eric sohn from the boyz <3
"congratulations on your new improvements, i bet your light rod's, like bigger than zeus's."
track 8 of the man's best friend series found here
in which y/n finds herself reuniting with her old next door neighbour and childhood partner in crime while on a business trip in seoul & the triple take is undeniable.
word count: 4k
warnings: smut !!, oral (f receiving), oral (m receiving), eric îs a yearner & wants his lips all over y/n's body, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, big dick eric (as it should be), doggy style, missionary, reader has a vagina & tits, squirting, they use a condom but eric cums on her stomach & tits, cum tasting, he mentions he has dreamt of this a lot, mentions of one direction & lana del rey as a part of plot.
You found yourself in between two staff members whose names you only knew because of the email that had a PDF attachment of a ticket to The Boyz's concert and a heads up that said two staff members were going to come collect you after the show was finished. Perks of growing up in California being next door neighbours with a now renown k-pop idol. Perks of your mother knowing you're on a week long business trip to South Korea then automatically telling her next door neighbour about it whose son is said k-pop idol. Perks of him surprisingly remembering you or either doing this out of courtesy for his mom despite not seeing each other for years.
Yeah, perks.
You find yourself wanting to run away from this situation as everything dawned. Eric and you were close growing up. You two went to the same school and even had the same friend group for years. Both your mothers even having some fantasy that their two kids would end up together but both of you insisting that you were just friends, partners in crime and it was going to remain that way forever. Yet, he jetted off to South Korea with just a goodbye hug and you never received a message or any contact you were promised, it hurt more than you could describe. You moved interstate for college to permanent job and the times you were back in California to visit never aligned with his. But before you could run away, to tell the two nice staff members that you actually can't do this. The door in front of you opened to a sleeveless and sweaty Eric with a towel around his neck as the other members sat scattered around the room behind him.
"Y/N, hey! I'm glad you could make it!" He beamed, sincerely happy to see you and quickly giving you a big hug. You hugged him back of course, seeing the familiar smile that would always get you both in a whole lot of trouble.
He gave his thanks to the staff members that led you to him after the hug broke, closing the door behind you but leaving his arm around your waist, it made your face heat up just a little bit. His other members were clearly exhausted. The complete opposite of Eric. You smiled to yourself. He was still the same.
"This is Y/N! She's my next door neighbour back in California!" He introduced, you waved to them.
"Miles isn't the only friend Eric has?"
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You and Eric found yourself at an exclusive hotel rooftop bar, champagne in between your fingertips as you sat across from each other going through nostalgic stories from all those years ago. Scanning his fit body and new visuals that weren't there the last time you saw him, it made you wonder how many other woman were in your position and a pang of jealously consumed you.
"I remember when I had to spend the day with depressed you because of Zayn leaving One Direction." Eric laughed, the hurt memory made your eyes go from lustful to astonishingly upset.
"That's not funny! It still upsets me to this day, you know how much I loved him and I still love all of One Direction to this day! I saw Zayn live not even that long ago." You defended, crossing your arms with a puff.
"Oh yeah, at Shrine Exposition Hall right? I still remember when we were fourteen that you convinced me to go with you to see Lana Del Rey at that place. I didn't even listen to Lana Del Rey!" he was laughing but your body froze and your arms fell to the sides of you. How could he have known that.
His laughing stopped at your silence, "what?" he asked.
"How did you know I saw Zayn at the Shrine Exposition Hall?" I asked back, it was his turn for his body to freeze.
"Eric Youngjae Sohn have you been stalking me on social media?" I teased, the ounce of jealously of me gone. Because no matter how many other girls there's been, he's been looking at my socials in silence, that I was on his mind even after all these years.
He rolled his eyes. "Not stalking, I follow you like the other thousands of people on your public account do. You came up as a recommendation because you and my sister follow each other"
You couldn't even hide your disappointment if you tried, and huffed again while slumping back on your chair.
"What was that reaction for!" He said in disbelief
You were silent suddenly staring at the night view in front of you instead of Eric because what were you supposed to say? That you hoped you were on his mind as much as he was on yours these last few years? How you still want to punch yourself for not seeing his potential despite the fact you saw and talked to him at least once a day because your bedroom windows were right in front each other? You grab the champagne glass on the table in front of you to chug it all down, quickly standing up with a pull down of your skirt. His eyes following your hands. Your embarrassment and eagerness to get away from him completely missed the gulp he took in as he stared at your body.
"Thank you for the catchup, but I should go" you insist, you couldn't take even one step before his hand grabs yours.
"Your account didn't just show up. I asked Miles for your instagram." he confessed, you looked at him. Hurt. So he actively asked for you, but he didn't think to at least message you?
"Why didn't you message me all these years? I thought we were friends." You asked, the hurt evident in your voice.
"Because I was a hurt little boy who knew that the girl I've been crushing on for years didn't want me back and I wanted a fresh start here that by the time I realised how immature I was for doing that, so many years have gone by." he explained. Your heart hurt.
He was unfortunately right, but your little girl brain was too afraid to think of Eric as anything more as a friend or the gross boy you grew up with because you knew losing him was way worse.
He filled the silence and your shock with another confession as he stood up to be in front of you.
"Being a boy group member and improving myself, I think a part of me wanted to make sure when you were in front of me again. I was what you wanted, so..." he stops, a deep breath before asking "what do you think about me now?" he asked.
You couldn't put the words together and instead knew actions were stronger in this moment, pulling him closer by the front of his shirt. You kissed him.
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You wanted to cheer for wearing the skirt that you decided to wear, your jacket that covered it thrown to the floor as your back leaned against the hotel room door. Lips on lips as Eric's right hand crawled up your two piece dress to leave it on your silk underwear hip as the other was right next to your head. Your hands found home on his biceps, squeezing here and there knowing you couldn't stop staring at them all night, you wondered how strong he was. Strong enough to hold a car up? It wouldn't surprise you.
He broke the kiss leaving you both heavy panting, "are you sure about this?" he asks and you nodded. "Words Y/N" his thumb presses against your bottom lip, gulp. You're basically dripping now. "Yes. Eric Youngjae Sohn." you said, a slight tone of teasing as it was what you called him all those years ago. He smiled and brought his lips back to yours again. Both his hands now on your ass as he lifted you up with ease and your arms around his neck. The kiss felt messy, so rushed but this was long overdue as well so the desperation doesn't surprise you. Eric laid you down on the hotel bed, your head between plush pillows as he broke the kiss again to take his shirt off. An embarrassing whine coming out of you from his lips disappearing when he did but it made you sit up to take off your own top & skirt as well.
When he realised you were basically bare in front of him with just a black set on, he could have passed out in that moment.
"You are so much better than I have dreamt of." He confessed, before you could question or tease him as per usual his mouth automatically went to your tits. You gasped, hand flying to his hair to control him when it was impossible. His hands unclasping your bra and pulling his face away just to pull the material off, going back to his mouth on your left tit while his right hand played with the other. You leaned back so your back was against the headboard, wrapping your legs around his torso as his mouth and hand swapped places. It made you, without realising grind against him as loud noises you couldn't hold back fell out of your mouth every time he got a nibble of your skin or flicked his tongue against your nipple. You went to pull his face off your chest so you could be face to face. He needed to see your desperation when you said these words.
"Eric, I need you" whining. All he could think about was his prayers being answered, and as much as he wanted to give you what you wanted. He has dreamt of this moment for so long, he was going to do exactly everything he dreamt of just in case this was the only time he could do so.
"I know baby just, let me, let me take care of you." he speaks breathless, his mouth and body now moving down your body. His hands separating your inner thighs as he licks through your underwear, adding more wetness to what you know was already there. He then used his teeth to pull it off.
"The safe word is pink" he says, before you could question or even confirm.
His hands quickly went flat against your inner thighs to keep them apart as he went straight in, you shrieked. A hand flew to his hair again while the other gripped on the pillow next to you. Eric ate pussy like it was his last meal on earth, feeling the bridge of his nose on your clit as his tongue went from making circles or a 8 motion. Fuck, this was the best oral you've ever fucking had in your life and you couldn't contain it. Your hips wanting to buck up but his hands kept you down, your lips going from curse words to moans of his name over and over again. Eric then used his thumb to rub fast circles on your clit, all the stimulation was making you go crazy as your hands moved to grip your own tits to steady yourself. You opened your eyes and looked down to see Eric already watching you, the eye contact making your mouth go agape.
He was so hot, so sexy. You could look at him and have him every fucking day if you could. You found the pit of your stomach getting tighter, hands going from your tits to gathering his hair to pull him even closer to your pussy (if that was even possible). He could feel you convulsing, knowing you were close made him go even faster and made him start to hump the bed for his own relief. Your moans were heaven in his ears and you tasted like his favourite candy in the world. Your ears were ringing and your chest was heaving, you came with a large yell. Eric wrapped his arms around your thighs to keep you at his face as you wanted to move away, because even while you were cumming and even when it stopped he just kept going.
"E-Eric I came. I- oh fuck. Eric!" you sputtered out.
He replaced his mouth with two fingers, quickly thrusting them in you as he spoke. "You can give me more baby, I know you can" his words of encouragement made your eyes roll back. He grinned knowing words of affirmation was one of your many love languages, right next to physical touch.
Eric places his mouth closer to your clit and continued his fingers vastly thrusting into you, his tongue going from flicking your nub to his lips wanting to leave hickies on your inner thighs. Everything felt so fucking good. You felt it again but because this was your second orgasm, without even resting after the first you were so overwhelmed you couldn't get the words out. You came without warning, but he didn't need it. He already knew just how your body was reacting and was ready to taste your cum.
He kept licking, slowly, to savour it but you pushed his head away, he laughed as he sat up. Your legs rested on either side of him as he softly rubbed the side of your thighs in comfort.
"Are you okay?" He asked, you nodded and smiled at him. Chest still heaving as you caught your breath. He left a soft kiss on both of your knees in front of him.
You sat up to be closer in facing him and kissed him again. Tasting yourself as your tongues fight for dominance. Your hands went down to unbutton his pants. Fuck he was so hard.
Eric broke the kiss, "You don't need to" he whispered.
"I want to, I told you I needed you." Your tone was so desperate, he could have came right there hearing you.
He stood up quickly to pull down his pants and briefs all at the same time. Your mouth widen, drool came out. He was so fucking huge, the biggest you ever fucking seen. He came closer to wipe the side of your mouth, having his cock right in front of you made you automatically put your lips to his tip. The salty precum engulfing your tastebuds and you loved it. He gasped at your lips suddenly being on his cock, you went down more. Wanting to take as much as possible. He was gentle, gathering your hair into a ponytail as he stroked your cheek with the other.
"Don't take more than you can handle my love" he said. But you wanted to and you kept going until your nose hit his stomach. With watery eyes, you looked up at him as your tongue swirled around.
Eric wished he could take a picture with his eyes of what he was seeing, did he save a country in his past life to experience this? He couldn't fucking believe it. You were everything and more.
"Can I thrust baby?" he softly asked, never breaking eye contact with you. You only nodded. If you could use your words, you'd be begging.
He started slowly thrusting in your mouth, his hand still in your hair and the other stroking your cheek in comfort. His eyes never leaving you and your eyes never leaving his. You took one of your hands that were steadying you on the bed to start playing with his balls, he broke eye contact for the first time to scream and throw his head back. Accidentally going faster but you didn't mind it.
"I'm going to cum Y/N" he screamed, looking down at you again and you nodded. Moving your head to meet his thrusts as your tongue and hands moved faster for him.
He came. Hard. So hard sweat started to build on his forehead and he swear he saw white but he snapped out of it quick despite breathing so heavy to look at you. Wanting to see if you were a swallower and of course, as he expected you were. Seeing you swallow his cum, he couldn't help and get hard again. Your eyes met his twitching cock.
"Do you have a condom?" you asked.
He nodded, quickly going to the pocket of his pants for his wallet but slowly turning around with pink cheeks and hands wavering. He didn't want you to think badly of him.
"I-I don't just keep this here! J-Juyeon hyung told me to just in case" he spoke out in a rush.
God, how can one be so hot and cute at the same time is all that could travel through your head.
"Eric. Just come here and fuck me." you almost ordered, smiling and shaking your head. Of course he had to obey.
He ripped the condom packet open and rolled it on him as you placed yourself on all fours. Something about Eric made you think doggystyle was his favourite position. Which you weren't wrong but you also didn't know you were different, he wanted to see your face as he fucked you. But he didn't object, thinking maybe this was your favourite position and just like all those years ago what you wanted first, goes.
His hands placed himself on your hips to move his cock in your pussy, teasing his tip around your hole making you whine.
"What's the safe word Y/N?" he asked
"Pink Eric, please" you begged, pushing your ass back towards him in desperation. How could he keep you waiting when you beg like that... He slowly put his cock in, not wanting to hurt you because of his size but you kept pushing back.
"Eric, all of it, fast. Please, I can take it, I swear."
That's all he needed as he thrusted his whole cock in you. You yelped and gripped the sheets below you tighter, the burn was evident but it felt so good. Eric's pace was fast but you wouldn't have it any other way. He shifted his hips just a little and you screamed, you were shocked he found the spongy spot inside you so quickly. "There! Fuck! there!" you screamed. His fingers gripped your hips tighter so he could stay in the position he needed, thrusting fast. The noises of both your moans and the slapping of his balls to your ass was so loud that you only hoped the walls were thick. Your senses were betraying you, vision going blurry from the pleasure as everything else was just engulfed in him. You couldn't believe how fucking good everything felt.
"I'm going to cum" you whined. With those words, he moved his right hand to rub circles on your pussy and it worked, only a few seconds later you snapped and came. Your arms quickly giving up making Eric wrap his arms around you so you wouldn't fall face first on the bed as your back was now on his chest with his huge cock still inside you.
Your body convulsed against him as he left kisses on your back shoulder to ease you, how he was so soft but could go so hard amazes you.
He slipped his cock out and laid you down, you stared at his still very hard cock making you realise he hadn't orgasmed. You spread your legs wider as a signal for him to keep going.
"Y/N" he began to say but you cut him off before he could ask.
"I can take another one Eric." wrapping your legs around him and nodding with your elbows dug onto the bed so your eyes were making eye contact with him.
"I want to watch you fuck me."
You were insatiable. And he fucking loved it.
He pulled your legs closer and shoved his dick back in your pussy again all in one thrust. You smiled at the feeling, he couldn't fucking believe it.
His pace was still fast despite the sweat all over his body, his energy not faltering because seeing your pleasured out face and the noises coming out your mouth only kept him going. His eyes went from your face who was now looking back up at the roof after your elbows giving up to your delicious tits bouncing fast from his pace, it made him grip your knees that he was holding tighter. Everything about you was so fucking perfect.
Eric could feel it, he could feel he was about to cum and hard. His dick was twitching in your pussy and you could feel it too.
"Can I come on your stomach?" He asked, you nodded. Eric wasn't joking when he said he was going to do everything he ever dreamt of about you tonight.
He wanted to bring another orgasm out of you before he came again so he thrusted faster and harder. You can't believe that was even possible and it made the pit of your stomach feel so different. Your release also felt different like you needed to pee. You wanted to tell him to stop, use the safe word but a part of you knew not to do so.
"E-E-Eric" you stuttered out, your eyes rolling back as you kept moaning "Oh! I think, Eric! I-I oh my fuck!" your words jumbled, screaming the last three as spurts of liquid came out of you. Your body was shaking, your cheeks pink in embarrassment knowing you just squirted but god did it feel so good especially as Eric kept thrusting in you to keep you going and from Eric's perspective it was about to pull him over the edge.
He pulled out of you when your squirting stopped, your legs still open for him as he pulled his condom off, jerked himself off for only two seconds because the mess you left all over was all he needed and came all over your stomach. His white load mixed with some of the clear liquid that bounced from his body back to yours. His load shot so far that not only was it on your stomach but on your tits too.
Just like Eric wanted to take a picture of you with his cock in your mouth, you wanted to take a picture of his cum all over your panting body. You looked up Eric and knew he felt the same.
Getting your middle finger, you brought your hand closer to your pussy and gathered some of the thick cum that landed on your clit, scooping it to bring it to your mouth and humming at the taste. All while still making eye contact with Eric.
In fucking satiable.
He carried you up. Hands on ass making you yelp and wrap your arms around his neck.
"Are you fucking hard again already?" you teased
He kissed you messily to shut you up and you kissed back with the same messy energy, neither of you caring that his cum was getting smeared on both of your chests as he carried you to the bathroom.
This was going to be a long night.
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After Eric and you finished "cleaning up" in the shower. You found yourselves lying in bed bare but entangled under the covers with your head lying on his chest as he drew shapes on your back.
"You know, you didn't answer my question." Eric suddenly said.
"What question?" you asked
"What do you think about me now?" He asked, you moved your head from his chest to look up at him.
"We are literally naked right now."
"Okay, but am I hotter than Zayn Malik?"
Fully sitting up now and bringing the blanket up to cover your chest.
"Eric Youngjae Sohn." you said
"Y/F/N" he repeated
You laughed from your chest, sincerely. "You're insane." saying while hitting his chest.
"Tell me. I showed off my biceps and abs more tonight knowing you were watching, did One Direction do that?"
Sighing. "It worked okay, of course I watched your music videos here and there for support but yeah ... seeing you in real life. Made me definitely realise you weren't the gross kid I grew up with ..."
"So I became a sexy man" he said with a smirk.
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author's note: if you made it this far, thank you so so much for reading the first imagine of honeykiisss! & the first instalment of the man's best friend series! you can find the masterlist for that here & request ! would so appreciate a like, reblog or tell me what you think through my asks! i am so excited to start this account.
✧ pairing: sneaky link/situationship idol! juyeon x fem! reader
✦ genre: smut w/ hints of angst n fluff
✧ warnings: 18+ (minors DNI), smut, cowgirl position, riding, unprotected sex (WRAP IT FOLKS), creampie, dirty talk, praising, pet names, cursing, kissing, marking, spanking, fluff, secret relationship, hints of angst, “star-crossed lovers” trope kinda-ish question mark so things are kept on the low under restrictions
✦ word count: 3.6k words
✧ synopsis: you’ve tried various positions with the lee juyeon. will you ever get to be in the position of being his official girlfriend or able to be a normal couple? or is that merely a fantasy?
✦ note: inspired by the weeknd’s song “double fantasy” enjoy! xo <3
𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪
“‘Atta girl. You do so good for me every time.” he praises as your naked form sinks down to take his cock. Your hands are holding dearly onto his shoulders while his own are stuck to either side of you.
He ensures you carefully sit over his dick, his head resting against your headboard, sighing wistfully. Taking him inch by inch and hearing those strained and broken, heavenly moans of yours is reminiscent of the last time you guys did it— and the time before that. And the time before that.
Your back arches and chest pumps towards his face, hissing while adjusting to his delectable, girthy length. Your cunt was well-acquainted with his cock, inviting him inside your hole every so often for a while now.
Even though your parts fit together perfectly, your thighs twitch and you have to take a breather. Being stuffed to the brim with his manhood takes a minute to settle into. Your walls tightly encompass his cock, getting him to throb at the awaited sensation.
In between schedules and even during hectic moments, you invaded his mind. You were his relief and breath of fresh air in the midst of his chaotic and bustling life.
Your nude body on top of his reminded him how real he is. That he gets to experience the rawness of molding together with you. Having this intoxicating moment behind closed doors, shielded from the public and cameras.
Right here and right now, only thing that mattered was fucking his special girl.
During this time, you had his attention fully and vice versa. All frustrations and tension from your personal lives and being apart was taken out in the form of erotic skin-on-skin contact.
Once his cock is gladly received and your walls ease up, you start playing with your favorite toy, rocking your hips slowly to get the friction you crave.
Your fingers rake down from his shoulders to his chest, holding onto the guy whose mere presence gets you short-winded.
“Missed me?” he mumbles, hands holding your hips and tracing the curves.
You leaned forward, tits hanging in perfect view for him while you rubbed against his pubic bone. In response to his question, you only moaned softly, overwhelmed with how stuffed you were and the way your clit sparked from the friction.
You also honestly were afraid to admit aloud that you did in fact, missed him. There was no doubt that he knew it was true, but saying it to his face was scary.
It’s silly, but this thing you’ve got going on with Juyeon was mainly physical. Even if you wanted more, you knew that request would be hard to fulfill considering his current career. It’s a miracle he even managed to make time for your hookups and keep this situationship under wraps.
He smirks at your sultry, sweet sounds. Your sounds aren’t a proper answer, but they still speak volumes to him.
“Yeah? Is that right?” he teases you for your needy mewls.
“I missed you and your sexy ass.” he uses one of his massive hands to smack against an ass cheek.
You gasp loudly and practically jolt, turned on by the sting and his confession. Your walls hug him enthusiastically, leaving him to groan and maneuver his hands to your back. He pushes you closer to him to begin kissing up your neck, letting his lips display how much your body did wonders to him.
Your neck angles automatically and his nice kisses turn more ravenous after each one. He’s keen on treasuring your body, pulling your skin slightly between his lips. He cups your skin with his mouth, nipping at it gently.
Your whimpers don’t stop, only encouraging him to keep going and drag his lips towards your chest. Those beautiful lip corners of his raise while he wraps his lips around a mound, suckling and tugging on your erect bud.
His wet, steamy mouth over your tit blows your breath away. The way he sucks and starts gladly licking your nipple inclines you to bring a hand to his hair, fisting his black strands and encouraging his behavior.
He takes a second to look up at you while he stops and moves on to your other breast. You see hunger and desperation through his orbs, communicating to you with his mouth and eyes how insanely crazy you drive him. It’s like it’s his destiny to fuck and worship your body nonstop.
Both of your parts throb against each other, turned on to the max. You whimper as he looks up at you while pulling on your nipple, your body twitching and subtly grinding over him.
Looking at him like this all for you ignites passion within. You’d allow him to do anything he wanted to you if it meant viewing that gaze, him itching with lust for you.
You’re basking in being pampered by Lee Juyeon. His blistering kisses, licks, and starved bites creates a roller coaster of emotions for you. You gleefully surrender yourself to him, and he enjoys the way your body responds to him when he makes all these moves on you.
He doesn’t have to think twice about leaving hickeys behind, leaving traces of him so you’d have something to remind you of him in his absence. The reddish-purple splotches also served with intent of his claim over you.
Yes, under circumstances, he couldn’t publicly flaunt you and show you off. But when you’re left alone for days and sometimes even weeks, his scent and marks lingers over your home and body. It reminds you that he has you hooked and possessed.
What a shame you’re unable to mark him as you please for obvious reasons. It’s too risky. You have to be extra careful with your mouth and nails. It really does suck, but at least you get to have him to an extent at all, and he’s never shy with the physical affection he brings you when you get together, being more than generous.
“Ride me, babydoll. Like the good girl that you are for me.” Juyeon breathes out, giving your tits a few more kisses.
You fucking adore more than you’d like to admit being called his good girl, so you do as told, raising your hands to hold onto your headboard, followed by raising your hips.
You lift yourself carefully, letting some of his length slide out of you before sucking it back in again. Gasps and groans release from both of you at the sensation.
Juyeon’s hands move to your rear, supporting you in your movements. You start repeatedly moving up and down with breasts, thighs, and butt cheeks jiggling and clapping over his body.
A delicious rhythm has begun with his support. His fingers press into your fleshy ass and his hands on your rear, not being able to resist grabbing your precious peach that fills up his hands. His weighty hands also serve as aid for your movements, working with your hips to glide your pussy walls over his cock.
Getting drilled by his cock and hopping like a bunny over it is mind-numbing pleasure for you. And for him, the sensation of his dick getting stroked repeatedly and penetrating you deeply thanks to this position is mouthwatering.
With you riding him, he has close access to every inch of you. He has a front row seat of your beautiful breasts bouncing and face that appears wrecked and out of it with every plunge.
His cock head hits spots that only he can reach and bless, leaving you two in a state of elated bliss.
He’s unable to keep his hands situated in one spot. They roam freely over your hips, tracing your silhouette and entranced by every inch of you. Parts of you that are usually covered are here for him to see, all for himself, admiring the body that you bear.
In every other bounce he smacks your ass, which in turn, riles you up and gets you even more turned on.
“Juyeon! Fuck!” you breathlessly moan, fingers curling hard into the headboard as you moved your hips in all directions. By this point, Juyeon is meeting your movements with upward thrusts into you and helps you bounce with the palm of his hands. Sweat pearls on his forehead and it glistens especially all down your spine from the desperate activity.
The sex only continues to stay intense, especially when Juyeon starts to practically growl. His thrusts become quicker and harder with him now doing most of the work. He’s relentlessly moving, indicating that he’s close to cumming.
Fucking you was such a high. Your gummy walls gripped his cock fittingly, like your pussy was made for him. He was hitting deep into you. Precum dripped down his tip and spread, creating a mess that mixed with your own arousal. Squelching filled the room alongside sounds of skin slapping, moans, and the bed creaking.
Your being provides a rush to Juyeon. He craved intimacy and a body to keep him warm. You were that body, a person who smiled genuinely when you saw him and asked and listened about how his life’s going.
The sex between you two was phenomenal, but your attitude and way you perceive him is the other part of why he keeps coming back to you.
There’s clearly trust and some sort of bond formed between you both. You kept this relationship, situationship— or whatever the hell this was on the low, protective of his idol life and respecting him.
He relies on you to bring him comfort in any way he needs it, and you give it to him willingly, happy to have him however and whenever you can because you may or may not have fallen in love with him. And maybe, just maybe, he has fallen in love with you, too.
It’s complicated really, to be involved with someone in his position. It’d be hard to have a regular relationship and to keep promises, his life being so on-the-go and unpredictable.
But he can’t stray away from you. It would be better if he let you be with someone else with consistency and he just have casual flings to satisfy his needs. But you two can’t let one another go. You make do with what works for now, and pray one another’s heart doesn’t get broken in the process.
When he’s around you, and especially when your bodies are connected like this, he’s reminded how much he has to keep you in his life. His escape from stress and the real world, the person who keeps him grounded and appreciates all sides of him, from all angles.
These emotional feelings towards you and physically getting his length actively stroked and gripped by your cunt swamps him in a warmth that starts at his lower belly and extends between his legs and cock base.
It’s all he can focus on, that red hot intense pulsing that’s begging to be erupted and relieved.
Juyeon’s tongue runs over his teeth, persistently driving his cock into you. Your mewls and cries from his efforts only charge him, leading his muscles to contract.
A blast of semen finally shoots up into you from his bloated head, followed by more throbs and squirts of cum until he’s emptied out. His head leans back from the electrifying bust, heavy-lidded, biting his lower lip with low grunts.
His hips stutter and movements are sloppy as his warm liquid fills you up. His swollen, hard cock pulsing and spewing inside of you has you swaying and squeezing his shaft.
It’s gratifying watching him cum, that you’re the sole reason why. He shudders and groans as he finishes and from you squeezing him due to being so aroused.
Your hands drop from the headboard to his flushed chest, smoothing sensually over it before hooking your arms around his neck and leaning forward.
You start reaching for your high, boning your hips into him, twirling over his dick that’s growing overstimulated and stimulating your puffy clit.
Desperate breaths and broken mewls leave your throat while Juyeon’s hissing from the sensitivity. Though, he encourages you to finish, talking you through it while groping and slapping your ass in between.
“Keep going, fuck.”
“I’ve got you baby, use me all you want.”
“Cum for me, babydoll.”
And then you break, mouth fallen open, releasing stuttered gasps as your pussy pushes against him. Your muscles are spasming and heart rate is reaching the clouds as you cream all over his cock.
The sensational pleasure that comes with climaxing puts you into a trance. He’s fucked you stupid, mind shutting down to anything that isn’t that tingly pressure releasing that makes you feel giddy and satisfied.
“That’s it, mhmm.” Feels good, huh?” A hand of Juyeon’s begins to rub at your back, his calming touch bringing you back down.
Goosebumps spread all over your skin and all you can do is pant, out of breath. You allow yourself to slowly fall on top of him, his cock now softening and still inside you. Your face digs itself into the crook of his neck, and he brings his other hand to the back of your messy hair, petting your head.
Your warm, sweaty bodies hug together, listening to one another’s irregular breaths and heartbeats make effort to go back to normal.
And for a little while, it seems like time stops. Juyeon’s presence and protective hold shields you like a blanket. He allows your mind to stay peaceful and dreamy, purely basking in him holding you in bed, naked bodies still molded together.
