Ok I had some weird lucid dreams last night but here's a really cute idea I had
For whatever reason, you give a pippins a kiss on the cheek. And then all of a sudden there's *another* one right behind them! So you also kiss them on the cheek.
There is now a line of pippins wanting a kiss on the cheek or forehead.
Eventually a green one comes into view, held forcibly by two red ones. He's writhing and saying "No, I don't want a freaking kiss! No! No!!!"
But as soon as he's in front he gets quiet and stops struggling. You giggle and give him a long, gentle press on the forehead.
He stumbles to the back of the line for another (as other pippins are doing).
Now there's a shadowguy! He chirps musically at you before taking off his hat, pointing to his forehead. You, of course, oblige.
And that leads to a zapper, accent thick and stumbling over asking for a kiss too. They get a kiss-- two! And they thank you, perking up and somehow blushing.
"HEY! IT'S MOTORMOUTH MIKE! WHAT'S THIS ABOUT GIVIN' AWAY KISSES?! AHAHAAHA!" Yes, he gets one.
So does Jongler's Mike persona, who does a long cowboy-esque whistle afterwards.
...Holy shit is that a CAT?! While you're distracted he curls up on your lap (by this point you are sitting because the line is literally never going to end).
You're so caught up in the euphoria of having a giant cat snuggle you that you miss a literal giant cut the line. "Excuse me?"
You feel his shadow lay over you, long and thick, and look up to see Tenna's big, wobbly smile. His hands are behind his back. "I uh, hear you're giving away kisses!"
You nod. "Would you like one?"
"WOULD I?!"
He immediately stoops down, turning his face away for a kiss on the cheek. You, however, take his case in both your hands and turn him forward.
"W-whatcha doing, starlight-?"
Your lips manage to find his, and as soon as you let go, he shoots up like a rocket. "WOW WOW *WOW!!!"*
You giggle, but you should know better than to think this is the end of his reaction. He abruptly turns to the line behind him, waving his arms. "SORRY FOLKS! RIDE'S SHUTTING DOWN FOR MAINTENANCE!"
"Tenna, what are you-- oh!"
Pluey falls off your lap as Tenna picks you up and runs off, taking you all for himself.
HC post for @saintcoyote (I got very into this idea so you also get a short story! I hope you enjoy <3)
♫ Kofi ♫ ☆ Commission info ☆
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
Someone could accuse Deidara of being too thick headed to notice something is wrong. Maybe that's true, maybe...but certainly not regarding when his mind locks in on you. As soon as his fellow Akatsuki shows signs of lacking their usual spark at the rendezvous, he's on high alert.
He watches the way you move...slower, more delicately. It's like you're sluggish, thoughts physically manifesting and weighing you down. You try to fight through it-- put on a brave face-- but after staring at your face so many times, he's sees right through the facade.
With your partners in company, he tries to be subtle. Hell, maybe you are being subtle, trying to communicate with him something is wrong without letting on to Sasori and the other partner that you feel weak. He takes the lead for your sake.
"I heard the weather was rough where you came from this week, un," he hums, allowing a way to complain without sounding too out of pocket in front of the others. You bob your head side to side.
"Yeah, but it was doable."
... "Hm," Deidara hums. Tough outer shell on this cookie. He'll just have to wait. He creates an opportunity to be alone himself.
"Sasori no danna," he speaks to the suna-nin, stopping in his tracks and grabbing the back of your arm. "We'll meet your there."
Hiruko stares back, Sasori's voice gravelly in his throat. "What for?"
"For someone to appreciate my art for once!" he smirks. The puppet groans, and your partner, too, waves themself off to continue walking away with Sasori.
...Finally alone.
Deidara practically snaps his fingers to bring life to his art, a small bird from his hand puffing up into the size of a tree. You'd seen this style of bird before-- owls are a favorite of his, after all-- but it's still so marvelous. He gestures, letting you sit upon the bird first. To your surprise, he saddles up right behind you, his chest on your back and arms wrapped around your stomach.
Before you can second guess it, the owl takes flight.
It's so exhilarating-- it always is, hell no Deidara let you become his friend and never let you fly before. But something about it happening now... You look down at the world, getting smaller and smaller...and you feel...lighter.
Deidara begins to speak once the glide becomes more gentle, stable.
