I know this blog is on hiatus, but I just want to share with you that admin Lena-chi and I finally met! After almost a decade of talking on internet, I finally saved enough money and decided to go to Serbia. Yes, I'm currently in Serbia until 9th, cause on 10th I'm flying to Sweden to meet another friend, who I also met on internet . I'm also writing a blog for this trip so if anyone wishes to read, hit me up, although it's fine if you don't, but here, have a picture of admins finally meeting 😁😁
@tubsi-tubs ah no I don't live in Vienna, but I'm going on a concert there today 😄😄 We're halfway there right now, still have an hour and half to two hours drive and then we're basically free till 7-8pm
I’ll post this under read more so it won’t be a hidrance on your dashboard and to tell you what is going on..
I went to my doctor today and finally confronted her about my depression. She was nice and accepting and told me she’ll give me antidepressants and sedatives for the beginning and while they may take a while to get any reaction (around 4 weeks) it can help. And of course to find something that I love, be it hiking, swimming, listening to music, basically anything that could keep me occupied from these thoughts that have been lingering for a while now. And if it won’t work, she told me to contact her and we’ll search for a different solution, possibly a psychiatrist as well.
I’m still working in the bar, but because of all this deal with inspection and health insurance and everything, I’ve decided to quit it at the end of this month and then possibly take a whole month off and do things I actually love doing (ending book as an example and write in general) and even travel to finally meet two of my friends that I’ve honestly had planned to meet since I met them.
I’m still scared shitless, but I also told mom that I’ll be on antidepressants and sedatives and though she’s sceptic about this and wants me to try on more herbal medicine, she’s okay? I mean, she did say to go out more and I did tell her that sometimes that doesn’t help, but...in a way she’s been nicer to me since she heard about it. I still haven’t told her about depression or the abuse as a child, it’ll take more courage from my side, but I think eventually I could.
It’s not really long, but yes...this is for now. I’ll still keep the blog on hiatus for a while more and I’m both scared and terrified of all of this. I’ve been tempted to go to psychiatric hospital way too many times and just stay there for a while.. ah I don’t even know what to write anymore. Just wanted to let you know how things are going and what will happen from now on.
I’m still alive, sometimes sadly, but I’m here. Anyone going through similar situation, you’re heard, you’re loved beyong measure, reach out if possible, even if it’s your own doctor or friend or your pet, stuffed bear, anyone. It’s so damn hard and scary, not knowing how it’ll turn out, I know, but part of you will be grateful forever. You’re all precious to me and to ones who love you.
Thank you for taking your time to read this post and I’m sorry it’s not much blog related. It’s going to be okay.
So I’m writing this post at midnight, because my sorry ass of an excuse can’t let me sleep for days already, so I’m taking this time to write a post what I write and what I don’t. I apologize for typos and missing words, because I’m writting it half awake, half asleep with thoughts running all around.
Also screw this, I’m gonna post this before so you can see and not 2 hours before like I said I will.
What do I write?
I can write headcanons, scenarios and drabbles. I write from fluff or at least trying to to angst which is my fav tbh
I write for all characters, though I admit, I’m not that well known with the rest of Kirisaki and Fukuda boys and Jabberwock (aside from Nash and Silver, aaand prob Nick), but if requested I’ll give it a try.
There’s no limit to the characters, but still try not to put all teams into one ask because it might take a lot of time to write it.
Crossovers with other anime (Naruto, One Piece, Haikyuu, Free!, Daiya no A, Ajin, Days (TV), Bleach, Shingeki no Kyojin -- these are the only ones I’m most comfortable writing for, though there are more that I watched and read)
What I don’t write?
Matchups. Really...I have no idea how that works.
Also, before requesting, please check the masterlist. I know it’s a long one, but maybe something you want to request has already been requested prior.
Okay...I’m suddenly unsure how to start this post, but here goes nothing.
I’ve been thinking about this for a while now. Those of you, who follow me since I still had my askbox open, perhaps know when I closed it and how long has it been since then. And since the fandom of KnB itself quieted down after Last Game, it’s also a reason more for me to address this thought.
As you know, I never really closed the askbox in the beginning, letting requests piling and piling and piling up until I was forced to close it. Most of the reason was because I was still in high school and life was slowly catching up to me and I had less and less time to write and focus on writing in general. You could also follow on some of my personal updates that I promised myself I will never post on this blog so you also know my problems with mom and brother and while I can say it quieted down, I ended in another fight with mom today. But this post isn’t for that. This post is about requests that are dusting in my inbox and I feel disappointed in myself because I couldn’t get to do what I told you I will.