Once you’ve had enough time to come down from the clouds and regain clarity, Juyeon gently pulls himself out of you. The sensation makes you slightly shiver and hiss, and he tongues his cheek at the feeling.
It takes so much in him to not wanna shove his dick back in you when your pretty pussy starts leaking you guys’ mixed fluids. The sight makes him have to hold back a growl to not sound like such an animal.
Luckily, the long night ahead leaves room to spend time together however you liked.
You two forget about the outside world for awhile, too busy indulging in each other.
That consisted of showering together, plenty more sex, and sweet, long conversations that involved subjects like how he feels about the latest song he’s recently recorded for, and reminiscing his trips to Paris for fashion week— of which, has his lips curling subconsciously when he says things like “You would die for this one café I went to” and “Damn, I wish you could come with me next time.”
And you shared things about your life, too. Telling him stuff like your latest online purchase, and the tragic tale of dropping the pizza you tried to carefully take out of the oven the other day— that you still ate, of course!
It was all ordinary stories, small victories in your life recently, and silly jokes in between from you.
But Juyeon liked that. He listened attentively just like you did when hearing him speak.
Hearing you talk about what you had for breakfast or the long-awaited update on your silly family drama meant so much to him. You guys were catching up. Regardless of the contrast in activities and lifestyle, he cares to know about what’s going on with you, big or small. He’s just thankful that he gets to be with you.
You might feel insecure about how mundane your life seemed or worried that you’re boring him, but Juyeon is extremely fond of you. Whatever you said was important to him, because all that matters is that you’re conversing freely with him, together at last.
Before you know it, you two have passed out cuddled-up in your bed.
———————————————————————————
You don’t remember when you fell into slumber, or how long you’ve been out for.
It’s only been a few seconds since you’ve woken up, but what you do realize is there’s no body curled up and pressed against you anymore. The loss of Juyeon near you makes you moan tiredly, shifting loosely.
You worry he’s already gone until you adjust your eyes properly, seeing that his form is standing next to bed, torso bare and barely putting on his pants.
Your sounds and movements show that you’re now fully awake, so he turns to you, leaning over the bed to softly brush your hair.
“Hey, baby. Sorry if I woke you up.” he whispers, watching you rub the sleep out from your eyes, lips swollen, chapped, and pouted.
“What time is it?” your voice comes out low.
“Seven. I gotta get going.” despite his words, he fully sits down next to you, still half-dressed.
You adjust yourself to sit upright. Last night, he had told you that he had a jacket shoot early in the morning, followed by a movie premiere in the evening to attend the next day.
The part you dread greatly has come, where you bid goodbye. It was a set-routine at this point, but it never got easier.
It sounds dramatic, but your interactions with Juyeon were limited and not as frequent as you’d like it to be. His life is extremely demanding, and his personal life had to remain private to protect himself and the people he loves.
So, you had to grow accustomed to not hearing much from him for days, not seeing him as much as you’d like, and only being able to hangout within limited places like your house 90 percent of the time.
Having to navigate your relationship this way leaves a sour taste in Juyeon’s mouth and it worries him that he’s hurting your feelings, but you’re willing to make it work. You’ll always be here for him, supporting him and he’s aware of that. Which is why he feels shitty and blue every time he has to leave you.
You can never get yourself to tell him how much you’ll miss him or love him, so instead, you nuzzle your head against his chest, instantly wrapping your arms around him.
His own arms respond immediately, doing the same over your form. You give him a tight hug, and he just holds you in silence for a minute, wallowing in the comfort of each other.
“I’m still wearing your shirt. You need it back?” you speak up as you take note with your cheek pressing against his bare chest. After getting handsy and dirty with each other for a few rounds, he covered you with his shirt to sleep in, as he did most of the time.
Nah, keep it on. I’ll just grab a new one in the closet. You still have my other shirts here, right?”
You can’t resist in smiling at his words, knowing that yes, you did keep a handful of his clothing stored inside your closet.
What can you say, you liked wearing and stealing his clothes. And, Juyeon encourages it, too. He also likes leaving extra clothing behind here because even though he’s not able to be around as much as he’d like to and you don’t live together, this is still his home.
“Always.” you dotted a tiny kiss over his chest and he hums.
The small gesture and that singular word gives him the biggest urge to pull your lips towards his mouth to kiss you, and he does give into it.
He lets his lips do the talking of how his heart and mind feels, kissing you like there’s no tomorrow, profound feelings of attachment and attraction towards you behind the way his lips move with yours.
You cherish the kiss, just like you did any other with him, never seeming to get enough of him.
After unspoken feelings of love and yearn through kisses and glossy eyes, you two had to let go so Juyeon wouldn’t be late.
Reluctantly, you each let go, and he gets off your bed to walk towards your closet. You sat in bed, watching him while your figure and mind feels like it’s in defeat.
You bunched up the bottom of Juyeon’s shirt that you wear in your hands, clutching tightly onto something that belongs to him. Seeing him get ready to leave feels like a pin stabbing at your heart, deflating it until it collapses, left empty until his next return.
Juyeon is filled with guilt and feels like he’s abandoning you, but he hopes you know that there’s a permanent spot reserved for you in his mind. He’s always thinking of you, selfishly hoping you never forget about him, too.
Once he’s properly dressed, he steers back to you. You try to put on your best smile, trying to conceal the fact that you’re bummed that he always has to leave like this.
Juyeon knows you’re trying your best for him. As if to reassure you and make it known that he appreciates your efforts, he taps your chin with his thumb, getting you to look at him with those doll-like eyes of yours.
He tips down to press a kiss over that adorable bed-head of yours, savoring your scent. You melt under his touch one last time.
“I’ll see you soon, cutie. Okay?” he voices, giving you a small nod.
“Okay.” you whispered, eyes locking once more before he leaves your bedroom and finds his own way out.
You’re left alone on your bed that seems massive and lonely without him in it. You stare at nothing in particular, listening to him step out of your house, doors shutting and locking as he does so.
Now, all you can do is attempt to fall back sleep.
At least in your slumber, you can be closer to him inside your dreams.
❪ 入れ墨 ❫ fluff est. rs photographer!changmin x f!reader 912 cw ノ they're engaged, lots of wedding stuff mentioned (& how expensive it is), kissing, not proofread 〃 @reisdoll ⸝⸝⸝ it's been *checks* 14 long months since i wrote for tbz BUT WE ARE BACK. i never stopped loving this group and the members, and i really hope the future will be kinder to them <3 / 𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄
It's unusual to find Changmin not in bed with you by midnight, but luckily, you don't have to guess where he might be. There's only one plausible place that could be holding him this late. His study, at his computer.
You patter into the room, hair still wet from your shower and your light summer pyjamas on. It's completely dark save for the computer light illuminating Changmin's face. The curtains are still open, indicating that he has been sitting here for hours without noticing the passing time.
You close the curtains first, and then find the switch for the table lamp. The warm light pulls Changmin out of his focus immediately, and a sigh leaves his lips. He leans back in his chair, eyes scrunched shut, eyebrows tensed. You don't have to ask to tell his work has been frustrating him lately. Six hours on his computer without a break is never a good sign. His entire body shows the evident exhaustion.
You step behind his chair and let your hands find his shoulders. You gently work your fingers into his tense muscles. His head turns to the right, nose burrowing against your arm before he presses a kiss to your skin.
"It's late. You gonna sleep?" you pose the question. Somewhere in your head you already know the answer. He shakes his head quietly, muttering a quiet 'not yet' in response.
"Why are you still up?" he asks, leaning back against the headrest and blinking up at you. "Go sleep."
It's your turn to shake your head, "Not without you."
He frowns, "This isn't going to work, then. I have to finish these before tomorrow."
You glance at his computer where his editing software is open with a collection of photos from his latest shoot. A pre-wedding photoshoot; a very fancy one. You eye the elegant wedding dress the bride wears. It looks designer, upwards of ten thousand dollars at least. You've recently become more familiar with costs and styles of bridal wear on your own wedding dress hunt. Changmin has heard you complain more than once about the absurd costs.
You've always been so sure you would be more than happy with a cheaper wedding dress. Something classy without breaking the bank. Yet, you can't help but admire how stunning the bride looks in the photos with her poofy ballgown, massive train, and elegant veil. Changmin has completely captured the beauty of the dress and the bride. You rest your chin on the top of your fiancé's head, arms wrapped around his shoulders as you both stare at the photos.
"That dress is pretty," you mumble. Changmin can hear the want in your voice, despite you trying to conceal it. You're good at hiding things, but not from him. He has a way of reading you, even when you don't want him to.
The truth is, wedding dress shopping has been a source of stress for you recently—one that your fiancé can't easily help you with. You're still bent on keeping the dress a completely surprise for him, so you haven't told him much. It's not like you're rushed to find the one, but you've never particularly liked shopping for expensive things, especially something so important.
"Would you want to wear a dress like that?" he asks quietly.
"Maybe… if we were millionaires," you smile sarcastically. Changmin rubs your arm, eyebrows tense.
"I want you to have whatever dress you want. Don't focus on the cost so much. We'll make it work."
You kiss his head, "What about the rest, then? Everything about weddings are expensive. Venue, catering, decorations, reception, engagement shoot… they all cost a lot."
"Engagement shoot?" Changmin echoes, "I can do that for free."
"How? You need to be in the photos too, love. You can't be behind the camera and in front of it at the same time," you point out. Changmin is silent for a moment like he hadn't considered this fact before.
"I want to do our engagement shoot. I've imagined it in my head so many times. It's important to me."
"I know it is… we can think about it and figure something out."
"At least your bridal shoot, okay?" Changmin glances up at you. "I want to photograph you in your wedding dress."
"You will. We can do two separate shoots, or maybe you could tell Chanhee what you want and he could take the photos. You work together on projects all the time. You know he's good."
"Maybe."
"You're so picky about this," you tease fondly, fingers curling through his dark hair.
"And Chanhee is gonna be your best man anyway. He wouldn't even charge you for the photoshoot."
"Maybe."
"We can decide on it later. Finish up the touch-ups. I'll stay with you until you're done," you tell him.
"You sure?" Changmin's head turns up, dimple peeking out on his cheek. You smile back and press your lips to his before stepping back from his chair and pulling up a seat for yourself.
His attention turns back to his computer, eyes focusing on the smallest details to edit—adjusting colours, sharpening details, touching up blemishes. You watch him work for the next two hours, head resting on his shoulder, fighting sleep every time his scent relaxes you too much. By the time he's done, he finds you dozing off, still clinging to his side like a pillow. Adorable.
Dropping a new The Boyz Reaction! Here’s how the boyz handle their needy, drunk girlfriend clinging to them at a party—enjoy the heat!! ᰔ
pairings: boyfriend!the boyz x drunk!fem reader
genre: smut 18+ (MNDI), established relationship
warnings: explicit words, smut, suggestive content, pet names (babe, baby)
SANGYEON
Starts the night fully responsible and ends up the most down bad.
“Baby, no. You’ve had enough—HEY! Stop dancing on the table!”
Wraps you in his jacket and holds your hand tightly.
“You’re cute when you’re drunk but also dangerously unfiltered… and if you say one more thing about my thighs out loud, I’m carrying you home bridal style.”
He tries to pull you away like a gentleman, but you just pulled him in and kissed him filthy.
His hand flew to your waist instantly. “Y/N—babe—we’re literally in front of people.”
You: “Then they can WATCH.”
He: 💀
You settled on his thigh, skirt riding up, grinding slow as you moaned his name right in his ear. That was it. He nearly lost it right there.
“Keep doing that, baby, and I swear—when we get home, your legs won’t work by morning.”
JACOB
Panics softly. Like, “oh no she’s adorable but also chaos” kind of panic.
Gently cups your cheeks when you start rambling about how handsome he is.
“You called me your ‘angelic snack.’ I’m honored. Slightly concerned. But honored.”
Soft boy was NOT READY when you whispered, “I’m not wearing anything under this.”
Chokes on his drink. You giggle and climb into his lap.
“Baby… we’re in front of people—”
You kiss down his neck like you’re in a drama. He blinks in holy confusion.
Doesn’t stop you tho.
“You need to behave. Or I’ll take you to the bathroom and deal with this properly.”
Ends up leads you home instead. Peels your clothes off like a present, and ruins you exactly how you wanted, just to give you ten times the pleasure you thought you could handle.
YOUNGHOON
He melts when you cling to him in the middle of the party.
Just stares at you with his mouth open because you’re being way too flirty and bold.
“Babe, you wanna do what with my collarbones??”
Blushes violently when you pull him closer and whisper something NSFW in his ear.
“Y/N you’re drunk… but I’m not saying no, I’m just saying… do it again when you're sober 😭”
That blush? It’s not leaving his face till morning.
You reached down and grabbed his cock through his jeans, leaned in close and whispered, “You like that?”
His soul left his body.
Suddenly becomes desperate.
He caves later, takes you to the restroom, and makes you sit on the sink—soft but needy, lips on your neck, hands under your dress.
HYUNJAE
At first, he absolutely loves the chaos. Encouraging it. Filming it.
“Say that again—no wait, let me open my camera.”
You try to climb him like a tree. He lets you. “Girl. You're wild. I love it.”
You straddled him on the club’s velvet sofa, hips snug to his, and whispered something filthy in his ear.
He smirked. “You’re really doing this right now, huh?”
You: “What, you embarrassed? Or hard?”
His hand? Immediately under your skirt. In public. No shame.
“You wanted attention, baby? You got mine. But you better shut up unless you want me to handle this here.”
Kiss your jawline, correcting your position on his laps, hands sliding inside your panties.
His two long fingers were deep inside your core, curling slow as he whispered the filthiest things straight into your ear.
“You started this. I’m finishing it.”
JUYEON
Shocked. Can’t believe you’re clinging to him and saying, “your big hands are so hot.”
Tries to play it cool but ends up giggling when you start kissing his hand.
You sucked his finger into your mouth, eyes locked on his—and just like that, something in him snapped.
He grabs your waist like a reflex.
“I’m trying to be respectful, but you’re making it really hard. Literally.”
Quietly losing it. You’re all over him, drunk, giggling, whispering naughty things in his ear: “Let’s go home so I can ride you like a—”
He chokes, covering your mouth.
Tries to be the responsible one but you grab his hand and shove it under your dress.
Ends up dragging you to his car. You’re in his lap before the door even shuts.
He groans your name over and over, breathless and wrecked, while you ride him in the backseat like a sinful daydream.
KEVIN
Screams when you say “You look edible.”
“EXCUSE ME MA’AM THIS IS A HOLY FACE”
You just grin and run your hands down his chest like you know exactly what you're doing.
He MELTS.
“One more move and we’re in the restroom.”
You: “You’re going to jail for making me wet in public.”
Kevin.exe has stopped responding.
BLUSHES HARD, but also… his hand is already on your ass as he walks you out of the crowd.
Yanks you into a private booth to “cool you down.”
Slams you against the wall with one hand on your waist, the other gripping your chin—kisses your lips, trails down to your jaw and neck, lips hot and hungry as his voice drops
“You really want to tease me in public, babe? Keep going. See what happens.”
CHANHEE (NEW)
“Um EXCUSE ME?” when you start flirting too loudly.
20% scandalized, 80% loving it.
Tries to act unbothered while blushing like crazy.
“You’re a mess. A pretty, clingy, soft mess. But MY mess.”
You bit his tiny ear and said, “I’ve been thinking about sitting on your face all night.”
He dropped his phone. And his dignity.
“Y/N. What the f—what are you doing—don’t say that with your cute voice! I can’t handle you anymore!”
He turns into a giggling mess, but you keep kissing his jaw and it’s game over.
Gives in eventually, dragging you home quickly—he doesn’t want anyone to see how he’s becoming so desperate in public.
Once you're both home, he lets you devour him, and he gives you everything you begged for—over and over.
CHANGMIN (Q)
Laughs at everything you do.
You fall off the couch? He’s dying.
“Babyyy you’re so cute—wait no don’t climb the table—"
You start dancing seductively in front of him, he glitched out.
You keep calling him “your sexy squirrel” and nibbling his neck.
“Keep doing that and I’m gonna bite back, Y/N. I swear to god.”
Will flirt back playfully until you whisper, “Let’s make out in the bathroom.”
He chokes on his drink. Thought he’d be chill… he's not.
Spends the next ten minutes grinding against you behind the DJ booth like a man possessed as if trying to fuck you through your dress.
Later at home, carries you to bed, and the way his mouth lingers on yours says he’s anything but innocent.
HAKNYEON
“You’re drunk and bold and I love you but also STOP TOUCHING MY ASS IN PUBLIC.”
Laughing at you until you grab his face and start kissing him mid-sentence.
“O-oh. Okay. We’re doing this now, babe??”
You steal his snacks and call yourself “his dessert.”
Food lover forgot about food.
Sits frozen for a second, then pulls you closer.
“You’re playing with fire, baby.”
Lets you grind on him before groaning:
“We’re leaving. Right now.”
Back home, he treats you like a full-course meal—tongue slow, mouth greedy, eyes locked on yours as he ruins you, bite by bite.
SUNWOO
Blushing face, horny brain.
Heart exploding because drunk!you is clingy and obsessed with him.
You climb into his lap and straddle him mid-party—his brain stalls, eyes locked on your thighs, mind clearly offline.
Hides his red face in your neck as he WHINES. Loudly.
“You’re gonna give me a problem in my pants, baby.”
And when you start grinding down slowly, whispering, “Touch me,” he’s rock hard beneath you.
Grabs your hips and locks you in place—gripping, guiding, not stopping you.
You grind harder. His breath shudders. His head tips back. He moans—audibly.
Until, someone mutters, “Damn, get a room.” Sunwoo will snaps back into focus.
“Soon as we’re in the car, babe, I’m laying you out and fucking you breathless ‘til the glass fogs.” (He meant that. Already tugging you toward the exit)
ERIC
You’re chaos. He’s chaos. It’s a problem.
You tell him he looks like a hot puppy and he starts BARKING (???)
You kept kissing his neck and make-out with him mid-party.
You: “Let’s get wild and make a sex tape!”
Him: “You—you can’t just say things like that, Y/N!! what if I say yes???”
You two literally vanish mid-party anyway.
Dirty whispers. Loud moans. Unholy positions.
Returns 30 mins later with messy lipstick on his neck and you wearing his shirt.
➺ Drink - Negroni with a hint of amaretto (acquaintance x breeding)
➺ Summary - Lee Hyunjae was known to be the campus heartthrob and is literally the perfect guy to ever exist. Little did you know that he was hiding something behind that lovable smile of his that you have grown to love and admire.
➺ Word Count - 1,366
➺ Warnings - Smut (18+, minors DNI), frat parties yayzers, cursing, alcohol consumption, unprotected sex, clothed sex, dirty talk, rough sex, petnames (sweetheart, princess), blowjob, cum tasting, hair pulling, Hyunjae is lowkey a little sadist here (don't read if triggering!!)
➺ Author’s note - dedicating this one to the number one mirae @daisyvisions 💗 happiest birthday daisy i'll never forget the day how i went from being one of your biggest fan / reader to mutuals like it's still so bizarre to me and look at us being besties now huhu 🥺 (here's to more chaos & funsies yay!!) ngl yall i struggled a bit with this prompt bcs idk if i executed the scenario well so pls bear with me 😭
You were having second-hand thoughts about agreeing to even step out of your apartment for the night.
The semester had just ended, and your roommates convinced you that it would be best to let loose for the night and attend a frat party hosted by the seniors for the night. As if it wasn’t horrible enough that you weren’t too much of a social butterfly, but hanging out with the guys that were one year ahead of you didn’t sound too comfortable for your liking.
However, your roommates had opinions that contradicted yours—saying that older guys are much better than the ones you have in your classes. They seem to be a lot more mature and are aware of their actions most of the time—often avoiding things that would paint them as immature and get them into trouble.
Reluctantly, you had no choice but to agree as your roommates literally dragged you out of your room and down the block. Immediately, your eyes landed on the scene before you—a house packed with students drinking to their hearts' content and partying like it was nobody’s business.
Slowly, you had to squirm your way into the actual party to get yourself a drink. After all, you were thirsty, and hanging out by the drink station seemed safer than navigating through the house. Just as you expected, your roommates immediately blended into the crowd and were nowhere to be seen. But you couldn’t blame them—they were pretty active on the campus party scene.
Just as you were browsing through the selection of alcohol to satisfy your thirst, you suddenly felt a warm breath on your neck as you turned around abruptly and ready to give whoever it was a lecture.
“Fucking hell! Did your mother never teach you how not to be a creep!?”
Immediately, you started to regret screaming at the top of your lungs when you realised who it was that had gotten your attention. It was Lee Hyunjae—one of the campus heartthrobs that everyone swoons over.
You have always admired his good looks, just like everyone else, but seeing him up close in person immediately gave you butterflies in your stomach—making you think about how this person could be real.
If it weren’t for one of your roommates who just happened to be part of the student council with Hyunjae, you would’ve never got to know who he was. Sure, you have only spared glances and said a few greetings because you would come to pick up your roommate whenever she had to stay a little longer on campus, but that was pretty much it.
That was why you were taken aback when Hyunjae said your name for the first time with his sweet voice. “Y/N, right? Never expected to see you here.”
“Well umm, Savannah dragged me here. I didn’t have a choice,” you bluntly replied.
“Definitely can see her doing that,” he chuckled before he started going through the liquors on the table and pouring different liquids into a glass as he handed it to you. “Care for a drink?”
You hesitated for a bit, but the male reassured you that he had no ill intentions while making it. Slowly, you took in a sip and closed your eyes tightly as the alcohol slowly flowed down your throat. It has been a while since you have had something this strong down your system.
“W-What is this?”
“A good-old Homely Smoke cocktail, definitely fitting for a girl like you,” he winks.
As much as that flirtatious wink of his made you feel a little uncomfortable, you had to admit that you were glad that he made you something sweet instead of a bitter one because you were not ready to puke in front of everyone for the night.
“Damn, is there anything you can’t do? An alcohol connoisseur and part of the student council? A rather deadly combo if you ask me,” you teased before taking another big sip of your drink.
Suddenly, Hyunjae hesitated for a moment before he closed his distance between you both, leaning down to whisper into your ear. “Actually, that’s not all that I’m good at.”
“Oh yeah? Show me what else you are capable of, then.”
“I’m not sure if you can take it, sweetheart.”
You were provoked, and you weren’t going down without a fight. You slowly pushed him up so that you were staring right back at him, responding to his challenge with a smirk.
“Try me.”
Maybe you should’ve been more careful with your words, and provoking the senior himself wasn’t the brightest idea in your books. Because now you find yourself lying on one of the beds in one of the empty bedrooms in the house with your legs placed over Hyunjae’s shoulder as he thrusts his cock within you.
The senior wasted no time crashing his alcohol-filled lips onto yours, kissing you feverishly as he swiftly moved you to one of the nearest bedrooms from the pantry and threw you straight onto the bed. He wasted no time in lifting your skirt and unbuckled his pants before rubbing his tip against your clit for a few moments before pushing his entire length in.
It seemed that he wanted to get to the bottom of this real quick, to the point that he didn’t care if he was sweating through the tight black tank top that he was wearing—he needed to fuck you right now.
“You said you can take me, didn’t you?” He panted as he made that remark against you, enjoying the look that was plastered across your face as you whimpered underneath him.
“H-Hyunjae…I’m sorry…”
“An apology, huh? Maybe I’ll forgive you if you can continue to hold it longer for me,” he growled as he pinned both of your hands above your head before lowering his body slightly to thrust deeper within you.
His cock slowly and roughly reached certain places within you that you never knew existed, eventually hitting your g-spot, making you yelp in agony.
“Hyunjae! I can’t!” You screamed as you balled your hands into fists, trying your best to break apart from his grip, but to no avail.
“Come on, princess. I’m just getting started,” he mocks before picking his pace up. “Tell me, how badly do you want me?”
“Hnngh…d-don’t stop…p-please…keep going…” you begged as you felt tears slowly dripping down from the side of your eyes down your cheeks.
Oh, how badly Hyunjae loved that sight of you.
“You want me? You want me to fill your pussy up with my cum to the point that it oozes out and drips down your thighs?”
“Y-Yes…please…I need it…”
“Louder, princess.”
“Y-YES!! CUM INSIDE HYUNJAE!!”
With those last words, his grip on your wrists and legs tightened to the point you felt his nails digging into your skin as he made his few final thrusts before you both eventually came together. You were feeling a good amount of liquid dripping down your thighs as you came down from your high.
But before you could even process the thought that you had just fucked your senior right here and then, Hyunjae immediately pulled you up and shoved his cock into your mouth—forcing you to clean up every single drip of his cum with your tongue.
“You said you can take me, princess. It’s your job to finish every last drop of what you made me do to you.”
Hyunjae grabbed your hair and pushed you in deeper each second, not giving you any room to take a breather. He made sure you swallowed everything before finally pulling you apart to lean down and give you a little kiss.
Just when you thought it’d all be over, he suddenly flips you around and makes you get down on all fours onto the bed before he adjusts his cock once again on your clit. Before he decided to continue with his little games, he moved forward to whisper again in your ears—making your eyes widen before giving you the biggest challenge you’ve experienced just yet.
“You know, the sudden thought of seeing little miniature versions of us both running around our future apartment doesn’t sound so bad after all.”
Maybe it's all about you when your youth is filled with each other's names and your heart has never changed. That's what Juyeon finds out when he falls in love with his best friend.
pairing : bff!juyeon x gn!reader (+bf to ex!sunwoo)
genre : fluff, bestfriends to lovers, slow burn, slight angst but happy ending
warnings : swearing/cursing, sex jokes, implied sex, mention of burnout, alcohol consumption, heartbreak, pet names (sweetheart, good girl, pretty, baby)
notes : it's been a long road but i'm happy to introduce y'all to my baby! i've been (and still am) obsessed with juyeon since the zeneration 2 concert and i guess i've had a lot to write about him... i hope you'll find out the few references i've managed to sneak in! enjoy ✧.*
shout out to my dear @winterchimez for proofreading and helping me during the whole writing process, you were a great help <3
words count : 13745
No one ever told you how relationships work. So when you fell in love with your best friend Juyeon at 16, you felt a little helpless. Should he be the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning? Was it wrong to lean on him when he welcomed you into his arms for a movie night? Eventually those feelings faded as you both started dating, and you wondered if it was even true love. Maybe the 16-year-old teenager you were was just attracted to the idea of being close to another soul, mentally and physically.
Maybe yes.
The only thing you know right now at 24, is that the feelings you had for Juyeon back then were nothing compared to the ones you have for Sunwoo today. The attention and love he gives you makes everyone jealous. Even Juyeon himself.
If he wanted to take you out to dinner, you would turn him down because you already had plans with Sunwoo. Arcade, karaoke, late night walks, picnics, fancy restaurants or fast food, you’re always together. Sometimes when you feel like staying in, Juyeon would show up, hoping to watch a movie like the good old days. But he’s met with Sunwoo at the door and doesn’t have the energy to see you being all lovey-dovey.
He knows better than to be a third wheel. As much as he understands the time you spend with your boyfriend, he can’t help but feel jealous and left out. You’re not trying to make him feel that way, you just needed Sunwoo’s presence.
The two of you met in your 3rd year of thesis. He was actually the student under your supervision for his end-of-studies internship. You obviously spent six months seeing each other and working together – in the lab, the library, cafes and even at home. You both grew closer in no time, and that’s only fair given the fact that Sunwoo is a living comedian. You don’t think you would have made it through the whole editing process without his support.
The funniest thing he had ever done was that he was proofreading your work while you did the same for his. Sure enough, you both graduated with the help from one another and a couple of kisses were shared.
From Juyeon’s point of view, those six months felt like an eternity. He had a girlfriend at the time and couldn’t really go out with you. You were both busy for different reasons, but still tried to see each other once a week. But when you did see each other, you always talked about Sunwoo and he talked about his girlfriend. That’s what your lives were made of, but it was a little heartbreaking that you were best friends who only talked about your partners.
“How’s the job hunt going?” He asked at one of your meetings.
“Great actually, I felt like giving up, but I didn’t endure those three years to throw it all away, did I? Sunwoo helped me a lot, he’s my lifesaver.”
Juyeon felt like throwing up, as if his heart had been stepped on the moment he heard those words, and he didn’t know why.
“What about you?” You asked him, cutting his train of thought.
Oh, he knew you were talking about his own job, which he quit a few months ago (more like he’s on a break because he’s burned out). But it’s not like he has to tell you; he doesn’t have the guts to anyway. He thinks you would be sad and angry with him, when all you really want is for him to be happy. And he’s also upset that he’s had to give up on his dream job because it was affecting his health. Thankfully, his boss has been kind enough to give him a chance to rest up for now. Maybe all he needs to keep going is your reassurance?