"...Everything is so much smaller up here," he says, a purr on his tongue with how fond he is of the view. You nod, watching the patches of the forest pass by like pebbles on a path only just under your feet.
"Darling..." he says in lieu of your name. His head rests on your shoulder. Seconds pass...and the tension in your shoulders ease.
You feel him smirk.
"Good work," he praises, nearly silent, a grateful prayer almost lost in the wind.
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
Some brief headcanons:
He's a sweetheart, a LOT more naturally empathetic than you might think he is. He doesn't give a shit about most everybody, but when he does, it's like your hearts are connected.
He wants to help in the same way he handles his own issues-- with distraction. He'll take you on flights, just the two of you.
He'll match your volume. If you're loud, he's loud. If you're quiet, he's quiet. He's exactly as upset or as calm as you are.
He's physical, but not demanding. This is all about you right now. (He takes his turn being needy when it's him that needs comfort.)
He WILL find out your favorite animal and you WILL get a little sculpture of it.
Deidara only steps over the line if someone steps over yours. If anyone makes you uncomfortable, he's your guard dog. The man barks and threatens until you're left alone. (He doesn't consider in the moment that this can make you feel awkward or even worse.)
You've never seen someone smirk as softly as he can. He wipes the tear off your cheek and looks at you like he knows something you don't. Truthfully, he does. He knows you've got the strength to make it out okay.
Tenna takes you out for ice cream, but things get a little extra delicious when he decides his own share isn't enough.
AN: This is my half of a trade with @soul-painter! This is a cute NSFW drabble where the reader has labia. Enjoy!
Kofi ☆ Commission info ☆ AO3
Battat is starting to wonder if he really needs the points from a second job.
“OH OH!” his boss– yes, Tenna of all people– is here, fawning like a goddamn pippins over the ice cream display as if he isn’t 15 feet of wires and wrath. He feigns chewing his nails, bringing them up to his lips as he hums and twists his antennas in a bunch. “Hmm… Oh golly there’s so many flavors to pick from!” And then he says a name– it’s yours of course– and he looks to the side for a helpful input from his savior.
Battat finally feels some relief as you interject, ending the whole spectacle.
“Well,” you offer, nonjudgmental, “You always end up telling me you wish you got a scoop of vanilla with whatever you wanted.” Oh, how attentively he points his nose down at you, raises the brow of his screen. “Why not get the first flavor that catches your eye and add some vanilla on top.”
And Tenna beams like you solved all his problems.
“Starshine, my dear, I swear sometimes you know me better than I know myself!” And a comical aside under his breath: “And I know myself like the back of my hand!”
Battat forces himself to laugh in the absence of a laugh track, doing his best not to roll his eyes. The pink apron and silly striped diner hat is enough. Why, oh why, does he end up working both jobs at once! Might as well put the Mike head on at this rate. You catch the tiniest glimpse of his sorrow and give him a smile.
Well, at least one of these two cares, he thinks. With a sigh, the green pippins watches his scary, scary lord of the screens hop on his tip toes and point to a brown tub.
“This one!!! Chocolate with ONE SCOOP of vanilla!” He raises his chin and points to the ceiling. “If you PLEASE!”
Another exhale. “...Are you sure you just want one?” Battat asks, feeling the cool of the ice creams rise from below his reach into the rows of flavors.
“Yes, yes, only ONE!”
“You got it, boss.”
“I’m not your boss here, call me sir!”
“You got it…” And his smile looks more and more like a grimace by the second. “--Sirrrrrr.”
You have to stop yourself from giggling, instead putting a hand over your mouth and smiling.
Plop. A single scoop of vanilla is placed on the tub of chocolate. With a huff, the small darkner hauls the entire container onto the open counter, leaving the scooper inside. Tenna’s white gloves wiggle their fingers and he digs right in.
While his tail wags and mouth moans almost inappropriately, you politely order your favorite flavor and pay– or attempt to.
“Nah, he’s just gonna get mad if I do that. He owns the place anyway,” Battat says, leaning his elbow against the counter and his palm against his angular face. “If you really wanna do me a favor? Just skedattle.” And he offers a weak smile, but it’s a real one. “Intimidates the other potential customers when he’s around, y’ know?”
You abide, taking your cone in one hand and Tenna’s arm in the other. He stoops below the entry and you both walk down the street. You’re looking for a place to sit while your TV, evidently, is looking for something else. You hardly catch him in her peripheral as his index finger swipes over your shoulder.
