided.
Dean held a neutral face “Seriously Y/N. We haven’t got time for this now” He growled lowly, not wanting his brother or Castiel to hear. You stumbled slightly at his words, reaching out to the nearest tree for balance. Dean then took a quick glance at you and he wished he hadn’t. Your face said it all and he hated that he was the one hurting you right now but the quicker he got you home, the quicker he could sort this all out. Your eyes were glossy as they wore your heartbreak and Dean felt his shoulders slump down.
Dean had near enough confirmed your thoughts and you didn’t know whether to swing for him or run. He had kissed you when you were vulnerable just to make you feel better. You would rather suffer the pain of the curse than have him play with your feelings like that.
Anger bubbled in the pit of your stomach as you wiped the stray tear that had fallen down your cheek. You would not cry over Dean Winchester.
“Fine” Was your simple reply. Placing your best foot forward, you stormed your way forward, wanting to get out of his way.
Before you could take another step past him, you felt his large hand on your elbow, stopping you in your tracks “Look it’s just-”
“No Dean, I got it” You snapped, interrupting him as you stared into his moss green eyes “I knew I meant nothing to you. It was all just words wasn’t it? You didn’t mean any of it, you just played me to save my life” You seethed, your voice barely above a whisper.
Immediately, confusion littered Dean’s face, a frown etching at his brow “What are you on about?” He questioned, his guilt eating him up knowing that you thought he didn’t want you.
“Forget it Dean” You spat as you snatched yourself free of his grasp.
You stormed your way forward through the snow as you left a confused Dean behind. You had no idea that Sam had seen the whole argument play out as you approached him further on in the trees. You held your body tightly as you tried to hide your face in the blanket, you could always blame the cold if anyone asks about the redness in your cheeks.
You finally thought you could have what you had always wanted but it was too good to be true. Even though he was saving your life, he was breaking your heart at the same time. Underneath your blanket, your healed scars started to split. Fresh cracks appearing where the fresh skin had covered undoing the work that Dean’s kiss had done. However, unbeknown to you or to any one, it wasn’t just Dean’s kiss that had healed you.
A/N: … please don’t hate me *hides behinds hands* haha!
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