“We broke up.” He says quietly, looking down at his hands.
“I’m so sorry Juyo, aren’t you too sad?” You say as you reach out to him.
“To be honest, I am.” He admits, looking up at you, a small smile forms on his lips. “It was a mutual agreement, but I feel like I screwed it up. She said I needed to think about my own needs and wants.”
“And what do you want?”
“To spend time with you.” He says straightforwardly.
Your cheeks flushed at his sudden comment. Has he always been so honest?
“I’m free tomorrow if you’re fine with that? Sunwoo is going out with his band.” You say, eager to spend more time with him. “Oh, and Juyo; you should know that I will always make time for you. You’re a big part of my life and I care about you more than anyone else so please do not hesitate to reach out if you need anything. I’m just one call away.”
“I know that but I always seem to bother you.” He says, a little ashamed to think so.
“You don’t. What makes you think that?” You frown at his words, wondering if he actually meant them. “You have no idea how much I look forward to our weekly meetings! It keeps me going during the week, I swear, ask Sunwoo he only hears about you.”
“Oh,” he responded, feeling delighted with your words.
“Yes Juyo, I miss you a lot.” You gasped shyly, suddenly very focused on your hot cup.
“I miss you even more.” He looks for your eyes with a hint of fondness that you don’t notice, even when you raise your head to tell him,
“So tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow,” he smiles, pleased to see you smile back with the same touch of affection.
When you think about it, you don’t understand how it is possible to break up with Lee Juyeon. You didn’t really know the girl he was dating, you never met her, you only saw her face in a picture once. But you do know your best friend, and he’s not the type to break someone’s heart. He would fight for the person he loves, even if it doesn’t work out. Juyeon is love personified. So how can you reject him?
Woo ☼ (3)
Sweetheart I miss you
When are you coming back home
I have a present for you
What kind of present?
Me ;)
OMW
Juyo <3 (1)
Thanks for today, I can’t wait for tomorrow. Pick you up at 10?
Will be pretty and ready!
Always pretty but ready? I’m looking forward to it
As soon as you read his message, your heart began to thump real loud and your cheeks immediately flushed red. Who are you and what have you done to Juyeon? When did he become so flirty? Or maybe he has always been like this and you never cared before. But why do you even care now?
When you were 16, you remember vividly how he kissed your hand goodbye because he was a gentleman and you were a darling. Everyone at school made fun of you for being so old-fashioned, but little did they know that you liked it. Eventually, when you turned 17, he dropped the act and started kissing your forehead instead. It was a hundred per cent worse. Your cheeks turned pink every time you thought about it and people were calling you out for being highkey on PDA and asking you to spare the singles.
Maybe then he was always this flirty.
It didn’t matter much to you because it was puppy love. The first man you ever loved. Until Sunwoo came into the picture.
“How was your date sweetheart?” You laugh into the kiss he greets you with.
“Pretty good, I think I’m developing feelings, I don’t know, he’s just so sweet and- Ouch Sunwoo!” You yelped, surprised by his sudden, somewhat erotic gesture.
“What?” He giggles innocently.
“You didn’t have to pin me against the wall, did you?” You ask rhetorically, knowing full well what his answer will be.
“I did,” his sparkling eyes turn to onyx, his tongue runs over his lips and his gaze travels up and down your body as he answers.
“Yeah?” You whisper, aroused by his deep voice.
“Yes.”
His plump lips are all over yours in an instant, taking your breath away. To deepen the kiss and emphasise his need to be closer, he grabs your legs so you can wrap them around his waist and welcome him in. Your arms wrap around his neck as you yield, kissing him back with passion and love. He doesn’t let go until you’re both out of breath, and then he kisses you again and again like a madman. Eventually, you’re so lost in the pleasure of his kisses that when you feel him nipping at your neck, you push him away, panting.
“I understand that Juyeon is your best friend,” he says with a heavy voice. “But you can’t joke about dating another man.”
He doesn’t give you a chance to answer as he runs his tongue over your lips before kissing you lazily. You stick out your tongue, waiting for him to resume his kiss. He chuckles at your behaviour but kisses you nonetheless.
“Good girl hm, are you hungry?” He utters with lustful and honey dripping eyes.
“Let’s take this into the bedroom then.” At his promise to take you to heaven, you nod eagerly, excited to see what he has planned for you.
You don’t quite remember what happened after that, too lost in lust and love. You felt the kisses on your forehead and the caresses in your hair before he left the bed.
Suddenly, nothing. All you felt was emptiness.
You turn to check your phone when you yelp in pain because your back hurts. Your man was a beast last night.
Wait.
9:30am?
You hurriedly get out of bed, taking in your dishevelled appearance and the hickeys Sunwoo had the courtesy to leave on your body. You’re ashamed to go out like this, because you know that you have little to no time to cover them up.
More importantly, Juyeon will notice them. It’s not that you cared about exposing your sex life, you have a lot of fun with Sunwoo and he’s the greatest in and out of bed. But for Juyeon to see you in such a vulnerable way? It does something to you and you can’t figure out why.
You never talked about your sex life with Juyeon although you are best friends; you two are kind of secretive. Sure, there were times when you complained that your exes were terrible kissers or that dates were horrible. But when it comes to any form of intimacy, it was out of the books. You both never joked about kinks, never asked about turn-ons. Yet, you shared your very first kiss with Juyeon when you were 16.
It was a bit messy and hilarious because you had no idea what you were doing. You remember how when he dropped you off after school or after a playdate, he had this cute habit of kissing your hand goodbye. It was also at that age when you started going to parties – a party between friends, no alcohol, maybe just some cheap beer that tasted like grass. But that was fun and it was also the time when you were introduced to love, through couples and kisses.
Love has always been a foreign language to you. You know for a fact that love is what your parents share with each other, through physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, gifts but also through struggles.
But you also know that the person you’re closest to doing those things is Juyeon. You both were always cuddling, fighting over movies or places to eat. You both would also cheer, support and reassure each other.
You both would always have each other on your minds, sending texts, calling or buying sweet things. It’s only fair that you thought you were in love with him, isn’t it?
And that faithful night, at your birthday party, he thought it would be a great idea to carry you and run around in circles until he lost his balance and fell with you laying on top of him. You didn’t know what was going through his mind, but you saw flames in his starry eyes, and then he pecked at your lips. He brushed it off by pulling you up and wishing you a happy birthday but your heart was racing and so was his.
“Sorry Ju, I woke up late, I didn’t want to keep you waiting,” you pout as you reached his car, pressing a kiss on his cheek.
“Thank god your prettiness makes up for lost time,” he jokingly hugs you, his hands laying a little low on your waist. “But you have to take responsibility for making me wait.”
“Juyeon! It’s been 5 minutes you can’t blame me for the delay!” You wriggle into his embrace and put your head in the crook of his neck, a little embarrassed but wanting to be close to him.
“I can, and that’s exactly what I’m doing,” he whistles, taking you out of his arms to observe the love bites on your fair skin. “Maybe you’d be on time if you hadn’t had so much fun last night.”
“Y-Yeah, I walked into a trap,” you stammered, speechless.
“The kind of trap you can’t refuse, I bet.”
And he opens the passenger door before giving you his hand to help you get in. You look at his hand and then straight into his eyes to understand where that confidence comes from, but he just smiles and nods.
“Come on, we have much to do before the carriage turns into a pumpkin.” He smiles and fights with the wind to tuck a wild strand of hair behind your ear.
Spending time with Juyeon is one of the things you adore the most in the world. You were so used to spending your days with him when you were teenagers that you almost forgot what it was like. The princess treatment, the cafe dates, the shopping and giving opinions on outfits, the restaurants. Now that you’re all grown up, reliving those moments feels a little bit odd but great. After all, you’re the same people who dance to the music in every corner shop and laugh at every silly move you make.
Going out with Juyeon is also all about treats and gifts. You have this implicit rule that when you’re out and about, you’re encouraged to pay in turns – be it at the restaurants, bars or for desserts. And of course, he pleases you more often than you please him, but you tend to buy more things related to him – matching items or clothes that reflect his style.
“Look at this cute bracelet! We should get it to celebrate our 10 years offriendship,” you beamed, slipping the bracelet around his wrist without a word of protest to see how it looks.
“But it’s paired with a promise ring?” He comments, in case you haven’t noticed and had a change of heart.
“Then we can get the ring in another 10 years,” you giggle and squeeze his hand to reassure him that this is what you want.
Happy with your little joke, you went to the cashier to buy the bracelets. But it sparked something within Juyeon’s heart. He may be slow to understand, but you don’t have to tell him twice. You consider him to be your significant other. That’s what a promise ring means.
After all, you wanted to commit yourself to him for the rest of your life. You’re his best friend and that should be normal. It is normal to stick by each other’s side. But why is his heart missing a beat?
If you ask Juyeon about his relationship with you, he would describe it as “enchanting”. You’re the most important thing to him. Ever since he bumped into you in 3rd grade, you two have been inseparable. But there’s something that’s always bothered him.
In the beginning, he thought it was because you were the only one that he was really close to. He didn’t look at you any differently. But every time you smiled, he felt a twist in his stomach. Then he made it his goal to make you blush and to kiss your hand. It was thrilling to see you all flustered by his own actions.
He grew up and unfortunately that feeling never went away. In the end, he thought that maybe it was just the hormones. A 16-year-old boy needs to get to know his body and its needs. That’s what he did. Eventually the feelings vanished, but the uncomfortable feeling stayed. Even when he was with his ex.
He’s well aware that you are in a relationship with Sunwoo and that the two of you are in love. He’s never been happier for you. After all the people who have taken advantage of you, you deserve someone positive. Someone who will be there for you and will make you feel loved and truly fall in love. Like Sunwoo.
And yet, he doesn’t know why he’s so attracted to you. He needs to explore his feelings. At least to understand them. Even if it costs him.
“How about a drink?” He asks as the sun is about to go down.
“No, you need to drive safely.” You flinched, clearly against the idea of losing him in such a stupid way.
“What about my place? You know I have this amazing balcony overlooking the sea.” He offers in return with a smirk.
“Deal,” you say with gleaming eyes.
You love Juyeon’s apartment; it has a soft and romantic atmosphere and it’s even more beautiful when the sun goes down. The many plants he has turn a warm orange with the colours of the sky and you swear, it’s so beautiful, like a haven of peace.
“Red or white?” He asks, holding the two bottles out for you.
“Anything’s fine, choose for me please Juyo,” you sing-song, happy to share this moment with him.
While you are setting up his balcony table with candles and wine glasses, he returns with a red bottle and appetisers. He gestures for you to sit on the bean bag and pour the wine like a real chef. You whistle, impressed by his newfound skill. Furthermore, it wouldn’t be Juyeon if he didn’t do a little dance to make you laugh before handing you your glass.
Now that he’s seated, you allow yourself to take in your surroundings. It’s quiet, but you can hear the faint music coming from the living room speakers. Juyeon has never liked the silence, so he always needs to have some kind of background music to feel comfortable. He says it calms him down, especially when he’s nervous, and you have to agree with that.
But does that mean that he was nervous right now?
He never needed music with you, as he always said your voice was his own melody – the harmony he couldn’t get enough of.
“Thank you,” he whispers, pulling you out of your reverie.
You nod, knowing exactly what he means, and reach out to take his hand. He intertwines your fingers and, in the pink-orange hues of the sky you catch yourself blushing. You risk a glance to see him starring absent-mindedly into space and you seize the opportunity to stare him down.
His bangs, usually on his forehead are pushed back, giving him a more mature and sexy look. His eyes, in a beautiful crescent shape, shine with the intensity of the stars. His pretty nose sits up on his face, like a trophy ready to be claimed. And his lips. They’re curled into a gentle smile.
Without a care in the world, he runs his tongue over them and opens them as if he wanted to speak. But no sound comes out, except for the tongue he’s now biting. Suddenly, as if he was aware that you are looking at him, he turns to meet your gaze. Truth be told, you weren’t very discreet. His dark eyes hold yours, then move to your lips, and you see the faint beginnings of a smirk on his lips before he bursts into laughter.
“Like what you see?” He points out, all smug.
That fucker.
You slapped him playfully before you realised you were biting your lips. Yet, he still looks at you as if you were the one who hung the stars in the sky and shone in their place.
All of a sudden, his eyes turn mischievous and you find yourself in his arms as he leads you into the living room. He turns up the music, grabs the camera, puts on a pair of framed glasses and starts dancing. You joined him, because there is no world in which you wouldn’t follow Juyeon. You dance like you’re in a club, grab the wine bottle and shout the lyrics at the top of your lungs. Juyeon films you through the mirror and you play along, you’re the model, he’s the artist. Until he puts the camera in a corner to film the both of you and starts to dance an old choreo that you both did. You smile broadly and the night goes by like this. In between drinking and dancing.
At some point, you find yourselves taking a stroll, jumping and dancing around poles. Oh, but you’re not drunk! Juyeon took out his camera and kept filming you, laughing. The man was hyping you up, the street was your runway! And even though it was a little embarrassing, you had a lot of fun. Trust Juyeon to make you feel the best!
Around midnight, you were eating ice cream in the nearest park when your phone screen lit up with a call.
Woo ☼.
Oh, no. You forgot to inform him you were going out with yesterday’s activities.
“Babyyyyy,” he whines, sounding tired, “where you aaaat.”
“At Juyeon’s, we-“ You’re cut off as Juyeon steals your phone, brushing against your hands a little too long.
“Sorry,” he hiccups, “is it all right if we keep each other company for the night? I can’t drive right now.” Juyeon tries to apologise but is cut short by Sunwoo.
“Had a fun night I see?”
You can feel his anger rising from the way his voice drops an octave. Sunwoo has always been jealous of Juyeon. When you got together, he was very insecure at first, knowing that you had a male best friend and seeing you spend so much time with him. It took some time, but the trust you’ve built up has overcome that awful feeling.
You still have to reassure him sometimes, and that’s okay because Juyeon is your best friend and Sunwoo is your boyfriend. You love them both in different ways. You talked about it with Juyeon and later he got jealous because you spent all your time with Sunwoo on your trip to comfort him. It wasn’t easy, but they learnt to trust you. Along the way, you may have convinced yourself that everything would be fine.
“Sunny, baby, I’m sorry I didn’t inform you. I will sleep at Juyeon’s and be back first thing in the morning before you wake up,” you say in a soft voice, trying to soothe him.
“I’m sorry too,” he voices out, letting out a breath lost in his own emotions, “I panicked when I didn’t see you at home. But I’m glad you’re all right.”
“I know,” you sighed, glancing at Juyeon, “I’m in good hands, I promise.”
“Hurry back, I miss my goodnight kiss already.” He replies, seemingly content with the current arrangement.
“Will be there in no time,” you giggled.
“I love you,” he answers, a smile blooming in his voice.
“I love you too.”
He hangs up just as he called, smiley, which makes you beam in return. However, when you turn to face Juyeon he’s anything but smiling. In his frowning eyes you decipher a sombre mood. Something in complete contrast to the joy you shared tonight. You reach out to grab his hand, but he pulls it back before you can do so.
“We should head back, it’s getting late.” He says firmly.
Your heart breaks at his words. Without giving him a chance, you cupped his face, forcing him to look at you. The hurt look in his eyes makes your heart swell. You scan him to see if he wants to answer, but he avoids you. You’re so close and yet so far away. You feel like throwing up, because your best friend never acted like this around you. He never once avoided you nor stopped talking to you. Thus, you did the only thing you can think of.
You hugged him, as tightly as you can.
You feel his heart pounding and wonder if it’s from the unknown emotions he’s carrying or from your physical touch. You put your hand on his broad chest to feel his heartbeat and plant a kiss on it to reassure him. It stirs something in Juyeon and he hugs you back so tightly you think you’ll lose your breath. He holds you in his arms for what seems like an eternity, your head nestled in the crook of his neck. But you don’t complain, you felt safe.
You stay there, in the warm embrace that contrasts with the cool of the night, squeezing him a little tighter when you hear passers-by whistling lovingly at you. When he lets go, you can see the faint pink colour that tints his cheeks, brought out by the street lights. But little did you know that you have the same colours on your face, if not stronger?
“You okay?” You ask as you rub small circles on his back.
“Yes I am,” he lies openly in a husky voice, “I’m okay.”
Juyeon is fucked. Completely screwed. He’s absolutely, unquestionably and sincerely in love with you.
He has been for quite some time, now that he thinks about it. But he never admitted it. That damned twist in his gut that never left his mind, he knows where it comes from now.
In order to cope with his newfound feelings he lets you use the bathroom first while he changes the sheets and tidies up the living room. He’s floating, not sure if he will ever get a wink of sleep. Especially if you both sleep in the same bed. Because to you, he’s just your best friend, the one you’ve slept with countless times. No strings attached.
He can’t imagine you in his arms, nor can he look forward to waking up by your side. You’re not his.
“Juyo?” Your tired voice echoes from the corridor. “C-Can I get some clothes?”
Oh. That doesn’t mean anything. You have always shared clothes. Then why was he so excited to see you in them? Right, because he’s madly in love with you and knows you will look ravishing in his big shirt. Also because sharing clothes is such an intimate thing couples do. If he lends you his current pyjamas because they have his scent on them, you couldn’t blame him. He’s just a man.
“Are you coming?” You inquire, walking towards him.
It’s worse than anything he’d ever imagined. The shirt is definitely too big for you going down one shoulder, showing the beginning of your chest and reaching halfway up your thighs. What’s more, your pretty thighs are covered by the shorts that rises up when you sit next to him. He looks away, embarrassed to be staring at you.
“I will sleep on the couch, don’t worry about me.”
“No way,” you retorted with little energy left, “your bed is big enough for both of us.”
He’s been acting strange today. First he was feeling all overconfident, then flirtatious, followed by anger, and now shyness and embarrassment. You take a piece of the blanket lying on his lap and you stretch your legs out on the sofa, letting your head fall on his shoulder. Sleep can wait, Juyeon can’t.
“Are you sure you’re okay? Don’t lie to me.” You ask, breathing softly into his ear.
“No,” he shudders, with a faraway look in his eyes, “I’m not okay and I don’t know how to get through this.”
“What’s wrong Juyo? Do you want to talk about it?” You pause to gauge his reaction. “Is it about your ex?”
“More or less,” he breathes out. “The breakup wasn’t that bad, like I said, it was a mutual decision. It’s just- when you started dating Sunwoo I was so happy for you, happy that you found someone who was worthy of your love and loved you the right way. And I thought I would be happy if I found that special someone, I longed for it. But I ended up in different relationships throughout the year, never lasting more than two months. And that’s ok, maybe they weren’t the right person for me, maybe it wasn’t the right time, maybe this, maybe that. I really thought I was going to be happy and I ended up getting my heart broken every time. As much as I believe now that I don’t deserve to be loved. I think I went into my last relationship in that state of mind, and I think she felt it too. Hard not to, is it? We had long talks and great times together; I think I really liked her. And I know she liked me back, I’m just not ready to be in an exclusive relationship right now.”
And everything he said is true, he’s more than happy for you and he thought he would be happy. But he can’t be happy in a relationship that isn’t with you.
“There’s also something I’ve never told you,” he continues, sniggering at the absurdity of his reasoning. “Something I should have told you a long time ago, it doesn’t make me proud, and it sort of reflects why my love life was so messed up. I can’t say it’s the only reason, but it played a big part in my mental health.”
You want to cry so badly, he has endured it all alone and it must have weighed heavily on him. At this point, you’re just waiting to speak and respond but every word that comes out of his beautiful mouth leaves you speechless. You’re such a bad friend that you’ve never noticed the way his eyes get dark and gloomy, or how he cancels your plans at the last minute because he’s got something else planned. When in fact it was sadness overload. Sure everyone has their own coping mechanisms, you wish you could have been there for him, but here you were Juyeon letting you in and you’re here to stay.
“It’s been two months since I was diagnosed with burnout and stopped working. It started off as something mild when I came home more exhausted than usual. I thought I wasn’t getting enough sleep but then I started to feel mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. It was hard to concentrate on my daily tasks and you know how much I love my job? I felt like I was going to die because I couldn’t even have fun doing what I love. Going out with you, my friends or my ex felt great, but I wasn’t as invested as I used to be.” He pauses to catch his breath and swallow back the tears.
“Don’t get me wrong, today was absolutely perfect and I was hyped, I still am. Today felt like going back to when we were sixteen and I loved it. I’m actually starting to feel better. The break up helped a lot because it was taking a toll on my mental health. I know I said I liked her and I did, but I couldn’t help but feel unwanted. Even when she was riding me,” he chuckles, trying to lighten the mood.
“And it hurts that I didn’t have the guts to talk to you about it because I was afraid of how you would react. Like, hello, I’m taking a break from work because I feel like shit? And I would really like to get your approval so that I can move on. Because you mean everything to me,” he ends shyly.
“Juyeon,” you say in a soft and caring voice, “you mean the world to me too.”
You continued. “You mean the whole world to me and I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me the most. I could come up with something, but it wouldn’t make up for what you’ve been through. You are strong, stronger than anyone. It’s so hard to keep your head above water that I’m proud of you for speaking up and even stopping work. Because focusing on your health is the most important thing. Situation and money may go but I will always stay. I’m so proud of you, proud of who you are and who you’re becoming. You’ll never stop growing and I’ll be there every step of the way, watching you blossom and be happy.”
“And I know you feel like you’ll never be happy,” you resumed, holding his hand. “The only thing I can say is, as hard as it seems, everything you live makes you stronger. Even more beautiful. There’s someone in this world waiting patiently for you, to love you properly, to make you feel loved and wanted. You’re an exceptional person, Juyeon. By that I mean you go above and beyond the call of duty, you give your total support and care, you show up when something’s wrong and I bet you’re an even more protective lover. We did everything together, cried, laughed, smiled, loved. My youth was filled with you and I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t happy because you were and are always by my side.”
“Today was the best time I’ve had in weeks, and that’s because I am with you. We danced, a lot. And you know how dancing has always been our escape,” you paused as you saw the first hint of a smile creep across his face as you continued. “I saw your smile, it was genuine and you were so beautiful. It may have been hard, you’ve been hard on yourself, but today the man I saw was happy. I’m happy because you’re happy, and I’m sad when you’re sad. We are one Juyeon, and I want you to know that I’m here for you, always.”
Long before you have finished speaking, he has taken you in his arms. His embrace is not heavy, but you can feel the weight on his shoulders lighten. You have so many feelings for him, they all blend together and you don’t seem to feel the butterflies in your stomach or the fire he has lit in your heart.
“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he confesses.
“And what would I be without you?”
Your head rests on his chest and he’s suddenly afraid you can hear his heart beating. You’re so beautiful, your tired eyes fighting sleep and your lashes fluttering. His shirt slipped off your shoulder as he held you in his arms and the permanent smile on your face makes him completely weak. He could kiss you right now. If only you were single.
“Let’s go to sleep, hm?” He caresses your face, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.
“Together?” You cracked yet another smile.
“Together,” he grins from ear to ear.
Your arms find their way around his neck and you bend your head to make an implicit request. His hands go around your waist and below your knees before he stands up and carries you bridal style. You both laugh at the absurdity of the situation, but also blushed at the romantic gesture. He sets you down on (what his brain calls) your side of the bed and plants a kiss on your forehead.
He then goes through his nightly routine before coming back to you, wrapped in the covers, fast asleep. His heart is about to explode. Now that he is aware of his feelings, he is overwhelmed by the love he has been repressing. He slides in next to you and holds back from embracing you. And if you happen to get close and make your way into his arms, he’ll be delighted to hold you tight.
“Sleep well Starlight, I love you,” he mumbles, kissing your hair.
“I love you more Juyo.”
Waking up the next morning wasn’t as awkward as Juyeon might have thought after the pseudo-confession you heard. He woke up first when he felt you shift in his arms. Because yes, you ended up in his arms, face against his torso. He tried not to make a big deal out of it, calming his breathing and enjoying the warmth of your body. Absentmindedly, his hand caresses your tangled hair, smoothing it and slowly waking you from your slumber.
“Good morning Starlight,” he says, honey dripping from his hoarse voice. “Slept well?”
“Like a baby, you?” You yawned, looking up from his chest.
“Even better than a baby.” He doesn’t want to let you go, once you’re out of his bedroom he’ll have to go back to his little miserable life without your starlight to light it up.
“Shall we take you home? Your boyfriend might get impatient,” he laughs, remembering the events of the previous night.
“Well, he’ll have to wait until I’m full from breakfast! I know someone who makes pancakes to die for,” you winked as you get out of his clothes and disappear into the bathroom.
You know you said you’d be back before he wakes up, and you want to. You miss him. But being in Juyeon’s arms, feeling the regular beat of his heart, makes you feel at home. You don’t want to end what you both have now.
You eat breakfast in relatively silence, except when Juyeon tries to flip the pancakes in the frying pan only to have one stick to the wall. And you watch him adoringly from where you sit, trying to make up for his silliness.
In the end, you leave his apartment in no time at all, dreading your return to your own home. Even though you know that Sunwoo is patiently waiting for you. The last two days you spent with Juyeon were out of time, it was an enchanted interlude and the return to real life suddenly seems very difficult.
He drops you off in front of the building, not without kissing you on the cheek and saying goodbye for the last time. You try not to think of it as a date night as you head for the front door but he’s quick to say “We’re not done yet, you’ll see me more often now” he chimed as he watches you smile and gets in.
The smile doesn’t leave your face until you turn the key in the lock and come face to face with Sunwoo, smiling from head to toe. He takes you in his arms and spins you around before planting kisses all over your face.
“Sunny,” you giggled, “please.”
“But I missed you,” you press a kiss to his lips as he answers, and you feel him smile through it.
“I’m sorry I overreacted, you know I get scared easily, but I shouldn’t take it out on you when you haven’t done anything,” he apologised, bowing his head.
“No, it’s my fault too,” you shake your head. “We had a crazy night and when I woke up you were gone. I was also late and didn’t want to keep him waiting.”
“You know that I’m jealous of Juyeon, right? He might be your best friend, but he might see you as more than that. You can’t say you didn’t want him to wait, because what, you’re willing to make me wait like yesterday but not him? It’s unfair, because you always end up prioritising him.” He bellows, frustrated.
“Sunwoo please,” you begged. “Sunwoo, listen to me, please.” He takes a step back, feeling his anger rising.
“To say what? That you needed to be with him? That he needs you? Bullshit, look me in the eye and tell me he doesn’t have feelings for you!” He shouts in a pissed off rage.
He goes back into the living room and you follow him to see him pacing back and forth. You can tell he’s furious. He always gets angry when you mention Juyeon and it pisses you off. You can’t even spend a day with your best friend because he gets jealous? You’ve been together long enough to think he’s finally understood that he’s the one you love. But as displeased as you are, you’ll never stop telling him and reminding him that you love him. Because couples fight, because he’s insecure and because you care.
“You might as well develop feelings for him!” He spits vociferously.
“He broke up with his girlfriend and lost his job,” you drop, tired of this pointless battle. “So yes, he needed me. And yes, I needed to be with him. I feel like an absolutely shitty friend because I’ve been sitting in his company for weeks and I didn’t even notice that his heart was being broken to pieces. You can shout at me as much as you want Sunwoo, but you’re the one I love. Juyeon may need me again in the future and I’ll be there for him, but at the end of the day I love you and only you.”
“You’re lying. T-There’s no way he…“ He tries to take your hand but you step back, annoyed.
“Have I ever lie to you, Sunwoo?”
The sheepish and upset look on his face is enough to tell you that he’s blaming himself. So you lead him over to the sofa and tell him everything, from the break-up to his exhaustion, which means burnout, but leave out the private details. It’s a lot to take in, and you wonder if he’ll ever believe you. Why would you lie about something so important?
You love Sunwoo, you really do. But you can’t help but be a little irritated by his behaviour. You feel terrible for even thinking and feeling this way, but Juyeon is your best friend! What was wrong with that? What doesn’t he understand about the word “best friend”? You sighed as you take him in your arms and stroke his back, both to calm him down and to ease your own mind. You hold each other for a while, for as long as your hearts desire, but your minds wander to Juyeon. You miss him and you wonder what he’s up to, when you’ll see each other again. Another sigh escapes your lips and Sunwoo looks at you questioningly.
“Movie?” You ask, trying to divert your attention from Juyeon.
“It’s 11,” he chuckles, finally at peace.