“H-hey!”
Plop!
It’s too late. He’s gotten a flick of your ice cream and put the tip of his digit into his mouth, a blush on his cheeks betraying how wrong he knows he is for doing so. “What, my darling!” he protests to you. “It looks delicious! And it is!”
“Tenna, why don’t you just ask!”
“Well, you see!” he points out, tilting down to get his screen near your face. “It tastes better this way.”
“How?” you blink, confused. But he just giggles, a tub in one arm and the other gripping the scoop with a hand on his hip.
“You know,” he replies deviously.
And you do.
That’s why you grab him by the tie and get a taste right back.
The hum of his lips reverberates into your mouth as you suck on him, the fuzz of the static strangely warming the flavor of your choice as you retrieve whatever was left on his face. It almost tastes more…marshmallow-like, not raw but the kind heated by a fire. Maybe it makes sense; he’s getting hotter by the second.
You pull back with a gentle smack and grin, fluttering your eyes as you know very well what you did.
You see his lip tremble.
You hear his voice stutter.
And then you watch a man reset.
“We need to get home right now,” he whispers. And all of a sudden you know what you just signed up for.
─── ⊹˙₊˚ ˚⋆˙･｡ﾟ.☆. ﾟ. ⋆˙₊˚ ₊˚⊹───
“T-Tenna–!” you stagger, on your back and knees in the air. He wasn’t kidding; the man practically scooped you into his arms and ran all the way to the bedroom in anticipation of where a mind goes when it gets a lick of sweet things. He raises your shirt and loops his pinky into the band of your panties.
He begins speaking with a chuckle, but the desperation is still underneath. “S-sorry sweetheart,” though how sorry he really is is debatable. “You just make a fella go crazy, you know!” A quick look between your clothed sex and your watching eyes. “M…may I?”
Drunk on sugar and love, you give permission with a nod. A flower blooms on the tip of his nose.
“Oh, nothing tastes better than you do, starlight…!” he beams. The last layer of cloth is pulled delicately…over your thighs…down your calves…and then taken off your ankles, lest it shackle you like cuffs. He needs your legs as wide as possible.
This isn’t the first time, but it never stops feeling so new.
“Darling…!” he breathes. He guides one leg…and then the other…to go over his shoulders, and he's positioned snugly between you. You feel the burrow of his coned nose for a moment before it disappears; he wants nothing in the way between his lips and yours.
He wants to lick both sets, after all.
Tenna tastes, and you're helpless but to buck. He doesn't mind; in fact, it encourages him. A tongue swirls around and around...your labia, your entrance, your clit. His massive palms caress you so gently as you grip for dear life.
And when you’re done to his satisfaction, he so delicately take your limp legs down to the mattress. His screen raises, nothing but a smile on a black screen. “Nothing sweeter than the greatest flavor of all, right starshine?”
And you’re panting too hard to speak back. That’s just fine. The longer you’re dumb with the glow of orgasm, the longer he gets to bask in it. Meantime, he goes in to taste all over again, every inch of your body he can reach.
A quick drabble where Tenna hurts you by accident due to his size and he's panicking about it.
“Oh my god,” he stammers. It terrifies you how quiet he is; he’s only this way in one of two circumstances:
He trusts you completely.
He’s fucked up.
And unfortunately, the first choice led to the latter.
You rub your bruised shoulder, half to hide it from his sight and half to soothe it. You hear him sniff, hands raised and unsure what to do.
“I–” he stammers, absolutely shocked at himself. “Starlight! I’m– I’m so sorry–” he squeaks.
You give him a weak smile. “You didn’t mean it. You just got excited.”
“Excited is not an EXCUSE!” he shouts at himself, gripping the desk youre standing on and kneeling, head as low to you as possible. “You– you’re HURT! Oh my god,” he repeats. The static on his face is quivering. “Oh my god…”
“Tenna–”
You move to touch him and he sharply flinches back on reflex. He immediately hits himself over the head.
“No! No!” he swears at himself, a jolt of electricity shocking between his antennas’ bobby ends. “They won’t hurt you, damn idiot, it’s the other way around!”
“Tenna–” you try again, but no budge. He begins to monologue to himself, turning around and gripping his monitor while hunching his back.
