everyone saying finn wolfhard’s music is bad but i’m lowk convinced it’s just not reaching the right audience— like ofc his straight fangirls don’t want to listen to his mopey bedroom indie midwest emo ahh songs
Pairing Uber Driver!Finn Wolfhard x Reader Genre Crack Warning Arguing, Yelling, Mild Violence, Stranger Danger, Car Slander, Implied Driver License, Finn’s a flirt for some unknown reason, Readers a hardcore Karen Wordcount 1108
The night was young, wild, and free. You and your friends had been out for hours and finally agreed it was time to call it a night. Your friends ordered themselves an Uber, and so did you, yay! Sadly, you couldn’t get one with them because you lived on the opposite side of town. Bummer…
While your friends climbed into the backseat and headed home together, you stood out in the cold midnight air, all alone, freezing every nerve in your legs off.
But suddenly, a rusted, beaten up, barely functioning car rolled up beside you.
You prayed it wasn’t someone dangerous, but then…
“Hey, you’re Reader, right? I’m Finn, your Uber driver!”
You were stunned to the absolute core.
“Yoo-hoo! Close your mouth or a stinky, yucky little bug might fly in.” He laughed.
Finn actually laughed.
This man… this man in a beat-to-hell ass car laughed…? Who does this random Uber driver think he is!? He’s the one in a car that looks like it’s on less than its last leg. You swear on everything you saw his car break up, down, all around while pulling up and parking next to you. Stupid grey clouds of gas surrounded his car like dysfunctional aura.
“You getting in or not? I mean, I’m getting paid either way…”
“OH HECKS NO!” you snapped, walking away from the scene, refusing to enter a vehicle that looked like it would crumble into dust if you so much as breathed wrong around it. You would quite literally rather die than be stranded in the cold inside a car held together by hopes, prayers, and cheap duct tape.
Finn watched you storm off, mildly amused by your dramatic exit. He let out a small chuckle and rolled down his window further.
“Hey, it’s cold out.” Finn’s soft laughter floated out from his cheap ass car as he slowly drove beside you. “Come on, you princess. Get in.”
“NO! DO NOT CALL ME PRINCESS. I DON’T KNOW YOU!!” you shouted, flipping him off. “This is stranger danger. YOU are the stranger. And I am feeling VERY endangered!”
You walked away again. Like, WHO did this man think he was!? Instead of calling you pet names, he should be pet sitting the neighbor’s dog until he can afford a car that doesn’t look like it was handcrafted by cavemen.
“Stupid piece of shit car,” you muttered. “He’s crazy if he thinks I’ll EVER get inside that thing.”
Finn grinned at the middle finger you served him, increasingly amused by your dramatic meltdown. He revved the engine to get your attention. The obnoxious sound echoed along the cold, wet street. “You’re a little mean!” he called, still smiling. “Come on and get in before I follow you home!”
“You’re going to look like a creep, especially in that scrap metal you’re lying about being a car!”
He leaned out the window with a smug grin. “Scrap metal? This baby’s got character. And may I say, she’s got more character than you, princess.” Finn laughed again, shaking his head. “And I don’t care if I look like a creep. You’re the one who’s gonna be walking in the cold.”
You took off one of your heels and chucked it at him. “I’d rather FREEZE!”
Finn ducked just in time, and the heel slammed against the car door. He burst into laughter, absolutely entertained.
“Nice aim! But your feet are gonna be numb by morning if you actually try walking home. Stop being difficult and get in!”
“Frostbite is WORTH IT if it means not getting into that welding dumpster with an ENGINE!” you screamed like a rabid druggie.
Finn rubbed his forehead, adjusting himself in the driver’s seat. “You’re really something else. Most people would take a warm ride over frostbite. But hey, suit yourself. I’ll be watching you shiver from the comfort of my seat.”He winked.
No way in hell this man in that DIY Ikea car missing all its screws actually trying to flirt with you right now.
“Drive away, you creepy Uber weirdo!” you yelled, throwing your other heel.
Finn gave a dramatic mock salute. His grin still plastered on his face as your other heel missed him too. “As you wish, princess. Enjoy your little walk of shame!”
He started the engine but still didn’t leave, obviously enjoying the chaos way too much.
“Stupid piece of shit guy,” you grumbled, walking barefoot on the cold sidewalk. “Get a damn new car, you poor ass…”
Finn snickered loudly, yelling one last time before rolling up the window.
“I heard that! And for your information, this car has sentimental value!”
“Sentimental value MY ASS! I’m reporting you and taking away your job! No customer should have to survive FIVE MINUTES inside the junkmobile you tried to pass off as a car!”
Finn’s amusement finally cracked, shifting to disbelief and annoyance.
“Oh, PLEASE do,” he shot back. “I’d love to hear you explain to Uber that you reported me because my car isn’t fancy enough for you. And FYI, none of my passengers have ever complained.”
“Not to your FACE they haven’t!” you yelled. “They feel BAD for you! Why add more shame to your life by insulting your freak-ass, broken-ass, poking-out-ass, rusted-ass, degraded-ass, dysfunctional-ASS CAR!!”
Finn rolled his eyes, irritation slipping into his voice.“You’ve got quite the vocabulary for someone who refuses rides. And just so you know, it’s not broken! It just needs a little love and attention!”
He grabbed an empty coffee cup from the passenger seat and threw it at you. “Unlike some people, my car isn’t too stuck-up to appreciate old-fashioned charm!”
“My vocabulary is doing its JOB!” You snapped. “That thing needs more than love, it needs an entire NFL TEAM of mechanics to replace EVERY. SINGLE. LITTLE. PART! That car isn’t old-fashioned, it’s an ANCIENT ARTIFACT that wouldn’t even make it into a museum!”
Finn gripped the steering wheel so tightly you thought it might snap. “You know what? KEEP WALKING! I’d rather drive someone who appreciates classic cars than someone who can’t tell the difference between vintage and junk!”
He revved the engine aggressively and finally drove off, leaving you in the freezing night.
“Your car isn’t classic, it’s drastic! And not in a good way! DRIVE OFF, ASSHOLE! I NEVER WANTED TO GET IN YOUR CAR ANYWAY!”
Finn stuck his hand out the window as he sped away and flipped you off.
As he drove down the street, he muttered under his breath, still fuming. “Ungrateful customer… who does she think she is? My car is perfect the way it is… she just doesn’t understand art.”