“Yeah, so? We can order pizzas and spend the day at home?” You kiss his hand with doe eyes.
“Sounds like a fabulous idea,” he quickly grabs his phone to place an order, “same as usual?”
“I’m feeling adventurous today, so pick whatever you like!”
You hear your own phone buzzing as he focuses on the app again. And obviously it’s the boy of all the arguments, the one who’s been on your mind since you got home and who seems to be distracting you a lot.
Juyo <3 (1)
I miss ya, whatcha doing?
Thinking about u
That ain’t possible
Whyyyy
Because I’m thinking about you
“Who are you talking to with that smiley face?” Sunwoo asks, tilting his head.
“Changmin, he’s talking about the person he met and he seems so in love.”
It's a half-hearted lie, because Changmin told you about the person he recently met, but also because if you say Juyeon's name right now, civil war will break out.
Juyo <3
Oh yeah, prove it?
Seconds later, your phone rings with an incoming call from Juyeon.
Juyo <3
JUYEON YOU CAN’T DO THIS
YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME
Aw pretty’s scared by a sudden phone call?
Actually…
You take a second to answer, pondering if it’s a good idea to tell him about your couple’s conflict. Especially when he’s the one causing it.
Juyo <3 (1)
Am I disturbing you?
You always turn my world upside down
Same goes for you Starlight ;)
So?
I had a fight with Sunwoo
Nothing bad, we already made up
But it’s becoming a recurring thing, and I hate it
Have you talked about it?
That it’s getting hard for you?
Yes and no
We always talk about it, set limits and make up but weeks later it’s as if the conversation never happened
As much as I love him I’m tired Ju
No, you don’t have the right to say you’re tired, because that would mean you’re ready to give up on your relationship for a few fights?
I’m afraid that’s not a valid reason
And I know you’re not the type to give up on someone you love
So take matters into your own hands, spend the day with him and make out ffs
Yeah, haha, you’re right
We’ll eat pizzas and watch a film, that’ll definitely help
And I’ll see if he’s nice enough to make out with him
I can be good for you instead ;)
Yah! You’re losing points Lee Juyeon!
I’m only aiming for the 10s sorry!
Right in the bull’s eye
Which is my heart yes
GTG JUYO
TTYL I LOVE YOU
<3
And I love you more <3
You saw his message through the notification, which you cowardly rejected, but that didn’t stop you from smiling. The conversation had to end quickly, as you were venturing into uncharted territory that doesn't leave you impassive. Besides, Sunwoo was getting suspicious of your big smile.
And he’s right, because what the hell was that? You’re such a coward whose heart beats a hundred miles an hour. He’s definitely winning points, but you’ll never admit it, and to what end? Your heart doesn’t know yet.
On the contrary, Juyeon’s heart beats wildly at your bravery. He doesn’t want to flirt despite his growing feelings, but you leave the door open too wide for him not to come in.
You’re still his best friend, so if you ever need advice or a listening ear, he’ll be there. Like that horrible joke about making out, he hated it. But he knew that it would make you laugh and feel better, because he knows you better than anyone else.
So why can’t he read your feelings? You're not usually so cryptic for no reason, he's sure of that. Yet the changes in your heart can be seen gradually: your sweet words, as well as the ambiguous ones, all carry a special and deep meaning. You’re a book Juyeon is dying to read, but you’re not descriptive enough for him to decipher just yet.
Sunwoo used to read you easily, but he’s not sure of anything anymore. He knows that you love him, that your love language consists of words of affirmation and that you never stop reminding him of it. And yet his insecurities always get the best of him and you end up fighting. The truth is, he’s afraid. You’ve always spent a lot of time with Juyeon and that’s fair, you’ve known each other for almost ten years. But shouldn’t you make up for that time with your one-year boyfriend?
He knows he can’t restrict you or your outings, that would be a dick move and he’s not a dick. You have lots of boy friends and he’s okay with that, but Juyeon? Juyeon annoys him. He seems too perfect to be true: his looks, his gentle and romantic nature. He’s in a one-sided competition because Juyeon couldn’t care less. Or so he thought until now.
Halfway through the film, you're cuddled up in his arms, laughing, when his phone vibrates. Why on earth is Juyeon texting him?
Juyeon (1)
I just wanted to apologise for yesterday. This is not a valid reason, but I wanted to keep my best friend to myself for a while. I’m sorry if that hurt you.
Apology accepted. We’re adults and you’re defo not the one to blame but I appreciate it.
Thanks man
It cost Juyeon a lot to send that message. But in his place, he would have been furious if the situation had happened to him. So he toned it down, to ease the tension and make you feel better. But he’d do it again any time; anything to spend time with you.
And that’s exactly what happened in the weeks that followed.
You spent the whole week with Sunwoo after your meeting with Juyeon, going with him to his band rehearsals, shopping for clothes, accessories or window shopping, going on dates to the cinema, the park and restaurants. You did everything with him.
But that didn’t stop you from texting Juyeon every day. Sometimes he was the one who initiated the conversation, and other times you had to spam him to ask his opinion on the latest clothes you bought or because you missed him. Your weekly outings have also become two or three times a week, and you often meet up on his balcony for a night of dancing and drinks.
Everything is done with respect for your relationship, but you feel his hands on you longer than necessary, always within limits and sometimes in places that make you blush. For an example, he would place them on your hips, and you would be a fool to say that his little touches did not make your heart flutter. When he opens the door for you, when he orders for you without asking and never makes a mistake, or even when he gives you presents that you’ve looked at with envy. He’s so observant and attentive that causes butterflies in your stomach. The more time you spend with him, the more you can’t deny the attraction you feel.
He makes you feel like you are 16 again.
He kisses your forehead, cheek or hand when he drops you off. He holds your hand so you don’t get lost in the crowd. Even if it’s just an excuse, you let him because deep down you want him to.
And you hated yourself for it. You feel so guilty about Sunwoo. Yes, Juyeon may be a little more enterprising than usual, but he hasn’t changed his ways. You’re the one who reacts to harmless words and lazy touches. But your heart hasn’t changed. You love Sunwoo. Those feelings for Juyeon aren’t real. It is an attraction that arises because you spend all your time together, because he’s handsome and cares for you.
You’re not… in love with him.
Isn’t that right?
“Sweetheart, I bought fried chicken on the way home!” Sunwoo says one day after his rehearsal.
“Oh Sunny, you don’t know how much I’ve been craving it,” you clap, looking forward to devouring it. “Thank you.”
“Can I get a hug for being the most awesome boyfriend ever?” He asks sweetly.
“Oh you do,” you giggle, jumping into his arms.
“I love you,” he kisses your nose.
“Me too,” you reply, tiptoeing to kiss his forehead.
“Sunnyyyy,” you call out his name on a Friday afternoon. “Can I go out for the night with Kev, Minnie, Chani and Ju?”
“Sure! Don’t come back too late hm? And be careful.”
“Yes! I’ve got the four horsemen of the apocalypse to look after me and myself!” You laughed.
“Have fun Sweetheart, I love you,” he whispers, kissing your forehead.
“Me toooo Sunny,” you smiled.
And yet, as he does his best to be there for you, to shower you with love and care, you notice that your interactions are gradually diminishing. He’s not the problem but you are. Just like yesterday, you’ve been exchanging messages and at the end of all your conversations you have this cute habit of saying I love you. Except this time, you haven’t replied. You liked his message and replied with a heart.
But that’s not the only case, because you catch yourself not saying “I love you” back when you talk to him. Yet you’re still physically and intimately close. It’s as if you’re giving yourself to him in order to compensate for the emotional changes that you’re going through. And then what? You won’t even be able to kiss him? Hold his hand? Be intimate? You felt terrible, and this has been going on for months.
Perhaps the best (or worst) thing to do is to talk to him about it.
“Sunny? Can we talk?” You say out of the blue one morning.
“Yes baby, tell me?” He replies as he comes out of the bathroom, shirtless.
“Get dressed first,” you giggle.
“Why, don’t you like what you see?” He pouts, crossing his arms to emphasise his torso and you look away, ashamed to be turned on when you’re about to break his heart.
“Oh I do, but you’re distracting me from the point!”
“Sorry, sorry,” he laughs as he pulls on a t-shirt, “is it better now?”
“Yes, thank you,” you sigh.
“Are you okay?” He asks suddenly, sensing your discomfort. “You know you can tell me anything, I’m here for you.”
“Sunwoo, I-“ you take his hand in yours for support. “You need to know that I love you, it has never changed and it will never change, the feelings I have for you are very much real and I cherish them as much as I cherish you.”
“You’re not breaking up, are you? Because I won’t let you.” His eyes are shining now and you want to go back in time. You want to erase everything that has happened in the last two and a half months, the growing romantic feelings and the hurt.
“Sunwoo, I’m not breaking up with you, you’re the person I care about the most in the world, I would never let you down. And I hate myself for what I’m about to say.” You take a deep breath and as you do you know he’s figured it out and tears start to roll down his sweet face.
“I- fell in love with Juyeon,” you drop your head in shame.
You don't have the courage to look up and see the disappointment on his face, but you force yourself to. And when you finally did, his reaction catches you by surprise. It was obviously pain and sorrow, but also resilience?
“May I ask, how?” His voice is low, almost a murmur, but his eyes search yours for the truth.
“I- don’t know, it just happened.”
“Come on, you don’t just fall in love with another man by accident,” he laughs sarcastically.
“And yet I did!” You raise your voice in annoyance. “I didn’t choose it Sunwoo. And I would go back in time if I could!”
He takes a minute to consider your words, to decide whether or not you’re telling the truth. You didn’t expect this conversation to be easy, but he doesn’t make it any easier for you. You expected him to be in denial, to yell at you and cry. Instead he went straight towards the acceptance stage and he had this heartless look on his face. You knew you deserved it because he’s right; you don’t fall in love with another man by chance.
“Does he know? That you-“ he struggles to find the words, but you let him, because it has been hard for you too. You’re in love with your best friend, and you’ve probably been in love with him since you were 16. “That you love him?”
“No, oh god no!” You panic, finally thinking of the consequences, “I wanted to tell you first because I love you and I owe you the truth.”
“But you intend to tell him?” He worries and suddenly you feel like you’re talking to your best friend, the same conversation you had before you started dating Sunwoo.
“No Sunwoo, it was never a question of telling him or not. Yes, I love Juyeon romantically, but you’re my boyfriend. And I’m not trying to fool myself by saying that I still love you, I love you. And I love Juyeon too, but I’m not going to do anything with it.”
“You’re silly,” he chuckles affectionately. “Within the two months since our fight, I’ve watched you for a long time baby. I observed your body movements, your facial expressions and your words, hoping that it was all temporary and that we’d come out of it stronger together. But all I saw was love, but towards someone else. You came home giddy, eyes full of stars. Sometimes even in a frenzy of exaltation from which I found it hard to pull you out, because knowing that you were happy made me happy. So I won’t say that I knew it, but I sensed it. And I know that you love me, I have never doubted it and I don’t doubt it now. But you love him silly. Perhaps even more than you love me. I’m not mad at you, I saw you falling for him, I just ignored the signs. And I know you didn’t choose it, nor did you want to break my heart. Your love for him is stronger and I can hear it. Thank you for telling me, it must have cost you a lot.”
You start to cry, because what else can you do but cry? You love him and it hurts you to hear him say that you love someone stronger. But he’s right. No matter how much you try to deny it, you love Juyeon unconditionally.
“Why,” you cry out.
“Why what baby,” he takes you in his arms, guiding your head in the crook of his neck and your tears start to soak his t-shirt.
“I’m pretty sure I broke your heart and stomped on it, so why aren’t you mad at me? Why are you taking it so well? I don’t understand. I feel like shit and you’re too perfect?”
“You have no idea of the pain, anger and emptiness I feel right now, I’m far from perfect,” his voice falters as he tries to hold back his tears, “but I can’t take it out on you, even though you deserve it, because you didn’t want it? Also because I didn’t speak when I realised you were drifting away. I know you blame yourself, and yes, I am heartbroken, I can’t wait to cry but I don’t want to make you sadder than you already are.”
“I don’t deserve you Sunny, I’m sorry, I love you to the moon and back,” you smile shyly.
“And I love you just as much, thank you for the love that doesn’t make me feel lonely,” he smiles back as he rubs your back in slow motions. “Can I kiss you? One last time?”
“Thought you’d never ask.”
When his lips touch yours, it has never felt better. The kiss is a little salty because you have both been crying, but also sweet. It is your last kiss and you devour each other’s lips as if it were the first, not wanting to part. You quickly run out of air, but he presses his lips to yours to convey his feelings one last time and you smile, knowingly, as you kiss him back.
“You should go to him,” he says, lips swollen and eyes puffy.
“Yes, to be with my best friend. And you should call Eric for the same reason,” you sobbed, and he giggles.
“Coward,” he laughs, “but I will.”
“And Sunwoo,” you start again. “I would never do anything without your approval.”
“Thank you,” he replies, touched and aware of the feelings you will always have for him. “For everything, but especially for being with me.”
“I should be the one thanking you, my lifesaver,” you kissed his cheek as you take his hand in yours. “Let’s remain good friends, in the future.”
“Absolutely, if I ever get over you,” he laughs in a reassuring way.
You know that the joke is just his way of breaking the tension, so you laugh it off, saying that he should, and you imitated a knife at your throat as a warning, which makes him laugh heartily. Then, your heart sinks at the sound of you no longer being the recipient. Yes you fell in love with someone else, and it will be just as hard to get over him. But you have Juyeon, and he’s your rock.
Juyo <3
Juyo can I come over?
Sure, is something wrong?
These three words are enough to turn your heart upside down. He’s always been thoughtful, and now that you’ve accepted your feelings, you feel butterflies swirling in your tummy.
Juyo <3
Sunwoo and I broke up
I’ll pick you up in 5
Yes pls, drive safely
He pulls up in the parking lot exactly 5 minutes after his message, just like he said. You rush down the stairs, too eager to melt into his arms to wait for the lift. He doesn’t have time to get out of the car before you throw yourself on him, crying. Tears of separation and heartbreak, and tears of joy when you see him again because you know you love him.
“I’m here,” he whispers in a panicked voice, probably not expecting you so soon and in such a state. “I’m right here, let it out.”
And you do, the feelings you’ve been burying for 2 months are just waiting to be expressed. You cry until your body aches from lack of air and your eyes are dry. Finally, you shiver and regret having gone out so quickly without covering up. But Juyeon is just as quick to pull the jacket he was wearing over your shoulders and you hum happily as his scent washes over you.
“Let’s go home?” He caresses your hair tenderly.
You’re amazed that he doesn’t ask any questions, he just stands by you and supports you through this difficult ordeal that he knows only too well. And the truth is, he’s even sad for you. No matter how much he loves you, you’re the definition of love to him. For you to break up with Sunwoo, for whatever reason, doesn’t make any sense. It’s not his place to ask if you don’t tell him first, so he just holds your hand on the way back, and when he has to let go to change gear, he makes sure he puts it back on your thigh.
This makes you blush like a tomato, how dare he put his big hand on your thigh, almost completely covering it whole. You’re pretty sure your feelings are written all over your face, but he mistakes your blushing for embarrassment, when in fact it’s just romantic stimulation. You look up to see if his hand placement has any effect on him, only to find that he is blushing as well. Being as dense as he is, you mistook his shyness for embarrassment.
You two definitely make quite the pair.
“Make yourself at home Starlight,” he says as he opens the front door, never stopping to hold your hand.
You step inside as he tells you to and try to take off your shoes, planning to curl up on the sofa under the blanket while you wait for him and his hugs. But he had other ideas as he grabs your wrist to pull you closer, pinning you between him and the newly closed front door. Your surprise translates into a gasp that becomes a choke as he drops to one knee. Your heart pounds in your chest at the way he looks at you, worshipping you. Without warning, he bends down to untie your shoelaces, still smiling and even a little mischievous.
“What?” He smiles proudly. “Can’t I look after my Starlight?”
You open your mouth to speak but no sound comes out, too surprised by his playful tone.
“Cat got your tongue?” He sticks out his tongue as he stands up.
“Yes, you got it!” You slap him gently as a reward for nervousness.
“Not in my mouth though…” He whispers so quietly you almost don’t hear it, and that earns him another slap, only he steps back to avoid your blow and you stumble and fall on top of him.
“I guess it will be easier to carry you now,” he chuckles, kissing your forehead.
He puts his arms under your knees and around your waist and you squeal as he lifts you up, bridal style. This man will be the death of you. Oh, how you would kiss him if you weren’t so heartbroken and hadn’t just broken up. And he would kiss you just as much. You’re both madly in love and it shows.
He wraps you in a blanket as he lays you down on the sofa before kissing your forehead for the umpteenth time. Then he goes into the kitchen and fetches your favourite foods, drinks and desserts, which he sets out on the coffee table. You were surprised by the homemade dishes, as if he’d made them with a special purpose in mind. But he doesn’t say a word or make a comment, he just slips under your blanket when he’s done and hugs you, breathing in your scent.
You stay in each other’s arms for a while, not saying a word, just enjoying your hearts beating in unison. It feels heavenly, relaxing and you can almost feel yourself coming back to life. If Sunwoo was your lifesaver, Juyeon is your guardian angel. He is always looking out for you and giving you his utmost special care, just like right now, for no particular reason (even if there is one now).
He doesn’t pry, he just waits for you to speak while he grabs the remote to put on the latest show you’ve started together and feeds you. You’re quite grateful for the little comments he makes during the show, distracting you from the truth: the burning love you have for him that consumes you. In the end, you tell him that you still love Sunwoo, but that your recent incessant arguments have taken their toll on you.
That, against all odds, you’ve spilt up properly. And that it will be a while before you move on, but that the door is not closed. You made sure to emphasise this part, because what if there’s a small chance that Sunwoo was right and Juyeon is a fool in love with you? You’re not ready yet, but when the time comes, you want to confess your love to him and live out the childhood romance you’ve always dreamed of, until death do you part.
The next few of weeks passed in a blur, and you have basically settled into Juyeon’s apartment – going back and forth to your house to pick up your things and put them in his closets. Your shoes sits nicely in the new shoe rack he bought for you to go out together, and your toothbrush sits proudly next to Juyeon’s. You even have matching ones. Oh, and Juyeon can finally happily say that you’ve got your side of the bed, with your cute belongings on the bedside table and a picture of the two of you at 16 in a frame.
In fact, you slowly become a domestic couple-like going grocery shopping together and going on so-called dates. Life with Juyeon is easy. Whether you go out at dawn or dusk, he’s always with you, matching your pace and holding your hand from the streetlights to the dancing starlight. When you saw your hands touching and your steps overlapping, it reminds you of your first encounter and the fluttering of your heart. How you shyly looked at him, only to see him already looking at you lovingly, red on his cheeks. That cold winter you spent together was actually the warmest moment of Juyeon’s life, and that day might have been the day you hid a present for each other in your sleeve.
Even more slowly, your relationship with Juyeon develops as the months go by. It was hard not for it to blossom, considering the fact that you live together and that you absolutely do everything together, but it’s happening. Juyeon has started to walk around bare chest when he gets out of the shower and sometimes! He even goes to bed naked, with just his pyjama pants hanging low on his hips.
Of course, you get to snuggle up against his warm chest and cuddle to sleep. When it comes to sleeping, you don’t even try to fall asleep on your own side of the bed anymore because you always wake up in each other’s arms. You have definitely grown closer and closer in just a few months.
Your touches with one another have become more sensual and romantic and your words more flirtatious. You wear his clothes more often than usual, sometimes getting out of bed in just his t-shirt and underwear, awakening certain feelings within him. From time to time, he dares to put his hands under your (his) t-shirt and kiss your forehead tenderly, for lack of being able to kiss your lips sensually and make you his, right when you wake up.
“All pretty for me hm?” He said the first time you went to sleep in this garment. “You know I’m just a man.”
And if you sat on his hips to cuddle him afterwards, maybe the message got through. Maybe a little too much, given that a few minutes later he pretended to be in a hurry and the water ran for a long time. He’s just a man.
Yes, your man.
Another time, when you were out shopping at the mall, people addressed you as a couple and you didn’t mind, oh no. Perhaps it was the smiley eye contact you made, or the way he held you in his arms and you leaned into him, almost as if you were going to kiss, that gave it away. At least, that’s what gave Sunwoo, who was watching you nearby, the courage to send you a message.
Woo ☼ (1)
Hi, hello! I saw you at the mall with Juyeon, can we talk? I’m with Changmin, we can ditch them together?
Hi Sunny!!! Sure we can, the cafe nearby?
Juyeon was a little reluctant to leave you alone with Sunwoo due to the countless nights you spent crying and the difficulty you had opening up (not to mention your blossoming love for Juyeon) but he quickly gave up because he knew you wanted it and he was happy to spend time with Changmin. Juyeon is the love of your life and you can’t pretend that he isn’t anymore.
“Hi Sweetheart, I saw you left your shopping bags with your man,” he laughs and you kick him under the table so as not to draw attention to yourself.
“Stop that Kim Sunwoo!” You whine.
“Stop what? Calling you sweetheart or calling him your man?”
“Both!” You laugh embarrassed and shy.
“How are you?” He changes the subject after one last laugh and you’re happy to see that he hasn’t changed, he’s still as playful and lively as ever.
“I’m fine, nothing has really changed since our last messages. I told you I got my dream job, so Juyeon and I are treating ourselves with my first salary. Oh, and Juyeon has also found a new job he’s really enjoying. Hence, the reason why we’re out shopping.” You went on to rave about your everyday life, happy to share this new chapter with him, whom you still love very much, just not romantically anymore.
“You must love him a lot,” he says softly, almost as if he were muttering to himself. “It’s cute, you’re cute, I’m happy for you.” And you don’t answer, curious to hear what he’s going to say next.
“I’ve been thinking about you a lot over the past six months,” he begins. “Thank you for always reaching out to me and not ghosting me despite the break-up, it meant a lot to me. Being away from you has been hard. I will not lie. But it also taught me that I was too dependent on you and it felt great to spend time by myself and with our friends. I got news from them and saw that you were doing well, as anyone going through a break-up would be. And it made me realise that, if you were fine, I should be fine, even if it was just a facade, that somehow the sadness would pass.”
You nod to let him know you’re listening and that you’re on the same wavelength as him.
“And it did,” he whispers almost happily, as if the weight he was carrying close to his heart has been lifted. “I thought I would love you for the rest of my life, but then I met someone.” You gasp at his words and tear up a little.
“It came as a blessing, without me even looking for it, and I can say that I’m happy now. So when I saw you so happy on Juyeon’s arm, looking at him lovingly like he hung the stars in the sky I thought: “Ah, you’re really on cloud nine with him”. I shouldn’t hold you back from your happiness. You have my blessing, not that you need it but date him, kiss him, make love and live happily ever after.” To emphasise his words, he squeezes your hand which he has started to hold somewhere in his monologue, and kisses it.
You swear you didn’t want to cry, and Juyeon will probably be worried to see your swollen eyes, but how can you remain impassive in the face of so much love? It’s true, you held back and would have kissed Juyeon if it wasn’t for Sunwoo. But now you’ll both be happy.
You chatted for quite a while, enjoying your reunion as friends, learning more about the person he had met and ranting about your life with Juyeon, when he appeared before you with Changmin, impatient to get you back. You missed him. How did you manage to live without Juyeon so far? Ecstatic, you jump into his arms and bid your goodbyes promising to meet again soon. As you walk away, Juyeon’s phone beeps and he just shrugs at the message in his inbox with a smile. Then he ruffles your hair, earning a pout from you that he kisses away at the corner of your lips. You wonder what the message was, but the kiss is definitely more important.
Sunwoo (1)
I’ve seen the way you look at each other, it’s full of love. Give it a shot!
Yes, there will be many more kisses now.
And here you are today, on Juyeon’s couch, enjoying your home date for the tenth anniversary of your friendship, with Sunwoo’s blessing in the back of your mind. You spent the day cooking together, sweet and savoury, having fun with the shapes of the cakes and pizzas (hearts and dicks like the children you are), playing games, dancing and listening to music in a good-natured atmosphere.
Today’s a day to celebrate your friendship. Yes friendship, when all you want to do is kiss him senseless. Maybe confessing today is not such a bad idea. Especially when you see him coming out of the shower in all his glory, beads of water running down his naked torso, hair tousled and wet, tongue running over his lips sensuously as he looks you straight in the eye, ready to pounce on you. Oh, and, his cinnamoroll pyjama pants, low on his hips and revealing the Apollo belt of his abs, make you smile as much as it turns you on.
Juyeon takes his place between your legs, smiling, his hot muscular back resting on your chest as he lays his head back on your shoulder, dampening your matching melody pyjamas. He chuckles as he turns his head to see you gawping. His big veiny hand that had been squeezing your thigh flies to your cheek, turning your flushed face towards him so he can kiss the pout at the corner of your lips. His beautiful lips linger a little longer on your neck, but you welcome his touch with open arms and lean into his embrace.
His eyes are full of stars when he rises from your embrace to grab the remote and turn on your series. But he remains seated between your legs, unconsciously resting a hand on your knee to preserve the intimacy you’re so immersed in. You help him on with his t-shirt, not without kissing his shoulder first, making him shiver. And your hands take the opportunity to wander down his torso to his waist, making him smirk as well. You become more and more adventurous, he loves it and can’t wait to run his lips all over your body, discovering all of it.
You place a kiss on the crown on his hair and when you notice that it’s already dry, an idea crosses your mind. Juyeon’s focus is back on the show, so much so that he can barely feel your hands playing with his hair. You give him a rather pleasant massage, moving down to the small of his chest, across his neck and up into his hair, twisting it between your fingers.
“How does it feel?” You murmured in a hushed tone.
“Heavenly,” he moans.
The tension is palpable as you continue your services, your hearts beating wildly, almost as one. He takes one of your hands in his to kiss it, the attention making you blush, before replacing it in his hair and nodding for you to continue. So you undertake one of the most romantic acts of love in your eyes, braiding his hair. Strand by strand, your fingers caress the edges of his face. The braids come undone as quickly as they are made, but he smiles broadly as he touches them, feeling butterflies in his stomach and his heart beating erratically.
“I could see our everyday life like this,” you whisper in his ear. “Together.”
Juyeon, who had been purring at your display of affection, becomes still when he hears your words. He slowly turns to face you with the most charming smile and tenderly takes your hand to place it on his chest, where his heart burns with love. The fire in his eyes burns inexorably, lighting up his already sunny face, unable to leave him. You’re captivated by this intensity and he doesn’t look away, also in love with your sparkling eyes, even when he reaches out to grab a little box that has always been right in front of your eyes. Yes, his love has always been on display. You were just too slow to catch on.
But you get it now. You’re two fools in love.
“You know how our youth is filled with each other’s names?” He says, voice a little hoarse and heart beating fast under your palm. “Well, my heart has never changed, I’ve always wanted to be with you. You are my breath of fresh air, the warmth that keeps me going through the winter, and the words I’m about to tell you will never melt away. My everything is all about you, it has always been about you.” He pauses to take a deep breath and kisses the palm of your hand, which he then links with his own, intertwining your fingers.
“I love you,” he sighs with love and happiness. “I love you so much that I was reading my destiny inside your eyes without even knowing it.” The flame of love he has carried all these years dances in his eyes, making him irresistible and captivating. Your heart is pounding in your chest as you wait for his question, palpitations he feels through your bound hands.
“Would you be mine?” His gaze, dropping to your lips then back to your eyes, is determined as he opens the velvet box to reveal two rings. Not just any rings, the matching promise rings to the bracelets you bought months ago. The ones on your wrists that you’ve never taken off.
As if on cue, as a sign of future commitment, he kisses your left ring finger and places the ring on your right with such tenderness that you almost cry. No, you’re pretty sure tears are rolling down your face because he puts his thumb under your eyes to gently wipe away the tears and kisses the salty drops that have run down your cheeks, close to your lips. With that, you mirror his actions by kissing the ring, his left ring finger and placing it on his right finger with a dazzling smile, as an unspeakable promise – that you’ll spend the rest of your lives together.
“I have always been yours. I love you Juyeon, so much that I’m going crazy.”
Even now, after confessing his feelings and hearing yours, he remains respectful and lets you make the first move with a victorious smile. You grin, feeling the cool material of the ring on your cheek as he cups your face in his hand, reminding you that this is all real and that he loves you.
And he does.