“Why are you so USELESS! You should be smaller around them. Why did you let yourself stay big?! Useless, useless STUPID–”
“Tenna!”
This is a demand, and so he spins around, breathless. “S-sweetheart?” he stammers, a tremble in his lip.
Knowing, sweet you, you raise an eyebrow and crook your finger for him to come here, a smile on your face. Like an obedient dog, he returns to his position before, chin on the wooden desk and looking up at you. You, however, kneel down.
“Stay still,” you instruct, and he fights every reflex to flee lest he hurt you again.
You walk up…and up…until…
You hold his nose, the very thing he bashed into your shoulder as he lifted you up and squeezed you close in delight. Your hands are gentle, forgiving, and you kiss the tip.
You pull back and open your eyes, and there’s a big red flower on a confused face.
“We’ll learn,” you promise him, and if it was anyone else he wouldn’t believe it. “Don’t be afraid of me.”
“But…what if you’re ever afraid of me?” he whimpers, hesitant to hope.
“Never,” you promise before kissing his lips. “Never ever.”
Static fuzz tastes like warm plastic and leather, and every taste is worth the risk.
Summary: A little you on his lap… How can you be sad? This is supposed to be a perfect world. Tenna ends up learning that even when things are right, you can still feel tiny, still need a gentle hand.
AN: Gift for @soul-painter for all the gift art!
Kofi ☆ Commission info
"I'm sorry for being glooby.”
It comes out of the blue in the middle of your favorite time– cuddle time. The TV man furrows his brow as he holds you on his lap.
“What on EARTH are you talking about, dear?!” His brow pinches and unpinches like he’s blinking curiously at you. “But you seemed fine to me!”
“Well…” you drawl, but you’re too slow; Tenna continues, using his free hand to emphasize his speech as the other cradles you into his chest.
“Your voice was so strong! Your smile so vibrant! And you even SMALL TALKED with everyone after the show!”
You smile in appreciation, but it strains to reach your eyes, which instead glance down and aside from his beaming stare. “Yes, well–”
Another interruption, as if he won’t hear any of it. “You’re not glooby at all!”
…
“Wait…”
Seconds pass, and something shows up that wasn’t there before. Even as you try to hide your face as subtly as you can, all Tenna has to do is tilt a few degrees to the left and all of a sudden he sees it– now that he’s finally been told to look.
“...Oh…!” he whispers, and his antenna slowly tangle like wringing hands. “You– Now you do look glooby…!” A swallow, a quiver of his lip. “Oh no…! Oh no, oh no, oh no!”
You lose your breath as he brings in his other hand and holds you as close as he still gently can. “I made you…glooby!” he realizes, horrified.
“T–Tenna–!” You press your palms into his chest, less creating space between you yourself and more signalling for him to make it; always so attentive, he abides. He’s sworn up and down he’s unable to cry, but it sure does look like that’s being tested with the way he looks right now. You exhale deeply.
“No… You didn’t. I promise you didn’t.”
“But–” he stammers, the tip of his glove stroking your cheek. “But–”
“I was…glooby before,” you confess, and what you say next snaps him out of the frying pan and into the fire. “I am…a lot of the time. I…guess I hide it well, is all.”
Tenna gulps, and somehow his mouth feels dry. “A lot…of the time?” he repeats. And oh, you can practically see guilt wash over him in a wave. “Oh, starlight…!” You grunt again as he returns you close to his chest, right where you started. Shit. “I failed you!”
“Tenna!” Your hand is more bold this time in how strongly you push back, and now he removes his grasp entirely. A smile can’t help but crawl up one corner of your mouth with how sensitive he is. “Not at all! You did your best. I promise.”
He shakes his monitor head. “It’s not enough!” he gasps quietly, still sounding on the verge of tears. “It’s not enough if you’re still sad!”
You tilt your head as you reverse positions from before, Tenna now hiding his face by turning away as you easily follow from down below. “Tenna…it’s okay to be sad sometimes.” This is stated as a reminder, but the showman surprisingly seems to take it at face value.
“But it ISN’T!” he exclaims; you bounce a little as he whips his monitor around, causing him to squeak and place his palm behind your back for balance. “S-sorry! But I mean it! It’s not okay AT ALL to be glooby when you’re in paradise! Or…” His antenna unknot and flick one at a time– left and right– in thought. “...It should be paradise.” And then they shoot straight up in alarm as his spine curls to get his face right in yours, desperate for answers. “What’s wrong with it? Was it the show?! Is it the new coasters? Oh, I bet it’s the new coasters! They don’t work for shit–! Why WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON–”
“Sweetie.”
