i don't remember the last time i had such a long and continuous conversation with a friend.
just like, 5 h non stop.
first time i ever really.. got into my childhood and teenage years and i'm not sure how to feel about it when they just looked at me and said "a lot of things about you suddenly make sense" lol.
like. on the one hand it's like.. finally! someone sees how weird all of this is! i feel validated and seen even if they absolutely cannot relate to even a fraction of the shit that happened to me!
it becomes conceivable. phases into reality. feels less like a fever dream or like i've suddenly just woken from the matrix after.. years.
but on the other i am just horrified at how much i apparently project those things outwardly and "other" myself from people because i struggle so hard to connect. because i let it define me so much. the things i can't explain are suddenly somehow explainable and there is actual causality!!
idk man.