I’ll be honest with you. I have over 500 requests, waiting to be written and posted on this blog and no matter how much I want to work on them, I keep staring at blank document, words ready to be written. And when I try another, I end in a never-ending loop that I can barely get out of it and I end with a writer’s block that has been going on, for what feels like, ages. I understand some of you are going to be upset that your request won’t be written, I myself am upset over this. But I don’t want to lie to any of you, because I can’t focus on any request. Not like I used to. I have around 10 requests in draft and I might end those. Now don’t get me wrong. All of your ideas are amazing and unique and I feel honored when you sent me your headcanon to be written with my lousy writing, but I don’t want to keep you waiting any longer and I’d like to get a new, fresh start with this blog.
None of you is at fault for this, less alone the reason, it’s just that getting a job that takes half of my day, sometimes whole and weekends, and stressing me over not knowing when I work is taking a tool on me. In the last couple of months, I was close to give up everything and I lose my motivation (for anything) twice as quick.
If you wonder if I’ll open askbox. Yes, I will open askbox, with a number of how many I accept in a limited time. I will also make a post one to two hours beforehand, so everyone can see it. And last, but not least, I want to know your opinion. If you’re still reading this, thank you. I know most of you don’t follow me anymore, but have, and a lot of you, who were here from the beginning, stopped, I’m thankful to each and every one of you, even the newest followers.. You’re the reason this blog is still running and I still love KnB and it’s just...taken me so much thoughts, days and nights thinking if I should make this decision or not.
I’ll put this post with messages you sent under read more so it won’t take a lot on your dashboard. I’m also making another post after this one. Hope you’ll like it. ⌒°(❛ᴗ❛)°⌒
T-chan
Anonymous said: I am so sorry to here about your mother. I hope your mother gets better. My mother currently has stage 4 cervical cancer so its been a rough couple of months. She started chemo this past week. Maybe she doesn't tell you a lot of details because she doesn't want to upset you or stress you out even more. That's how my mother is with me, she always tells me how delicate and emotional I am. She doesn't want to put a lot on me. Im here for you if you ever need anything! - 🐇 bunny-chan
Thank you and I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope she gets better or at least that she wouldn’t suffer a lot. The worst a human can go through, is suffering and no one deserves that. And I’m not entirely sure. I mean, I am emotional as hell and stressing out a lot and maybe that is why, but I still feel bad and sometimes, hell most of the time, makes me feel left out. I’d rather hear the truth and vent out, than be kept in the dark.
Anonymous said: Hello love, I offer my apologies for whatever you're going through. I know how hard families can be but stay strong alright? You are charming and loveable in your own way and to see that you're going through a hard time disturbs me. I don't know you well but you're someone I admired for quite a while. So don't let the bad times drag you down to the dumps till you don't want to get out. You deserve to be happy!! I bless you with good times ahead and strength for the ordeals of life.
Anonymous said: I wish the best for you! I'm sorry about all the crap in your life, and I hope things get better!!
Anonymous said: Hello~! First of all, thank you so much for doing my GIF request (the "GOM react to their crush doing something nice") and thank you for your kind reply too! Second of all, I want to let you know that someone like you, who is so hardworking and gentle, and who goes out of her way to please strangers on the Internet definitely deserves happiness c: I'm forever sending you my love and support through your blog and I know that you can get through this. You were, are, and will always be worth it :)
chi-ka1 said: Please don’t think like that about yourself. You deserve to be happy and you always make me happy as well when you post something. I kind of went through a depression like that as well so if you want you can always talk if you want.
vball-baes-bball-babes said: I don't know what happened but you are valued and you matter and you are loved. I know these words probably feel empty or vacuous but they are sincere. You're a lovely human who deserves happiness and to be here! Hang in there darling!
scribblybubbles said: Hi, I saw your latest post and I wanted to check-up on you. I don't know what you are going through, or if there is any way to help you but I want you to know that there are people who care about you!
Thank you for your kind messages. I’m better now, feeling quite upset over few people, but I’m definitely better. That, sadly, was a moment of my breakdown and yeah...I usually delete everything before I manage to post it, but I couldn’t hold it back this time. I was too upset and broken to think clearly, so I apologize if I made any of you uncomfortable, but thank you for all of your kind messages. Even to those who replied to those posts, thank you. You’re all kind and sweet to someone like me and I can say I’m finally getting better. I see and feel myself changing, so it’s a start, isn’t it?
Once again, thank you and I hope you’ll like the next post I’ll make. It’s a good post. Some of you will probably be like “finally she lives” lolol