Oh it’s rare for you to pull out the nicknames. He freezes without you even pressing pause; the tiniest bit of pink lights in the spaces beside his nose– his cheeks. Your touch is so soft, almost like there’s a static fuzz to your body, too.
You make him see your smile before talking; unlike before, it’s real. Even under your tired, sad eyes, it is real. Hard for it not to be, seeing a man so worked up over little old you. A sigh breezes from your lips, and it passes over his screen and brushes his vents.
“I know I opened this by saying I’m sorry,” you explain, “But that’s because sometimes being glooby changes your behavior.” A pause. He still doesn’t get it, you can tell. “What I’m not sorry about is that I’m glooby in the first place. It’s what you do that matters…” you tell him, and your fingertip touches the hand around your body in demonstration before it reaches forward to tap his heart.
“...Not how you feel.”
His face briefly shimmers static. You blink, cautious and observant.
“Tenna…?”
“I…” Shimmer again, stronger this time, and it changes how he looks. His face is back, a frown with no nose. “I’ve…” a cartoon mouth says, “...Never heard of that.”
And you melt on the spot. Your arms open and you reach up– not to be held, but to hold him. “Oh…Tenna…”
You had your suspicions all along, but this is the first time– even if inadvertently– that he’s acknowledged that sometimes Mr. “Never Glooby”...can in fact be glooby sometimes.
“Come here, sweetie pie...” you coo, though hardly needing to as he shrinks down…down…down. Eventually he’s so little that you slip off his lap and he slips onto yours. You know the answer to the next question, but it doesn’t matter– not what it is. What does count…is someone finally asking it.
“Tenna…” you whisper, cupping the tiny, tiny bug to your chest. “Do you feel glooby right now?”
…
…
“Yeah,” he confesses, voice so very soft, so very small. “I guess I do.”
You exhale, just barely, and oddly enough…you don’t feel quite as glooby yourself anymore. Grateful for this gift, you focus on him, now, and kiss the center of his forehead.
Fun prompt from the server I'm in today! Tenna has abnormal anatomy that he's anxious about sharing during sex. This is NSFW. Enjoy!
Kofi ☆ Commission info
"I'm...I'm a little nervous. You see?"
Tenna says this as he raises his head, looking to you straddling his lap. Everything up until now had been going nice and steady-- perfect, even. But now... You can tell by the strained grin on his face that he's clamming up.
"You want to stop?" you ask gently. Maybe it's his first time, after all. It'd surprise you given how handsome he is, but anything is possible. One of the hands keeping him lifted off of his back raise further to give a desperate gesture of dismissal.
"Oh! NO! N-no, not at all!" The same hand tugs at his collar, already loosened with a few buttons undone to help the vents air out. "I just...I might...need to. Need to stop."
Well, that's a glooby voice if you've ever heard one. "Why? Can you say?" you guide. He gulps visibly.
"W-well," his shaky voice begins. "I'm not sure what sorta anatomy you're used to! But mine is...different."
You blink. All of a sudden the bulge in his pants is more prominent to you, even if it hasn't changed at all this last minute.
"...You're worried I won't like it," you deduce. His antennas droop as he nods his head, now tilted away like he has eyes to hide in shame. You're quick to fix it, taking his case into your palms and kissing him again.
A beautiful red flower is there to fill the space you took up as you pull away...but his smile doesn't last.
"That's uh. That's the problem!" he tries to chuckle, though it comes off more as a whimper. Tenna points to his nose, and you scoff.
"What do you mean?! I love it when you do that!"
"You're misunderstanding, star!" he interjects before your spiel on how cute and romantic his nose-sprouting is. "It's uh..."
He gestures down from his nose...to his waist.
...
...
Your eyes go wide in realization.
"Oh I KNEW you'd hate that!" he cries, bringing his forearm to shield his face in the most dramatic display of rejection a man can muster. "EVERYONE hates it! They call it WEIRD and UNATTRACTIVE and that it ruins the--"
Kiss. Your lips are so soft, but they rest on him firm, like a reminder.