So you finally lean in, closing the gap between you to rest your lips on his. It was meant to be a soft and quick peck, but he captures your body and deepens the kiss, years of longing and wanting not to be wasted, leaving you breathless. His lips search yours every time you pull away, not wanting to let go, intoxicated by your lips and this new closeness. If you spend the rest of the evening making out and exploring each other, no one will say a word. Not even your neighbours.
Ah, you’ve never been in love and wanted to be with anyone as much as you do with him, and this since you were 16.
» synopsis in the aftermath of a break-up, you whisk yourself away to a brand new city to tend to your emotional wounds. you have no friends there, no connections, and every intention to keep it that way.
the guy working behind the desk at your hostel, however, has other plans.
» pairing lee juyeon x fem!reader
» content [26,4k wc] vacation romance, strangers-to-lovers, fluff, minor angst, playful banter because reader is not happy about this crush, slow(ish) burn, mutual pining, hyunjae (he's his own warning because he is a Problem but in a fun way!), soft and feel good, sēxual content, alcohol consumption, happy ending!
❥ ao3
With your phone in one hand and your luggage in another, you look up from the screen to confirm your destination. All things considered, the building looks promising, and though your heart is heavy, you commit to the idea that it has got to be better than everything you have just left behind.
Relationships are hard, and moving on from them is, in most cases, much harder. Back home, the person that you once shared your life with carries on with the kind of ease that you could only dream of. Instead, you've run away; to another country, another world, and temporarily, another life.
You will have to return in three weeks, but until then, you hope to quell the ache inside of your heart with quaint cafes and calming walks in the beautiful, spring-adorned parks.
This time of the year is nothing extravagant as far as travel season is concerned, and for that you are thankful. The journey you have embarked on is for healing of the soul, not necessarily meeting new people or drowning your sorrows in the dreams of someone new. Really, you want nothing more than to rediscover yourself through time spent alone, and where better to do that than a place where not a single person knows who you are?
Dragging your bag in through the door, you shuffle yourself towards the front desk and thoughtlessly begin digging through your belongings for a form of identification.
"Hello, checking in?" a voice behind the counter says.
"Yeah, thanks." You give your name and finally locate your passport, sliding it across the waxed wood.
"You're booked for a private room, is that correct?"
"Yup, that's me."
The thought comes to you suddenly—frazzled and a little distracted by your hands being full and a head full of wandering thoughts—that you've not yet graced this person with the attention that they are deserving of. Rude, you think to yourself, and finally, you look up to find their eyes.
From behind the counter, the man sitting there looks up at the very same moment. There's a small perk to one corner of his lips with narrow, smiling eyes that accompany it so charmingly. He's handsome, a little disarmingly so if you were to be a little too honest with yourself, but you are far from being in the sort of emotional headspace that might allow for you to acknowledge it all further than you already have.
He looks at your passport, looks at you, then turns to the computer to begin inputting the pertinent information.
"You're booked for three weeks," he says, though nothing in his tone gives away the reason for stating as much. "Business, or vacation?"
Eyes narrowing suspiciously, you watch him intently and reply, "Are you asking for the system, or for yourself?"
"Myself." The man glances up towards you once again, though now the smile is more widely spread across his lips as he slips the document back towards you. "Just curious. Apologies if it's out of line, a habit I've picked up from working here. Nosey, even."
Now, this is interesting.
"No, it's fine! I just…" Trailing off, you take the time to carefully consider how much information you would like to divulge to this stranger, a man who knows precisely where it is that you will be staying for the duration of your trip and who may, or may not, be a potential murderer. Disarming once again comes to mind, and perhaps against your better judgement, you answer honestly. "It's vacation, I just needed to get away for a little while."
Nodding slowly, as if easily picking up on your trepidation, the man finishes his tasks related to checking you in, hands you a keycard with a room number written on the sleeve and says, "Here's your room and your key. It's on the third floor and there are two elevators; one right there, and one down the hall to your left." You watch him point to both, and once having done so, he continues the spiel. "There's a bar where we serve alcohol and coffee, and a communal kitchen area down that same hall. At night, you'll need your key to get inside of the building, for security reasons."
"Right, understood," you say, but the consideration of danger immediately crosses your mind and thus, you cannot help but ask: "Is this a particularly dangerous area or…?"
"Oh, no, it's fairly standard protocol, but if you have a problem, you can come find me. I'm here most days."
A smile creeps across your lips, long before you have any chance of forcing it back. The most obvious tell in regards to your feelings about this exchange; you're enjoying it, no matter how much you internally beg yourself not to.
"And who do I ask for in the event of not being able to locate your whereabouts?"
"Juyeon," he says, "Lee Juyeon. It's been a pleasure."
After a shower and some unpacking, you're ready to begin exploring what this new, exciting city has to offer.
Admittedly, you romanticize the idea of what awaits you. It's spring now and the flowers are blooming; green is finding its way back into the trees and bringing a lushness to the sidewalks that you've missed seeing over the past few months. New life feels invigorating even in the best of times, but now it serves as a much needed reminder that the dissolution of your past comforts are not the end all, be all of your world going forward. There will always be renewal, there will always be something more to look towards—you just need to remember how to find that.
You have no plans for your stay here, nothing concrete that you must abide by. No friends, no family and no work that requires your attendance. Your days are your own, and you plan to make the best of them.
The elevator takes you down—an old rickety thing that you worry slightly over the safety of—and once the doors open, a thought finds you.
This hostel lobby is shaped something like a T, with the front desk standing right at the center of the two offered hallways and the entrance at the opposite way. It would be simple enough to bypass it completely and continue on your way, but really, where's the fun in that?
"So," you begin once you reach your destination, "Any good places for a quick bite to eat around here?"
Juyeon is idly scrolling through his phone when the question comes, and slowly, he looks upwards with another one of those somewhat amused smiles.
"What are you in the mood for?"
"Nothing heavy, just a light meal. I'm tired and don't feel like being out too much today."
He nods, then much to your surprise he moves to stand up.
There should be nothing special about someone standing, but as it would turn out, there very much is with him. Juyeon is tall—much taller than you ever would have guessed him to be—and as that knowledge bowls over you with far less grace than you'd really care to admit, he leans himself over the counter and motions to the right down the street.
"On this same block, there's a really good sandwich shop that's open pretty late, a lot later than other places around here. Common last stop for people who are staying here after a drunken night out," Juyeon says, turning his head to look at you. "It's really only busy then and during lunch, so you should get in and out fast right now."
His explanation comes to an obvious conclusion, but he never really bothers to sit himself back down in his chair. Instead, he leaves himself sprawled out over the counter and in closer proximity to you, as if intently waiting for your response.
As of now, Juyeon appears to exist in that inconceivable mist between evident flirtation and a genuine desire to be helpful. They are difficult to distinguish even in cases where you know the person for longer than a couple of hours, but now, the fog shrouds these vague interactions even more thickly.
"Thanks, I'll check it out then. Any recommendations?"
Humming thoughtfully, Juyeon squints and rests in silent thought for a moment before finally saying, "I don't know what you like, so it's hard to give a recommendation. Everything is delicious, though. You're in good hands."
That raises an eyebrow from you. "In good hands… with the sandwich shop?"
"And the guy who told you to go there, obviously. Never had anyone tell me a place I told them to go to was bad."
"You work here, most people aren't going to come back to tell you that your restaurant recommendation was subpar."
Juyeon frowns a little, though there's something childish and overplayed about the expression. He retreats back to his seat behind the desk, offers a shrug and just says, "Fair enough. You'll have to be the bearer of honesty and tell me what you think when you return, then."
You realize there is an ease to your conversations with this man despite barely knowing him that you do not come to like. Namely, the way a laugh falls from your lips with no hope of fighting it back.
"Sure," you accept, "I'll let you know."
"Maybe I'll be finishing up my shift and we can have a drink."
Eyebrows furrowed at both the audacity and the forwardness, your head snaps back and this time, the chuckle you huff out is only half-amused.
"I hardly know you and now you're asking me to go somewhere with you to get a drink, in a strange city I've hardly explored for myself? What do I do when things get weird and you turn out to be a serial killer? You already know where I'm staying."
Juyeon appears equally half-amused by that, and the other half hovers somewhere around the mark of being confused. His features twist in ways that are easier to decipher; him attempting to put these nonsensical pieces together into something that does make sense, and as it would appear, failing to do so.
"I didn't say anything about going anywhere, I told you when you checked in we have a bar here. We're at the bar." Motioning along the rest of the desk and towards where it turns at the other end of the hostel that you've not yet visited, the portion of the lobby meant to handle patrons for mild, social drinking becomes wholly evident to you, and a little embarrassing. "You said you didn't want to be out much today, so we wouldn't need to go anywhere. Perks of both of us spending a whole lot of our time here, I suppose."
You stand there in awkward silence, mostly because you do not want to give him anything resembling a victory in all of this.
"I'm not a serial killer," he adds. "You can say no. Unfortunately nothing can be done about me knowing where you're staying. You're just going to have to hope for the best as far as that part is concerned."
Rolling your eyes, you readjust the strap of your small bag and say, "Fine, we can have one drink. Only because I'm proud of you for actually listening to the words that come out of my mouth."
"Unlike you with me?" he says, that sly grin once again reappearing.
"Don't push it, I'll loiter outside until your shift ends and you go home just to avoid you if you get too snippy."
"Deal," Juyeon says, so evidently pleased with the way this has all unraveled. "See you when you get back."
The sandwich was utterly divine. You consider lying about it just to avoid the smugness that would result in relaying that information.
Upon your return, Juyeon is already released from the confines of his work station and presumably catching up with his colleague on the goings on of the day. Once again, you are forced to reckon with the stature of him as he does so; tall and lean, the general shape of his form still easily decipherable from beneath the grey hoodie and loose jeans that he is wearing. He hasn't yet noticed your being there, and so you accept it as an ample opportunity to take in the sight without having to explain yourself for doing so.
There's nothing wrong with enjoying the brief company of a handsome guy that you do not know and, after this trip, will never speak to again. However, there is a ping of guilt that still resides in your chest from having not long ago been in a life situation that would not have so easily allowed for it. The throes of a break-up are almost never easy, and learning how to reenter the world as a single person with none of the previous boundaries and strings attached takes some getting used to. You aren't there yet—hell, you're not in any place for much moving forward as far as singleness nor relationships are concerned—but it is a work in progress that you intend to continue laboring on.
You are a work in progress.
Still, Juyeon seems nice enough, and not especially pushy, either. An air of thoughtful ease surrounds him in your conversations where his budding interest in you is very much present, but without any expectation to be granted the same.
Curious, but he could go off you; and as far as you are concerned, that is the best place for him to reside.
"The sandwich was good," you say with a displeased pout. "Don't make a big deal about it."
Only once you have spoken does Juyeon realize that you have returned. His attention snaps to you, a few seconds are needed for him to discern the context and understand what it is that you are even saying to him, but once he does the anticipated smugness is fast to follow.
"Fine, I won't." Not with words, but the smirk on his face says everything anyway. Nodding towards the end of the bar, Juyeon asks, "Are we still on for that drink, then?"
"Only because my dinner was serviceable, if it was bad I would have never given you the time of day again."
"It'd be only fair. What else could I expect for a bad dinner recommendation?"
"Murder? Prison?"
The two of you make your way along the short distance to the destination, and Juyeon glances at you once more.
"Tough crowd. I hope your drink expectations aren't as high, we're a hostel, not some swanky, rooftop lounge."
Taking your seats, the colleague that has taken Juyeon's spot behind the counter pops open the tops of a couple of beers and lazily slides them towards each of you. Leaning the neck of his bottle towards you, Juyeon insists on a silent cheers, and you grant him that, at the very least.
"So," he starts, "What brings you to the city?"
Halfway through your first sip, you smile through the rest of it and force it down through a rough swallow. Truthfully, you knew this would eventually come, but now that that moment is here, you don't quite know how you want to go about handling it.
Talking about the situation is far down the list of ideal activities even on the best of days, and trauma dumping with strangers somehow lands itself even lower down the line. You don't want to lie—nor do you have a cliche, uninteresting half-truth to offer up instead—and thus, you end up choosing the best thing you can for yourself with such little time to prepare.
"Oof," you say, "Don't have that one in me tonight, either."
"That bad, huh?"
"You could say that." You take another quick, strong sip. "Kind of a strong first question for getting to know someone, don't you think? What if I was like, running from the law, or something?"
Juyeon's head cocks to the side gently and he says, "Then you should tell me so I can help misdirect them when they come searching for you." An understanding nod follows, however, and he continues on to add, "Got it, we'll skip that one. Why a single, private room?"
Eyes narrowing, you look at him with a sort of stunned disbelief undoubtedly present all over your face.
"Do you really think asking a strange woman why she's staying in a private room is appropriate compared to the other question?"
And to his credit, he does appear to think it over with careful consideration for a second. Juyeon takes another drink from his beer, relents to your inquiry and says, "Work brain. Sorry about that, but in my defense, I totally had non-creepy reasons for asking."
"Please, I would love to hear them!"
"Well, a lot of the time when people choose a hostel to stay in, it's because they desire the social aspect of it. They want to meet new people and build new friendships, even if it's just for a short time," he reasons. "Of course, we offer the private rooms and people do book them, but most people would just book a standard hotel if privacy was a major concern of theirs. Which then leads me to suppose that there are two possible reasons that you didn't go that route."
You take another sip. "And what are those?"
"It's either a financial strain to book a hotel, or you're lingering somewhere in between an unwillingness to completely succumb to the social, shared living aspect of a hostel but don't completely want to shut yourself out from it, either."
This guy is going to be a problem, you now come to realize.
Another sip, a sigh, and then you say, "It's not the money."
As much as you hate it, Juyeon smiles at that.
Over the next few days you come and go from your hostel often, and more frequently than not, Juyeon is sitting there behind the counter.
With less than a week lapsed in your trip, the city and this man slowly begin to be more familiar to you. His smile is bright and charming, there is an effervescence to his words that causes even the most minute of conversations to linger in your mind. Much like this place—Juyeon is a breath of fresh air in your life that is very much welcomed and perhaps far more needed than even you had previously thought.
And as you watch the greens of the leaves fill into the tree branches and the heavy jackets of the folks that wander the streets inch back into their respective homes, there is a new hint of color that paints your world brightly, as well.
As lunchtime begins to settle in, you pull your bag tightly to your shoulder and wander out into the comfort of a lobby that you have grown so accustomed to. What awaits you there, however, is not something you could have easily come to expect.
"Good morning," Juyeon says, perched up lazily outside of his usual work-time walls. "Want to grab a coffee?"
A little awestruck and not at all prepared for what has befallen you, your eyes widen in surprise and an answer does not immediately find you. Looking at him, he does not appear particularly dressed for any such occasion; the usual type of jeans, sneakers and a nice enough cardigan for walking the town, sure, but asking someone on a date attire? You're not quite convinced.
Then again, what does asking someone on a date attire even look like? Even more than that, is he asking you out on a date?
But your skin feels warmer the longer you allow the question to linger in the air. Juyeon does not add anything onto it, does not push or prod for a reply. Merely waiting in silence as you fumble over a litany of prospective responses internally.
"I…" you start, meek and quiet in ways that are foreign to you. Navigating this is difficult for a plethora of reasons, but most of all because Juyeon has done nothing wrong. You don't want him to feel as though he might have, and have no desire to create distance between the two of you. Quite the contrary, in fact, as there is a growing, terrifying blooming inside of you that wishes there was less.
Not an option, either. Now you are placed in a complicated middle ground of fighting two sides of something where you really shouldn't be. You are in no place to be entertaining a prospective crush—yet, you cannot fully eradicate the stirring curiosity of what if?
You give a small smile, and know well enough that it does little to sell the masking of your troubles. "Sorry," you say, "I think I'll just head out on my own, for now. Thank you for the offer, it's very kind."
To his credit, Juyeon does not falter even an inch. His smile never wanes, his posture never giving inclination to any disappointment he may be feeling as a result of your declining his request. Instead, he gives a simple nod and just says, "All right, have a good day, then."
Easy enough, you think to yourself as you head out towards the door and subsequently onto the street. The words are repeated in your mind like a chant, as if meant to convince yourself of them and not allow any other thoughts to seep in through the cracks of their absence. Easy enough, easy enough, easy enough. It was easy. You stop only a few steps down onto the walkway, look up at the tree that has now nearly fully bloomed into pink and white flowers all throughout, and make peace with the truth of the matter.
That you are doing no one any favors in denying yourself the peaceful company of having met someone new. You came here with the intention of healing, perspective, and something of a brand new start. It does not have to come in the form of a new commitment, or a coming together of people that will eventually lead to forever. For you, there is little growth in forcing yourself to be locked away inside the tomb of guilt, grief and solitude.
You are mourning, yes, but you do not have to do it all alone.
So, with an abrupt turn, you stomp back inside and right back up to Juyeon, now engaged in conversation with the colleague behind the counter.
"Yes."
Juyeon's attention whips towards you, eyes wide at your abrupt declaration and with his jaw a little slack in what you can only figure to be mild confusion.
"Sorry?"
"Yes to the coffee," you clarify. "I want to get coffee. With you, I mean. If the offer is still on the table."
"Oh!" His disbelief is wholly present on him, reeling a little from the sudden realization of what is taking place. If nothing else, it's a pretty cute look on him, and you decide that you may have to do more to keep him somewhat uncertain of your next move. He goes on to say, "Yeah, of course. I know a great spot that isn't too far from here."
"I've reached the point in my exploration of this city that I no longer wish to linger within these few blocks," you say, "So, you might have to work just a little bit harder to impress me now."
Mouthing a silent ah in response to that, Juyeon nods and says, "Got it, so you're using the locals to discover all of their secret gems, that's your real angle."
"And what's your angle?" you ask, coy and a bit more flirtatious than you'd really like to admit.
"To impress wanderers who happen to find their way here, obviously."
"Better get to work, then."
Much to your displeasure and not unlike the debacle with the sandwich stop down the way, this is another situation in which you simply must give it to the guy: He certainly knows his stuff.
The cafe isn't much to look at from the outside; little more than a gray and brownish old stone building with a few carefully tended plants and a small, wooden sign hanging above a staircase leading downwards. If not for Juyeon's leading presence, you very likely would never have stumbled upon this shop, at all. There is hardly anything to guide a traveling eye towards its tucked away location, and as he holds the door open for you to walk in ahead of him, you begin to understand why.
What awaits you inside is a long, concrete corridor lined as far as the eye can see with bookshelves. Every inch of it is a home for a book—so many of them that you cannot even fathom how many may reside here. Large, nondescript, orange-hued bulbs hang from the ceiling as the only marker of there being more awaiting down the path, and as Juyeon slips by you to continue towards the destination, a new and rarely felt excitement begins to bubble up and settle into your bones.
Thankfully, the trail is not a long one, and upon reaching another door, Juyeon glances at you with a proud smile and once again motions for your entry ahead of him.
What opens up before you is brighter, more inviting and cozy; but more than any of that, it is architecturally stunning.
Small tables that appear to be carved by hand, with chairs and cushions that match the medieval ambiance of this beautiful space. The floors beneath your feet appear old yet immaculately kept, the counter and lighting fixtures equally matching; and just as the pathway leading here might have suggested, the walls appear to be never ending and fully adorned with the weathered pages and well-loved leathers of books that have somehow survived the unrelenting passage of time.
"This is…"
"Nice, right?" Juyeon says, pleased. "I found this place a few years back but haven't told many people about it, don't want it to become too much of a hot spot with a line out the door."
"Yeah, I don't blame you. What an incredible secret this spot is."
"The coffee is good, too. Sit, I'll get us something."
Too enamored by your surroundings to put up much of a fight, you choose the closest table to you and fumble with a chair as you continue to gaze around, taking in the sights that seem to shift and manifest before your very eyes. There is such an incredible attention to detail to the carvings on the wood and the paintings across the ceilings that it feels as though you see something different despite looking over the very same spot. It is confusing and beautiful and divine in ways that you can't begin to articulate should he even ask, and thus, you sort of hope that he does not.
Being some of the only patrons in attendance, Juyeon returns quickly and sits himself across from you at the tiny table, two mugs—one in each hand.
You look at them, look at the hands holding them as he sets them down, and presumably you make a face that you are wholly unaware of and that certainly gives away some of the thoughts you want kept in your mind, but Juyeon takes notice. Of course he does.
"What?" he asks, an inquisitive eyebrow perked. He brings his hands back and looks them over briefly. "Do I have something on me?"
That rips you back to reality. "Huh?"
"You were looking at my hands."
Damnit. "Oh, uh." You wrack your brain for something not weird to say, but ultimately, come up short. "They just uh… The mugs, they're small, I guess."
"Oh, no, I have big hands," he says. Clearly something he has heard before. "Freakishly big, I guess. You're only just noticing?"
Glaring at him, you pick up your coffee and bring it to your lips. "Yes, I don't make it a habit to notice people's freakishly large hands until they are pushed in front of my face, if that's all right with you."
Seemingly intent on dropping the topic, Juyeon does not respond and watches in silence as you continue to take your sip. Then, once finished, he asks, "So? How is it?"
It's incredibly good. Some of the best that you've ever had. "Fine," you say.
He offers a small smile and accepts that as the best answer that he is going to get.
"How did you find this place, anyway?" you ask.
A reminiscent glow washes over Juyeon as he appears to recall the memory, arms folding over his chest as he stares off into your shared, ample surroundings.
"I like to read a lot and I wanted to find a place that was quiet and had good drinks—the kind of place that wasn't as simple and busy as a library or any coffee shop on the corner of a street. Not the kind of place for meeting people or for taking video call meetings for work, you know? Just somewhere that I could read, and think, and sit in the silence of whatever it was I happened to be feeling at the time."
"Thinking type," you conclude aloud, "Tormented by the mind prison a little, are you?"
He huffs out a chuckle at that. "Sure, sometimes, but aren't we all? Maybe a little bit more than most, I'll admit." Reaching forward, he takes his mug into his hand and takes a small sip before continuing on to explain, "I think a lot about the world, the people in it—my being in it—the impact all of us have on everyone and everything around us. Isn't that normal?"
Nearly choking on your current sip, you manage to get through it and say, "I'm gonna be honest with you, I don't think most people are thinking about that a majority of the time."
"They probably should, no? Isn't it important to consider the way we interact with everything in our day to day lives? Make an effort to leave the people we meet better than however it was that we found them?"
Slowly, the pinned smile in your lips begins to fade.
"Yeah, that would be nice, but I just don't think the average person takes it into consideration as much as you might." You set your drink down, suddenly having lost the taste for it, gaze dropped down to the careful etchings marked into the wood of the table. "Having that kind of whimsical, careful view of your surroundings might result in you landing yourself in a rather unfortunate situation, you know."
"You don't believe that people are, at large, fundamentally good?" Juyeon asks.
Swallowing hard, you make an effort to not acknowledge the painful ache welling inside of your chest. You know that he is not sifting around through the most broken and wounded threads of yourself on purpose, but his uncanny ability to unearth them is crushing all the same.
And so, with your hands still delicately wrapped around the white porcelain, you inhale deeply and say, "I do, but you'll have to forgive me for not jumping to rally behind the same conclusion."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
A heavy sigh escapes you as you relent to this, slumping back into your chair and rolling your eyes. "Sure, I mean we're already meeting outside of your working hours, might as well take this to the next level in a trauma-dumping sort of way. When I first came here, you asked what I was here for: Well, the answer to that is I'm running away. Running away from a very fresh break-up that I didn't see coming. Running away from the fact that I still have all of my shit in that apartment and in about two weeks time I'll have to go back there and deal with it because the situation simply isn't going to deal with itself. Whatever healing I think I'm doing here is only going to be immediately undone the second I set foot back through that door. I came here because I needed to get away, I came here to put off the inevitable. This isn't going to fix any of that, but at the very least, I owe it to myself to not have to think about it for a little while."
Once you finish speaking, you awkwardly await a response. For reasons you don't quite know, you have anticipated Juyeon's next words to come almost immediately, and once they do not, the discomfort of you laying your emotions bare quickly becomes too stifling for you to handle.
"And I know what you're going to say," you continue, cutting through the silence, "That running away isn't the answer, that it's nonsensical, and I get that. Intellectual-Smart-Guy with a vast understanding of the world; I know, it's just not something I can deal with yet. It's all too raw, too brand new. I don't know."
You give a tentative, careful upwards glance to gauge Juyeon's reaction to everything that you have just said, and what is waiting for you on the other side is a gentle, adoring look that extends to you nothing but empathy and kindness.
"Running away is fine sometimes," he says. "You don't have to deal with all of that right now. It'll be handled when it's handled, on your own time, when you can. I don't blame you for wanting to get away." Sitting forward, Juyeon presses an elbow into the table and cradles his chin into a palm, still gazing at you with those soft eyes. "How could I possibly scold you for your choice when ultimately, it's the same one that has us sitting here now?"
Your defenses melt away in almost an instant, the tension from your shoulders falling and any sense of fight once coursing through your veins quickly diminishing. What replaces it all is instead a feeling of finally being understood and being seen; the warmth of not only being heard, but having the calloused outer layers of something dark and gruesome peeled off to—in some form—be loved.
Slowly, your eyes narrow as you stare at him and in a last ditch effort to maintain some air of lightheartedness to this engagement you ask, "Is this a date?"
He laughs. "Do you want it to be a date?"
"That's not how this works! You had something in mind when you asked, so is it a date, or not?"
"I could say the same for when you changed your mind and came back inside at the hostel, too."
"Are you really going to play mind games with the poor girl who just told you about all of her horrible, emotionally devastating life circumstances?" you ask, playing up the turmoil you are pretending to experience with dramatic displays of sorrow. "How could you? What a horrible man…"
"Fine," Juyeon concedes, leaning back once more and finishing off the rest of his coffee with a confident, amused hiss. "Then it's a date. Happy now?"
Oh!
For reasons completely unbeknownst to you, you had not been expecting him to acquiesce to your insistence for clarification so easily. This had all been something of a game in your mind with no real implications or weight to it, but now, the truth of the matter is fully laid out on the table and you have no other option than to see it, take it, consider it for precisely the thing that it is.
As well as your subsequent feelings about that.
The guilt from a ghost partnership still lingers heavily in your chest—the whispered voice of something that once existed insisting that you should not be here and should not be participating in all of this. It nearly feels correct to give in to that thought; to accept it as the truth and not press further nor ask questions about the who or what this thought lives to serve.
But the ghost torments you because it prevails in the stead of something that has since departed. You owe it nothing, and the sooner you learn to stand firm against it, the sooner you can finally remember what it is to live for yourself again.
This will all come to an end soon enough, and when you step foot back onto that plane nothing that happens here will ever really matter, anyway.
"Yeah," you eventually say, "Suppose I am happy now."
The first week of your rehabilitation trip has concluded, and all things considered: It's going rather well.
Juyeon is a treat, and the more time you spend with him, the more you find this to be the case. Your initial description of him—disarming—proves to be an apt one, because whether you want them to or not, the walls you had constructed meant to keep the barrage of emotional turmoil at bay are crumbling faster than you can attempt to rebuild them.
And worst of all, there is a strong part of you that has all but given up trying.
There is so much about him that excites you in regards to starting your day, and knowing he is going to be downstairs waiting to see you with that bright smile and those pretty eyes more often than not has you pressing the elevator button just a little bit faster than you otherwise might have. More times in succession than if you were just heading down to the corner store for something to drink. No, what waits for you down there is the person that has inevitably turned your life upside down. It isn't the first time this has happened to you at the hands of another as of recent, but damn does it feel so good.
You remember booking this trip in something of a haze; a mess of sadness, turmoil and grief as you continued selecting more and more days that would result in your being away from home. Three weeks is a long time to be in a place that you've never been to before, where there are no people that you can turn to for any comfort, but you figured, what the hell? I have nothing here for me, anyway.
However, now that your trip has officially breached the precipice of week number two, the ache of a journey that is quickly coming to an end begins to creep up and cling to the wayward strings of your injured heart.
Regardless, there is lunch to be eaten and with a stomach that rumbles as you make your way into the lobby, Juyeon is quick to grab your attention before you can further your trek away.
"Hey, I'm finishing up work around six. I wanted to ask you if you'd like to take a walk with me around the city. Just do some sight-seeing, maybe show you a few more special spots, if you'd be interested."
No matter how hard you try, you cannot help the way your heart leaps every time he asks.
At the very least, you are able to catch and temper the smile that inches its way into the corners of your lips. "Yeah, I'd like that. You have to buy me a drink, though. I don't go out with men unless there's a little treat waiting for me on the other side."