"...Mood," he murmurs, a blush in his glow. Pop, and the flower blooms again. "You gotta make me stop doing that!" he warns under his breath, half a joke and half real, sincere fear. You stroke the petals with the tip of your fingertip, and he shivers.
"I love you," you say. "No strings attached. I think-- I think I'll like it just fine," you promise, "But even if I don't...we won't know until we try. Right?"
"...Yeah," he admits, being brave just for you. "I guess we won't."
The workup and foreplay begin again, though this time you're more wary of yourself-- of your movements, your touches, and most of all: his reactions. He is adoring, trailing his lips over your neck and shoulders. He is delicate, doing nothing to force the stages further and letting you set the pace.
It finally comes time, and you slip off his underwear.
"I-- I wasn't lying!" he tries to joke again as you look at his length. Instead of veins, there's stretches of green-- vines embedded into his skin. The tip is different, too, and you have no room for doubt anymore. He really does look like a flower waiting to bloom.
"Heh!" he laughs, but there's no mirth to it. "Is...is it...fine?"
You stare at it a long second...before you lean down and kiss it. All of a sudden the green leaves are less green, and the curled and inward shape is less curled.
"It's beautiful."
And finally he becomes more like the man you know, the one who can't keep his hands off you. Before you know it, you're on your back and he's shrinked-- not "glooby" small, but just enough to fit inside. And wow, he's like nothing else. The vines are like ribbing, and the more they rub inside your walls, the more swollen it feels.
"I'm close, angel," he whispers to you, hoarse after another slow, exact thrust. "A-are you ready?"
You nod, and he speeds up. The pressure inside you grows...and grows...and grows...
"Ah!"
...And you feel it. Petals bloom inside of you, and the way they rest in your pelvis makes you see stars. He cums in his unique way-- nothing but a red flower inside-- and it makes you cum in yours.
And from then on, the tip of his nose and the bouquets on your dresser mean something else to you entirely.
Dating Hidan, Justifying it to Kakuzu (Hidan x Reader)
An anonymous commission in which the reader defends their taste in bloodthirsty, mass murdering men.
♫ Kofi ♫ ☆ Commission info ☆
"Why are you with that fool?" Kakuzu asks one night when it's just you and him at the foot of the fireplace. He doesn't even look up from his literature, grace you with an accusing glance. Something about that is a bit more insulting than if he did.
You hum, curling and uncurling your warming toes as you purse your lip and tilt your head. "Why are you asking?"
"You know why."
And you do...but you don't have to like it.
"It's been months, Kakuzu... Why only now?"
...A few seconds of silence passes before he groans as if you're an insufferable child. You in turn keep your wits about you, refusing to takes your eyes off him, lest one of his famous "rages" comes to pass, while simultaneously keeping your cool. You fully intend to stand your ground as long as possible.
Even if you are kind of laying sideways on a couch like you're posing for a painting. Damn, should have picked a better position. Too late now, huh?
"I suppose I expected you to enact whatever plan you had going on by now," the old man answers, and you're left both baffled and unnerved.
"Plan?"
Another gravely sigh escapes from behind Kakuzu's mask, as he is wont to do. "If you did have a plan, you would have tried to swindle him by now, either monetarily with MY money or gaining his trust to carry out some sort of difficult, otherwise deadly task. Having seen neither--"
Now he looks up, and the fire flickers in such a way that the red of his eyes are brighter, more lively and less dead.
"--...I'm starting to think you're just as stupid as he is."
Oh, if you were a cat your hairs would be standing on end. Your cheeks get hot and you bite your bottom lip to contain yourself, only half successful as the metaphorical steam blows out of your ears.
"Kakuzu!" Oh you practically sound like you're pleading with him! That's a good sign, you curse sarcastically to yourself. "I'm not really sure I need to justify myself when you of all people have spent, what? At least a year together!"
"I have no choice," he puts flatly.
"Don't you?"
"No."
"B-but you do! If you really wanted, you could-- I don't know! Cut him up and bury him in a hole! Then all you have to do to never hear him again is walk away."
...
...
You don't like the way he begins to rub his chin in contemplation. "...Please don't take that as advice," you quickly add.
And then a rare thing happens: he shuts his eyes...and chuckles. It's short, it's rough, but it's still a big thing coming from a guy like him.
"Only you..." he murmurs.