"That's fair, I'd never ask a lady out and not have a little treat to offer her. Brutish behavior, really."
"I'll see you at six," you say with muted, anticipatory glee. "Maybe do something with your hair, while you're at it."
Juyeon's eyebrows furrow, confused by the comment and running fingers through messy, lazy black strands. "Something wrong with my hair?"
"No, but I've never seen it styled. I'm joking, you don't have to do anything for a walk around town. Do you always take everything people say to you so literally?"
"I mean…" He starts the comment, but trails off as if considering his next words a bit more carefully than initially projected. "Yes? I tend to believe the things people say to me. Is that weird?"
"No, it's a good quality," you say, swallowing down all of the lies that have been told to you with a stinging throat. "Just another thing we have in common I suppose."
Rain has fallen on this day, and as a result, the moisture carries a bite of cold through the wind for the first time since your arrival.
Still, the sun slowly sets over the horizon and casts a dull, brilliant shine over the puddles on the sidewalks and the drops that cling to newly sprouted leaves. The air smells fresh and inviting as it mixes with savory meats from food trucks and mouth-watering sweets from little stands perched up at the entrance of the park. It's chillier than you might typically like, but there is no place else you would rather be.
You had arrived earlier than told to the hostel, and Juyeon insisted that you head off ahead of him. Now, you stand here at the place that you've been told and wonder what all of the fuss was about.
Only moments later, the feeling of another body looming within your airspace is noticed, and turning to look; you find him.
Of course, there is a cup in Juyeon's hand which is quickly pressed towards you, but far more intriguing than any silly drink he could have conjured is his hair.
You know your reaction to it is obvious and you don't have the strength of will to dial it back. Jaw slack, eyes wide, and worst of all—not a damn word to say. Utterly silenced. Gobsmacked. This is a new hell and it's of your own creation.
If your intentions were to steer clear of this—whatever this even is, or insists on becoming—you've done an impressively poor job of making that easy to maintain. Juyeon looks at you with that same gentle smile that he always does, only now, the delivery feels far more different than what you have grown accustomed to. His hair is pressed back and off of his forehead save for a handful of strands that wisp down, unable to be tamed. There's product in there to hold the style, he has clearly put effort into this, and as if this isn't bad enough, you think there may even be a hint of eyeliner placed to sinisterly elongate his eyes.
In all honesty; it makes him look strange to you. Not in a bad way, nothing ugly or unpleasant to look at. Really, quite the opposite. The man you have gotten to know that is soft, careful and hopeful in his outlook in life has now had the audacity to become jarringly, threateningly sexy.
"Oh!"
That's really the best you've got for a reply, and you don't feel good about that, either.
"What? This is what you asked for, isn't it?" Juyeon glides a hand delicately over the shape of his hair with something of a knowing grin and then says, "Ask and you shall receive."
"I don't remember ordering the eye make-up that has you looking all scary and looming… you're too…" You cannot possibly say the first few things that come to mind, so you pick something much further down the line of potentials in hopes of maintaining at least some dignity. "Big, and long for that. You look like my sleep paralysis demon."
"You have a very fascinating way of complimenting people," Juyeon says, and once again, he extends the drink that you have not yet taken from his hand towards you. "Little treat, as demanded."
"Are you just going to give me anything I ask for? Do you have a new apartment or maybe a car I could have, too?"
He laughs at that, and you hate how good it sounds with his deep but mellow tone.
"Unfortunately not, you've seen where I work. Hair and treats are pretty manageable, though. Come on, let's walk before the sun fully sets so we can see the flowers."
And so, you do.
Talking to Juyeon is easy, and the more you do it, the more you begin to relent to the fact that there is something developing between the two of you. All of the denial in the world couldn't make you blind to it, and worst of all; you know he feels it too.
"Amusingly," Juyeon begins upon being questioned about his style for the evening, "I used to do the whole eyeliner and hair thing a lot more often a few years back, but I think it made me appear intimidating and unapproachable—which isn't great considering the hostel—so I stopped except for times when I go out for a night more accepting of it. You know, bars or clubs. That sort of thing."
"I have to imagine you get approached by women a lot if you're going around looking like that."
"Not really. Like you said…" He glances towards you. "Too scary."
You roll your eyes and give an incredulous huff. "You're way too good looking to be complaining about not being able to pick up chicks."
"I never said I was complaining, or that I can't talk to women."
Halfway through a step, something appears to catch Juyeon's attention and he stops dead in his tracks to rifle through his pocket. It's only now that you realize he had put more attention into his attire, as well; fitted jeans that cling much more tightly to the shape of his long legs and the hoodie retired for a long, black coat that is clearly saved for evenings out such as this.
Eventually, he discovers the culprit of his distraction and fishes out his phone. You watch him navigate through it for a short time and then finally, he turns back to face you.
"You're all about new experiences here, seeing all of my special little spots," he says, something coy and enticing etched into his voice. "Want to do something crazy?"
Going to some stranger's house party with a guy that is not far off from being a stranger himself is certainly not something you would ever find yourself doing back home—but fuck it, here you are.
You come to learn that the home that you are in only a few train stops away from the hostel belongs to one of Juyeon's friends from college, Kevin. He is boundless energy as he socializes like the effortlessly gifted host that he seems to be, and though you only get a few minutes of his time before he is off to continue the rounds, you have a good feeling about him.
And as a result, an even better one of the man that you have come here with.
A few of Juyeon's friends are in attendance, in fact, and they're all perfectly pleasant and enjoyable to be around. Sangyeon keeps asking if you need anything as if he is the one hosting, Younghoon does drive-by interactions with Juyeon because he is, for all intents and purposes, an absolute smoke-show. Girls won't leave him be, guys won't leave him be; Younghoon has his night cut out for him, and you can't help but enjoy the sights as you watch it all unfold before you.
All of his friends are good looking and lovely, but still, your attention always returns back to Juyeon. As the night goes on the drinks continue to flow, small displays of affection begin to inch their way into your interactions, each more brave than the one just before it. A brush of a hand turns into a gentle curling of a finger into another. Space between your bodies becomes slimmer, faces creep closer, and at some point the courageous brush of a strong hand settles warmly at the small of your back. A brief touch, but not easily forgotten.
Looking towards him, your eyes meet. The gaze is held just a bit longer than it usually is, something far more intentional sitting behind his eyes now. A single corner of his lips perks upwards just a bit as neither of you move to break the stare, and for the first time since beginning to spend time with him like this, you realize just how much there is that exists between you, unsaid.
Then, in the moment immediately following, much of the room erupts into cheers and applause. Many of them are chiding and teasing in tone, but you don't know any of these people nor whoever it could be entering into the room enough to understand the lore that awaits being discovered. Juyeon looks upwards and over the heads of many on account of his height, and it would appear that he locates the point of all of the commotion, because he settles back beside you, chuckles under his breath, and shakes his head ever so slightly.
"What? What is it?" you ask.
"Give it a second, he'll do the introductions himself."
You figure, there's a lot of people here, and most of them seem to know whoever this is that is the life of the party. What are the chances that they immediately make their way over here to us? But as soon as you finish the thought, another tall, handsome person with an almost comical grimace carved into his face slithers out from the crowd of people and beelines straight for Juyeon.
"What the hell man," he says, sounding a little exhausted already despite having only just arrived. His face expresses all of his feelings in quick succession, and contrasted to Juyeon's smooth, nearly stoic demeanor—this guy comes off almost like a cartoon character. "I just got here and everyone has to make a big deal about it!"
"You never come out," Juyeon reasons. "You should come out more, then it wouldn't have to be such a display."
"Oh my god…" The last part of the word draws for what seems like forever. Eyes rolling, shoulders slumping. You really can't help but laugh. Whoever this is, you already sort of like him. "I'm busy! Maybe you people should be more busy!" Suddenly, you catch his awareness. He drops the subject entirely, looks at you and says, "Hi. This is so humiliating. You must be Juyeon's uhh… friend?"
"Yes, I am Juyeon's-Uhh-Friend." You introduce yourself properly, offer a hand for shaking, and the perfectly collected man who had been utterly flustered only seconds ago takes it without hesitation.
"Lee Jaehyun, people also call me Hyunjae, because there's like, I don't know, four Jaehyun's in the friend group or something. We've all lost count by now."
"Seems like you're everyone's favorite based on that response."
"Well! What can I say? I am a bit of the life of the party."
"He'll be passed out in Kevin's room before eleven, I can promise you that," Juyeon interjects.
Jaehyun snaps his head towards Juyeon with slim, judgmental eyes and says, "You're mean to me and I don't appreciate it. You should be nicer, especially in front of your uhh-friend."
"She's my friend, yes, please do your best to not be weird about that."
"I'm not weird about anything," Jaehyun says, resolute in the fact. "By the way, I'm coming by tomorrow so look alive at the counter. I will be tormenting you."
"I wouldn't have it any other way."
"Are you two always like this?" you ask, looking back and forth between the two of them as they engage in a staredown of epic proportions.
Juyeon blinks slowly as if already growing bored of Jaehyun's antics and carefully says, "Yes, but he's my best friend, so what's a guy to do?"
Leaning in towards you, Jaehyun whispers rather loudly and with no effort to keep the conversation secret: "He likes it, he likes being poked and prodded quite a bit. Protip from me to you."
You laugh, Juyeon sighs, and just as quickly as he arrives, Jaehyun bounds away.
When the night draws to a close, you insist that Juyeon's services of walking you back to the hostel are not at all required. He already spends so much of his time there, and you are now perfectly capable of navigating the transit of the city to make it back safely by yourself. Of course, your half-hearted attempts are easily brushed to the wayside, and as you step back inside of the lobby you have no other option than to come to accept that though your reluctance may be half-hearted, another area of your heart is absolutely full.
"Can I walk you up to your room?"
Screaming yes is a little unbecoming of you, so instead, you give a small nod and head towards the elevator.
"Might as well, you already know which room I'm staying in, anyway."
"You keep saying that as if I'm going to just show up unannounced."
"Never know," you say, "You do look quite scary right now."
As the two of you walk down the hall, your mind swims with all of the potentials that reside within the rest of this night. It is late, you have things you want to do tomorrow, and you already may be slated to spend some of it nursing the minor hangover that you had not at all planned to have. It's been worth it, you're not upset, but you are weighing your options.
Always a battle between what you want, and what you believe the right decision is to make.
Your room draws closer, closer, until the two of you finally arrive. Juyeon stands beside you with his hands shoved into the pockets of his coat, looking at you with what can only be described as some kind of adoration lingering behind his eyes. Maybe he has never hidden it, maybe it has always been there and it's only now that you're willing to accept it for precisely as it is, can you see it. Maybe it's the alcohol—you can't be entirely sure—but you're happy, you enjoy it, you want to feel more of it.
"Thanks for tonight," you say, and you are hopeful that those words put a pin in the evening with enough finality. If pressed, you can't be sure that you won't succumb to the whims of all of this. You want to, you'd like to; but the timing doesn't feel quite right. "I had a lot of fun, and it was really nice meeting all of your friends. Even the crazy ones."
"You can just say Jaehyun," Juyeon says through a shallow laugh, "He'll be around tomorrow, so you can enjoy more of the show then."
After that, a silence falls between you. Neither of you motion towards anything in particular as you remain firm and unwilling to put an end to this moment. When the uncertainty of what's to follow becomes all but unbearable, you slip your keycard out from your coat and move to slide it into the lock.
The two things never connect, however. A strong but careful hand wraps around that very same reaching wrist and you are wrapped up in the imminent form that swiftly presses your back right against the door.
Juyeon has always existed at a distance from you, but now, the space between your bodies seems to have dissipated completely. Towering over you, caging you in place with long arms and broad shoulders; he pauses for a short time as the two of you merely look at one another. There are no words shared, barely the sound of breaths being exhaled filling the meager, remaining area.
His head dips down slowly, and it takes every bit of strength still clinging on inside of you to not leap forward and lock him into the kiss.
You wait, because when it finally does come, it's breathtaking. Juyeon kisses you for the first time and it feels like everything you could have ever desired and then more. Smooth lips with just a hint of the taste of alcohol still lingers on his mouth. It tantalizes you, makes you want and crave and desire even more. His head cocks ever so slightly in an effort to take you in more, and you let him. His for the taking.
But before you have the chance to settle into it fully and give yourself away, he retreats and creates space between your bodies once again. You're left reeling, breathless and far more wanting than you'd ever care to admit—something he probably knows, an even more irritating fact of the matter.
"I'll see you tomorrow," he says, offering a coy smile that mutates into a sinister bite at the bottom of his lip. "Sleep well?"
I could sleep better. "Yeah, I will. You too."
Oh. This guy is going to be the end of you.
You spend the better part of the next morning trying not to think about it. Showering, brushing your teeth, and getting ready for the day; trying not to think about it.
It is sort of all you can think about, unfortunately.
The hangover you anticipated nursing isn't so much of a problem, and that's one thing you can be thankful for. All things considered, it was a pretty good night—a very good night. You don't know what the end of it means, or what you have to expect for your future in regards to Juyeon, but for now, you're content with the way things have turned out.
What more is there to want from this, anyway?
"Hey!"
Being shouted at as you turn the corner catches you off guard, and you stop dead in your tracks like a deer caught in the headlights. Juyeon is sitting in his usual spot behind the counter, but the addition of another has completely slipped your mind in the aftermath of… well, everything else that has transpired since then.
Jaehyun is perched up against the counter, slumped against it lazily like he owns the place and it isn't somewhere that business is meant to be conducted in some sort of professional manner.
Last night had been a whirlwind when meeting him, and now that there are no shouting friends or ridiculous banter being shared, you finally have the opportunity to really take him in. He's handsome in a sort of approachable, inviting way—almost the opposite of Juyeon's darker and more demanding appearance. Bright eyes and a pretty slope to his nose with a freckle for good measure. His hair is messy and parted in the middle in a way that suggests that it has probably just ended up like that, with little assistance from the man whose head it sits upon.
"Good morning, I see the party has already started without me," you say.
"Hardly, this guy is a drag." Jaehyun throws a thumb back towards Juyeon and doesn't even bother gracing him with his full attention. "All work and no play. Snooze!"
"Well, he is at work, you know."
"Oh my god, who cares. He takes everything so seriously. You should hear him talk about books."
"I'm afraid I already have."
Jaehyun's eyes go wide and apparently that is appalling enough to have him twisting himself to look at Juyeon finally. "You seriously talked to her about the most boring thing about you? Lemmie guess, you took her to that one place."
"I did," Juyeon says with ease.
"And you're still interested, huh?" He is turned back towards you now. "That's crazy."
"Well…"
"Say, I have some shopping I need to get done near here, mind if I steal you away? Could always use a woman's touch."
You smile, amused by his antics and say, "Sure, not like I'm going to be doing much with Mr. Professional over there."
"Hurtful!" Juyeon chimes back.
"Right? I'm saying." Jaehyun darts towards you and slips his arm around your own, hooking your elbows together. "Well, we're off then. I'll have her back before supper, promise."
"We don't have plans tonight." A pointless addition by the man behind the counter.
Jaehyun pouts. "Can you ever just play along?"
"Not if it brings you joy, no. Have fun you two."
"We will!"
For as effortlessly outgoing and borderline exhausting Jaehyun can be at a glance, you realize in a short time that the two of you actually get along incredibly well.
He is fun and enthusiastic about everything, positive about things in a sort of boisterous way that makes you understand how he and Juyeon have become such close friends. There is a shared love of the world and the people that inhabit it, and where Juyeon prefers to hold a quiet adoration for it that can seem ironically cold and cynical to the uninitiated, Jaehyun is loud, excited and more than willing to let his love be shown.
A personality that matches your own well, and Juyeon's in a sort of similar fashion. The perfect addition to your budding involvement in their lives.
With a t-shirt held up to himself, Jaehyun glances at you in the reflection of the mirror and completely randomly asks: "So, Juyeon, huh?"
Stunlocked, you stare back at him in silence as you weigh your options of reply.
"What about him?"
He rolls his eyes. "You know what, don't play dumb with me! I have never once seen him bring a random girl from the place he works at around to his friends, much less spend any time with them, at all. Kind of only implies one thing."
"We get along well, and I like his taste in coffee shops."
His eyes roll again, as if he cannot help himself. "Nobody likes his taste in anything. Give that excuse up. He's a little intense in a sort of endearing way. Big scary cat, but he means well. Juyeon's a good guy but like… I don't know. What's the plan?"
The question you have been doing your best to not only avoid, but also ignore. It drops like a stone in your stomach, and being pressed on it is very far from the mental headspace you'd like to be in as of now. Suppose it must be written all over your face, because Jaehyun retracts it only seconds later.
"Okay, forget I said anything! Tough crowd. I was just wondering."
However, knowing that Jaehyun means well as far as Juyeon's interests are concerned gnaws away at the guilt already building inside of you. He goes back to sizing himself up in the mirror with the prospective new shirt, and you know that what you're being gifted here is an out.
Some more silence carries by, and you wonder if the awkwardness left is only felt by you. Undoubtedly, he is not bothered by your unwillingness to engage in the discussion. For you, it still feels like something of a failure given how far things between you and Juyeon have already carried on.
And so, you come to a decision. You close your eyes, inhale deeply and say, "It's just… I'm obviously just visiting, and I'm already coming out of a mess of a situation, and everything is sort of happening more than I ever really thought it would." Your eyes crack open to survey the scene, and Jaehyun is still not even looking at you. Surprisingly, his lack of attention is comforting. "I don't know. Maybe I should have stood my ground more, been firmer about it."
He grimaces at that, finally showing some form of response to your words. Only now that you have seemingly disgusted him with them. "What? That's your take away from all of this? No man! If you two are having fun doing whatever then you should keep having fun doing whatever. Don't be so doom and gloom about it, nothing has even happened to you."
"You don't think about things very much, do you?"
"Rude, I think about things a lot," Jaehyun says, shoving the shirt back onto the rack. Once it has been discarded, he stomps his way towards you and throws an arm over your shoulders, effectively locking you into a loose chokehold. "You two think about things way too much. Overthinkers. Always musing and worrying and blah, blah, blah. Live a little! If you want to run away to a brand new city and bang my weird hot friend then you know what? I think that's cool. Good for you."
You can't help the ugly frown that twists into your face.
"All I'm saying is," he continues, "Things are going well, right? You're having a good time, and it's probably better than whatever you thought it was going to be when you arrived. Moping and feeling sorry for yourself in the quiet of your own company can really only take you so far, eventually you would simply have to get out there and share it. Maybe it just happened a little quicker than you expected." His grip around your neck tightens just slightly, pulling you tighter against him. "Speedrunning healing! Incredible stuff! Now, enough about you, I need to shop."
The following few days have you spending more time with Jaehyun, and less with Juyeon. Shopping trips, coffee stops, and random tagalongs require you to spend even more time away from the hostel at your new friends' request. Occasionally, Juyeon will find the time to meet the two of you for a brief gathering before he is required to step back into the role he so often takes, and as a result, your friendship with Jaehyun quickly blossoms into yet another thing that you never could have expected.
Seated at a table inside of a brand new lunch spot, Jaehyun gets a sly grin plastered across his face as he so often does when something devilish has caught his mind. By now, you have learned to prepare yourself well for whatever it is that might come next.
"You're going to have to start making more time for Juyeon or he's going to start thinking something."
Eyes thinning into a glare, you look at him sternly. "He's the one that's always working lately."
"So you should spend more time there."
"I didn't come here to spend all my time cooped up inside of the hostel lobby, he knows that."
Jaehyun sighs, leans back in the booth he is seated in like he is already growing tired of you not understanding the point of this conversation and repeats, "He's going to start thinking something."
"Are you telling me he's jealous?"
Making a face that signals that what you have said is neither here nor there in the most apt way, Jaehyun crosses his arms and for once, does not respond immediately. He thinks through the next thing he wants to say rather carefully in a way that you're not so used to seeing from him, but when the most appropriate response does come to mind, he shifts ever so slightly and stares off towards nothing to say it.
"That word I feel comes with a lot of negative connotations that I don't feel really encompass the way Juyeon experiences what I'm talking about. He isn't jealous in the sort of way that a lot of guys typically are. Like, he isn't going to get weird, or angry, or probably wouldn't even say all that much about it, but he is competitive—and you'll be able to tell."
"How will I know if he feels some kind of way about it if he doesn't… really do anything that would alert me of that fact?" you ask.
"Vibes," Jaehyun says confidently, as if it's the most clear and evident answer in the world. "If he starts to feel as though he may be infringing on something, you'll definitely know the difference. Besides, he obviously likes you, so he's going to feel some kind of way about it no matter what the reason is for you not being around as much."
You don't really know what to say to that.
The writing has been on the wall for a while, but hearing it said out loud feels differently than all of the other markings towards the fact. Jaehyun sees it, you see it, but nothing has been said once between the two of you. Anything that has developed with Juyeon has been an unspoken rule living silently—and now that it is here, you find yourself unsure of exactly what to make of it.
So much uncertainty can exist within a kiss. Physicality can mean something, nothing, or everything depending on so many factors operating between those involved. Perhaps it would be easier if you were able to chalk all of this up to nothing more than a hopeful, single night spent together that will not change the lives nor the hearts of either person the next day. Perhaps then you could walk away with all of your sensitivities intact.
Yes, that would be quite a bit easier, in fact.
"Anyway, want to grab dinner tonight? There's this new taco place I want to try and I don't want to go alone," Jaehyun says.
"You don't seem to like doing anything alone, do you?"
"Why would I when I have an unemployed friend that's happy to go anywhere and do anything with me? Juyeon is too busy for us, we've only got each other now."
"I don't believe that line of thinking is going to help the…" You pause, waving a hand between the both of you. "Whatever he might mistakenly think this is, allegations."
"Well! Then maybe he should spend more time with us!" His face turns to that of utter glee at the thought he has had and he says, "Oh! That's fun! We can turn him into the third wheel! He'd love that."
"Okay…" you start. "Well, yes to dinner but I'm going to go back to the hostel to freshen up a bit and see if Juyeon wants us to bring him anything. So he knows we're thinking of him, at least."
"Great idea, try to drag him along if you can, I want to try this third wheel thing out for a giggle."
You close your eyes slowly, recenter your mind, and try to remember how it is you ended up with this guy as your next closest pal in a far away city.
By some incredible luck, Juyeon is able to free himself from the confines of the front desk in order to accompany you on your journey. Unfortunately, you cannot decipher whether or not your earlier conversation with Jaehyun is now clouding your ability to perceive his demeanor towards you, or if it has really and truly, shifted.
"How was work?" you ask while walking, only a stone's throw away from your destination.
"Good, more or less the usual."
This is difficult. You don't know Juyeon well enough to know if this is normal or abnormal, and he is typically a bit more reserved in the way he presents in any given situation. His body language is normal as is his tone, but there is just something about the way he is interacting with you that feels off. Is it a guilty conscience for nothing that you have done? Maybe. Jaehyun's warning rings loudly in your memory with each step that you take towards meeting him and wonder; Is it already too late?
Jaehyun is sitting at a table outside when the two of you finally arrive, and it is only then that you realize the weather is perfect for it. The air is warm but there are no strong breezes that may have you fighting for your life against a napkin that is hopeful to leave, and when you take your seat, you steal a glance at Juyeon just for good measure.
The same as always. You're not entirely sure what you were expecting to find.
"About time," Jaehyun says, "I've been waiting here forever."
"What? Ten minutes?" Juyeon asks.
"Yes." And with that, the server is already arriving with some drinks.
"Did the two of you have fun today?"
That question gives you pause, and the feeling as if there is a stone sitting in your gut for good measure. Your eyes slide towards Jaehyun who does not meet your interest—instead much too enamored by the slice of orange attached to the rim of his glass.
"Always do," he answers, and you can't help but feel as though your friend is not doing an ample job of reading the room at this moment. The conversation about Juyeon and his potential feelings in regard to all of this has only just taken place earlier, but here goes this guy playing right into any doubt that may be brewing. "We get on like a house on fire, I'm glad you introduced us!"
The face that Juyeon dons in response to that is fascinating to you, because it is some mixture of amusement and confusion. He looks up towards nothing; the sky, the trees, the logic that he hopes to discover in Jaehyun's statement, then eventually asks: "Did I introduce you?"
"Well, we met because of you, don't get hung up on the details."
"Sure."
"We have a fine time," you add, feeling as though you should ease the tension that may or may not be mounting here. Unfortunately, you have little to say in regards to the matter that doesn't make the scenario you are in increasingly bizarre, and thus, you have no other option than to concede and say, "He talks a lot, so that's fun."
We have a great time as friends doing things friends do, just in case you were wondering. We don't do anything romantic or sexual, not that you asked. All of the potential things you wish to say come out as some form of that, and tragically, despite its truth, leans a little too far into unconvincing territory.
Thankfully, Juyeon cracks a small smile at your words. "Ah, so you've noticed."
"I am constantly surrounded by people with nothing to say, someone has to pick up the slack!"
And as you glance from Jaehyun over to Juyeon, he stares down at the fruity beverage that appears so contradictory to him and says, "Yes, but people are drawn to you nonetheless, so you must be doing something right."
Though such a minor comment, you feel the unending weight of it. Juyeon does not look up and towards you at any point and instead, takes a slow, calculated sip of his drink and continues staring downward as if unable to bring himself to see either of you.
Two days later, you sit down and do the thing you have been putting off for much of your time here.
You calculate.
It has been sixteen days that you've been here, and you have now entered into your last week. Perched at the edge of your bed, you look at the calendar on your phone and repeatedly count how much of your trip still remains, as if in hopes that another day will somehow find itself as a part of the fray. You check your plane ticket home to ensure that the date is right—that it isn't some time in the future and you've simply lost track—but become sullen at your ability to remember your own itinerary.
Less than a week, and tonight is the hostel mixer.
When Juyeon had originally mentioned it in passing, it had felt so impossibly far away. At the time, you had briefly imagined what your night might be spent like during the event; trivia with strangers, billiards with strangers, drinks with strangers… but more than likely, nothing particularly memorable. It would become a fun enough night that you tucked into your memory and probably never recall again. A pleasant evening, but nothing special. Nothing to call home about.
Now, it has become so much more, because while Juyeon will be working, he will not be stuck behind the confines of his desk job. Tonight, the expectation is of him to mingle, make sure that everyone is safe, having fun, and abiding by the loose set of rules.
Additionally, it means that much of his time can be yours.
Jaehyun is coming because of course Jaehyun is coming. He is a man with nowhere else to be and nothing but the luxury of time. Someone who enjoys people watching and causing a minor problem if it results in some amusement for him; and what better place to hang for that than the little party the hostel his best friend works at is throwing.
Really, he shouldn't even be allowed to come. It's an event for the employees and patrons of the establishment, but of course, Juyeon is always happy to pull some strings.
To your surprise, the lobby you have grown so accustomed to looks rejuvenated, completely transformed from what you are used to seeing.
Sure, the decorations are cheap and jarringly colorful given the event planned for the night. You wonder if the owner sent them to the nearest party store with only a small amount of cash and told their employees to simply make it work, because the juxtaposition between bright children's birthday streamers and gloomy, dimmed ambiance against the walls has certainly been a choice.
You're really going to miss this.
A plastic cup is immediately shoved into your hand before you have even finished taking in your surroundings, and unsurprisingly, it's Jaehyun to your side as the deliverer of it.
He always sort of looks and dresses the same, so it comes as no surprise that tonight is no different. His jeans are a little more fitted and his button down shirt just a tad bit nicer, but there are minor creases in it that drive home his unwillingness to put in more than a modicum of effort as far as presenting beyond his naturally gifted appearance is concerned. Fair enough, he doesn't particularly need it, because once he flashes you that pretty smile with all those teeth you are reminded of precisely that fact.
"Welcome to the party," he says, looking smug for reasons you have not yet discovered. Often, there is no reason—a man who moves through life appreciative of the ample hand he has been dealt. "Juyeon is working. What a drag. Looks like I'm going to be your problem for the majority of the night."
"I would expect nothing less, but what makes you think Juyeon will be yours once his time frees up?" you ask with a playful nudge.
Jaehyun hums pensively for only a second. "I guess you're right, I should let the love birds enjoy the rest of their time together, given the ticking clock. Fine, you win, but I'm going to have my fun before the night is through."
Your eyes narrow. "I don't think I like the sound of that."
"Trust me, I know what I'm doing. I have years of Juyeon-related expertise under my belt and I don't trust either of you to get this thing moving along to seal the deal in time. We're already past the two week mark… and nothing!?"