You blink, beginning to pull yourself to sit up. "...What about me?"
The Akatsuki's treasurer shakes his head. "Only you would care so earnestly for a fool like him." The repeated insult makes you frown.
"Please don't call him that...at least not in front of me."
By this point, the bounty hunter shuts his book and places it on the table besides his chair. He's giving you his full attention now. Oh dear.
"I could kill you." His words immediately justify your fear. All of a sudden you are aware of your own pulse, can feel the muscles in your tightened jaw quiver with tension. But wide eyed and scared, you continue to stare him down back.
...
"And yet," he continues, so relaxed in comparison to you as orange from the light washes over his slashed headband. "You stand up for him. And I'm not even certain Hidan ever would for you."
You shake your head both in response and to try to shake off the fear. "He would! I-- I know he would. But...that's not why I'm with him."
That answer seems to surprise him just a little. "Why then?"
"I'll tell you if you tell me."
Kakuzu glares at you for the longest moment, and he doesn't flinch in the slightest...even when he angrily concedes. "Fine." But you don't have time to sigh in relief. "You first."
"W-well..." you begin, crossing your legs on the couch cushion and and rubbing the back of your head. "He kind of...represents a lot to me."
You can see him raising a brow, even in light dim as this tonight.
"Before you get skeptical!" you interrupt nothing at all. "Just...think about it. I'm not like you guys. I'm just...a mortal. Just no one special, not even a genin. Most people in your flock would turn your nose up and treat me like a sheep."
You shake your head again, but for a new and lovely reason.
"Not Hidan though. Every life means something. Everyone...can be someone."
"A sacrifice," Kakuzu corrects, to which you bob your head side to side.
"Yes, maybe, but--" you half agree, "Not just...someone to be used and discarded. Souls are important; everyone...is equal. There's something amazing in that."
"But not unique," Kakuzu answers. And this time you nod.
"There's more than that. He's so...passionate. If he believes in something, he believes it with his whole heart. If he fights, it's not just for himself but for everything he believes in. I--...I wanna be like that. I want to think at least half as much as Hidan does about what it means to live, suffer, and die. I want every piece of it to be as saturated as possible with my blood, sweat, and tears. Isn't that what it means?"
You make sure to look him in the eyes still.
"Isn't that what it means to exist?"
...
...
Kakuzu exhales. "You make his his diatribes...endearing."
You smile at that, even if hesitantly.
"Now it's your turn," you say. To that, Kakuzu folds his arms and hoods his eyes.
"He makes me money."
...
"Are you serious?"
"People have very predictable tastes in men."
"What does THAT mean?! Hey-- hey wait!" you beg, absolutely perplexed as Kakuzu opens his book to end the conversation. "KAKUZU!!!"
This is a headcanon post for an anonymous commissioner! If you like it and want more, consider commissioning me or giving to my Kofi <3
Kofi ☆ Commission info
I think he's the kind of guy that if he's in love with you, every part of you physically is beautiful. He loves your scars-- yes even those, the ones that have nothing to do with anything cool like a fight or a brush with danger. They mean you went through pain regardless, and Jashin appreciates that pain enough to kiss it upon your body.
Your pudgy cheeks and laugh lines make him feel stupid inside and have to look away. The way you pinch your brow, the way you fidget. Even the behaviors that annoy him...he wouldn't change it for the world.
Likewise, he appreciates that you don't really ask him to change either, not in the ways that'd make him a different person.
He'll hem and haw but for the little things, yeah he'll do it. He'll eat that fucking vegetable if you just shut the fuck up for a second. Yeah, okay, he'll make sure to wash behind his ears.
He likes how you touch him. The way you can hold onto his shoulders, massage them... It takes a hot second, but he can eventually sigh and let go, the tension becoming nothing in the blink of an eye.
He likes the way you curl your toes when he touches you back. It isn't even always sexual-- it's just such a small detail about how he manages to make you react in even the littlest ways. When you lay next to each other and he's in a good mood, you'll play footsies under the sheets until one of you falls asleep.
The warmth you bring him... It makes him slow down and consider things. He feels your forehead against his chest as you sleep and he looks down to stare at your hair, at the bend in your fingers as you hold him unconsciously. He'd die for you if he could. That's just another blessing of Jashin, isn't it? That he can protect you over...and over...and over again.
And he does so like the way you look at him when he does.