With your cup in hand, you bring it up to your lips to take a sip and opt out of looking at Jaehyun after that. Instead, you stare ahead in silence and do not correct his assumption. Besides, he isn't terribly wrong in his diagnostics of all of this, and perhaps it might be in your best interest to see exactly what he seems to have hidden up his sleeve.
But his eyes remain fixed on you, and after a short amount of silence he says, "Ah, so something, but not nearly enough. Got it. I'm on the case."
"You really think I need your help getting laid?" you ask, though it's more of a rhetorical question that will almost definitely receive an annoyingly serious response. "Might I remind you that things between Juyeon and I were going swimmingly before your madness ever joined the fray."
"Whoa, who said anything about getting laid?" Jaehyun feigns his being offended dramatically—over the top like much of his other actions. "But unfortunately for you, you've given away your hand! That means that I'm right and something has happened… but again, not enough. This is annoying because I think you and Juyeon are quite similar in this aspect, though this does work in my favor as far as entertainment is concerned…"
"Again, I don't like the sound of that."
"You're not going to make a move even though you want to because for whatever reason, you want him to do it and you think if you let him take the lead then the timing will be just right. Juyeon won't do it because you're right—he does want the timing to be just right—unfortunately, time isn't something that the two of you have the luxury of lingering in, so somebody is going to have to throw all caution to the wind and just go for it, man."
You take another sip in irritated silence, because unfortunately, Jaehyun's assessment of the circumstances you have landed yourself in are more or less correct. It's bothersome to give him that satisfaction, and thus, you take the only out that you can attempt to fashion yourself in time.
"Maybe it's not the end of the world if it just doesn't happen," you say. The words come out of your mouth convincingly enough, but you don't even believe them entirely yourself. "It can just be whatever it ends up being and then it'll end, and maybe we can both just wonder what could have been as a fond memory."
Jaehyun makes some incomprehensible sound of disbelief and then says, "It won't be a fond memory! Where's the hopeful, romanticized longing!? You two make me sick. This is so annoying. I have to act fast."
"You are annoying."
He flashes you a knowing look. "If you think I'm annoying now, you haven't seen anything yet."
As the hours carry on by and the majority of the attendees file themselves back up to their rooms to call it a night, Jaehyun and yourself continue to be enamored with what remains of the party as it sadly winds down. Three games of billiards down and slumping down into the two-seater couch just nearby, you huff out an exhausted sigh and then grimace at the feeling of Jaehyun sloppily matching the act; nearly landing himself on rather than beside you.
You're a bit intoxicated, but filled with unbridled joy as a side effect of it. Glancing to your side, you look at Jaehyun with long limbs draped over you and the side of the couch and wonder if he plans on trying to pass out here. You're happy you've met him—he's a good friend, both to you and to Juyeon—and as tiresome as he can be, he is yet another person that will leave a long-lasting impression on you as a result of this trip. There is a hope to keep in touch once you head back home and maybe even meet someday again. Everything feels possible right now, nothing can bring you down.
A shadow is cast over you then, and looking up to find what has caused it brings the brightest smile to your face.
"Is he going to make it?" Juyeon asks with a slight smirk.
"No idea, he might live here now."
A brief wash of silence falls between the two of you after that.
Juyeon's eyes survey the scene a bit, and after he seems to have successfully taken it all in he says, "You two look good together, I'm happy for you, glad that you met."
You could swear you sober up in a flash, but beyond that, you feel Jaehyun's head gently rustling to attention.
He finds the remaining strength left inside of him and drags himself to a seated position. Though he is still sort of a mess and has somehow lost a button from his shirt, Jaehyun stirs and becomes upright once more. The two of you exchange the smallest of looks, and you really wish there was an easier way to tell him to get whatever crazy idea he has in his head, out of it.
Unfortunately for you, the only way for him to do that is by saying it.
"Yeah dude, it's been fun. We're having a great time together. I finally have someone as unemployed as I am to drag around with me to all the things I want to do, and I mean, sure, we slept together once, but we both had a lot to drink so it doesn't really mean anything! Really, we're just friends!"
Your head snaps to look at him, but his eyes are closed and his head is lazily dangling to the side as if barely hanging on to his neck. Naturally, there is the slightest hint of a smile sitting on his lips. You wonder if Juyeon can see it.
You have to look at Juyeon now.
So, you do. Slowly, carefully, unsure of what it is that you are going to find looking back at you. Your head turns back towards him with an expression that you can only imagine is some mixture of confused, awkward and utterly pained.
Trust the process, I guess, you think to yourself.
When you find Juyeon once again, you are anticipating the worst. You don't think he'll be angry, or violent, or even really sad—and because of that, you have no concept of what might be waiting. He stands in front of you with his arms crossed lazily, his head slightly cocked to the side as if inquisitive about what he has just heard, and what you can only describe as something of a devilish grin etched at his mouth.
By all accounts, it doesn't make any sense. Why does he—out of all emotional options—appear amused by this?
"I have to finish up some stuff for work, but I'll be back soon," Juyeon says, calm as ever. "Make sure he doesn't throw up on anything, okay?"
"I never throw up!" Jaehyun interjects.
You nudge Jaehyun in hopes he catches the hint that his words are no longer needed tonight and with your eyes still fixated on Juyeon you say, "Yeah, I will. I'll wait for you to get back."
With a nod, Juyeon heads back to his responsibilities, and as you take what feels like the first breath in nearly five minutes, you realize you no longer seem to know what the fuck is going on.
A little wobbly and a lot concerned for your increasingly likely hangover tomorrow, your finger jams into the elevator button and you wait until your ride arrives.
Jaehyun is left on the couch, asleep by the time you head back up. He is in good enough hands with being here and it's likely that the management will take pity on him and let him stay safely rather than trying to usher him out onto the street. Juyeon will make sure his friend is taken care of regardless of the problems he has caused—and that reminds you of the problems that he has caused.
You're not in the best headspace for recollecting much of anything with incredible accuracy, but the look on Juyeon's face after Jaehyun's lie is a memory that is carved into your mind. It's so bizarre in ways that you aren't quite capable of fathoming; be it because of the alcohol or just the fact that Juyeon is a little beyond your comprehension even on the best of days. His reactions to things are often muted, his feelings grand and exuberant yet held closely to his own heart. A man who is such a fascinating concoction of things that only thread together when you have enough context about the person to dig deep enough and make sense of it all.
"Can I walk you up?"
Standing beside you with hands shoved into his pockets and nothing more than a black tank top strapped to his torso; you know your reaction to the display betrays your desire to remain as calm and collected as he so often is. It's too late for that, however. You've reacted with what you can only imagine to be some sentiment of surprise and now you pray that he takes it as surprise stemming from his sudden arrival, not from the amount of flesh exhibited.
"Yeah, of course."
The elevator arrives, the two of you step inside, and suddenly the width of the box feels far more stifling than you ever remember it being.
"Looks like you had fun tonight," Juyeon says, glancing towards you. There's a cheekiness to his tone that you've grown quite familiar with—the voice he leads with when he says one thing but ultimately means another—and you don't think you need to ask where that is coming from. "You and Jaehyun were knocking drinks back for a while there."
"He's the kind of guy that when you get around him, the fun comes sort of effortlessly. Next thing you know, you're four rounds down and might have to call into work the next day. Probably a good thing I don't live here, after all."
"Jaehyun hasn't been coming out to stuff all that often for a while now, I think you heard it mentioned before, so it's nice to see him around again." Staring ahead at the door of the elevator, Juyeon seems lost in the intricacy of his thoughts regarding the matter for just a moment and then says, "Some work stuff, some love life stuff… You know how it goes. It's about time he starts leaving the house again."
"Hard to imagine him in the throes of extreme turmoil, but I guess it happens to the best of us."
The elevator stops at your floor and the doors slide open, after which Juyeon looks at you again and motions for you to step out ahead of him.
As much as you try to ignore it, once you reach that same place with this same person, the only thoughts that flood your mind are those of what had happened the last time the both of you were here together.
But neither of you speak—not since the last comment in regards to Jaehyun. The walk down the hallway was a silent one and now that you're here, the mounting anticipation of what might come next pricks and tingles at your skin. Looking Juyeon in the eye is difficult; his gaze is a heavy one and the confidence he wears is even more weighty than that. There is nothing to be frightened of, yet your senses feel as though they are lingering on the precipice of a fight-or-flight response. Waiting for the next move from the predator towards its prey.
"Well, I guess I'm here," you say, quiet and small.
"Do you want me to bring you up some water? I'm afraid you might be in for a bit of a rough night."
"I'm okay, there's water in the room. You know, bathroom faucet and all."
"Sure, but I could bring you the good stuff. Cheap bottled water from the kitchen," Juyeon insists with a hint of jest.
Still avoiding his eyes, you finally give up and decide that he is deserving of your full attention given how kind he is being. Really, there is no reason that he wouldn't be deserving of it, and the truth of the matter is just that you are scared.
"Thanks, but seriously, I'm okay." You look at him, standing there in front of you with his slightly hunched posture and frustratingly broad shoulders. "I think if anyone needs that water, it's the guy passed out on the couch in the lobby."
"He'll be dealt with, don't worry about that. Hardly the first night I've had to scrape him off of something with a spatula after a long night out. Say…"
And there it is. Right away, you feel the shift in the air, the tension rising between you as Juyeon's voice drops lower, quieter; his body inching towards your own. This time, however, you are not sandwiched between him and the door to your room, but instead forced to remain upright in the hallway as he dips his face down just beside your own. He does not make contact with you in any physical sense, but you can smell the faint scent of a long night of work and maybe a couple of sneaked drinks when management wasn't looking. Still clinging to him after so many hours.
You swear you could count the seconds that hang there, and simultaneously, it feels as though the whole world stops. With Juyeon's lips only mere inches away from your ear, his face turns just enough to maintain the distance necessary not to touch, yet the result of him doing so is you silently begging him to do just that very thing.
"Is that stuff about you and Jaehyun true?"
God. His voice is heavenly. Deep and sultry, quiet yet demanding but sinisterly playful in the delivery of the question. It requires all of the strength left in your weary bones to not crumble at his feet. Your resolve dwindles in swift fashion once more, but the thing that jumps to mind is—for better or for worse—Jaehyun's words.
Not angry, not jealous… but competitive.
You pull back and create enough space between the two of you so that you can look him in the eye, only now your faces are so close together that focusing is an impossibility. Juyeon's mouth sits in such close proximity to your own that you can feel the wash of warmth from his breaths across your face. You want to give in, you want to give up the ruse.
But also, you don't.
"Who's to say?" you answer, matching his previous coyness and perhaps even surpassing it. "I don't kiss and tell, it's unbecoming."
"Is that so?"
"It is. Suppose you'll just have to come to your own conclusions. Based on what you know, of course."
Juyeon does not respond to that, though you can easily see the twist of a grin into his lips. The moments tick by, your heart races inside of your chest and adrenaline courses hot through your veins. You hope you're selling it. Maybe you are. Then again, maybe it doesn't matter one way or another.
His lips capture yours in a split second and without so much as a second thought your hands come up to tightly grip at the fabric of his thin shirt. At a glance, Juyeon may appear thin and wiry but beneath your fingers lies the minute dips and valleys of muscle definition hidden below. You pull him closer to you, this kiss far more needy and urgent than the experimental one before. The hunger that has been quietly growing inside of him now desperate to emerge. Clawing its way out with every nip of teeth at your bottom lip and firm grasp of your body into his hands.
Then, in a stroke of genius, you find the will to pry yourself away.
You dig out your keycard and try to be as nonchalant about it as you can muster, though you don't exactly trust yourself to be doing a good job. It doesn't matter because the job has been done—Juyeon is right where you want him, and frankly, the same can be said for the other way around.
"You just might have to work a little bit harder to keep my attention, that's all," you say, slipping the key into the slot.
And as the door to your room opens, another one of those knowing, sinful smiles forms onto Juyeon's lips.
You wake up late. The blinds are open and the appalling brightness of the sun pours in. Your head is pounding—as you thought it might—and worse than all of this: Your phone is making sounds.
Doing your best to ignore the thud inside of your skull, you slowly maneuver to your side and reach towards the small table where your phone is placed. There is a stream of notifications awaiting you, but sitting at the top is a message from Jaehyun.
CME DOWN NOW.
COME*
Many others sit above those, but you don't bother with them. How he is so spry given the night shared is beyond your comprehension, and though you would love nothing more than to waste the day in bed tending to your hurt everything, you muster up the strength to roll out of it and begin the arduous mission of collecting yourself for the day.
You realize you don't know if Juyeon is working this morning, but you certainly hope that he is.
"Good morning, sunshine!"
Leaping towards you, Jaehyun is quick to greet you right as the elevator doors open with a big smile and looking far too put together in comparison to yourself. Thankfully, your headache has at least begun to wane, because you are not sure how capable you would be in dealing with his exuberance otherwise.
His arm slings over your shoulder and around your neck like he often does, drags your faces together closely and whispers, "Did you tell him the truth?"
"No, not yet."
"Good," he says with a wider, more evil smile, "Neither have I."
"I think he knows we're fucking with him, he seemed only mildly perplexed by the whole thing last night."
"Yeah, I know that! He doesn't believe it but he hates the fact that it most definitely could be true. That's what's going to drive him crazy."
"So I've noticed…" you reply quietly.
Jaehyun's eyes widen at that, new and exciting information now having been dropped into his ever-curious lap. "Oh? Already reaping the benefits then, are you?" He chuckles under his breath like a cartoon villain, looking towards the desk just ahead and says, "All according to plan. Let's go."
You are dragged. Not that you have much will to fight against it, but Jaehyun is increasingly amused by the entanglement that has blossomed between the three of you in what you surmise could only be born from boredom. You recall Juyeon's brief commentary about the demons he had been battling not long before now, and looking over to see the huge grin plastered across his face, all you can think is that there is some kind of joy sparked within from seeing him on the other side of it.
Healing is always a journey, and oftentimes it comes in one step forward and then two steps back. With Jaehyun, you never see the two, and you're happy to be a part of making the one stride ahead just that much stronger than it might have been before.
Together, the two of you reach the desk and Jaehyun takes a moment just before to link your arms together at the elbow in a ridiculous, feigned expression of alleged romantic display. He folds himself over top with ease given his height and forces his way as close to Juyeon as he possibly can—a man idly tending to his morning computer work.
"It's coffee time now," Jaehyun declares.
Juyeon does not look up. "I'm working," he says.
Pouting, Jaehyun only slightly retreats but does not fully give up. "Everybody is hungover and there is nothing for you to do. Come have a coffee with us. One coffee! Just stay behind the counter, you have to make it for us anyway."
A sigh is exhaled, followed by a slow, already exhausted blink from Juyeon as he finally gives his attention to the friend that is undeniably demanding of it.
"One coffee, but then you have to get out of here. Management is quickly growing tired of my friends loitering around."
Victory! You are also pleased by this development, though you make it a point to not show your delight even half as much as Jaehyun is. He finally pulls away from the counter and flashes you a smile like he knows he has won… and fair enough, because he has.
"If they were so bothered by my being here then why did they let me have a room for free last night!?"
Standing, Juyeon shakes his head. "You did not stay for free, I paid for it. Now, tell me what you want to drink before we all end up as unemployed as you are."
Half a cup of coffee down and the remainder of your headache finally begins to say its goodbyes. Juyeon rests leaned against the bar top and Jaehyun resides next to you, now on his second cup without being forced from the building.
The majority of the conversation between the three of you involves the minute details of the evening prior that someone may have missed. Jaehyun losing a button to his shirt, you winning a beer drinking contest with one of the men stationed up at darts, and Juyeon doing his best to try and wrangle an ever growing pile of trash near the back door so as to not result in something of a fire hazard.
All-in-all, a pretty good night.
But when the conversation begins to die down, you feel the gentle shift of Jaehyun's body from beside you. He inches nearer, the hand closest to you settling awkwardly atop his thigh as if that is not the place where it truly wants to be. From the corner of your eye, you keep watch of him, but most of all; your attention is fitted strongly on Juyeon.
He seems to notice it just as much as you do, because you watch his gaze dip down to a place beneath the bar that is blind to him. Whether it had been the intention all along or a last ditch effort to make a better choice, eventually, Jaehyun's hand slips over and wraps gently around your wrist. A bizarre display of what you can only guess is meant to show affection, though it hardly reminds you of such, at all.
Not exactly selling the idea he is meant to be peddling to the guy across the way.
"Anyway," he begins, "Not sure why you set me up in a whole different room. Could have just sent me up to hers. We could have shared, we're friendly enough."
That last bit of the sentence carries a particular edge to it that is clear in what it is meant to be implying, and at the very least, he's better at working the angle verbally than he is physically. You are amused by the fact that Jaehyun isn't willing to fully commit to the bit because he isn't so sure of where you stand on it and doesn't want to cross any lines that he potentially can't come back from. It's sort of charming, you appreciate the sentiment, and rather than saying anything yourself you await Juyeon's response.
"Her room is a single," he says.
"Yeah, that's fine." Jaehyun glances over to you. "We're close."
You can't help the grimace that develops on your face.
Most interesting to you in all of this, however, is Juyeon's reaction to it. Rather, his lack of reaction. He does not move, and rather than surveying you for a response, he remains glued to Jaehyun instead. For what feels like forever, none of you speak and a heavy wash of silence passes through the otherwise empty space that the three of you are holding. That is, until finally Juyeon closes his eyes and turns to look at you.
"Come to dinner with me tonight," he says, and you're not sure you've ever heard him be so firm and resolute in expressing interest in your accompaniment. "Somewhere nice after work. A date. My treat."
And for once, Jaehyun has nothing to say in response. You figure it's because the outcome is precisely the one that he has been working on manufacturing. Both of their eyes sit on you now as they await an answer, and with a deep, affirming inhale you smile and say, "Okay. I'd really like that."
He turns back to Jaehyun. "Nothing? No witty quip loaded in the barrel this time?"
"What? No." Jaehyun reels at that like it's the most absurd thing he has ever heard, then moves to slide off of his seat and begins to gather his small amount of belongings to leave. "This is good," he says, motioning between yourself and Juyeon with his hand. "You guys should probably talk about it privately, after all. It's got nothing to do with me…" He grabs his phone, shoves it into his pocket and begins to walk away, but not without adding the incredibly unnecessary context of, "If you know what I mean."
Quickly, you grab a napkin, crumple it up and throw it straight at his head. "Yes! We know what you mean!"
"Don't make a mess!" he yells through his departure, "Tall-and-Scary is the one that's got to clean it up!"
Good riddance, you think, but also: He will be missed dearly.
Seated in the dim, warm lighting of a restaurant that buzzes with the murmurs of other patrons, you do your best not to stare.
Ahead of you is Juyeon, and he looks similar to the way he did the night the two of you went out to that party—the time you asked him to put some effort into his appearance. As it would turn out, you'd soon regret having insisted upon it at all, because dealing with the consequences of your actions is proving rather difficult as far as perceived nonchalance is concerned.
Instead, you take in the sights around you. Nicely dressed people and a hint of quiet luxury exudes from the decor of the establishment that does not feel especially haughty or uncomfortably high-brow. It is a comfortable amount of nice that makes you feel welcomed, and with no mounting worries that the two of you may be eventually found out for not belonging here.
But Juyeon is an entirely unignorable force, regardless of how much you may try. You can feel his eyes glued to you; watching you, taking in the sight of you as you pretend as though you do not notice it. For him, it would seem, you are the only person in this room. An impossible standard for you to live up to, but suppose you do not have to make him believe that you can for much longer now, anyway.
Your eyes drop down to the little candle in the center of the table as it flickers, cradled by beautiful, decorative glass. Nearby, Juyeon's shimmering cocktail wrapped in crystal sits idly held inside of his hand.
"Have you been here before?" you ask, attempting to quell the discomfort of being in way over your head.
"Once, a long time ago for a friend's birthday. I like it, but it's not really the sort of place that you go to alone."
"You could bring Jaehyun."
"Or that you bring Jaehyun to."
Chuckling a bit, you nod in acceptance of that. "Fair enough," you say, "but can I be honest with you?"
"Of course."
You consider your words carefully before speaking, but still the thought insists upon itself. There is a careful line to walk in what you wish to convey, and do not want to ruin the night before it has even really begun.
"You say things like that and it always feels a bit like… there's this air of it being difficult for you. Dating, I mean. Like you have a hard time in that realm and I just…" You pause to reconsider, but ultimately choose to continue on. "I have a hard time believing that, you know? Surely it just isn't that hard for you to meet girls. It's a little ridiculous to even pretend that it is."
He smiles, just short of a laugh from what you can tell and says, "Why do you say that?"
"Look at you."
At the very least, Juyeon does not waste time lingering on the obvious implications of that and moves past it completely—something that you appreciate.
"No, I don't have a hard time meeting women," he confirms, bringing the glass to his lips for a sip. "I meet a lot of women. I met you."
"Is that some bizarre way of implying that I'm special?" you playfully retort.
"You don't want to hear that I might think you are, even if I do. You want me to tell you that none of this really means anything because that's easier than the alternative, so maybe it's best if we bypass that discussion entirely." His gaze does not leave you for even a moment as he says it, and placing his drink back down onto the table, you immediately find that the hand once holding it now sits alarmingly close to your own. "Yes, I meet—and go out with—my fair share of women. That doesn't mean that the circumstances surrounding them all are identical, though."
His hand flips over slowly to show his palm. You look down at it, then up towards Juyeon again, and the face he gives is one that can really only mean one thing.
Silent insistence.
That is, until he gives up on the silent part. "Come on," he says in a whisper, paired with the adamant waggle of his fingers. "Come onnn…"
"Oh my god!" You huff, resign yourself to this happening, and place your hand into his.
"See? Not so bad."
"Of course it's not so bad! But you're so…"
"Charming, endearing, agreeable…"
"Disarming."
"Right," he says with a nod, "but you are interested."
"I think you're interesting," you correct, though it remains partially obscured by a lie.
The hand beneath yours begins to wrap loosely, then shifts into a different position so that your fingers can intertwine. As they fit so snugly together, your breath hitches; this is a new, previously unexplored and completely innocent display of intimacy now shared between the two of you, and that knowledge seems to light something fierce and burning deep inside.
By the second, Juyeon is carefully pulling you apart piece by piece. He has been since the beginning; diligently working to unravel you and dismantle the wall that harbored your heart from the moment you set foot in front of him. You thought you knew this—thought you had the situation under control and could see it for precisely what it always was—but now you are forced to face the truth laid out on display.
And worst of all is the fact that his intentions are good. Behind his motivations is nothing wicked or rotten. All this time, Juyeon has gently worked towards a goal that benefits the both of you. On your own time, with your comfort and pain and history in mind.
How do either of you walk away from this with your hearts intact?
Leaning forward, Juyeon looks at you with those narrow, darkened, sultry eyes and in that tempting, low voice he says, "I want you to come back to my place tonight."
This time you don't even try to put up a fight.
The building Juyeon's apartment resides in is small, quaint and a little run down compared to some of the newer architecture popping up in the area. It makes sense, given what you think to know about him; a man who is not caught up in the need for material things or lavish displays of wealth that he does not have. A modest person with modest belongings who experiences life rather than trying to show it with physical items.
For the first time, however, the tables have been turned. The two of you stop outside of a door that is not to your own accommodation, and as Juyeon digs into his pocket for his keys, you do your best to simmer the anticipation that has been building inside of you since dinner.
"Is it what you were expecting?" he asks, briefly glancing towards you.
A fascinating question that offers some unexpected insight into his mind.
"Why? You don't strike me as the kind of man who's insecure about his lack of affluence. You work at a hostel. I didn't exactly think you were living in the lap of luxury."
He snorts out a laugh. "Sure, but I clean up pretty nice, don't I?"
Caught off guard, your breath stutters and is stolen from you as Juyeon cranes down and captures your lips. Your back hits the wall just beside the door—caged in by long arms and a broad chest much like the first time—but unlike the first kiss shared, Juyeon makes no effort to reserve the hunger that seems to have been amassing within him throughout these few weeks.
Between nips of his teeth at your bottom lips and careful glides of his tongue against yours, he drinks down every exhale, every gasp of air that you are desperate to take but almost never enters your lungs. Juyeon wants it all; your breath, your taste, your touch, all of it. Now, you've reached a point where you are happy to give it to him.
"Is it true?" he whispers against your lips between kisses, but you are too drunk on the moment to make sense of what is being asked. "Tell me the truth, I have to know."
Ah.
Rather than answering immediately, your hands find his waist and slither upwards to the front of him to curl your fingers into the fabric there. Juyeon kisses you again, only this time you can hear the growl that your touch elicits in the back of his throat.
"Jealous?" you tease, "Maybe it is, then what?"
"Then I might have to do something about that." Warm lips begin their journey down from yours and along the curve of your jaw. "I'm not jealous, but—"
"Competitive."
Keeping up this ruse of strength is proving difficult the more that Juyeon touches you. His mouth presses firm into the column of your neck, your fingers clutch harder into his shirt, desperate to pull him closer against your body. He does not give you everything that you so clearly are desiring of him and maintains the small amount of distance that still remains, and that awareness of the power that he holds only serves to drive you just that much more wild.
The feeling of his lips curling into a smile against your neck sends a shiver down your spine and he says, "So, you talked about me."
"You came up on occasion."
And just like that, the overwhelming existence of him is gone once again.
Dizzied by what has taken place only moments ago, it takes you a few seconds to return to your senses and find Juyeon once again toying with the lock to his apartment. The door makes a clicking sort of sound and cracks itself open, followed by Juyeon ushering you towards it with an open, inviting hand.
"Well then, after you."
Perched up in the kitchen and leaving Juyeon to tend to the wine, you take this as an opportunity to see him for the things he does not speak of.
The apartment is small—as you suspected it to be—but it is full of bookshelves, plants and small trinkets that give life to the space without feeling cluttered. It is quite the opposite, in fact; everything has a home and an incredible attention to detail has been given to ensure that. Juyeon cares for all of the things around him, be it people, places or objects, and the place that he calls home is further evidence of that.
"I like your apartment," you offer without prompting, "It's cozy."
"Thanks, it's been a long work in progress but it's coming along nicely."
"Older buildings are nice, they have a personality to them that newer ones don't. Almost like you can feel the remnants of the lives that were here before you."
Juyeon looks back towards you as he pulls a bottle of wine down from a high cupboard and gives a small smile. "Yeah, I agree. That's one of the reasons I chose this place. I had options, but… Something about this one spoke to me, I suppose."
"Then you have a good eye."
"Can you grab the glasses? They're up there right in front of you."
Without a word, you turn around and reach up towards the place that he has gestured. It's a bit high up for your reach, and extending on your toes, you do your best to do as is asked of you.
However, before your hand has the opportunity to find that which it is seeking, you are once again enveloped in this grasp of the man who has set you up to be in such a predicament.
Juyeon's arms wrap around you from behind—the firmness of his chest flush against your back—and you have no other option than to immediately surrender to him.
He holds onto you tightly with his chin set atop your shoulder and the light wash of his breath exhaled against your ear. A hand slips down; beneath your shirt and settles against the skin of your stomach to gently hold you against him just that much more. The feeling of him so close is completely intoxicating despite how little has actually transpired, and you are thankful for the assistance the countertop gives considering the rate in which the strength threatens to leave your knees.
"Can I be honest with you about something?" he says then with a teasing wickedness laced through his tone.
"Please do."
"I've thought a lot about you being here one day… what that might be like." Juyeon pauses his words, but the hand on your flesh slowly begins to make its way upwards. Your breath catches in your throat with anticipation and want, but also a desperation to keep yourself together. His other hand holds tightly at your hip, holds you against his own, and he finishes the thought to say, "What we might do."
Hardly capable of engaging in thoughtful conversation at this point, the best you can manage is a simple reply of, "Is that so?"
Pressing you further against the counter, Juyeon's lips find your ear, as do his fingertips begin to lightly graze the flesh of your chest.
"You're driving me crazy," he says against your ear, voice heavy and rumbling with want. "I need to know." His hips pin against you harder then, tips of his fingers delicately teasing at the most sensitive skin and easily prying a shudder from your body. "I need to know if you fucked Jaehyun."
And as much as you have enjoyed the playful push-and-pull of this mindgame, you no longer have the strength to continue the scheme. You give up, fully relenting to his touch as your head falls back against him and the tautness of your muscles dissipates.
"Of course I didn't," you say, "It's only ever been you, no matter how much I've tried to fight that."
The switch is flipped with the information you have given him, and the hand once under your shirt slips back out—up to gently grip your chin and pull your face towards him enough so that your lips can meet. Juyeon's need to taste you in that moment is carnal; a messy, awkward display of immediate desire that cannot be satiated any other way than to take. You are already locked in place between himself and the kitchen counter with no place else that you would rather be, and just when the craning of your neck begins to ache in discomfort, Juyeon releases you, ever so slightly juts your hips towards him, and bends you in half at the edge with his chest still securely holding you in place.
"Saying things like that is only going to drive me crazier, you know."
"Maybe that's exactly what I've been aiming for all this time."
Adrenaline courses through your veins with every additional touch that Juyeon leaves on your body. Your heart thuds loud and quick inside of your chest, anticipating whatever is soon to come next. The feeling of strong, agile fingers tugging at the button of your pants follows; gripping into the waist, slowly sliding them down to the knees as if all of the immediacy of his craving has fleetingly left him in favor of savoring the moment of doing so. Your undergarments are left in place, however, and you curse yourself for how much more it intoxicates you with arousal.
Situated back into place, Juyeon's hand comes back around to the front of you, slips down between your legs, and drags his fingers through the result of his impeccable work.
Like so many other instances, your breath leaves your lungs because of his touch. Juyeon touches you with the kind of careful expertise that is precisely what you had expected from him—only somehow, it's even better.
His fingers are thick and the evidence of that is clear in the initial press inside. Your fingers beg for something to clutch onto but find nothing more than the smooth finish of the countertop you are folded against. As he meticulously works at you, Juyeon peppers his lips against all of you that he can reach; your shoulders, back and ear if he extends himself enough—but more than all of that is the distractingly overwhelming feeling of his free hand working at the front of his own slacks.
Digging your hips down against his hand, Juyeon groans at the feeling of your body betraying you so expressly.
"Trying to drive me crazy is a little evil, don't you think?" Juyeon says, and just as the words leave his mouth do you feel the smooth, blunt nudge of him slipping between your thighs. "We've been on the same page all this time. If you want something from me, all you have to do is ask."
"Isn't it more fun this way? And besides, I would never ask."
Juyeon's breath is hot at the back of your neck, the hand fitted between your legs leaves you save for holding your panties at bay and instead is replaced with the firm, slow beginnings of his initial drive inside of you.
"I think I could get you to ask," he reasons, a mischievous sort of venom dripping from his tone. "Maybe even beg a little, who knows."
His voice paired with the stretch of him inching himself inside sends a shiver down your spine. The air once held in your lungs is quickly forced out despite his delicateness in handling your body, and along with it is the well-earned and drawn out groan of feeling the immenseness in which he fills you.
"You get vicious," you whimper, "What happened to that nice, demure guy I used to know?"
"Don't worry, I'm going to give you everything you want."
Sliding his hands back into place at your hips, Juyeon remains in place with his chest against your back as if he craves the feeling of your body hard against his. Once shallow, slow drives quickly settle into something more rhythmic and deliberate as the both of you become familiar with what is being shared. Small groans and hitched, short breaths fall from his mouth in succession and pool just that much more in your mounting arousal. Firm and strong but delicate and attentive to your body and the way that he handles you; the perfect mixture of a confident, capable man with something to prove to you. To prove that this is worth it, that he is worth it… and that you're in good hands now that you have decided to give yourself over to him.
"Fuck," you whine, the top half of you pooled and splayed over the counter carelessly, "Why did we wait so long to do this?"
The following snaps of Juyeon's hips are harder, quicker and more punctuated than the previous ones before. A strong, firm hand glides up your back to settle at the juncture between your neck and shoulder. Holding you in place for him, ensuring that your body can accept all that he has to give.
"You wanted to play games with my friend, remember? Toy around with me, have a giggle with Jaehyun." The fingers near your neck dig just a bit more tightly into the skin near there, and you all but melt to the touch. "Maybe you should have fucked him, the lost time might have been worth it then."
A moan rips from you with how he continues to unravel you around him, and with all of the might that you can muster you say, "Starting to think you wish I did."
You barely have a second to collect yourself as Juyeon tears himself from you; spins you to face him, wrestles one of your legs free from your pants and sets you atop the counter to glide inside once again.
Now, his mouth ravages yours. His desperation to taste you is insatiable and his deceptive strength easily makes you available to receive him. Every stroke feels sharper and more solid than the last. The idea of someone else's name falling from your mouth driving him to the brink of insanity even as he works you to the precipice of whining his.
Pulling away ever so slightly, Juyeon looks down to the place where your bodies meet with darkened eyes. When they travel back up the length of you, you're able to see the vague smudging of the make-up around his eyes, the narrowness that now harbors the animalistic craving typically deeply buried inside of him. It is all on display now as his hands hold you tightly to pull you onto him, and it's in that moment that your resolve swiftly begins to crumble.
The first letter of his name slips out from you, and it's enough to pique his attention as if it is the one, true goal in sight. His posture firms, hands tensing just that much more as he continues to work.
Then, he pushes himself forward to capture your mouth once again.
"Do you want me to beg for it?" he says against your lips. "Please, I want to hear you moan my name. I want to feel you come around me."
You wish that you were stronger in that moment, because the ease in which Juyeon gets exactly what he asks for is mortifying.
His name cascades from you like a breathless chant as you come completely undone at his beckoning. Juyeon holds you, kisses you, perfectly rides you through it as your body nearly aches with the tautness of your muscles screaming for release. the waves of euphoria wash over you repeatedly, almost as if there is no end in sight, and though you are reeling from the intensity of what he has ripped from you, at the very least, you are lucid enough to enjoy the sight of him reaching his end in similar, blissful fashion.
Though the both of you sit in the aftermath with heaving chests and breaths that never feel full enough, Juyeon still cannot resist the incessant need to have your lips pressed against his.
Then, you feel the suspicious curl of them into a smile.
"I don't wish you fucked my friend, what a strange thing to say."
Coy, you match his grin. "You sure seemed to like it."
"I think we've learned a lot about each other tonight." Juyeon pauses for a second to think and follows it up by saying, "And maybe ourselves, too."
You wrap your arms around his neck, ensuring that he cannot pull away.
"I want to stay the night."
As a result of that, Juyeon kisses you adoringly all over again.
"I wouldn't have it any other way."
With weary, sleep deprived coherence, you wake to the unwelcomed sound of dishes crashing in the sink.
For a moment, you don't recall where you are. Your surroundings are strange to you, the curtains keeping the sun at bay unfamiliar and the bed you're wrapped within confusingly soft. It is a rather slow realization that you are not at the hostel, and then, the memories of the night prior come flooding back to you.
It had been a fairly sleepless night, as the goings on from the kitchen continued on well into the following hours.
Your muscles vaguely ache in your thighs, back and shoulders, not accustomed to the rigorous activity you had been enthralled in. The feeling is welcomed, but what isn't, is the feeling of impending doom that quickly rushes to encapsulate your mind.
A shower fixes you temporarily, and dressed in the unpleasant clothing from yesterday, you exit the hallway and lay eyes on Juyeon.
His hair is messy and sticking up every which way as he continues his work in the kitchen. Now that you've entered the space, the scent of food and coffee engulfs your senses and for just a second, you don't have the strength to think about the tragedy that all of this entails.
A sight for sore eyes; mulling about in a tank top and sweatpants, busy with ensuring that the both of you are fed before beginning your day.
You should be happy, it should be a delightful scene—yet all it does is make you sad.
"What are we doing?" you ask suddenly, before Juyeon has even noticed you are there. He turns to set his eyes on you and quickly cycles through the feelings of surprise, adoration and then confusion.
"I think we're about to have breakfast?"
"That's not what I mean. You know that's not what I mean."
Juyeon's expression softens, a spatula still in hand, and all he says is, "Sit down, we can talk about it over food."
The two of you sit at the table in silence for an excruciating drawn out amount of time.
Only the scraping of utensils against plates and bowls cuts through the nothingness that hangs between you. Occasionally, your eyes drag upwards to take in the sight of him—commit it to memory because now it feels as though that's the only thing left for you to do. You had resigned yourself to this happening a long time ago, accepted it for precisely what it was going to be and thought yourself to have made peace with that. However, now that you're here and lingering in the aftermath of its finality, you feel anything but at peace.
Instead, you once again feel as though you are mourning the loss of yet another thing.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Finally, Juyeon addresses the dejected weight in the room.
"Are you not feeling…" You pause amidst the thought, unsure of how exactly to express yourself. "I don't know. Sad? About all of this? I mean, maybe I just had the wrong idea of what this might have meant…"
"You don't have the wrong idea," Juyeon says firmly, "but I'm not sad about it, either. For me, there's nothing to be sad about. Not yet, at least."
"Not yet?"
Setting his utensils down, Juyeon props an elbow into the table and leans his cheek against his palm to look at you. He looks so soft, so enamored and devoted. The way that he looks at you goes straight to your heart, and now more than ever, you don't quite know what to do with the way it makes your stomach sink.
"There's something here, is there not? It isn't just a temporary fling, though we certainly could make it one, but I think we would be doing both of us a disservice in that."
Blinking a few times, you continue staring at him. "What are you suggesting?"
"We can try long distance."
"Are you insane?"
Juyeon laughs at the abruptness of your response and just says, "Maybe."
Admittedly, you don't know what to do with the ease of his response. Again, the two of you sit in awkward silence until finally he seems to grow tired of it and makes a motion for his defense.
"Why not? Would you prefer the alternative?"
"No," you reply in a snap judgment, despite the fact that you have no clue of what you wish to follow that decision up with. You pry your eyes away from him, stare down at the half-eaten plate of food sitting in front of you, inhale deeply and find the strength to say, "Long distance relationships are hard. They never work, it never lasts. Seems a bit like just delaying the inevitable… Dragging this out. Hurting the people involved just that much more by the end."
"That's how most relationships—regardless of proximity—end, no? The majority of them end for one reason or another, so why not give it a shot if we both like each other? At least we won't always wonder what if; we'll know, we'll have done everything that we could, and we can walk away from it knowing that we tried."
He does not make it sound easy, but he does make it sound possible.
"I leave in three days," you say, finally looking at him again. "I can't give you an answer now, but I will before then. I need some time to think about this, but it would be nice to carry on together as if this isn't hanging over our heads."
Juyeon smiles and goes back to eating his food.
"Nothing will change, and you shouldn't make a decision without thinking about it thoroughly, anyway."
"Are you working today?"
With a mouth full of food, Juyeon hums in affirmation before he has the opportunity to speak. He says, "Yeah, I'll have to head out soon, but you're welcome to stay here if you want. There's a spare key hanging up by the door. The one with the little red keychain."
The smile that forms across your lips couldn't be fought away with all of your might.
"Already giving me a key to your place? Geez, you move fast."
"Hyunjae also has a key," Juyeon counters, introducing a teasing inflection in his friend's nickname. "Which I'm sure positively delights you to know."
Under the table, your foot gently finds Juyeon's calf to poke at playfully.
"You know, the more you bring it up, the more enticing it's starting to sound…"
Juyeon glances at you from the corner of his squinting, suspicious eyes. Only lightly perturbed by the implications you are giving.
"I know you said you wouldn't ask, but surely you can't keep using him to get what you want out of me." He drops a hand down beneath the table, finds your leg, and slowly smoothes his palm up the length of it. "Fifteen minutes before I need to go. How about a better start to your day?"
A much better start it ends up being, with Juyeon's name and taste still lingering on your tongue.
"Want to have a coffee with me?"
Mid-stride past the front counter, Juyeon chimes in with the inquiry before you have a chance to even wave him your goodbye.
So, you stop—turn back to look at him and make a mental note of the way he looks sitting there with paperwork strewn and a computer full of tasks that he has likely only begun cracking into. You imagine his job to be a relatively carefree one, though the demands of hospitality are often never so. It is a façade for the consumer to believe that everything is always going according to plan. Another thing that is often never so.
Juyeon never allows the stress to overcome him, though.
"You know, I was just headed out for exactly that," you say, and begin to make your way around the bend to be served by him. "Are you reading my mind now?"
Following from behind the desk, Juyeon passes a glance your way before grabbing a mug and tending to the machines.
"Maybe I am. Hope there isn't anything hiding in there that I shouldn't dare see."
"I'm sure there is, but that'll come in due time. Don't want to give everything away in only three weeks, you might grow tired of me."
"Doubtful," he insists, turning back to face you. "In fact, I look forward to finding out more."
"We don't know a whole lot about each other, now that you mention it. Isn't it kind of ridiculous that we've ended up in this situation?"
And to that question, Juyeon inches towards you, leans himself across the countertop, and chastely kisses you like so many times before.
"No," is his only verbal response to that.
The coffee finishes and he pours two mugs, then settles with his arms folded atop the waxed wood and a rather lazy, poor-postured lean.
"How was your day yesterday? After you left, that is."
"Uneventful in comparison," you admit. Then, you remember the key that still resides within your bag. You dig it out quickly, push it towards him and say, "Almost forgot to give this back to you."
"Keep it," Juyeon says with a gentle smile, almost as if he has been waiting for this to come to pass. "Never know when you might need it."
You scoff at such a ridiculous gesture. "I don't even live here, and besides, you should have a spare key!"
"I told you already, Jaehyun has one. No reason to keep a third."
Flustered, you find yourself becoming desperate to think of a reason to keep up this fight. Logically, you understand that your having a key will mean next to nothing in only two more days time, but emotionally, him gifting this to you feels like such a monumental feat that you are having difficulty finding the strength to bear.
"Well! What if you lock yourself out of your apartment!"
His hand comes up to smooth over yours—the one with the key still residing beneath it.
"Then having a spare key inside of the apartment I'm locked out of isn't going to be very helpful, is it?"
Defeated. Utterly defeated. Thus, you fall back to your last remaining line of defense: pouting.
At least he laughs—so effortlessly amused by you in ways you have never really come to understand. The chemistry between the two of you has, from the very beginning, always been a magical and sort of intangible thing that you realize neither of you truly comprehend. There have been no discussions about futures, or virtues, or what either of you hope to get out of life. Instead, the two of you coast on this whimsical ride that has not yet had to face the truth of what long term romance might mean for it. A whirlwind romance, often not meant to stand the test of time.
Yet, Juyeon wholeheartedly hopes to take on that battle.
And as the minutes pass the both of you by, you find yourself more and more willing to take it on, too.
"Do you…" Trailing off, you immediately reconsider the question yet are pushed forward by the thought of wanting to know more about him. More deeply, more intimately, more everything so long as he is willing to give it to you. Your eyes fall away from him, nervous about what it is you're about to say, but the adoring squeeze of his hand on yours gives you the capability to go forward. "Do you… want to get married?"
Juyeon's eyebrow perks upwards and before you have the chance to explain, he says, "Right now? But darling, I don't finish work for another six hours."
"That's not what I mean!" You wrestle your hand away from him in protest and say, "I mean in general!"
Laughing at your outburst, Juyeon cocks his head to the side inquisitively. "Sure, I wouldn't mind. I think I'm okay with either… marriage or not. What do you think?"
"The same… I think."
"You're insecure about how we don't know so much about each other," Juyeon says, crossing his arms over his chest. "But I do think you should consider the fact that our future may hold a whole lot of discussions through the days, so it might be worth it to save as much as we can for when that time comes."
"Quite the pragmatic thinker, aren't you?"
"One could say that, yes."
"Well, I'm off for the day. I have a million places I want to see now that my trip is coming to a close. Don't get too bored without me, would you?"
"I will be doing nothing but awaiting your return," Juyeon says, "and dealing with bookings. And probably trying to get the gum out from under the tables."
"Full day ahead of you then." An idea comes to you in that instant, and before you have the chance to talk yourself out of it, you lean yourself over the countertop much like him before, grip him by the front of his shirt, and drag him the rest of the way so your lips can connect.
The day before your inevitable and daunting departure finally comes.
Your heart is heavy, and for reasons that you cannot yet parse through, you cannot bear to see Juyeon. You linger in the stairwell near the elevator for so long that it becomes awkward with the amount of other guests that pass you by, but you are less bothered by them, and more by the need to not have to face him just yet.
So, you wait. You wait for there to be a time where Juyeon is forced to leave his station and head into the back room to tend to business there, and once he does, you make a dash towards the exit. All you can do is pray that he doesn't turn back to catch you in the act.
Nothing has changed, albeit your burning desire to stray from him might suggest otherwise to someone on the outside looking in. Truth be told, nothing has changed, and that is precisely the problem that you are now faced with: You cannot run from this any longer, and Juyeon will be expecting an answer in less than twenty-four hours.
He has been so gracious towards you, so incredibly patient and understanding and as you meander down the very same sidewalk that no longer feels like a foreign place, you question whether or not you would be capable of giving him the same if the tables were turned.
Could you handle him as delicately as he has, you?
Nothing has changed. The thought repeats in your mind as a maddening mantra that refuses to give you peace. Worst of all, perhaps, is the fact that you do not need to dissect the meaning behind it. Where it stems from is as clear as the direction it aims to take—only one thing remaining on your mind now that your time here ticks down to finality.
Avoiding Juyeon entirely is an impossibility you accept, and it is not one that you wish to fight, either. So, when you reenter the hostel lobby only a few minutes after three to find him sitting there, you don't bother kicking up a fuss about it.
"Hi," you say flatly, hand jutting forward to offer him a take-away cup. "Coffee."
"You know we have coffee here," he says, clearly amused by what you have brought him. "Like, endless supply."
"Not good coffee."
"Okay, ouch."
"Not your fault." You inhale deeply as if with something pertinent to say fighting to get out, but before you have the opportunity to figure out what that is, Juyeon cuts in with a thought of his own.
"Let's go to dinner again tonight. It doesn't have to be anything lavish, or a late night. I know you have an early flight to catch. Just something nice for the road."
You look at him in silence for a few seconds, and any resolve you might have had quickly melts away.
"Yeah, let's do that," you say with a small smile. "Though, you remember what happened the last time we got dinner together."
"Wasn't so bad now, was it?"
Eyes narrowing, you glare at him. "I didn't say it was, but I can't be out—or up—so late tonight, now can I?"
Juyeon leans towards you while still seated, only partly making an effort to ensure that his words cannot be heard by anyone nearby and says, "Bathroom, then. Understood."
"Why do I get the feeling you're only partially joking?"
He merely shrugs.
"I'm off in an hour and then we can go."
Humiliatingly, you are not nearly as put off by his suggestion as you otherwise might have hoped.
Once again, Juyeon sits opposite of you. This time, however, he is dressed down as you are typically used to seeing him. Another snapshot that you have no other option than to commit to memory.
The restaurant he has taken you to is far more casual than the one a few nights ago, but you are appreciative of his awareness as far as your time and well-being come the early morning is concerned. You want nothing more than to throw all caution to the wind and spend the rest of your hours together with him; laughing, talking, touching… but the flight is a long one, and even more than Juyeon's desire for your time is his intrinsic need to ensure that you are happy, healthy and comfortable so long as he is capable of seeing to it.
And beyond that, perhaps, is his hopeful ideation that there will be so many more nights in the future just like this one.
"I like this place," you say. "It's cozy—doesn't expect too much of me once I walk through the door."
Rather than responding, Juyeon places his hand onto the table with his palm upturned. It is a silent request from you, and you are happy to give what he is asking for.
Your hand sets atop it and his fingers gently curl around you.
"Do you want to ask me any more questions?"
That's right. You are forced to recall the embarrassment of questioning him in regards to his feelings on marriage. A bumbling inquiry that you would have been happier to forget, though the sly grin on Juyeon's face suggests that he has no intention of allowing you to do so.
But you do want to ask more questions, and as you sit there with the opening granted to you, a swirling of possibilities floods your mind. With so little already known, there is so much yet to uncover, but you are also paralyzed by choice; unable to pin any one thing down in a concrete enough manner to formulate it into a cohesive structure.
You cannot squander this opportunity, though, and in an attempt to recover something out of this you ultimately just throw out… something.
"Do you have any siblings?"
It's a topic that definitely falls under 'we could talk about this later while we're both bored at work,' but you are at the very least hopeful that it will grant you time to think of something far more creative for the future.
"A younger brother," he says. "Do you want to have kids?"
The question throws you through a loop, and it's only then that you recognize this door has been opened only because Juyeon has had intentions of investigating you. Additionally, you are unable to allow the banter to fall to the wayside and instead of answering earnestly, you say, "Not right this second. Is this how you're asking me if I want to go to the bathroom?"
Thankfully, he laughs. You watch Juyeon lean back into his chair as if he has been bested by his own tricks—which he has—and when he comes back around to re-engage in the conversation you feel that burning, bursting spark of something so special and dear blooming right in front of you.
"Suppose I deserve that."
"You do, but to answer your question… I don't know. I guess I don't have much of an answer for you." Watching him, he appears to accept this just as well as any other response, and so, you carry on with a question of your own again. "Do you like to travel?"
"Seems a bit like a leading question right about now, doesn't it?" He squeezes your hand lightly then says, "Considering the situation we have gotten ourselves into. But all of this aside, yes, I've traveled a lot and would like to do more of it. My job is far from glamorous but what it lacks in allure it makes up for in frivolousness. I'm not necessary. I can still live my life."
"I like to travel, too," you offer, "Though I haven't been able to do much of it in recent years. I guess that's why after everything I just got up and left. Trying to take the time back, or something."
"It always feels like there's an abundance of time until there isn't anymore. I figured that out early on, which is why I am the way I am about simply taking a chance."
It has been obvious for a while now. How the two of you are no longer discussing arbitrary abstracts with no bearing on your reality.
Juyeon's outlook on life is nothing short of magical, and you want nothing more than to be infected with it. The creeping enchantment of it all has been slowly making its way through you each and everyday, and you can't help but wonder: Will it find its mark in time?
You want to agree to this, you want to give in to it—and him.
"How do you avoid feeling as though a road you have taken ends up as lost time? When it doesn't work out… when the thing you had been hoping for never comes to fruition the way you might have wanted."
What follows is another calming squeeze to your hand.
Juyeon looks at you like you're the only person in the room, and really, you believe that to be his truth. No matter your inconsistencies in the beginning, your difficulties, your unwillingness to give it to this or the possibility of an inconducive transgression with the person he deems to be his best friend; the way that he looks at you has never truly wavered.
Now—right now—you want to say yes.
"It's sort of all about the journey, isn't it?" he reasons, and there's a whimsical airiness to his tone that alludes to him having long since mulled over this very same thing for himself in the past. "Besides, good choices, bad choices… They've all led me to the place I'm at now, and from where I'm sitting…"
He trails off for just a second to deliberately take in the sight of you—his very own snapshot for memory—and goes on to conclude, "There's nowhere else I'd rather be."
With your phone in one hand and luggage in the other, you head downstairs to the hostel lobby.
To say it is somber would be an understatement, and you wish nothing more than to be the kind of person that could appreciate the good so much more clearly than the bad. This trip has been everything you could have hoped for and then some, but the addition of and then some has now left you in the fog of stepping away from something that you never could have anticipated having to grapple with, at all.
You're going to have to be strong about it, and so, you muster up all of the strength you have as you make your way towards the front desk.
Of course, Juyeon is there waiting for you. The smiles exchanged are slight and carry the weight of all of this just behind them. Really, both of you are playing pretend now for the sake of the other, but worse than that; you have no idea what you could possibly say to him beyond the one thing he is waiting for.
An answer.
But you don't have it for him just yet, though you recognize you are quickly running out of time. You slide your keycard across the desk and watch as Juyeon carries out his tasks in silence. Endlessly patient. If you choose to walk away from this without giving him an answer, you know he will let you.
"You're all set," he says, but before you have the opportunity to reply, he turns around in his chair to face towards the back room and shouts, "I'm going, I'll be back in a couple hours."
Your mouth falls agape. "What?"
He turns back to look at you and stands to his feet, like all of this is the most obvious thing in the world. Like you should have expected it. Juyeon says, "You thought I was just going to send you off from here like that? Of course I'm going to the airport with you."
Crying right here, right now, would be incredibly ill-advised, and though you remind yourself of this fact, it does little to fend off the growing need to do so. Somehow, you swallow it down though your throat stings, and with a heavy heart, all you can say is, "Thank you."
This early in the morning, few other people grace the train with their presence.
Instead, the space is taken up by only Juyeon and yourself. For a long time, the ride is a quiet one—neither of you with much to say as a result of what is soon to transpire. It's so gloomy; the idle presence of him, the sounds of train tracks screeching and the quick passage of surroundings that you have grown so accustomed to. In only three weeks, this place has begun to feel like home. Now? You must leave it to face what still remains back from where you came. Pieces of you that are still left there and waiting to be gathered, picked up, glued into a shape that somewhat resembles what you recall of it.
What are you meant to say?
As you stare out of the window, you feel the tender nudge of Juyeon's hand against your own. It forces your attention back towards him, and as the two of you exchange a look, he slides his fingers in between yours.
"Are you going to miss it?" he asks.
You give a look that suggests it's the most ridiculous question in the world, but ultimately, all you reply with is a simple, "Of course I will."
"Well, you can always come back." There's a small inkling of a smirk pulling at his lips as if he believes himself to be wildly clever. "You have a key, after all."
"Yeah, suppose I do."
Juyeon sighs aloud, the heaviness of the mood rampant in that exhale. A tightened squeeze of your hand follows as if to remind you of the fact that he is still very much there. As if you were capable of ever forgetting.
"I used to think this train ride was so unbearably long," he muses, almost as if speaking to himself. "Now I feel like it can never be long enough."
"Sure, but we get to do that long, heartfelt airport goodbye like in the movies," you reason.
"That's true, I never got to do one of those before. First time for everything."
"A lot of firsts on this trip."
"Sure are."
The two of you fall back into silence after that, and once again, your eyes meander out towards scenery that rapidly slips away.
Upon your arrival, Juyeon demands that your baggage become his problem—a fitting gesture given the way he has already insisted on inserting himself into your life.
He is familiar with the airport, which is something you are thankful for. Your phone is in his hand and he navigates the two of you towards the security entrance you are meant to disappear through, but once you lay eyes upon it the sight feels nothing short of a deep stab to the heart.
Conversation has been light up until this point, and when the two of you stop in front of the winding maze, you look at one another as if everything has ultimately been leading up to this.
Suppose in so many ways, it has.
"Let me know when you get home?" Juyeon asks, and though the thought behind it is a kind one, it feels terribly heavy in your ears.
And as if never having heard the question, at all—never hearing it, acknowledging it, caring for it in any substantial way—you toss any response to that to the wayside and instead say, "I want to do it. I want to try."
Juyeon reels a little, clearly not expecting you to jump head-first into the weighty discussion still lingering to the side. "Oh," is the first thing he says, but he must immediately recognize how unfitting the reply is tonally and makes a quick effort to follow it up with a brighter, more pleased, "Oh!" He blinks a few times, evidently dumbfounded. "When did you decide?"
"Now," you say. "Just now."
Smiling wide, Juyeon takes you by the hand, pulls you closer and leans in for what feels like a finalizing kiss.
The weight of the world seems like it dissipates from your shoulders, though this is only one of many things that remain to be dealt with. Those are problems that can be solved, and you aren't looking forward to it. However, you may have a newfound excitement for whatever future now awaits.
You let out a sigh of relief and say, "I feel like this moment would be far more impactful if I could tell you that I loved you, or something." Squeezing his hand, you offer a shrug. "Isn't that usually how it goes in the movies?"
"Saying that could be much easier than agreeing to this. They're just words, a lot of people say them carelessly. I don't think jumping into this is something that can be said as easily."
"Don't remind me of how hard it's going to be, or I might change my mind."
An airy chuckle leaves Juyeon, and rather than a verbal response, he leans in and kisses you again. In ways that you cannot quite articulate, it's different from all the rest. Behind this kiss is a hopefulness, an adoration, an appreciation for your willingness to take on this journey with him. There is a feeling that whatever time apart that awaits the two of you will be fleeting, and at the end of the road—something that will have made it all worthwhile.
Slowly the two of you pull away. You take your baggage and phone back from him and turn to head on your way.
It's sad, but it could be sadder. You thank yourself for not allowing it to be.
"Tell Jaehyun I said bye," you add with a nonchalant wave. "And thanks, you kind of owe that guy a drink. He worked hard."
"Over my dead body," Juyeon says with an accompanying roll of his eyes. "I did not need his help!"
You flash him a final, knowing look—and just like that, you disappear into the crowd.
a/n: thank you for reading & i really hope you liked it 🩵 it would mean the world if you shared any kind thoughts with me & remember that you are loved 🩷 now........... hyunjae-centric fic next...?
